What do you do with 8 week old 6-11pm?!

[DoveGreylove]

My 8 week just doesn't sleep in the evenings. I have tried everything. I am so exhausted. I just don't know what to do with her. Why won't she go down to sleep?? She won't even sleep for an hour or so. The only time she will begin to settle is 11pm and that in itself has to involve feeding to sleep / rocking to sleep.

I just don't understand what people do with their babies in the evening. How do you get them down???

Some people say theirs doesn't sleep til they take them up to sleep between 10-11 but what do you then do with the baby for the rest of the early evening?

Please someone help me :(

I was taught you can't over feed a BF baby? I've never heard of a baby who overeats, what gives you that impression?

Obviously you have an issue with her being sick, I'd talk to the National BFing helpline mentioned about about that, but I don't think it follows that sh'es overeating. How sick is she being exactly? My LO possited a lot, but then kept on feeding, he was fine!

Do you offer a boob when she's screaming in the evening?

Is she distressed about being sick or unhappy? My DD was a very sicky baby, she would bring up milk at least 10-15 times a day sometimes. But she was perfectly happy, we just got through a lot of muslins, and she grew out of it by about 3-4 months. She's 7 months now and barely every brings anything up.

It's a while ago but at that stage I became a bit of a wreck,she wanted to feed all the time,ant pattern went out of the window.We had to take it in turns to eat dinner as that was her most unsettled time.
She was obviously having a growth spurt waiting for my supply to meet her demands but no one told me.
Then it all sorted and she slipped herself into a nice routine and slept less in the day but better at night.
Getting up at 7am didn't happen,5am was her get up time until she was about 7when she could get herself some breakfast.

Classic witching hour time for the age of your DD! When it’s at its peak I think. My DS was exactly the same. He was so overtired and overstimulated but wouldn’t doze and he refused to breastfeed as well, trying to get him to just agitated him more. We walked around the house with him for hours, sometimes went out for an evening walk in the pram (if the weather was nice, it was Spring), and just rocked him and tried to distract him. It was really draining at the time but it honestly does pass. It was around week 11-12 that it got better for us.

You have to be cruel to be kind
That’s what midwife told me 30 yrs ago

I was told to put him upstairs in bedroom (with monitor on)
Come down and have your tea or whatever.
She said you need time for you away from baby.

I’m not lying it was hard
After bath, bottle wind etc, I took his Moses basket upstairs and left him in our bedroom
He screamed the place down literally, I went up to check occasionally he was just crying

After same routine for 5 nights
I cracked it 😀👍
He just went down, no crying
Wound just wake up for next bottle after we’d gone to bed

I never ever had a problem from then on with bedtime
I don’t know if I was just a lucky one
Or he learnt early I wasn’t giving in to crying

I could but of coped if he was one of those babies/kids
Where you wait for them to fall asleep downstairs on you, or sit in the bedroom till they fall to sleep

You have to be persistent, and don’t be nervous of crying thinking there’s something wrong with him
Babies learn from a very early age

Mine doesn't sleep till at least 12am. You just get on with it. Why are you expecting them to sleep in the evening?

Played pass the baby all night while tv was on and we got on with it.

At that age I just used to put him in his sleepy bag and either cuddle or put him in his baby gym. He fell asleep when he needed to.

I honestly don’t see the need for a bedtime at that age as the goalposts change so frequently it’s pointless trying! I also find routines like that so restrictive with a newborn. It’s fine now he’s three and has bedtime and no naps but back then no way was I living round all that.

Cuddle - I miss those days!

don’t be nervous of crying thinking there’s something wrong with him
This is horrible advice; we're talking about an eight-week old baby! Who can't be left upstairs to sleep (or cry it out, good lord) anyway, as she needs to sleep in the same room as an adult until six months.

granadagirl
The baby is 8 weeks old

“you have to be cruel to be kind” indeed possibly the worst, most outdated advice I’ve seen on here in a while

@granadagirl I’m actually shocked at your disgusting advice! It’s an 8 week old baby! Shutting an 8 week old baby in a room and leaving him/her to cry is cruel.
“Babies learn from a very early age” - no, at 8 weeks your baby would just think they had been abandoned.
Awful, awful advice.

@granadagirl

Your tiny, helpless baby stopped crying because he learned very quickly nobody would come.
How fucking heartbreaking is that? That a person who has literally been wrapped inside another being for nine months, is shown at the age of 8 weeks that they are a) alone, in an existential sense, and b) their own mother doesn’t give a shit about them or their needs, just eight weeks into life?

What a hideous human you are.

DS is 17 weeks and is still all over the place. In the evening he sometimes sleeps for a bit, sometimes decides it's playtime, sometimes whinges and then does a massive poo! I'm just going with it!

With DS1 I got really stressed out with trying to get him to sleep like the books said he should and it just made things worse. He wouldn't do it and it made me feel like a failure. You can only parent the baby you have, not someone else baby or a hypothetical baby so give yourself a break.

Could you try going for a walk in the pram? Honestly it will all change in a few weeks anyway so I'd try to just be relaxed about it.

I absolutely would not leave your baby to cry, the thought of leaving an 8 week old baby to cry for hours in a dark room by themselves makes me feel a bit ill to be honest.

A lot of my friends have done controlled crying already and their babies were younger than mine. I think that's why their babies sleep 7-7 with the feeds at 11pm and 3am..

I don't agree with it though, I could never leave her to cry at this age.

Of course a breastfed could get full- their tummy can't accept milk forever?! It's like when people say breastfed babies don't get wind - of course they get wind!

@PatricksRum You ask why I expect her to sleep in the evening? Because every book, internet page and friend tells me my 8 week old should be sleeping?? I'm not just making this up! She won't nap at all in the evening. She won't doze. She just won't sleep without me having to rock her in the dark. Otherwise she won't sleep for 5 hours.

I have come here for help because my baby does the opposite to everything I read she should be doing and it makes me feel like a failure.

Yeah, CIO at 8 weeks old is just horrible Please no one do this to your tiny baby. I feel quite upset reading that and I'm not anti sleep training at all. But 8 weeks is far too young.

Because every book, internet page and friend tells me my 8 week old should be sleeping??
The books are a load of shite and you'll feel MUCH better when you've chucked them in the recycling bin. The internet is full of bollocks pseudo science about baby sleep. Ignore it. Read all the sleep threads here and you'll get a more realistic picture. Your friends are lucky or liars or have never met any baby beyond their own. Anyone who does controlled crying to get 7-7 on a baby that small is a child abuser.

Your baby is totally normal. Mine was exactly the same, evenings were HELL, there was no "at that age she dozed in a Moses basket"; she screamed on my shoulder and wouldn't feed or just fed and screamed.

I promise you they settle down eventually but eight weeks is TINY. Eight weeks ago your baby was inside you, no concept of night or day or bedtime or routine or baths, definitely wasn't reading the books while in the womb, has no idea what she's meant to be doing. All you can do for now is keep doing light and noise for day, dark and quiet for night, and she will get there.

(If she doesn't, keep going back to the GP for help in case it's dairy allergies, tongue tie, reflux. My daughter improved when I gave up dairy BUT it was also the magic 13/14 week point so who knows.)

IT IS REALLY HARD WORK AND YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG. And you really can't overfeed them; they do self-regulate. It's the one thing the buggers seem to know how to do.

All babies are different and it seems that your baby doesn't want to sleep in the evenings at the moment, I know that's shit but it will almost certainly change by itself in a few weeks time.

I would 100% stop worrying about the books. I think trying to force DS1 into the book approved pattern really affected my mental health. I couldn't work out what I was doing wrong! He just wasn't the same as other babies!

DS2 has a bath at the same time as DS1 and goes into his night clothes and sleeping bag. Then I bring him downstairs and we just chill out/I walk around with him. He feeds pretty constantly for a few hours. DH does dinner and we take it in turns to eat. He drops off when he drops off.

You're doing a great job, it's nothing you're doing wrong, I'd just carry on feeding on demand and keeping things low key in the evenings. Things will shift, honestly.

I think it’s unusual for such a young baby to sleep early in the evening.

My husband read somewhere that at 8 weeks old was when you started putting them to bed on their own, and that’s what we did. Around 8pm we did a final feed and then put him to bed (still in our room) and put the monitor on. He grumbled and babbled and laid awake a bit and would sometimes cry. If he cried we would go check he was okay and then leave again. Gradually we found that he was getting sleepier early on and at about 13 weeks ish his bed time had moved to 6:30pm with his final bottle at 6. He’s now 8 months and this is still the same. Feed him, change him, put him in bed read a story and leave. He’s asleep in about 20 mins most nights. In the early days I was obviously still feeding through the night maybe 2-3 times but now I feed him at about 10pm while he stays asleep and he sleeps until 6am.

Make sure your little one has time to learn to self soothe. We use a dummy and a Gro Company white noise machine. Good luck x

My middle one was awful at this age / - he’d be horribly overtired in the evening. I had to walk him for half an hour in buggy or sling to make him sleep at around 5pm and then we were ok.
Basically they can only handle around 90 minutes awake and if you go over this it all goes crazy.
Reflux is also worth considering.
Good luck.

In the grand scheme of things they are not babies forever
Mine was in a sling being bounced on a ball lol , being breastfed, or swaddled and in daddies arm's
Went to bed when we did until about 4 months then had a bit more of a routine still fed to sleep tho
Then started fighting bedtime and I got really exhausted trying to put her down at the same time every night after the same routine
So I decided to let her sleep when she wants to she goes to bed at 7/8 now she's 2 tho but still wakes in the night for boob
But I'm alot less stressed because I don't force it she goes when she goes
I have friends who's kids fall asleep when put in bed no issues but I still breastfeed there all different find out what works for u

I might add if she is crying in the evening for no reason it may be a bit colic try going out for a walk with her see if it helps sometimes the fresh air can really calm them

The safe sleep guidance is that baby should sleep in the same room as an adult for all sleeps until 6 months old.

To be honest if you're baby isn't sleeping I really wouldn't be trying to put them upstairs/in their room unless you want to spend the whole night going up and down the stairs and/or sitting in the dark.

What a hideous human you are

And you're a hyperbolic judgey keyboard warrior. Hth

I'd do as you've said already op and let baby lead the evening routine for the time being rather than stressing yourself trying to get her to sleep. It will pass, it just feels like it's neverending when you're going through it. She'll grow up so quickly, and while it seems unlikely now you will someday look back on all this with some nostalgia for all the cuddles!

Just downstairs with us, cuddles, feeding, basket, playmat etc.
Then up to bed with us.
With DS1 I was exhausted so DH had him at this time while I slept.

My 4.5 mo is currently wide awake and cooing at me whilst I watch Bones and drink tea! No signs of sleep here yet!

Honesty, you can't sleep Train an 8 wk old or younger. Even the 'experts' don't suggest it. Any apparent success can be undone with a cold, or separation anxiety.

Ours have always just slept on our laps until we go to bed, until 6 months odd at least if not older.