What do you do with 8 week old 6-11pm?!

[DoveGreylove]

My 8 week just doesn't sleep in the evenings. I have tried everything. I am so exhausted. I just don't know what to do with her. Why won't she go down to sleep?? She won't even sleep for an hour or so. The only time she will begin to settle is 11pm and that in itself has to involve feeding to sleep / rocking to sleep.

I just don't understand what people do with their babies in the evening. How do you get them down???

Some people say theirs doesn't sleep til they take them up to sleep between 10-11 but what do you then do with the baby for the rest of the early evening?

Please someone help me :(

I have never mastered how to tie a sling.
I guess every time I've tried she's been crying and I can't concentrate watching the YouTube videos so I give up.

She has a carrier but she cries when I put her in it. My husband seems to be ok with her in it.

I breast feed exclusively

She is a very sicky baby so I have to be very careful when it comes to cluster feeding as she can over eat and then throw it all back up again

DoveGreylove Yes I always got up at 7 or earlier (usually earlier) and yes evenings were the unsettled time, but I did rocking/feeding,/sling/sofa. It's harder when they're crying, but if they are just feeding and dozing it can be quite a nice way to spend the evening as it gives you cuddle time and keeps you from being too busy yourself. Remember to get plenty of rest yourself when the baby is sleeping in the day time as well. It will pass!

My DS did this for a few weeks at around that age - I remember thinking ‘am I ever going to watch a film properly in the evening ever again??’ - it gets better, just hang in there and power through!

I used to put mine in the sling and sit on my birthing ball - rock/bounce gently etc which meant I still had both hands free to eat my dinner etc, and I could still keep moving at the same time!!
There’s lots of weird growth spurts during the early weeks which can mean your baby seems unsettled for long periods, but I promise you it will pass!!

It doesn’t last and you will live through it.

This was prime cluster age for mine too. Lasted to 11 weeks, then she’s suddenly regulated and enjoyed a sleep from 7-12.
I know you say she’s sickly but if you are EBF this is an important time to feed, or at least let her suckle for comfort .

Same as I did in the day, but my partner just held him a bit whilst he wasn't feeding and he lay in his Moses/swing whilst we ate dinner. I just took him to bed with me at 11, he'd feed until 12 then sleep until 7.
He started an earlier bedtime routine at 6 months which meant he woke up more in the night to feed, but that's to be expected.
Just bear in mind that babies should ALWAYS sleep in the same room as you until they are 6 months old, you should never put them down upstairs or anywhere else unless you're there too.

I'm in the exact same boat OP. DH and I pass DD back and forth between us in a cycle of cuddling/feeding/burping/changing. Occasionally she'll snooze for a bit in her rocker but it's not guaranteed. I tried to put her to bed earlier each night but she wasn't having any of it so here we are! We try to do bath/change into a sleepsuit for bed around 7 each night and keep lights low/TV volume down a bit in the hope that she will slowly learn it's evening/night time but she is really young still so it will take time. I do feel for you and can't wait to have some resemblance of an evening back!

8 weeks is so young! Mine just slept/fed when they liked. Don't sweat it just go with their pattern.

Presumably you're on maternity leave so just nap when they nap in the day if you're tired.

Enjoy your baby!

You can get slings you don't have to tie.

Have you got a sling library near you? The one near me meets in a cafe. You can try slings on and rent them really cheap to see which kind you get on with before buying (if you do buy). It's a good way to meet other mothers of babies in your area too.

Google sling library and your area to find out.

Some sling libraries will post slings to you, if there's not one in your area.

About BFing, I do wonder if this is the key to getting your baby to settle. Most babies that age would be cluster feeding of an evening. How much is your baby being sick?

I'd highly recommend the National Breastfeeding Helpline. Call them and have a chat, see if they can offer any advice on feeding a sicky baby.

0300 100 0212

National BFing helpline website: www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

My baby was the same OP! What worked for us was a bouncer chair with a vibrate setting (nothing jazzy, it was about £25 on Amazon). I'd cluster feed and in between when DS had stopped taking milk but was fussing, DH would take him and pop him in the bouncer chair, turn on the vibration and bounce him at the same time! DS loved it! It's no exaggeration to say that other than our arms, it was the only place DS was happy to be. We used to do this routine until the cluster feeding ended then all go up to bed together. You're not doing anything wrong - some babies sleep well from early on and some just need a bit more time. You'll get there. Once baby is a bit more settled in the evening then you can introduce more of a routine.

Mine use to lie and stare when she was awake at that age. When she was tired she would just sleep. I would just cuddle her or get someone else to cuddle her.

I did not worry about getting her off to sleep at a particular time at night. Mine started sleeping earlier and earlier in the night except when she is teething, had certain injections or a growth spurt. When she slept for 7-8 hours at about 3 months for the first time me and DP freaked but she was fine.

Yours sleeping for 5 hours with such a small stomach is good going. Until she is weaned at around 6 months and actually eating her food, which could take another month, don't expect her to sleep early, sleep through at all or be consistent in her pattern.

This is really normal! Babies this age just don’t go to bed at 7pm.
Just sit with her, she probably just wants your breast and to cluster feed. She isn’t “over-eating”. Some babies are just sick but you shouldn’t refuse them the breast just in case.
This will pass... it is exhausting but it is normal.
Around 4/5 months they start going to bed earlier (though still get up a lot).
Hang in there, you are doing great

Sorry OP but this sounds all normal for an 8week old.

We have a bit of a routine already because we have two DC, one of which is 4.5yrs!

Have you tried doing bath about 6pm? A bath totally wipes my 4week old DS out. He then has a feed and will doze in sleepyhead until 8ish and then is awake until 10, we have another big feed and then he is back off for 11.

You say she's a sicky baby, how often is she sick? Could it be reflux?

Sounds like she has reflux - even when they are sick, she will then still want to feed, as BF is comfort, a drink, a meal & soothing.

There are different treatments including infant gaviscon as well as prescription things. But being unsettled after a feed, not wanting to be flat & being sick after a feed are all symptoms. So may be worth considering?

Have you thought about a dummy? To help settle/sooth.

Try and feed from one side, burb, Keep upright then even if sick offer either the same side again or other side.

Your husband may get on with the sling better as sometimes in the sling if they are a bit hungry they can smell the milk and then get a bit frustrated.

Biggest change we made - not easy but has made a difference is to feed after a nap so Day looks like feed, play/activity/awake time/Nap - then repeat - when wakes from a sleep - feed, then activity then sleep - we had to change the feeding to sleep as the reflux was so bad.

We have used dummies with no problems with BF babies & that sucking after a feed helped as sucking soothes them.

If you would like to do a formal routine it can be really effective and it's incredibly hard to establish... but then incredibly easy once it's established and you are therefore able to sleep and rest (within reason - you still have a baby!). But to be able to sleep 10pm-2/3am, then 3-7am is life changing!

The book is 'Gina Ford Contented Little Baby'. It tells you how to tweak the naps if baby needs more sleep than that or less. The getting up at 7am is to get enough milk into them between 7am and 7pm so they only need top ups at 10/11pm and once in the night. Worth considering.

But as other posters have said, no harm at all in lots of tv and snacks for the evening while baby kicks about etc if that works well for you

Good luck - this is one of the hardest times and they get so much easier and more fun. All the best

When I was expecting dd2, I thought about her active phases/when she moved around most.

I think most babies are more active in utero when mum sits down for a bit - which would help make sense of being less settled at that time just a few weeks later.

I could rejig my routine a bit so that I was able to give her fusses when she was awake and by about 8pm, she was ready for her first longer sleep, giving me enough time to sit and watch a film or have a bath without needing to be holding her. She then woke up around 11.30/midnight, had a quiet feed and I could get 4-5 hours sleep before she woke up again.

(dd1 never slept for more than 30 minutes ever, only if being driven or walked around in the non tie sling and was largely screaming for the rest of the time - so I know what never being able to sit down feels like).

Anyhow, if yours is more awake at that time, it's what she's learned before birth - go with it, watch TV a bit later, prepare dinner in advance and reheat it when you want to eat (eating one handed is very useful, so meals with meat precut into chunks and smaller potatoes, for example, mean you can have food whilst patting, rocking and holding a tiny baby).

But definitely a sling. You can still get ones that clip together, you can wear a big wrap cardigan over the top, try to keep lights low for the evening - no big light after 8,for example, lower volume on the TV, as its got to be much louder than how she 'remembers it' from before birth - and remember, this is all part of having a new baby.

You know that Gina Ford threatened to sue Mumsnet Wine and wanted to get this place shut down? She settled out of court in the end.

I wouldn't touch her advice with a barge pole (nor give her any money).

OP - this phase passes, it only last a few weeks and then you'll be out the other side. Hang on in there

OP, this is what DD was doing at eight weeks: green is sleep, orange is feed, blue is nappies. White is awake (at that point awake in the evenings meant screaming).

8 weeks is 100% CHAOS DEMON time.

I could no more Gina Ford my daughter at that age (or now...) than I could teach her to use a knife and fork. In the evenings DP and I would hand her back and forth where she would doze on our laps or shoulders (she haaated the Moses basket), or feed, or shout, or do giant poos; something would get microwaved or deliverooed for dinner, one of the 800 muslins we bought would go over her for crumbs, and eventually she'd conk out at 9pm and we'd collapse into bed. Or sometimes DP would let her sleep on him in the sitting room so I could go into a proper deep sleep without her with me.

Take heart: at 14 weeks she suddenly stopped yelling in the evenings and went to bed at 6.30/7pm instead, after a bath/book/boob classic routine. She still wakes up 8 million times though. Honestly it changes CONSTANTLY. Just go with the flow, eat one-handed food (shepherd's pie, macaroni cheese), get DP to feed you, or bring you a toothbrush and water in bed because you're THAT tired, mainline biscuits, don't worry.

Thank you all for your advice and support I really appreciate it.

I just have friends with babies of a similar age or friends who have had babies tell me that their babies go down at 7 after bathtime then have a dreamfeed 10:30-11 then a feed 3/4 then they wake up at 7! My baby just can't go to sleep at 7pm!

She screams after bathtime too, which I aim to do between 6 and 6:30. And this starts off the evening of hell. Last night I didn't bathe her but she still fussed and cried all evening.

I don't stop her from feeding I'm just very aware she over eats and I have a fast let down so cluster feeding can be a bit tricky for her if that's what she wants to do. But she definitely doesn't want to do it every night. I offer her more but she doesn't always want it. I don't think she has reflux as she never seems in pain or discomfort? She doesn't arch her back etc.

She won't doze on an evening and never has :( . During the day she won't doze either, I have to actively get her to sleep. The evenings involve the gym ball and me rocking her which obviously hurts my back but at least she will sleep a bit like that.

Maybe I try and relax tonight and not force her to sleep. Let her lead?

I just have friends with babies of a similar age or friends who have had babies tell me that their babies go down at 7 after bathtime then have a dreamfeed 10:30-11 then a feed 3/4 then they wake up at 7! My baby just can't go to sleep at 7pm

That’s just what they are telling you OP!!
It’s likely either not true or exaggerated. In my experience, an 8 week old who goes to bed at 7pm, has one feed and then wakes at 7am is very much the odd one out of a group of 8 week olds!!!
It always used to make me feel better in my tired state to remember that newborns wake frequently because their tummies are tiny and they need to feed often (especially breastfed babies!), and frequent waking is how they naturally protect themselves against SIDS They are very clever little creatures, and I would always say that you are right in your last statement: just follow your baby’s lead
You’ve got this

Ds stays in the living room with us, being cuddled or fed until we go to bed. At 8 weeks he wouldn’t settle for sleep until 1am so that’s when we went to bed. He gradually brought this forward himself.

Dd was the same. We just followed their natural routine rather than try to create one.

Evenings can definitely be a fractious time for a lot of babies, with lots of cluster feeding etc.

A) people lie and b) not all babies are the same. It's not anything you're doing or not doing.

I do think you'd be a lot happier (both of you) if you just follow her lead. They all get into a routine in their own time