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Sleep

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Original poster

RANT Everyone keeps telling me my 4 mth old should be sleeping through by now !!

62 replies

puffylovett · 11/07/2007 23:41

Am I a pants mum ? New to MN but like reading all the posts. Thought I'd beg some T and Sympathy. My DS is a good sleeper all round, only wakes for 15 mins at a time for a quick BF. Historically always fed at 11, 3.30 then 7am. This last month, he's been feeding at 11, sometimes 2, then 5, then up for the day at 5 6 or 7 and I don't mind telling you I'm sh**d !! and not in the real sense of the word !!! I've left him a couple of times through exhaustion and he's stopped waking at 5am, but still sometimes wakes at 2 for me to resettle him quicky on the breast, then for a feed at 4. All anybody keeps saying is, he shouldn't be doing that at this age, he should be sleeping through. which makes me feel cack. he sleeps anywhere from 2-5 hours during the day, doesn't have a dummy and is exclusively breastfed. He is apparently v v big and seems advanced (altho I have nothing to compare it to, just peoples comments). He's in his own cot and was settling himself during the day, altho 7pm is still a fight. I've never let him cry longer than 5 mins. I'm loathe to introduce solids so early as I have a history of bowel problems and food allergies and am doing everything i can to prevent the same for him. I'd love some advice if anyon e has any !! I can't help but think that if he's waking and feeding then he's hungry - but I'm getting close to the end of my tether now and I really don't want to give up bf him - in fact am about to start donating milk ! please help !!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FioFioJane · 12/07/2007 08:41

4 month olds do not sleep through

meowmix · 12/07/2007 08:43

my nearly 4 year old son has yet to sleep through so quite honestly I'd ignore them all.

ratfly · 12/07/2007 08:46

love this thread! ds is 6 months and 'should be sleeping through by now'. I often say that I don't sleep through most nights and I am in my 30s.
I found that if I asked if babies sleep through, mums say 'yes', but if I start by saying how mine doesn't, turns out theirs doesnt either. Funny that.
Also, some babies 'sleep through' but got down at 11pm and get up at 5.
Sometimes it's worth having a laugh and saying, 'oh yes, 6pm - 8am since he was 2 weeks'. Lol.
At one baby group I nolonger go to, we allegedly had a crawler at 2 months. He never flet like doing it at the group though. lol

I co-sleep when he wakes up now. Much easier (and lovely!)

bagsundereyes · 12/07/2007 08:49

Hi there,

My dd is 4 months, and isn't anywhere near sleeping through! She has been formula fed from 4 weeks - please don't give up your sterling work exclusively breastfeeding in the hope that a top-up might help.

I too have experienced the same "helpful" comments as you about babies should be sleeping through by 6, 8, 12, 18 weeks or whatever.

To stem the tide of advice and comments, I will in the future be lying to all but those who have prviously been sympathetic eg:

MIL - "So is she still not sleeping through yet?"
Me - "Oh yes, sleeping brilliant now thanks"

END of conversation.

bagsundereyes · 12/07/2007 08:49

x post ratfly. LOL.

ProfYaffle · 12/07/2007 08:51

Your ds sounds fairly typical for his age to me. dd2 is 19 weeks (I think, keep losing track), also exclusively bf, and has a very similar sleep pattern. She sometimes wakes up around 10/11pm, every night at 3am and 6am and re-settles really quickly. At 6 I bring her into bed with me and she generally goes back to sleep for another couple of hours. dd1 was also very similar and slept through at 9 months.

tbh I find it fine, I can honestly say I'm not tired. If anyone asks how she sleeps
I say she doing really well - as far as I'm concerned it's true. Co-sleeping is a good idea and doesn't have to be for the whole of the night, those extra coule of hours in the morning make a world of difference to me.

As for weaning, ime (and that of many others) it makes bugger all difference to sleep!

plummymummy · 12/07/2007 09:18

Yes, as you say it is down to how well you cope with the constant waking. I exclusively bf mine til he was about 6 mths but I then got to a stage where I could no longer cope with the waking through the night (made worse by the fact that he didn't sleep during the day either)so I introduced a night formula feed. It did help a lot and it made me wish I had done it a lot sooner. The reason I didn't was because I felt under a lot of pressure to exclusively bf (partly from health visitors but mostly my own guilt). I would have no qualms introducing a formula feed earlier with a subsequent baby. Ultimately you need to follow your own instincts. By all means use the advice on here as a reference point but you have to do what you feel is best. Good luck, it is very tough in the early days.

thehairybabysmum · 12/07/2007 09:31

My ds was v. similar to yours at this age with similar feeding times and I've always classed him as a good sleeper. As far as i remember he then changed to feeding once int he night and then gradually going all the way through.

The thing to remember is that you are not a pants mum...exclusively BF is fantastic, and he's going a good gap between feeds so he is obviously happy.

Im also a big believer that your babies sleeping patterns are down to pot luck not parenting skills...some babies are jsut better sleepers than others and if you are lucky enough to have one that sleeps ok it is not a reflection of your parenting ability, plus you should also shut up about it and not make other mums feel bad!!

Unfortunately it is the nature of people to criticise...although i think they think they are being helpful...once he is sleeping through you will find they have something else to comment on...is he crawling yet?? Or as is currently the comment with my 19 mth ds..."ooo isnt he walking yet?? Boys are lazy arent they"!!!!

Original poster

puffylovett · 12/07/2007 09:36

ah thank you all so much, makes me feel much better ! I especially like the stick idea and think I may actually use it lol !!
Feel bad 4 moaning but THANK GOD someone understands. He is such a good boy, never cries unless overtired or hungry and v placid so have an easy time of it really. I got spoilt with the single night feed for so long, so not used to multiple wakings !

Discovered last night that when dp gave him some expressed milk actually at 11, he woke up more, was winded more thoroughly, consequently took more grub and slept till 5am !! little tinker !! be trying that again tonight (wink), although I may kill the dog who had me up at half one for a wee

OP posts:

Original poster

puffylovett · 12/07/2007 09:37

oh BTW is SHOUTING v LOUDLY normal at this age too !!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

MegBusset · 12/07/2007 09:40

Puffy, yes it is, my 20-week DS (who wakes loads at night... I'm also a Sleep Is For The Weak-er) has one volume setting and that's LOUD.

Surr3ymummy · 12/07/2007 11:13

puffylovett

4 months is still very young to be "sleeping through". Some babies manage it, but most don't in my experience. "Sleeping through" means different things to different people - at this age sleeping through would be 5-6 hours. In a while, when you get him back to 11pm, 3.30am and 7am, you could try dropping the 3.30am feed and just giving a cuddle instead. I was quite surprised when this worked for me!

Giving up bf is not the answer, and could cause more problems. If he's waking up more times than normal, he's probably having a growth spurt, so try feeding him for longer during the day, and especially in the evening, as that may help him sleep for longer.

My DS1 was 10lb 4.5oz and has continued to grow along the 98th percentile. He's now 10 months and I still bf him twice a day - 6.30am and 7pm - and he usually (95% of the time) sleeps 11 hours straight through. So hang in there...

LilRedWG · 12/07/2007 11:20

I've only read the original post so apologies in advance if I am repeating anyone.

DD slept through from a very early age, so when people asked that question, we could always answer, "yes". This hasn't got people off our backs though. They just find a new 'target' to question us about. Right now I'm fed up of everytime I speak to my FIL, him asking if DD is walking yet!! FFS - no, she's not. She's not even standing yet! Back off and leave us alone!!!!!!!!!!!

I think my point is, you will get this through your DS's whole life.

You sound like you are doing a great job and your DS is sleeping better than some of my friend's little ones, who are considerably older - 14months ish)! By all means lie to people and say yes DS is sleeping through, but just be prepared they will find something else to question you about.

Please be secure in the knowledge that you are doing what is right for you and DS. It's no-one elses business.

Take care.

ratfly · 12/07/2007 12:48

Just thought I'd share something that happened at a post-natal group today...

I was chatting to someone whose baby had only just started sleeping through the last time I went to the group (2 weeks ago). I rememebered this as hers is about 3 months older than mine, so it made me feel better about ds's lack of sleep.

She asked how the sleep was going, and I said 'awful'. Then asked how her's was going, and she said ' oh yes, well he's been sleeping through since 6 months'. Well, I KNOW that's a lie, as she told me all about it 2 weeks ago! lol

thehairybabysmum · 12/07/2007 13:02

daft cow...she was obviously counting on you still having a good dose of baby brain and not remembering!!

I think some people have weird ideas about 'sleeping through'...to me its usual bedtime till usual morning time. But some people seem to class 12 midnight til 4am as sleeping through which seems to be stretching the terminology in my opinion!!

I think you should deflect comments with a 'no he's not sleeping through but he did start to crawl, (or say dada or other such preposterous milestone) yesterday. This will instantly make said smug mummy feel inferior that there baby doesnt do this and you can wander home giggling quietly to yourself like a loon!!!

ratfly · 12/07/2007 13:12

What an excellent idea Hairy!
What could my 6 month old do instead? I know, he cruises round the furniture at home.
pmsl

thehairybabysmum · 12/07/2007 13:58

How about he was feeding himself with a spoon!!

Also i would quickly say yes x has 3 x 3 hour naps in the day so i get loads of time to make me and my house look fabulous!!

thehairybabysmum · 12/07/2007 13:59

Have just thought...tell her you and DH have sex most days and sometimes twice a day on a weekend when LO sleeping...that should wipe the last remaining smugness off of anyones face!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/07/2007 14:00

One of my shiny english pounds says that their children of same age were not "sleeping through" in the true sense of the phrase.

Folk lie, and exaggerate. Their memory also fades fast as a child gets older.

Your 4 month old sounds pretty 'normal'.

Knackering though, isnt it?

mslucy · 12/07/2007 14:05

They are lying.

I guarantee they are lying.

Or they have a very peculiar idea of what night means - ie from 12 midnight to 5am or some rubbish like that.

Please do not let these annoying people make you feel bad.

LadyTophamHatt · 12/07/2007 14:07

my nearly 6month old doesn't sleep all the way through and i'm not expecting him too any time soon either.....

MarsLady · 12/07/2007 14:10

Tell them to sod off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's young to be sleeping through the night. Don't rush to introduce solids. He sounds like he's doing fine... as are you!

ratfly · 12/07/2007 14:12

What about saying that ds does'nt yet go through the night, but YOU do - 12 hours sleep every night. That'll fox 'em.

francagoestohollywood · 12/07/2007 14:12

both my two were still waking up twice a night for a feed at that age. They started to sleep "through" at 9/10 month, and even so, with different amount of hours of sleep.

ratfly · 12/07/2007 14:13

or perhaps you get 12 hours sleep a night though ds still wakes up, cos dh does the night shift every night.

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