RANT Everyone keeps telling me my 4 mth old should be sleeping through by now !!

[puffylovett]

Am I a pants mum ? New to MN but like reading all the posts. Thought I'd beg some T and Sympathy. My DS is a good sleeper all round, only wakes for 15 mins at a time for a quick BF. Historically always fed at 11, 3.30 then 7am. This last month, he's been feeding at 11, sometimes 2, then 5, then up for the day at 5 6 or 7 and I don't mind telling you I'm sh**d !! and not in the real sense of the word !!! I've left him a couple of times through exhaustion and he's stopped waking at 5am, but still sometimes wakes at 2 for me to resettle him quicky on the breast, then for a feed at 4. All anybody keeps saying is, he shouldn't be doing that at this age, he should be sleeping through. which makes me feel cack. he sleeps anywhere from 2-5 hours during the day, doesn't have a dummy and is exclusively breastfed. He is apparently v v big and seems advanced (altho I have nothing to compare it to, just peoples comments). He's in his own cot and was settling himself during the day, altho 7pm is still a fight. I've never let him cry longer than 5 mins. I'm loathe to introduce solids so early as I have a history of bowel problems and food allergies and am doing everything i can to prevent the same for him. I'd love some advice if anyon e has any !! I can't help but think that if he's waking and feeding then he's hungry - but I'm getting close to the end of my tether now and I really don't want to give up bf him - in fact am about to start donating milk ! please help !!

Of course you're not a pants Mum! "Everyone" is talking out of their proverbials. DO NOT give up breastfeeding him. He'll be having the huuge 4 month growth spurt at the moment so do stick with it, he'll settle down again. You're doing a really good job. HTH!

These "people" are talking nonsense. He sounds very normal. Keep doing what you think is best. Our society is really crap about sleep for babies.

We're doing the same - really feel for you

I have opted for weaning him - tried some top up bottles which made no difference - the odd bit of baby rice has got us back to the 7,11,3.30,7 thing instead of hourly! Not sure what you could do but thought you should know you are not alone and I have a 4 and 6 year old and they still don't always sleep through.

Try and catch up with some sleep when he does and make sur eyou get a break

Don't listen to fools. They only give you stress. My four didn't sleep through 'til they were about 12 months.

Just do your thing and learn to let the 'helpful suggestions' of others wash over you.

Your solution is to get a long sharp stick. Every time some arse tells you your baby "should be [insert milestone of choice here] by now" then you poke them with the stick. Continue poking until they leave.

He sounds completely normal and I honestly can't see what's to be gained at this early stage by not giving him what he wants. I waited until 6 months to wean and even though I knew it would make no difference there was still a part of me that thought ds would sleep longer when the solids kicked in - Noooooooo difference. Same with the first bottle of formula which he got just after 6 months. You're told so much about the amazing sleep-generating properties of formula that I was quite excited to see what difference it made that night - nooooooooooo difference.

The problem is seriously not your ds and it's not your milk obviously. It's the sticky-beaks who should be keeping their mouths shut.

If they tell you your child SHOULD be sleeping at that age a. they don't have children themselves, or b. if they have children b1. they are part of a extremely small minority or... b2 they are lying!

Wait until your baby is past his first year, and you would start to hear the most amusing bizarre stories about early pottytraining. My FIL, for instance, asked with words to be taken to the potty at 6m old

LOL aaahhh the milestones - when you get to your second and third child you don't want them to move or talk too soon

Your baby is perfectly normal. What pants advice you have been getting about a baby of 4 months sleeping through. Ime and the experience of the many friends and acquaintances of mine who have had children, sleeping through at this age is pretty atypical

My 5 year old wakes us twice a night to be re-tucked up in bed!

Have any of these people actually met a 4-month old? This is all pretty normal IME -- in fact, we started semi-cosleeping (would put DS down in his cot, but bring him in with us when he woke up) at 3.5 months for much the same reason and after an odd week of getting used to it I got sooooooooooooooo much more sleep (and DS transitioned out perfectly happily at 9 months or so).

Well, neither of mine slept through at 4 months. DD2 was 6.5 months and although DD1 did at 5.5 months, she didn't consistently until 11 months. DD2 was breastf at 4 months and doing similar wakings to yours, but it is all a bit of a hazy sleep-deprived memory. HTH and best of luck - stick to your guns - you know your own child far better than anyone else.

"People" have notoriously dodgy memories when it comes to their babies' sleeping patterns. This could be due to lack of sleep, with the first year blending seamlessly with itself. Also, sleep seems to be the drive-by comment topic of choice, as everyone is do damned obsessed with it. If they need to obsess about it, maybe they are not getting as much as the claim...

Also re being "advanced"- my very bright son was the world's worst sleeper until around 15 months of age (well, maybe not the worst, but defo worse than the rest of my antenatal class's babies ). It wasn't easy, but it really has not affected his brain development in any way.

Ignore people. they do not have the moral high-ground on any aspect of parenting. If they have a baby that sleeps, smile as sweetly as you can muster and say that you would love to hear their advice on how to get yours to sleep, but you have to take him to his calculus class right now.

And good luck- this stage really isn't for ever, I promise, even if it feels like is sometimes...

All 3 of my dc did not sleep through until 18 months of age. dd, especially, would wake up several times a night. They are now 8, 6 and 3 and sleep from 7:30pm to 7:30am. dd and ds2 would sleep later if ds1 did not wake them up.

Your ds is still very young. He will sleep through when he is ready.

My daughter is nearly three and a half and she still doesn't sleep through-hence this post! Don't worry about it-they go in and out of sleep patterns at each stage-sometimes changing them weekly. Let him get into his own routines and sleep when he does if you need it-you will both be more relaxed then.

One lady at my childminders was going on at me for ages about how wonderful her boy was and how he still napped, slept through from 2 weeks etc, but her little boy is still v much a two year old, despite only being two weeks younger than mine, and Han is doing four year old things, eg reading, spelling etc. Just do what you want to do and ignore everyone else-he is YOUR baby, not anyone else's!

Babies have thier own schedule. My 18 month old still wakes up once a night. Sometimes babieshave other reasons for waking up like an upset tummy. Try giving him a tummy rub.

Babies have thier own schedule. My 18 month old still wakes up once a night. Sometimes babieshave other reasons for waking up like an upset tummy. Try giving him a tummy rub.

My ds is only now sleeping through and he's 3 yrs old! Honestly, 4 months is still very young. Have you thought about giving him one bottle at night to fill him up a bit more so that he might sleep longer? This worked with ds as I think it was more about the comfort of the breast than actual hunger so the first night after I introduced the bottle of formula he woke and grissled but then went back to sleep when I didn't appear with my breast. He went through various phases of waking during the night with night terrors or nightmares but at least he wasn't expecting food!

well done for exclusively bf your baby. with the family history of allergies and bowel probs there is no need to introduce food or formula at this stage. He is normal. scientific research in mother-infant sleep labs show that exclusively bf babies continue to need night feeds even up to a year. and what is wrong with comforting a baby during the night anyway? grown ups wake up briefly and snuggle up/ find comfort next to our other halves.

as for the shattered feeling, the best piece of advice i have is to co-sleep if not fully then partially to feel one with the world again. I found even that 10-15 mins of sitting up wide awake took a huge toll. I only wish that when dd was tiny i coslept more. it would have saved me barrels of exhaustion and stress.

should schmould
4 months is a classic growth spurt time anyway (my 4 month old, who was sleeping through - don't hate me - is now waking for an extra feed about 4.30/5)

iintroducing solids early probably won't make any difference, as breastmilk is far more calorific than baby rice or pureed whatever.

sounds like you are doing well.I too have a large baby (10 lb 5oz at birth and growing like it's going out of fashion) and, just as I remember from my previous large DD, people are desperate to start stuffing them with formula topups and solids (even though they give the same advice for babies who aren't growing )

ooh i can sympathise.
dd2 is 8 weeks and i've had nothing but comments such as 'Is she still not sleeping through!!? Or what She's still waking for a feed in the night!!??

This is my 3rd baby, I've had one good sleeper, settled himself and slept through at 12 weeks(ds), and 1 poor sleeper (dd1)and now dd2 is following in her sisters footsteps (co sleeping too!)

She is bottlefed too (go on all throw rocks at me)and she was 9 pound 8 born and she isn't a good feeder at all.

I'm starting to feel pants too, and tired and frustrated. It dosen't help that dp keeps saying HIS dd1 slept through at 6 weeks. (yes only because his daft ex put rusk in her bottle at 6 weeks!)

hi puffy
i'm another one to recommend co sleeping. its fabulous, esp when bfing. makes it SO much easier in the middle of the night
if you'd like to join us on sleep is for the weak, you'll find that 4 months is a classic time for sleep to go go pear shaped unfortunately
You'll find lots of sympathy there too!!