will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

[crossedwires]

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

rothera - I have to get on with my ironing but am just dipping in and out of this site like I am obsessed or something ....... I am certain my son is not hungry. he sucks for comfort, not food - I can tell. More later, thanks for input but too much to reply to between shirts!

I would agree it's quite likely that he is not hungry, but overtired and doesn't know how to get himself to sleep. That was what happened with our ds - he kept sucking for comfort, but wasn't hungry any more, but if he fell asleep feeding, then woke up, he didn't know how else to settle himself.

I think having a familiar routine, and some type of comfort item (cuddly toy, muslin etc) really helps too. Ds has a little pair of white socks (we call them snuzzle socks) which he snuffles and nuzzles. We wouldn't be without them!

somuchtobits - your little boy sounds so cute - a pair of white socks - ahhh . you are so right - that is exactly what happens, he needs me to get himself back to sleep again. I wish he would take to a dummy....ho hum ...

Morning crossedwires, hope you and ds are ok?!
I remembered to switch the heating on last night ? dd slept until 6:30am which was lovely.

To add my 6 eurocents to the grumbling/crying aspect:
When we first did CC at 4 months our girl was crying, screaming, shouting with rage. The lady was not for turning!
I thought that was perfectly rational and normal:
after 4 months of being used to co-sleeping and boob-on-demand as the only sleep-induction method, of course,
she would protest and protest loudly at any change to this convenient arrangement (convenient to her, a killer to my wife).
For the first time in her life she had to settle herself. I would have been perplexed if she had just gone along with it after 5 minutes of token grumbling.

However, that does not mean that we were deaf to her terrified and hysterical cries when we tried CC during the day.
I have posted a pretty big description of that on the other thread , posted Tue 10-Apr-07 23:13:21.

what a lovely daddy

crossedwires, I relate to your OP totally - that was me 9 years ago but he was my first born, so I didn't have the sanity to realise it was not normal (whatever "normal" is ).

I got into the awful situation where ds would not sleep at all, day or night, if he wasn't walked and rocked. Then came the nightmare of actually putting him down to sleep and praying that he would actually stay asleep. He would wake frequently at night and would nap for no more than thirty minutes at a time during the day (you could set your watch to him). He was 8 months old too, but I had long since given up breastfeeding. I think you have done wonders to continue feeding a child who is clearly exhausting you in every way possible.

Anyway, one night I was so tired that I decided I would put him in the cot awake (never done before), just for ten minutes, so I could get a break. I hadn't heard of cc at this point, so I suppose you could say I tried it be accident. Anyway, before the ten minutes were up, he was fast asleep and slept for seven hours solid! The best sleep he had ever had! I never really looked back from this as it became apparent that what he really needed was to go to sleep on his own. Every night from then on, I put him to bed awake and he was asleep within a few minutes. Yes, he cried, but literaly for a few minutes. The longer sleeping pattern continued and he was only waking once in the night at around 4. Within weeks, he had stopped this too and was sleeping around the clock.

He is now a very bright nine year old, who still sleeps very well but is very active during the day. He's in to football, cubs, anything scientific, bike riding and his PS2!

I hope you find your personal solution soon, but just wanted you to know I've been there too. You may be surprised at how quickly the cc works.

Also, re: turning him back on his back. I thought this wasn't necessary once they were old enough to turn by themselves?

thanks to daddyj for continued input! You should be a cc counsellor .
Well last night ds went down without a peep (fell asleep breastfeeding of course) But he woke at 10, 12, 2,2.30, 4.30, 6.22 at which point I brought him into our bed and he slept until 7:20am. needless to say we are both shattered today and I feel very teary and overwhelmed. He has slept for a total of 45 mins this morning and is napping now , but for long is anyone's guess. I was planning on having my husband (sorry...dh - I must get used to these abbreviations!)to give him a bedtime bottle and put him to bed and deal with the fallout that followed but he was not in. I so wish my beautiful baby boy (sorry, ds) could sleep all night. This is a tough call.

oh and somersetmum - thanks for yor post too. Sounds like you had a relatively easy ride of it! Teh sleep deprivation is something else isn't it? Yuk. The only reason I continue to bf is that it is ds's sedative and in the early hours it is a sure fire working solution to his waking. I know it is a vicious circle but so hard to break. Also, re the flipping onto his tummy; I only did that as he was so distressed and sobbing and he seemed to be struggling on his tummy. I wish he would sleep on it really as it is far more cosy I'm sure. My dd was never a problem like this!

It is tough, but once you have broken the habit, and managed to get him to settle himself to sleep, it is wonderful.

The great thing is, that once you have managed it the first time, they seem to learn really quickly. I was worried that my ds, once he had got himself to sleep, would be unable to do it again if he woke up later, but even though I went in and fed him at about 10, after he had been asleep from about 7, he went straight back to sleep afterwards, without needing to cry at all.

Hope you have a better night tonight.

crossedwires - haven't read all the posts but just wanted to share my experiences with you.

We did cc with dd when she also was 8mo - unable to settle herself to sleep, we were rocking her everynight until she finally settled at 10pm. She would wake several times a night and we'd either rock her to sleep or take her into bed with us. We decided for all our sanities to try cc in order to try and enable her to settle on her own.

Day 1 was horrendous, 2 slighltly less so and 3 was almost manageable. By the end of the week she was settling herself to sleep within a couple of mins and when she woke up in the night would chat to her toys for a while and then drop back off to sleep.

She is now 16mo and sleeps from 7-7 and has a good long nap in the day. I know cc has it's critics, but I tried it after researching and trying other methods that didn't work and I now have a fantastically happy dd who gets a great nights sleep every night (obv when teething this varies slightly and she has slept with us on those occasions) and who has 2 parents who also get a good nights rest! It was tough for a few days and you and dh both need to be 100% committed to sticking with it, but it does work.

Good luck with it if it's what you decide to do.

What did you do crossedwires when he woke at those times? bf or cc?
I've been following this but not posted yet.

I did cc with dd when she was really tiny. I started of doing it for day naps as she would only fall asleep on me then would wake exactly 5 mins later (in her cot) unless she stayed on me for the whole sleep. first day she cried for 45 mins. then for next few days 8 mins then no crying at all. I did the same thing EVERY nap time. Same teddy, gro bag, words etc.
With ds he used to sleep on me for day naps till one day it stopped working(4 months) I did the pat and shush technique then. I patted/shushed, left room went in and out, going in almost immediatly. He never really cried and I only had to go in maybe once.

For ds's nights it was a different story. He woke every night every few hours till he was 2. Didn't get milk or anything like that, so wasn't waking for a particular reason ,just stirred and couldn't go back to sleep. Usually one of us going in and patting and straightening him out worked but sometimes we'd have to do cc for hours . For some reason this stopped at 2.

For bedtime, dd would fall asleep bf then go to bed. She wakes a few times in night and is bf. These have reduced over time. BUT when she has a bad night and wakes lots we do cc. Its no fun but its the only way for us. Now she goes down awake and only wakes once, if that. Sow e've done half and half.
I feed her for 1st wake but any more and the milk float has shut shop.

pricess mel - when he woke last night I bf on each occasion as i was so exhausted and he had fallen asleep so peacefully at the beginning of the night that there was no real good time to begin cc as our daughther ws asleep by thenn. I think for it to work it has to be at the first settling of hte night. We may try tonight as I am shattered but I am fearful that he wiil be one of those babies who takes hours to settle as he did when we tried two nights ago. (well actually it was 40mins adn I gave up as he ws screaming not just moaning crying). I am a coward but a very exhausted coward

detoxdiva - tahnx for sharing your experiences. when you say it was horrendous, by that do you mean she really let rip. It is awful isnt it. My son sounded so very upset, scared, distressed - real tears and all. That is why I find it such a tough call but the alternative is me cracking up and the whole family suffering. Oh S**t

I just spoke to my Mum who gave me a moment of clarity. I told her that I had bf him back to sleep as it is the only thing that sends him off and she pointed out that it is not in facth the thing that sends him to sleep, it is the thing that keeps him waking up! Now I am full of resolve

Hi, just looked in on this thread and wanted to add my voice. My youngest child is only 4 and since he was a baby there have already been new theories about what is and isn't 'right'. Mine were weaned at 16 weeks - shock horror and I did use CC at times for each one. All three were sleeping though from 3 months, I also got dd2 and ds to have a day time nap at the same time. They all had a nice long nap during the day. No, I didn't hit lucky, but I did try cc at times. I started this when they were around 12 weeks, it was hard, but it worked after a few days. They had all their needs met, they were cuddled lots during waking hours etc.

They are now 7, 5 & 4 - still great sleepers, have all the confidence in the world, we have a fantastic relationship.

I also survived having three children in three years and don't underestimate how much difference having sleep can make to how great a parent you are able to be.

thanks scanner - I think I will have to bite the bullet and see it through this time. scares me but not as much as cracking under the strain of endless sleeples nights for us both

Don't want to weigh in on the cc/attachment parenting debate, but just wanted to say that you sound at the end of your tether, and from a few things you've posted on here, it sounds as though your DH isn't being as supportive as he might be. Could you find five minutes to sit down and tell him how hysterically tired you are, how difficult it is for you, and how you need him to help with the nighttime waking, bedtime routines etc.? Could he knock the drinking on the head for a couple of weeks while you get this sorted out?

If he's waking that often, it's possibly because he's overtired - a bit of a vicious circle. Is he getting enough daytime sleep? He won't be waking up in order to bf (sorry to disagree with your mum!), he can't think that far ahead yet...

Agree it would be much easier for you if your dh could help with this. When we did it, dh did help, and it made it easier. It is still hard, but it would probably be only 3 or 4 nights of hard work, rather than months of broken nights.

It was so great when we had done it with ds, and I could then go downstairs, cook a nice meal and relax with a glass of wine - and then go and look at him sleeping peacefully.

Hi crossedwires.
I agree you might want to start the night as you mean to go on but you could still do the bedtime routine the same as you usually do(bf even if he falls asleep) as you are just changing the 'in the night' routine.
It seems a shame to stop the nice part of bedtime.

Also 40 mins is along time but sometimes it can go on for longer. Not being negative but just saying that if you're going to do cc you need to be prepared to go in and out for AGES. I didn't really do the extending the time (between going in) religiously. Just went in and out at intervals. When I couldn't stand it anymore.
Go in and either say sleepytime or night night or similar or just pat. Then come out and prepare to go in again.

Are you going to try tonight?
Just think, by next weekend you could be having much better nights. Your ds too.

rothera - what my mum meant was that he wakes up as if his 'dummy' has fallen out so what i have to do is wean him from his dependency on the 'dummy' (which is my breast if you see what i mean). So the very thing that I use to get him to sleep is the very thing that he keeps waking for.
princessmel - I did give him a bottle tonight instead of breast and he finished it all, grizzled a bit so I put him in his cot AWAKE and he went to sleep . I am most confused! Of course this is not an indication fo the way my evening will turn out but it is better than I had anticipated! Mind you, he is absolutely knackered adn in bed 30/45mins earlier than usual. Fingers crossed for a peaceful night.

Thank you all so much for continuing to check in - makes me feel very much supported in this

oh crap - he's awake and screaming. I knew I couldn't get off that lightly .

Do pat and shush.

princess mel - I am going in at reg intervals, kissing and strokig his face and saying night night gorgeous.
does that sound right? He's going ballistic!. I am still quite resolute because it has to stop