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will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

287 replies

crossedwires · 03/05/2007 14:29

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NKF · 04/05/2007 14:04

Poor you. The only other thing I can suggest is that if CC isn't working and yet you feel you are dying on your feet, then you find a way to catch up on sleep. Find someone to take care of the children while you have a nap.

sweetjane · 04/05/2007 14:12

crossedwires - just do it. I was skeptical myself at first and I didn't follow it to the letter cos ds is only 4months old - I couldn't leave ds crying for very long, no more than a couple of minutes before going in and patting his head etc. I only had to do this a few times and now he goes to sleep without a whimper and is a much happier baby. I honestly feel that I have given him a gift by teaching him to go to sleep by himself. It may not work so easily for everyone but you don't know until you try, just give it a couple of days and maybe start with nap times rather than bedtime?

sweetjane · 04/05/2007 14:15

oops should have read whole thread properly - my point about trying at nap times still stands though! How well does he nap during the day?

Malaleche · 04/05/2007 14:33

Last night i let dd2 7.6 mo cry a bit when dp woke her up coming in late at 1.30am, but she wouldnt stop even tho she sleeps right next to us in her cot and i was doing pu/pd and patting and shushing etc. she just got madder and madder and it did sound like she was angry rather than sad. eventually i gave up and brought her into bed with us, but gave her no tit - she messed about for a while, played with blanket etc then fell asleep - TILL 8.30 am !!!!!!!! Usually she wakes me up 2x and has to be bfed to sleep again. She wasn't even that hungry this morning, so now i know she doesnt need to eat during the night and am resolved to get her sleeping right through.

It was a doddle with dd1, seem to be muddling through alot more this time round

Good luck with the CC OP, imo it does work tho you may have to clear the way by making other adjustments or changes to routine etc first.

Malaleche · 04/05/2007 14:35

(I did CC with dd1 at 3mo and she slept through from midnight till 8.30 every night after that except when teething or ill, both dds bfed))

SoMuchToBits · 04/05/2007 14:48

I did cc with my ds, and he has slept really well ever since. And does he love me? .....Well one of his favourite things to say is "Mummy - I love you somchtobits!" He is now 6 btw.

I did find it hard to do, although it didn't take long to work, but it was so worth it, I've never regretted it.

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 16:20

dinosaur, somuchtobits,malaleche thanks for reassurance.
daddyJ - my son can roll onto his tummy but not back again. I don't think there is a problem with him sleeping on his tummy at this age (my daughter frequently slept on her tummy from around 6mtnhs) but there is a problem with screaming blue murder on your tummy . I thnk I have hatched a plan. Will see if I have the wherewithall to see it through

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crossedwires · 04/05/2007 17:12

somuchtobits - how old was your son when you did it? Did he wake during the night too? Did it erradicate night wakings? sorry for questions but I really want to be prepared! Thanks

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DaddyJ · 04/05/2007 17:48

Crossedwires, loving your resolve! Hope the plan comes together.

You might have seen this before (I posted it on another thread) but this is sleep advice
from the resource website of one of the largest paediatric teaching hospitals in the world based in Canada.
Should give you another boost!

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 18:07

tahnk you DaddyJ - I have printed your link and will read it when I have 5 mins. You really seem to know your stuff! How so?

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DaddyJ · 04/05/2007 18:18

Thank you, crossedwires, but I don?t want to create the impression I am some kind of expert ? I am still very much on the learning curve.
I spent the last 2 months locked in a gorgeous debate with the enigmatic kiskidee on another thread which forced me to do some serious digging.

I will log off now but look forward to supporting you more late tonight.

Best of luck!

MrsShrek · 04/05/2007 18:20

I havent read the whole thread but I felt like this and as i was with my parents at the time my sister did it and my ds whos now almost 5 still loves her and I doubt he can even remember it!! hth

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 18:25

thanks mrsshrek (i'm sure you look nothing like MrsShrek!)

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crossedwires · 04/05/2007 18:27

I got a post from Kiskidee - I didn't understand it at all!

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DaddyJ · 04/05/2007 18:36

If you have the time and energy look at this thread , it might provide an explanation.

The sharp end has now moved to this thread.

And, yes, the one you found - the CC support thread - should come in handy tonight!

NKF · 04/05/2007 18:41

Crossedwires - I hope you get more sleep tonight. And tomorrow, make someone take the children to the park so you can sleep some more. Oh God, it's all coming back to me....

Good luck.

tartanchatterbox · 04/05/2007 18:42

Crossedwires,
Try putting to bed half an hour after regular bedtime - ie, keep them awake if they are sleepy, then try CC. They might WANT the go to bed by then!

Do you use a sleeping bag? You shouldn't have to worry about tummy sleeping if your cot mattress is okay and there are no blankets to tangle.

I BF to sleep and then put them down when they were drowsy so gently burped sang a song said goodnight after BF, so that it wasn't falling asleep on the breast.

Most of the time they gave a good whinge until the cot warmed up, and at first a tired cry - but I just left them. I suppose that is controlled crying a gentle version!

That became shortened to kisses and said goodnight during the night after bottle. my son still will get a bottle in the wee hours 4-6am) to make him sleep longer,but he's not had anything since 7:30pm.

My kids all sleep 11 hours and they often wake, gurgle or cry then go back to bed.

Aloha · 04/05/2007 19:19

Oh yes, you do NOT have to flip your baby over! If they can get on their tummy by themselves, they can sleep like that.

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 20:01

tartan- I was using a sleeping bag until it got warmer recently. Not now though. Funnily enough he did go to bed 30mins later this evening. Nothing so far but that is not an indication of the way the evening will turn out at all . I would love for him to stay asleep and enjoy it! Not too much to ask is it?! . I have tried gently stirring my boy just before he goes to hte cot but he just creates. I know I have to but.....
Aloha - The reason I flipped him over from his tummy was that he was screaming and sounded very very muffled. it is hard to breathe when you are crying on your tummy and I found it worried me immensely. I don't mind him sleeping on his tummy at all - just screaming on it

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Aloha · 04/05/2007 20:03

I am absolutely sure that no baby has ever suffocated while crying on their tummy! Maybe he'd sleep better that way? My ds did.

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 20:07

Aloha - should I just leave him then?

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SoMuchToBits · 04/05/2007 20:27

Hi, I've been away, but am now back! My ds was only about 3 months when we did it. Before that, he would sleep quite a long time, but wouldn't go to sleep until about 11 at night, we would spend the whole evening trying to get him to go to sleep, even though he had been bathed, fed etc.

We were finding it impossible to do anything in the evenings, even cooking as meal was a challenge, so we decided to give it a go.

We did it by giving him a bath, then feeding him quietly in his room, then putting him to bed. He cried to begin with, but I went back in, every minute or two to start with, and then a bit less often, but didn't pick him up, just spoke softly, telling him it was sleep time. The first night it took about half an hour before he fell asleep. I was really worried then that he would wake up again after about an hour, but he didn't, he carried on sleeping. I then went in at about 10 to give him another feed, as he still needed it at that age. I fed him, and changed his nappy, then put him back down, and amazingly he went straight back to sleep.
The second night it took about 20 minutes for him to go to sleep, the third night about 10 minutes, and after that he would fall asleep almost as soon as we had put him down. He didn't tend to wake later in the
nights either.

Subsequently we only had problems if he was ill. Then the routine might get lost a bit, which inevitably happens if he can't sleep because he's ill. Then, once he was better, we might have to do the CC for a night or two, to get him back on track. He has always been a great sleeper since then, and loves his bed. I hope this helps. Like you, there is no way I could have done co-sleeping, as I find it really hard to sleep with someone else wriggling in the bed. In fact, it's hard enough sleeping with dh in the bed - I always sleep much better when he's away, as he's quite a restless sleeper, whereas I'm a log!

crossedwires · 04/05/2007 20:55

somuchtobits (love that your son says that to you - so cute ). Thanks for encouragement. My son was exactly the same as yours inasmuch as he used to take about two hours to settle at bedtime before he would go to sleep. It was incredibly stressful as I have a daughter (7 years old at the time) and am often home alone with her. Once he had gone to sleep though he would sleep for between 8 - 10 hours and that was at around 10 weeks of age! Then he went off the rails after a long cold/ear infection at around 3.5mths and hasn't recovered his good sleeping habits since. I am thankig god this evening as he has been asleep since 7:45pm without any fuss but I know I will be woken later on . I know I gotta do it soon though so thanks

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rothera · 04/05/2007 20:58

I have an eight month old who still feeds during the night - their tummies are still small at this age and even with meals in the day I wouldn't be too sure it's not hunger/thirst waking him. I'm sure some babies can go fine all night at this stage but not all. If he's hungry then that's going to add a complication to the CC which could make it fail completely.

Given how stressed you are, have you considered investing in a bedside cot or similar for co-sleeping, or moving another bed in to put beside your main bed to make more room for your other half? If CC is difficult, is there another alternative practical/financial effort you could make that would help? Try to think of everything - think laterally and view nothing as fixed - because this time will pass quicker than you think, so you don't have to find something that's good enough to be used indefinitely - good enough for now will do. Temporary co-sleeping while you reduce the night feeds and replace feeding to sleep with patting to sleep? Partner in another room for part of the night? Extra cot in the spare room so you can use that too? OK it's an expense (temporary, you can ebay later) but think whether it might actually help. Did you do all the charts and things in the No Cry Sleep Solution? What's your ds's sleep/nap pattern? If you did the diary you should have that in quite a bit of detail - if you haven't done it yet then maybe do that first?

I think the whinge v. cry distinction is important though - I think perhaps people who rave about CC have babies who've tended to whinge and not sound distressed - my first child was a full on scream or nothing, total distress baby - no way in hell could I have done CC. It's worth bearing in mind that maybe the people who are keen on CC would have rejected it if they'd had the babies of the people who are adamantly against it (or babies like mine), and vice versa. Neither group has any way of knowing, because they didn't have each other's babies! Don't assume that everyone's talking about the same sort of crying. If it feels wrong don't do it any more (maybe it doesn't suit your babe); conversly if it doesn't feel wrong even though there's whinging and grizzling, don't worry too much about long-term harm from deep distress, perhaps, because that's probably not what's going on.

SoMuchToBits · 04/05/2007 20:59

I didn't find it easy, as I really hate to listen to any baby crying, least of all my own, but it was so worth it, as it changed the evenings from a constant battle with a lot of crying, to a calm, happy bedtime, followed by quiet sleeping.

I really hope you can stick at it, because I think consistency is the key - if you give up half way through, it won't work, and will be even harder if you try it again.Best of luck for tonight