The great non-sleepers - the sequel

[Jellybean2017]

New thread!

He's just over 5 months @UtterlyConfused111. We used to swaddle him but he was outgrowing his swaddles and I wanted to wean him off them before he started rolling over (which he now is). He was very thrashy for a while but it seemed to settle when we started putting him down on his side. So last night was bad by recent standards.

@utterlyconfused that would drive me insane too. I have a rule I remind guests of when they see baby 'you wake the baby, you look after the baby' and I'm only half joking

I've not been on for a couple of nights because I've been too tired to read at night. Ds isn't doing so well on the sleeping front, which of course means I'm not either. Dh is working 7 days at the moment (he's self employed) which means I can't call on him to help more at the weekends. In fact it means weekends are harder for me because I have dd to look after too. When the weather is shite, it does make things more tricky to plan what to do. Dd would just be happy going to the park, stomping in rainy puddles, running through the woods, or going on her roller skates or scooter, but i just need to think of ds too. And vice versa.
We had a busy day today, out from 9am to 5pm so I'm planning a morning and lunch at home tomorrow and we are off to a birthday party in the afternoon so that will sort us out.

I haven't caught up with the thread so bear with.

@actino I find yoga and Pilates just what I need at the moment. I love it. I go to classes at my gym but I don't spend enough time relaxing and thinking of my breathing, but far too much time holding in a fart or staying awake in the meditation bit.
Do take care of your abs though. They take longer than you'd think to recover. I have a postnatal fit coach and she keeps me on track with what I should and should not be doing.

Oooh. And got those of you whom have been here a while, I have some news.....

I'M IN MY NEW BED!!!

It's very quiet tonight, I hope it's because everyone is fast asleep!

I've managed a few hours, now resettling as DS woke himself up rolling over again!! Nbhjym

It is very quiet!

@hashtagtired hooray for your new bed! Is it much more comfortable? I know the feeling when you have two to look after and can't just go out as easily as before

DS2 did 2h40 before feed 1 and 3h20 between that and feed 2. Sadly I was in with DS1 for an hour of that and now he's come into our bed as I was feeding when he woke again. I have no idea what to do to stop this happening and I am too tired to do anything much now. Plus trying to get him.backinn his own bed will unsettle DS2 who is sleepy whilst being winded. I can't do anything. Hopefully if DS1 actually feels comforted and sleeps quietly we'll all get some more sleep. I think I will contact my HV and ask again as the one I spoke to earlier in the week was a bit useless.

Feeling upset..... DP has been our last night and came home quite drunk. I expected nothing else. Just feeding DS at 2.15 and he vomited all his feed. I asked for his help to change and lean DS, we've had the biggest row. Totally unexpected. I feel worthless and like both DP and DS could do so much better. I've been struggling with my mood and feeling happy and after this I feel like just getting in the car am driving miles away alone. They can do so much better than me. They deserve someone who isn't moody or tired or snappy.

@Nicellen don't be ridiculous - we are all tired and grumpy and snappy but doesn't mean our family are better off without us! If that's how your DP is making you feel you need to have words with him in the cold light of the day where alcohol isn't a factor.

We are on feed 3, but after feed 2 DD2 was wide awake so DH took her downstairs and got her back to sleep after almost 2 hours. She lasted 10 mins before waking again. She's sleeping at the moment but I bred to transfer her into the cot...

DD1 was screaming for me while DD2 was downstairs so she's in with me lying like a starfish so DH is sleeping on the couch!

@Nicellen your not worthless and I'm sure your doing an amazing job at looking after your DS. I agree you need to have an honest conversation with your DP about how your feeling when he's sobered up in the morning.

I think I'm on the 5th wake up so far tonight but 2nd feed however I've been more successful at getting him back in his cot. I'm taking this as a win

Hi everyonr. Feed #3 here. DS did not nap well yesterday and this has led to a bit of a rubbish night. Glad I can wake DH to take him in a few hours.

@hashtagtired hope the bed is everything you dreamed it would be! Can't beat a new bed! Let's hope you are getting some sleep in it!

@nicellen hope you're ok. Definitely have a chat about how you're feeling when DH is sober, sleep deprivation is horrible. Have you spoken to your HV too? Your family definitely needs you though, I always find things feel worse at night so hopefully you'll be able to chat it through with DH in the morning.

@nicellen so sorry you are feeling this way it sounds like you've been suffering for a while and hit a low tonight. Sleep deprivation is the absolute fucking worst. It's not talked about enough what we new parents let's be honest, mums go through except as something that's a joke or we're just expected to suffer in silence.

But it is no joke, it's awful. I've reached breaking point many times and then felt horribly guilty. You are doing a wonderful job. Let no one make you feel otherwise. Your DP prob feels bad fir getting drunk and know he should be supporting you. There will be a time again where getting drunk and going out won't be an issue, but while you're going through this stage you deserve support from the other person who is responsible for your DS.

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life who's not your DP about how you are feeling?

Thank you for your kind words. Just feeling really low. We will talk tomorrow and hopefully he understands how I feel. Being a new Mum is tough. X

Yay on your new bed @Hashtag! Hope it's everything you dreamed it would be, and that you do get to sleep in it!

@nicellen sleepfortheweek is right, being grpy and tired is par for the course. And drunk DPs do not help! I'm sure he'd feel awful if he knew that is how he is making you feel, he'll have no idea. If you are struggling with your mood, please think about talking to your HV or GP, I had terrible PND and anxiety with DS1 and should have got help earlier,but it was so very hard to admit that I was struggling, when I did get help a huge weight lifted and things improved quickly. I haven't had those same feelings this time but when the lack of sleep causes my mood to dip I tell DH straight away and my GP is also aware. Remember, we have a massive chemical imbalance in our brains at the moment and the lack of sleep exacerbats that. You are definitely not worthless.

@hashttagtired DS1 did just try and chick DH out of our bed but I put a. Stop to that, now he's back sleeping so I hope I can join them when I put DS2 back down. We really needed to stop this but I have no idea how

Not a good night here. DS has been awake since 330. Tried everything to settle him but not happening. Gah. He's now chewing my boob off and no doubt will be sick again after this feed. More sick. So much sick, I've stopped even smelling it on me. With DD I never really had to use the muslin cloths; with DS I have to have one on me at all times!

Sooooo guys... what do you count as 'sleeping through the night'??

Last feed started at 8.45 and he was asleep by 9.30.

Woke up at 4.40 and didn't immediately want fed, so feed started at 5am.

I had to give him the dummy and lightly settle him every so often but he never fully woke and I didn't have to take him out of his bed.

HAVE I DONE IT? IS THIS THE ELUSIVE SLEEPING THROUGH?

If it is, I bet it will never ever happen again 😂

Very glad for your new bed @HashtagTired I hope it is everything you dreamed of (if you ever slept long enough to dream that is!)

@Nicellen I think you have it the wrong way around. I think tonight you and your DS deserved a dad/partner who got up to deal with a sicky disaster without turning it into a huge row! You have nothing to feed bad about I'm sure.

@Nicellen I can't speak for your dp but your ds NEEDS you. He needs you so so much and you are his world. You are his everything.

Your dp, however, sounds rather unhelpful. Speak to that one in the morning when he's sobered up a bit.

But don't think that your little ds could thrive without you lovely.

Why the fck will DS not sleep?? My back is absolutely killing me and I'm so fed up. Feeding him for the zillionth time then taking him through to DH whether he likes it or not.

Reading a thread on here where the OP is complaining she's being woken two times a night by her DC. Very hard to feel sympathy...I'd give anything for just twice!!

@Nicellen Just to echo what everyone else has said ... You've got incredible value to your family.

DD1 went to bed fine this evening but was woken up by fireworks about an hour later. OH decided to get her up rather than persevere with resettling her which was a bad move ... Her elder siblings (my DSC) are with us this weekend and she loves them so much, extra play time just made her less willing to sleep but more tired. As a result, DD1 was up until gone midnight and only went back down with OH in the spare room.

Plus DD2 has been unsettled all night, writhing around and only sleeping on me. I feel like a complete zombie. I'm just about to try and put her down again.

Nicellen sorry to hear you are feeling low but like others have said your LO definitely needs you. Being a new mum is so hard, sleep deprivation makes it so much harder not to mention our emotional state due to our hormones being all over the show. To me this sounds like a little more than being sleep deprived (but I could be wrong). How old is your LO? I hope your dp is usually a reasonable guy who is involved looking after your baby so that this doesn’t happen again, I don’t know the circumstances but he needs to know that you are having a difficult time so he can support you. Do contact your HV or gp if you continue to feel low or have felt low for a while, they are there to help! I struggled in the early days due to no sleep and emotionally I was all over the place, my dp got a little concerned (to the point where it got annoying) but we worked out a plan so that I could get some more sleep which really helped and if things had got worse I would have mentioned it to HV or gp, they have been very good at asking me about my mental state whenever I’ve had appointments.

Went out to meet up with friend in town, ds can normally go 3 hours without a feed when we’re on the move but after 2 hrs he started screaming which cut our lovely walk short and we stopped at a Pub, my friend seemed more concerned about me breastfeeding there than I did😆 and it was perfectly fine. We had some lovely food and I had a shandy, I wasn’t quite brave enough for a glass of red wine in case I’ve gone off it with it being so long... my ds normally sleeps the minute we start pushing the pram but that wasn’t the case in fact he started crying to the point where I nearly got him out of the pain in the middle of the street because I found it so hard listening to his crying, he continued crying on the bus but eventually fell asleep. When I got home he’d done a massive poo so perhaps that was the reason I don’t know... he cat napped (and was extremely fussy and agitated when feeding no sign of tongue tie devision having worked yet...) throughout the night but wouldn’t settle in his cot until 1 am but guess what he the slept 4.5 hours!!! I can’t believe it, never happened before😊
I’m off to try and settle him back down again

Boo hoo we're awake again after only 35 minutes... at least ds can feed from my leaky boob but would have loved another hour or so, this is probably it.

HashtagTired glad you're in your new bed, how is it? Ee got a new bed last year and it was heaven, I love my bed (took me forever to choose the right one).

Everyone - thanks for the reassurance. I wasn’t sure if I was being mental or not and sleep deprivation does that. Which brings me to my next point @nicellen - I second everything everyone here has said. Your baby needs you and as whoateallthepercypigs said - sleep deprivation is not a joke. No one prepares us for how bad it can get, and when I had DD1 I was actually crying a lotto nights from tiredness too. I hated - well resented - my DH for getting sleep and on the nights he got home drunk I really really hated him especially as he keeps on going on about how he believes in equal rights for women and blah blah blah
In laws were ok last night except for having tv ib bedroom on really loud till 2am and getting tea at 630am and waking us up when they turned the kettle on

Ha! Two wake ups a night would be a dream!!
If you count wake ups to restore dummy to baby and lightly settle her, it’s probably around 10 wake ups a night on average
Not a good night here.
Up for two hour stretches at 2am and 5am... dd1 woke up at 6am..
Day has started. I wish she went to nursery every day during the week but... oh well. Hopefully DH agrees to take care of her for a couple of hours this morning. He is sleeping in now - as he does every weekend. Cant be bothered to wake him up. Like a third child.

I didn't sleep again after DS1 invaded at 5 and had already done an hour in his room and two feeds for DS2 at that point. So although DS2 did a couple of slightly longer stints after that everything went to pot and we all had to get up so no break for me again. I have escaped now to go to the toilet and shower in peace whilst DS2 naps but even now I'm on a countdown because he'll need feeding when he wakes.

@nicellen everyone is right - you are so needed and loved, things are just very hard with a non sleeping baby.

I saw this a moment ago and it made me laugh cry a bit I too wanted to hit my DH with a spade last night. www.selfishmother.com/when-new-mums-get-angry/