The great non-sleepers, newborn and beyond.

[NinaMarieP]

Thread number four (I think).

Welcome to all past posters and any new ones who are also up at all hours!

@NinaMarieP I'm right there with you. Begging my dd to go to sleep without feeding to sleep and then giving in after a minute because I feel like such a cruel person. Feeling utterly shit through the day because I have no energy for her because we are literally up all night. So fed up and feel like I've failed already, like there was no point in working so hard to breastfeed when it's obviously not satisfying her.

Know what you mean Pigeon. I have a friend wit a 3 week baby who's doing 3 hour stretches regularly.

Sent too soon sorry DS too wriggly! Her baby was formula fed from birth. DS refused the boob at first and it looked like it was going to be formula, now i only get a stretch of a few hours because I give him a formula bottle at night.

That said, there are posters on here who ff and have non sleepers so it's no guarantee. They are getting what they need with breastfeeding, even though it doesn't seem like it. But man it's hard work! I feel like im just a giant boob right now!

On that subject, am I alone in thinking nursing bras are the most unsexy things ever? Went shupping for some yesterday. They're either relentlessly practical or hammocks covered in lace to try and pretty them up. I miss my nice bra collection!

Ok, DS is finally falling asleep. I'll give it a while longer...wish me luck guys...I'm going in for the cot transfer...

Hi @action. Sorry you have been having a tough time, glad you got a clean bill of health though.

Nina I could have written your post. Motherhood is not what I expected! I love DS more than anything but I an struggling with sleep deprivation and feeling unproductive. Have to keep reminding myself that looking after him is my main objective and everything else has to be put on hold. Feel sad me and DH are still in separate rooms at night and long for an evening curled up on the sofa with him! I didn't forsee a problem with not being able to go out in the evenings etc as I love being cosy at home but it's frustrating when DS won't nap or sleep without considerable effort. We have friends coming over this eve, just for pizza but I daresay I will be off to bed at 8!

Anyway, just wanted to reassure you I genuinely feel your pain. I did see go and am taking antidepressants but I'm still not convinced it's actually pnd as if I wasn't so sleeo deprived I think I would be fine! However they do seem to have taken the edge off as before I was on them I was crying everyday.

Sending you lots of cake and sympathy.

Sorry for typos 🙈

DS poops are yellow and arrive most days. Recently quite liquidy rather than seedy. He has stopped "sharting" in every nappy though 😂

@NinaMarieP you aren't alone with how you are feeling. The motherhood I signed up for isn't the one I'm experiencing. I feel bone tired and isolated. This forum has been my sanity saver as the ladies here are truthful and realistic about having a baby. It sounds like the sleep deprivation has really got to you, there is reason why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I can't offer you any realistic help, but just to say I understand, I hear you and you are not alone 💐

@WhoAteAllthePercyPigs take a look in M&S they have some nicer nursing bras. And whilst you're there, get them to measure you too. Can't hurt!

@NinaMarieP you are not alone. It doesn't hurt to be told that, but probably doesn't help much. For me, what helped was - expect the unexpected/go with the flow etc etc. Don't compare yourself or your baby to other people. Other people lie. Sometimes I lie to other people about ds. When they ask me if he's waking at night, I just shrug my shoulders and say 'sometimes', because I don't want to get into a conversation with everyone I meet about it. They all have their advice to give and I'm bored of hearing it!
Because I have a 5 year old, ds pretty much comes second during the day. We do what she wants to do or what we need to do and he just has to fit around us. If he cries, he just has to cry for a bit because sometimes there's not a lot I can do! As long as he's healthy and clean and not starving to death, he can wait. It took me a huge amount of confidence to be able to do that. And if he was my only child, it would be even harder. That's because when I just had one, and when I was on maternity leave I felt I was just there to serve dd. When she cried, I went to her. She had me at her beck and call. Ds doesn't have that so much, except at night time.

I've done a couple of things to cope with my current lifestyle (lack of sleep and routine).
First of all, when he can, dh looks after ds for the first few hours of the evening. I go to bed around 7:30/8pm and sleep for as long as I can until dh wakes me up and brings in ds. That means I get some good quality sleep most nights and gets me through these waking hours!

The second, and most recent thing, is I've taken up yoga and Pilates. Driven by my shit bed and uncomfortable night feeding I've been suffering lower back pain and it made me really miserable. Everything I did hurt. Well, Pilates and yoga have helped with this. I have a gym membership so have been making the most of dh being home and I've been going to as many classes as I can. He's working every weekend in January so I will be limited again in how much I can do, but I've found a couple of videos on amazon and YouTube so I can continue it at home when I can. The meditation aspect is a bonus extra and it really does relax the body and mind. I'm not a spiritual person at all. But that 'me time' has really helped given me the bandwidth to keep going. And it's really helped my back too. Just stretching out the muscles has been such a relief!

So for me:

1. mentally, accepting the night times are going to be shit and preparing for that has really helped me. I make use of the time and deliberately leave some tasks to night time to get me through. I've done the weekly online grocery shop earlier! I'd leave researching new beds until night time too. So my night times are productive and I don't get so annoyed about being awake. Instead, I plan to be awake.

1. Get some dedicated sleep. A couple of hours each day at the same time would be the best. Get your body into some routine.

1. And Pilates and yoga have helped me escape for a few times each week. Literally and mentally. I used to go swimming too but haven't done that in a while.

But keep talking. Both here and IRL. Know you aren't alone.

Wow. Long post. Sorry!

@Jellybean2017 me and dh are still in separate rooms too! Well, he's on the sofa! I miss him and I miss our evenings together when dd went to bed. I miss the eating in front of the tv, the glass of wine and a film and the couple of hours winding down.
Now, it's Go! Go! Go! Until 18:30 then I get dd ready for bed. She's in bed by 7:15pm and then it's a quick tidy if the house, shower then bed. All winton 30 minutes to an hour and I find it hard to switch off sometimes!

I do miss that and we often talk about it being time for him to come back in, but we both conclude that there really is no point in both of us being tired.

Anyway, I'm so used to having this double bed to myself (except the mornings of co sleeping with the little fella) that I'll probably find him annoying breathing next to me!

What a shit night. 3 poos and must have been up 5 times. 2 outfit changes.

@Nina My DD is 5 months. Still a crap sleeper after a good few weeks.
And motherhood is bloody hard. I am staying with my family for a bit now as I was getting so lonely. At least I have someone to talk to during the day. It was really getting me down.

So much amazing honesty on here. Said it before and I'll say it again - this thread has been a lifesaver.

Hashtag makes a good point about people not telling the truth. Whenever I go to see friends I always make an effort with make up and hair, and try to put on a cheerful face. I don't tell them how I'm really feeling as I don't want to bore them and I have my stupid pride - I want them to think I'm super mum! Which is daft and not helpful to anyone. New years resolution - be more honest

I can say that with my second DC, I'm still getting the sleep deprivation but not the depression I had with DD. I feel more able to cope and like I know what I'm doing (well most of the time!)

We all deserve a medal for how amazing we are! Do you think men could cope with half the stuff we do??

Oh and DH I haven't consistently shared a bed before DD was born (due to late pregnancy and me being a nightmare to share with). So over two years. Yep. Not good.

Horrendous night. After weeks of being a happy chucker, his reflux flared up again and it was really bad and painful for him, he was crying and refusing the boob which has not been happening before. The day before he must've projectile vomited at least 20 times. We were up every 30-45 minutes, as he was thrashing around and crying out in pain poor little guy. And I can't reach the GP until Tuesday.

Let's hope the new year brings better sleeps for all of us.

What are people's plans for tonight? Hit up a few bars, do some shots, crazy disco moves??

Hmm yes. We're going to have nice meal with DD, have a glass of fizz and try and stay awake past 9....

Oh no Ven, that sounds awful. Really hope the GP can help when you see them.

This thread is a life saver, it's really helps to feel that you are not alone.

My plans for tonight are the same as usual. I'm sure I'll see midnight but I will definitely be in bed.

This has brightened my morning so thought I would share, all done of his own accord

I agree with @HashtagTired that people lie about what it's like to have a tiny baby. My sil had a baby last week, according to her social media breast feeding is amazing, she is resting, she gets 4 hours of sleep at a time, the sun shines out of her helpful husbands arse, she has never felt better, her c- section doesn't hurt etc etc. It takes all my strength not to post underneath 💩💩💩

She also says all this stuff when you ask her privately how she is. Her brother, my DH looks at these messages and rolls around in the floor laughing. He much prefers me talking to you guys and my other friends who are brutally honest about motherhood.

We need to set up a new thread and post the link on here so that we don't lose anyone...would be a shame especially how this thread has held our sanity together!!!! Haha.

Who wants to host the next one?!

Agree that this thread is so helpful. It may be disheartening for new mums to come on and see that our babies still aren’t great sleepers at up to 5 months, but I think it’s important to be honest. I wish more people had told me the crap stories rather than telling me of the babies they knew who had slept through from 6 weeks and never regressed. However I still cling to hopefully stories about babies sleeping through after Leap 5, once they’re weaned etc.

Nights like last night have me thinking that we’ll be done at one child, considering cry it out (then in the morning I know I couldn’t), and considering a sleep consultant. I don’t mind wake ups, I do mind being awake for a couple of hours with a wide awake baby.

Exhausted. Got DS to sleep at 6.30am and the fecking house phone rang at 7.02am for Sky insurance. You are having a laugh. Its a Sunday.

So DH gets up in a mood poor him for losing an hours sleep. i am fuming. but the good news is DS went back to sleep doesn't quite make sense why he didn't sleep first time the 60x i tried in the night!! Gee whizz

I agree that people lie. When i can home from hosp with DS i struggled so much. I remember my auntie, mum and cousin came round and I was sat there exhausted talking gibberish at 90mph about the fact DS wouldnt sleep. I was told 'mine were fine', 'you've got a bad one there', 'i don't remember it being that bad' etc etc for my mum to later tell me the horror stories she had heard from my auntie and cousin at the time that theres were born - like them driving round town every night, co sleeping until LO was 2 years old, the threats that were made (in the heat of the moment) etc etc. Its all crap. People just want to make it sound like they were the dream parent with the dream baby. The truth is its bloody tough and I am assuming after x number of years the pain wears off. Maybe 21 years. Who knows.

I can say hand on heart after a crappy birth and a crappy stay in hosp, bringing DS home was the biggest reality slap of my life. So so hard. Unimaginably difficult. In fact the only piece of advice people gave me that actually was right is that you cant prepare for it.

And we are going to my mums for NYE for family get together. God knows how i will make it to midnight!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/3125969-The-great-non-sleepers-the-sequel

I will host!

I'd also like to thank you all for your honesty and for the support. It's really so hard. I was talking to DH about the horror of feeling like nothing but a feeding station with no say in the matter, no holidays or days off, for months on end. He was trying to be sympathetic and he has been a huge support throughout this journey, but he said: "But you knew that's what we signed up for."

Well first of all, in breastfeeding you feel like there is no "we". Although of course there is, and we wouldn't have done it without him taking over the house chores and looking after us. But none of it has the urgency and the relentlessness of my share of the load. When he doesn't feel like cooking we get a takeaway. When he doesn't feel like cleaning the house stays messy for a couple of days, and it doesn't hurt us. When I don't feel like breastfeeding I still have to do it, whenever DS needs it. I'm aware I chose this path myself but you can't know what's it like unless you're on it, and that goes for DH too.

I cringe at how naive I was before motherhood, even if I thought I was quite realistic. I realise I came from the position of gaining control over my baby - once I do that it'll all be easier, I thought. This pressure to gain control is piled behind every "how is he sleeping?" and advice you didn't ask for. My DM never fails to ask if he's slept in his cot today, and pulls a concerned face when I tell her no. (Most) people genuinely want to be helpful but they're still projecting these unrealistic expectations that are crushing for a sleep deprived parent at the end of their wits. You feel like you're failing, and damaging your child, making a rod for your own back when you go with what works, as opposed to making the baby do what you want it to do instead of what it wants to do. Can anyone really do that? I don't think so.

Totally agree Ven. These babies have their own minds and I wonder if we can really do anything except cope with where things are now and hope it does indeed get easier, although I suspect the challenges are just different as they get older!

I have set up a new thread as this one is full! See you all there: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/3125969-The-great-non-sleepers-the-sequel