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Original poster

When am i meant to sleep?? 2 week old and dh back to work. Ds wont lay down

226 replies

Jellybabie3 · 23/10/2017 10:51

So overnight DS wouldn't go down til 2. Woke at 4.30am for hour, then again at 8am. So i reckon by the time I've sorted myself out and done some expressing I've had maybe 2hours or so sleep. Hes been awake since only napping in me. if i put him down he wakes up. Dh went back to work today so i have no help and realistically i will be doing night shifts til the weekend. So when am i supposed to sleep?? I'm already worried!!

OP posts:
SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 26/10/2017 21:14

Hi Jelly, I remember you from your 'just been born thread' it's utterly exhausting but you will get there. How about a sling/baby carrier? Pop baby in there and then recline and go to sleep. When my dd was tiny i had a rocking moses basket and it was fabulous, just kept treddling away and she went to sleep.
You have had a traumatic time, you are doing very well, your baby is lovely and also doing very well. You are winning although it doesn't feel like it. Good luck!

Mumguiltisabitch · 26/10/2017 21:54

Op mine would have slept on their back and turned their head to the right or left depending on which side they were on and I was on my side. Or the top boob kind of dangled down so they didn't need to turn their head at all. At least you're resting and relaxing.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 26/10/2017 22:13

Ah ok. I dont have big enough boobs for the top to dangle so will switch sides. Thanks

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Puppymouse · 26/10/2017 23:25

Flowers for you OP. This is totally normal. DD wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on me for quite a while. I was gutted as she had a lovely Moses basket! I wasn’t comfortable co-sleeping either but did used to doze as much as possible with her in the day. She would often happily sleep on the bed on DH’s side just because it was near me but it wasn’t close enough that I worried about squashing her.

I know it’s hard when it’s all new to you but do what you can to get sleep rather than sticking to every rule you’ve been told. And be kind to yourself.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/10/2017 23:57

Op I don't have big boobs either bumanaged OK. When the baby is small I'd turn them on their side and then position myself for whichever boobs I was going for. You can feed from both boobs laying on one side, just be more in the recovery position for the top boobbrands. As they get bigger they'll often lay on their back and turn third head but that's not ideal with such a young baby still establishing feeding. (It's harder work to get the milk in)

It's well worth putting some time in to cracking laying down feeding

SmileSunshine · 27/10/2017 00:16

For your own wellbeing; each time you bf, you need to feed from first breast until empty and then switch to the other breast and feed fully. If you don't, you risk getting engorged on the side you haven't fed from which is very painful (breast feels very hard and full) and the worse risk of getting mastitis. Make sure the latch is correct (it won't hurt after the first 10 seconds if they're latched correctly) to avoid getting cracked/bleeding nipples.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 00:36

Thanks. Still up and feeding. Been 2 hours already Sad hes wide awake so refusing m.basket. hope new cot helps tomorrow

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 00:41

Hes literally just suckling Hmm

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Sparrowlegs248 · 27/10/2017 00:43

Sorry op I haven't rtft but have you tried a dummy? I was anti dummy with dc1, by the time I changed my mind he wouldn't take it.

Dc2 has been offered one a lot and though it took a while for him to get the hang of it it's a life saver. I use it just for sleep.

SmileSunshine · 27/10/2017 11:15

I remember being anti dummy with dc1 (listening to advice from others rather who had thumb suckers and didn't use dummies, instead of following my instincts). I realised in the first week that if I didn't give DC1 a dummy I would have to be their substitute dummy so I gave in. When I packed my hospital bags for dc2 I packed a double pack of new dummies.

stolemyusername · 27/10/2017 11:30

Op, pop the sleepyhead next to you on the bed for now. You won’t be able to roll on him as the sleepyhead will be in the way, wrap him up and put your hand on his tummy as the weight will reassure him. Then try and get some rest, even if you can’t sleep you can doze a bit.

Don’t worry about the night and day thing at this stage, right now it’s about survival and it will come naturally to him as he gets bigger and notices that you’re more alert during the day time hours.

You are doing amazingly well, these newborns are tricky little buggers 😉

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 12:25

Yeah havent tried dummy yet.

Looking forward to side cot coming. Any tips on how best to utilise for bf? Is it feasible to lay close to it and feed while hes in it?

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Mumguiltisabitch · 27/10/2017 12:28

I used to to what you're hoping to do, keep him in the side car cot and lean over and feed while he was in it. Sometimes it worked, sometimes I had to take him into bed to feed and move him after

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 12:57

Great thanks x

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MissFlashpants · 27/10/2017 13:19

OP, this thread is taking me back. I think I sounded exactly like you with DC1.

He's awake. He's still awake. Why is he awake? How are we ever going to establish night and day?

I was constantly on edge, waiting for the next thing I could feel terrible and desperate about.

With DC2, I was able to have perspective. Both of my babies really fell into a pattern at 8 weeks, so with DC2 I thought - what's 56 wakeful nights, in the grand scheme of my life? And I was able to just let all of the anxiety about draining every last minute of sleep from the night go.

I know it's bloody, horribly hard. But just try to let go of the control (that you don't have any more anyway!) and see if that helps to take the edge off of your emotions.

notquitegrownup2 · 27/10/2017 13:38

Oh this thread takes me back too. You sound amazingly sane on very little sleep!

When you are ready, if you had a traumatic birth, you might want to look into cranial osteopathy. MN is split on its effectiveness, but I would swear that it worked for ds1, who had had a forceps delivery. It sounds scary, but basically involves the osteopath gently holding your baby's head. DS fell asleep on the couch during the first treatment, he was so relaxed by it - first time he had ever fallen asleep off the boob. And that night he slept for the longest time he had ever slept.

We had just 2 treatments at £25 each - it was a while ago - but it was the best £50 we had ever spent. The osteopath said that he would have been suffering headaches, jaw ache and comfort feeding for those reasons. To see the difference in him afterwards was amazing.

(I also tried it for ds2 who was more chilled but being fussy/grumpy around 8 weeks old, but it had no effect on him at all!)

Best of luck. It sounds as if you are doing an amazing job.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 13:40

Thanks. That means alot Flowers

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Sparrowlegs248 · 27/10/2017 14:03

I tend to slide ds towards me then slide him back once he's asleep but first day what works best for you.

Unless you are very anti dummy I'd try one now. It's a life saver for me. Ds2 gets sure how come. ort, once he's done feeding and sleepy I can unlatch hI'm and pop the dummy in and he settles.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 14:06

His bed has arrived!! Fx .....

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Northumberlandlass · 27/10/2017 14:06

DS was a sucky baby & found it soothing - a dummy worked a treat for us! (well until he got hungry which was usually quite quickly, but at least I got a couple of hours!)

10storeylovesong · 27/10/2017 15:59

Jelly, we were on a lot of the same pregnancy threads so I don't think there's much difference between our DS' ages (mines 4 weeks tomorrow). I could have written your threads a week or so ago, only I have a 4 year old so had to do the school runs and have had him off for half term this week so keeping him occupied. Just like yours, DS cluster fed for about 8 hours solid overnight. I actually phoned the maternity ward on the second night to check it was normal for him to feed so much.

I kept sane by:

  • putting Sleepyhead in our bed and sleeping with him in it next to me (only worked last few nights). Before this he was in our bed, following guidelines to co-sleep safely.
  • using a Naturebond pump - recommended by my HV and saved my sanity. It's a silicone pump that works by suction and you put it on one side while you feed from the other side. It works by catching your let down and I actually got more from it than my expensive electric pump and it meant I didn't have to spend more time afterwards with my pump. Only £11.99 from Amazon and honestly my best purchase.
  • using a dummy. I know they're not always recommended but mine has taken to it and doesn't seem to be confused at all.
  • having DS tongue tie snipped. It's made the world of difference and he no longer feeds for hours.
  • using a bottle of formula for the 1am feed. I know of the concerns about affecting supply but after cluster feeding all evening, I'm willing to take that chance.

My HV had a lot of common sense and told me to co-sleep (while ticking the box to say she had told me not to), top up with formula to get sleep if I need to and said that it was fine to let baby sleep for up to 2 hours or so in car seat, rocking chair etc and to nap while he was in it. She basically told me to do what I needed to get through the first couple of weeks.

Ds is 4 weeks tomorrow and sleeping 3-4 hours between feeds at night now and 2-3 hours during day. There is light at end of tunnel. Just wait until this is a distant memory and you have your second one tag teaming overnight to keep you awake - it's amazing how soon your body adapts to very little sleep.

Take it easy on yourself, you're putting far too much pressure on yourself.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 27/10/2017 16:27

Hi 10 nice to hear from you again Smile yes my DS is a week behind yours at 3 weeks tomorrow. Thanks for your message. It's nice (iykwim) to hear that others are in the same boat....as a ftm i do often feel naive and way out if depth but i am trying!! Looking forward to trying the cosleeper tonight. Dh is in his way home to build it. Ds umbilical cord finally fell off (slow right) so also First bath for him and new bed Smile fx its a good eve for us all. Thanks for passing on your hv advice. Amazes me how we are all advised against things but secretly then told to do them.....Wink i guess mothers survival advice trumps high level box ticking sometimes!!

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 28/10/2017 09:38

So tried side cot and sleepyhead last night. Not sure it made any difference at all. Side cot sits lower than our mattress and with the sleepyhead i still need to lift him in and out - cant feed him in there. He can still sense hes being put down so wakes with 10min. Spent night feeding him laid down in bed then trying to put him into own bed. Not sure he or i have slept for more than 40min chunks all night. Anyone elses baby take a while to get used to the sleepyhead? Looks like most go into coma state.....i will keep persevering

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 28/10/2017 09:40

Also tried dumm after an hour or so of what was blatent comfort sucking (sore nips) but he couldn't seem to work out how to keep it in his mouth.

OP posts:
crazycatlady5 · 28/10/2017 09:44

You can try to tap the dummy when it’s in - I think it’s mesnt to encourage sucking. Also tickle his chin just underneath his mouth.

Not sure what will work at the mo really other than persevering or cosleeping.

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