When am i meant to sleep?? 2 week old and dh back to work. Ds wont lay down

[Jellybabie3]

So overnight DS wouldn't go down til 2. Woke at 4.30am for hour, then again at 8am. So i reckon by the time I've sorted myself out and done some expressing I've had maybe 2hours or so sleep. Hes been awake since only napping in me. if i put him down he wakes up. Dh went back to work today so i have no help and realistically i will be doing night shifts til the weekend. So when am i supposed to sleep?? I'm already worried!!

Maybe i can use the sleepyhead in the day and moses at night

There's no reason why you couldn't.
Or just use th sleepyhead when you're both dozing and Moses basket for proper sleep.

I understand what you mean - my Moses basket is loooooovely and i would hate for it to sit there unused

Just go easy on yourself.
And ask the MW about stopping expressing as that will tire you out more than necessary.

Use whatever works - and what works will change as the weeks go by.

Bung that baby on the breast, park yourself on the sofa or the bed and watch crap telly.

And remember that sitting feeding is giving your body some rest.
It's not the same as sleep but it is rest and your body needs rest as much as it needs sleep.
That's why we don't get up and do the dishes when we're asleep! Because we're resting our body as well as sleeping (yeah, I know what I mean... )

From my experience as someone who also didn't want to co-sleep, I'd recommend persevering with laying baby down in their crib/Moses so that you can sleep knowing they are safe. I used to warm the crib with a hot water bottle and then slowly, slowly lower DD into it and carry on holding her close to me and breathing on her while she settled. It almost broke my back but bending over the crib and slowly extracting myself over the course of a few minutes meant she would stay asleep in the crib and I could jump into bed (in the same room) and get my head down. She would often wake straight back up of course but I'd pick her up, cuddle her back to sleep and start the process again.

It's not forever. By 10 weeks she was on a dummy and I could lie her down awake with that and she would go to sleep on her own (not all the time!).

I also used white noise a lot to help her go to sleep and stay asleep. Good luck, I know how tiring those early weeks are.

This it he key phrase, for me "Dh went back to work today"

On DH's first day back at work I barely
got-by, he got home and I wept and begged him not to go to work the next day.

And I am otherwise completely rational, I have a director level job, have started and sold several businesses, I was definitely in my late-30's, I'd always considered myself to be utterly capable. But that first day broke me.

It gets so much better, I promise. Within a week or so you'll find a little routine (an ever-changing routine, but a routine none the less) that suits you. You and your baby will settle in to each other.

Check about the expressing - my milk was delayed coming in by difficult birth and hormone issues and I was put on a three hourly feed baby and then pump cycle after she lost loads of weight and was dehydrated. I gave that up at two weeks as it was just taking up so much time when I could be sleeping. My milk eventually came in properly and increased hugely at eight weeks once she was sleeping six+ hours at night and she’s still BF now at 22 months.

Just do everything you can to maximise your sleep and rest. I couldn’t bear the thought of co-sleeping but had a Next2Me crib by the bed which was brilliant.

Good luck! The first weeks with a newborn are horrific but it does get better!

Jelly, it doesn’t feel like it but you CAN handle it. I was where you are and it is hell. I was so tired I hallucinated and fantasised about running away but I got through it and so will you.

What are your sleeping arrangements? Do you have a next to me or snuzpod? A co-sleeping cot? If not get one.

Devote an entire day to gently teaching your baby to sleep in it with you lying next to them.

Get a sling- NCT close caboo is good and do lots of skin to skin to boost your milk supply. Your babies mouth on your nipple is the best milk production stimulant there is.

Good luck x

It is so tough in the early weeks/months. DS was a terrible sleeper until he turned 1.

What worked for me:
A bedside cot
Ewan the dream sheep
DH getting up early so I had an hour’s restful sleep in the morning
Going to bed for an hour or so when DH came home from work

Those two periods of sleep every day when I was “off duty” were the deepest sleeps of my life and kept me going through the day.

I also learned not to fight it and enjoy the late night feeding and closeness.

That’s not to say all was 100% dreamy but those things made it easier.

I second using a sidecar cot type thing. We use a snuzpod with sleepyhead inside, and she is swaddled with a dummy and white noise. For her first weeks she did not want to sleep unless held etc which was exhausting. The above things help to sort of simulate that feeling and hugely helped to settle her.

First 3 weeks were just mental - I can't even remember most of it as was so sleep deprived. Gave up on the Moses basket and used the above for all sleeps - it really helped. I would just lay down next to her and doze when she napped (which was not often enough!!!).

Things will soon get easier, but prioritise sleep over EVERYTHING. And maybe give up on the Moses basket for now.

My baby was born with a cleft lip and didn't like laying down flat. She slept in her rocker until she was 3 months old and had her lip repair. I checked with the health visitor who said it was perfectly safe. Maybe check with yours if you're worried. It wasn't ideal, but you need to do what you can to get some sleep!

OP I remember that feeling of desperation, baby being very young and only getting 2 hours of sleep in 24 hours due to pumping like crazy trying to establish a supply. I’m going to say to you now what I wish to god someone had told me in those early days....

Not being able to breastfeed does not make you a failure

I spent so much time strapped to a pump I didn’t get to cuddle my new baby as much as I wanted to. They grow so quickly. Please don’t ruin the enjoyment of your baby by pumping on top of feeding like I did x

Wet eat the beginning of week 5 here. First baby. Ds was sleeping ok but the last few nights have almost finished me off. Last night he was awake from midnight until 530. We fed changed burped repeat. I was in bed last night at 930. So got a couple of hours and had a nap yesterday afternoon.

I’m trying to day nap as much as I can. At the weekend dh will do the overnight shift. We are mix feeding so this is easier than if I was ebf. We did this last Saturday night and I slept for 10 hours straight. I felt like a new woman.

I must second what fruit said. I'm super pro bf, and pushed through an awful emergency section recovery and sepsis continuing to bf - BUT - switched to FF at 8 weeks and was the best thing we ever did.

why are you expressing? That in my experience really ruins your 'free time' with a newborn. It's time consuming, stressful and really only useful as a quick fix so you can escape (though not till your supply is established or otherwise you end up expressing and feeding and neither effectively). So I'm pretty anti expressing having seen myself how extra tying it is even compared to bf and a few friends who spent their whole first year as slaves to the bloody pump.

Wow. I expressed exclusively for 9 months (a years worth of milk for DD) when "normal bfing" failed. I was alone all week (DH working away, family abroad) but didn't often feel "tied to the pump". I did have a portable one, so pumping anywhere wasn't an issue - even on a plane mid flight.

OP, sleep when baby sleeps and look up the fourth trimester. It will explain a lot about what might help baby. (Mine slept on my chest for first 4 months.)

You LO sounds a lot like my DD

I'll tell you what we did.
I used to feed DD to sleep in the evening and have a nap while DD was sleeping im DH's arms. He'd brig her upstairs when she woke. That way, I got 2, maybe 3 hours

We did this for the first weeks and I swear it saved my sanity. I was so sleep deprived I was convinced I wouldn't sleep in this life again.

I'll also add I was really against bedsharing, but I figured that it's less safe for DD to be looked after by a severely, barely functioning mum than to sleep with me.
We don't do it all the time, just when DD has a particularly bad night. This way, I get the rest I need and it's safer for both of us.

You could top up with a little formula after breastfeeding to build the weight back up it saves spending hours pumping. An nurse in hospital told me when we were readmitted for weight loss that your body can't make milk when exhausted. So i topped DS up for a week or so and my supply increased to meet demand.
A hot water bottle to warm the Moses basket up works really well, you could also wear the sheet next to your body so it smells of you.

* I must second what fruit said. I'm super pro bf, and pushed through an awful emergency section recovery and sepsis continuing to bf - BUT - switched to FF at 8 weeks and was the best thing we ever did.*

Sipper I felt so guilty that I continued for 10 MONTHS. Such a waste of my time, and time I will never get back...

You can feed lying down which helps you rest. I used to lie on my side facing DC, with her head in the crook of my elbow. I ended up co-sleeping like this because I had a toddler too and it was the only way to get any sleep, but you could do it just for daytime feeds so you can rest. DD1 also regularly napped in a bouncy chair next to the bed while I had a lie down.

I used to go to bed at 9.00ish and leave my eldest downstairs with DH. He would give her a bottle of formula at midnight and she would sleep through till 5 or 6.
It felt like a massive failure when I first did it but she is now an extremely bright, beautiful and healthy 14 year-old so I guess it’s okay.
After a few weeks, when I was more rested and relaxed I generally replaced that last bottle of formula with expressed breast milk, but I didn’t beat myself up about it by then.

Forgot to say, I was also advised to express after each feed with DD1 but couldn't keep yo with it and ended up FF. With DD2 I wanted to try again, but only expressed after daytime feeds, not at night. I found the best thing was just to feed her more often though.

Embrace the sleepyhead! I wish I had bought one for Ds1 . Ds2 got it instead and although he is frankly huge he still spends the first part of the night in it. It's great. I love it. Moses baskets are pretty, but also not loved by babies much.

I didn't want to come sleep but ended up doing so with Ds1 who woke every 40 minutes overnight for weeks . I then planned to come sleep with dc2, cot up against the bed with one side off . Ds2 though had reflux so I spent there weeks sitting up holding him upright until I got medication sorted.

It's not recommended but the only way I slept at all was in an armchair, fetch up on a foot stool, baby on my chest with cushions under my arms so he couldn't roll off .

DS was wide awake wanting feeding last night 11pm til 4am. Asleep til 5am then wanting feeding sonce. Floored

I know it's hard, but you're doing nothing wrong, that's just how newborns sleep and feed. You power through and then gradually they learn te difference between night and day and your body learns how to cope on less sleep.