When am i meant to sleep?? 2 week old and dh back to work. Ds wont lay down

[Jellybabie3]

So overnight DS wouldn't go down til 2. Woke at 4.30am for hour, then again at 8am. So i reckon by the time I've sorted myself out and done some expressing I've had maybe 2hours or so sleep. Hes been awake since only napping in me. if i put him down he wakes up. Dh went back to work today so i have no help and realistically i will be doing night shifts til the weekend. So when am i supposed to sleep?? I'm already worried!!

We are both too worried about squishing him.

I can completely understand that.

Would you consider stopping expressing; offering him formula when you need to, and upping his feeding as you get less tired? Expressing is keeping you awake when you could be sleeping and it doesn’t stimulate supply like suckling.

You are doing well; honestly. Those early days are brutal. If having your mum would help; even if it’s only for company and moral support, do ask her. She’d be thrilled.

I could walk him and leave him in pram but again i have read to wake him every couple of hours to feed in the day to try and teach night and day so realistically wont have much time to do all and get sleep.

My DD dropped from 98th centile (2 weeks overdue) to 25th quite quickly. She was up to 50th by a year and has pretty much stayed there. The charts aren't the be all and end all.

Tried putting him down again and within 2 mins hes wide awake and wanting food. I have no idea how he is still awake.

Your baby won't learn and day yet. By rights he should still be inside you. Google fourth trimester.

Try and go with the flow. Get your head around safe co-sleeping, feed on demand (don't be waking him up!) and sleep whenever you can. Stay in bed if possible.

2 week growth spurt. It's a crazy time.

This is your plan should you choose to accept:

A get a side sleeper
B you go to another room to sleep away from all baby stuff while DH can have baby
C when DH comes back from work you sleep (unless baby needs feeding)
D ask mum/dad DH to prep meals for one - 2 days for you and stay in bed and rest when baby sleeps
E reduce or stop expressing
F consider that DH gives a bottle at 10pm and stays with baby until midnight - you sleep in that period of time

Finally that time will pass. My youngest did wake until 18 months but only because she hadn’t been taught to put herself to sleep.

I feel for you. I don't really have any advice except to repeat that age old mantra of " this too shall pass". My experience is that sleep deprivation can mess with you big time. It's the world's best kept secret.
I found the first few weeks so so hard. I was so relieved when a friend confessed to me how horrendous she had found it and my neighbour ( who had probably heard the crying all night long ) told me it gets better 6 weeks in. I clung to that milestone and it was true for me but upon reflection maybe because I had adjusted to the baby rather than anything else (if you see what I mean).
Good luck, be kind to yourself and you'll be out the other side before you know it.

Forget the day and night thing for now. Expressing sounds like a waste of time, too. I never managed to do it at all effectively, although I know others do. Ditch it. Let him feed on you as much as he wants - this could be almost constant.

But if its almost constant (which it is) how do i sleep??

My son was very similar. He also had severe GORD and couldn’t be put down to sleep which led to 8 months of us sleeping in shifts. I really remember thinking I wouldn’t cope. Weirdly though, your body does adapt to far less sleep than you ever thought. I think gqletting your mum over would be great. You sleep, she brings the baby to you to feed (without you getting up) and then you sleep again. They do feed a lot at this stage and it is hard

Don't do the expressing to top up, that's terrible advice. Just let him feed as much as possible. You can have the sleepyhead in your bed with you. Though tbh I didn't find it a miracle and ended up cosleeping. Look up how to cosleep safely, honestly if you can learn to feed lying down and doze it's so much better. The other thing would be to set up a safe sleeping space for the baby in a bed or mattress on the floor, feed to sleep lying down then go and sleep somewhere else, if you're too worried to cosleep. It avoids the waking when you put them down problem.

Will he fall asleep in the pram? Take him out for a walk until he sleeps, then come home and sleep on the sofa while he's in the pram.

Don't wake him up! Sleep!

Forget the day and night thing OP - it’s early days and baby will get this in time. Just try to keep low light at night and get out during the day if you can but don’t over think it. I would suggest not to wake baby up if asleep in pram - he will wake when hungry and you can sleep in the meantime.

Your desperation is tangible.
I know how you feel
I agree with the others, stop expressing.
My DS was a terrible sleeper, fed every 2 hours day & night, when he had a growth spurt it was constant. DH worked nights, I have never felt so alone in my life.
I wish I had given myself a break and given a formula top up (or DH to do it)

I know you don't want to co-sleep, I used to prop the pillows up in bed and lie back with DS on my chest (he had reflux too). I found I could sleep and DS would settle skin to skin.

Yep stop expressing. Just boob boob boob.

Do you have a BF support group? Your health visitor may have links or a phone number for one. They can come and check baby is latched in properly and feeding well.

Try to feed with you both lying down. He might drift off and then you can too.

I know it seems awful and a huge culture shock but this too shall pass. In a few months you'll look back on this time as a distant memory.

You have my sympathies - this sounds a lot like DS. He nearly broke me. My first, DD, amazingly slept through from 3 weeks old. We did nothing to instigate this, she did it herself. Growth spurts would mean waking once or twice but generally she slept. I didn't appreciate it as much at the time (particularly as her sleep changed when I went back to work. Another story.)

DS for the first 5 weeks would cluster feed in the evening for a few hours (so like his sister). Then he would wake from 1am to 5am. Every night. It was awful. DD was in nursery 3 days a week which helped as I could doze a bit during the day - I would put him in the pram (proper mattress) and doze on the settee. But he wouldn't sleep for more than 45 minutes. And his breastfeeding style was generally painful. At 3 weeks I was exhausted and my parents took DD out for the day. I got about an hours sleep.

After that, I thought I'd never sleep again. But he slowly got better. The night waking reduced a bit. I got out the house and walked and walked to get him to sleep in his pram so he got used to it. It was a gradual process. I did what I needed to make sure we survived.

If your baby will take a bottle, then someone else can feed while you sleep. It does not have to be breastmilk.

If the baby is clusterfeeding then that is amazing at upping your supply. I also found eating porridge and oaty flapacks amazing at increasing supply. Huge difference.

You will get through this. Don't worry about teaching the baby day and night right now. Take help offered. People love holding babies so take advantage of your mum and hand over the baby and nap.

This will pass. It will be fine.

I also found The Wonder Weeks chart online (Google images). It shows when growth spurts generally occur and these bring disturbed sleep and extra feeding or fussiness. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that my baby was normal.

And skin to skin is great too. Just strip off you and baby, make sure you are both warm, and just cuddle. It's lovely.

Definitely don't wake him up in the day if he's sleeping. At that age my DD would sometimes have 3 hour mega naps in the daytime and wouldn't be up all night as a result. They should just sleep and eat and have minimum awake time.

You say he wakes up 2 minutes after being put down. What do you do when he wakes up? Have you tried rocking and shushing back to sleep in your arms and then laying him down again? Warm the Moses or crib first. It might take a few goes but if you can get him to sleep in his moses or crib, that's when you get to go to bed. Keep trying!

If you have someone who can come over and hold him for an hour or so while you sleep, definitely do that as well. My sister did it for me a few times and those naps saved my sanity.

Thing is he doesn’t want to be put down which is why he’s still awake. Cluster feeding is hard work but really normal, it’s not that he’s ‘so hungry’ he’s trying to increase your supply by sucking constantly.
I really don’t want to push this on you but I really do think you’d benefit from cosleeping, you sound like I was at two weeks and I genuinely fell asleep upright on the sofa, I’ve no idea how long for but luckily I woke and baby was in the same position.

Can your partner sleep on the sofa for a while, or spare room. You then have baby between you and something like a wall or a bed guard so as not to roll off. You can have no duvet at all if it makes you feel safer and just wrap yourself in something warm like a dressing gown. I used my duvet up to my waist. Baby has no pillows or anything near him, he is just next to you by your breast. You will find yourself naturally in the ‘C’ position around him.

I know it sounds scary, but mothers have been doing this for THOUSANDS of years. It is totally normal and ALL mammels sleep with their babies. It has had bad press because sadly people haven’t done it safely and therefore the end result has been tragic.

Again, this is totally up to you but I get so worried reading how tired a mama is when there is a safe alternative.

In the meantime, look after you

Does the baby sleep well in the pram? We had the pram set up in the living room and I'd manically rock it until he fell asleep then napped on the sofa. I'd also put my son in his rocker and sleep on the sofa. We didn't co sleep, I felt far too tired to trust my instincts! I also agree you should stop expressing, putting baby to nipple will stimulate your milk better than the expressing will. Use a bottle of formula and save your sanity, you'll get through it OP!

Looking at the times you have said I would say that that's actually pretty decent sleep for a 2 week old but I understand broken sleep isn't quality sleep, especially if you aren't used to it.

I also completely understand your anxiety over co-sleeping, I'm currently on DS2 who is 8 weeks (DS1 just turned 2) and despite him not being a good sleeper I can't bring myself to co-sleep either.
It does get better. TAKE IT EASY, be kind to yourself and sleep where you can.

I found DS2 started with a better sleep routine when I introduced a bedtime bottle at 6 weeks (he's BF throughout the day and night and I express after he's asleep to avoid loss of supply at that time) as a result he will now sleep 8:30pm-2:30am which is a good stretch of sleep.
It's exhausting doing it on your own, my OH works away Monday-Friday so I feel for you having to do it all.

We could honestly be singing from the same hymn sheet, I expressed for the same reason at 3/4 weeks but found I became too engorged as I began producing more than baby needed.
If it's still necessary though could you maybe express on one side whilst DS feeds on the other? This way you aren't doubling the time it takes to feed/express.

Also... i wouldn't think it necessary to express at night time as that's where your body has a natural 'rush' of milk anyway. If you find your breasts are feeling painful/engorged/very full of milk this will likely settle soon but is more likely to settle if you stop expressing and allow your body and baby establish their natural feeding routine.

It's worth knowing that the more your DS feeds/suckles the more your milk supply will increase.

I hope you manage to find a sleep/life balance that works for you soon. Xx

Thanks. Ive just laid on couch for an hour. Its tough sleeping in daylight but i guess i will get used to it. Im scared to give uo expressing. Last night he was just feed feed feed for hours til i caved and gave him the expressed. He gulped it down. All that went through my mind was that it would have taken hours to give him that 90ml from the breast as he falls asleep so much.

Will talk to DH abour sleeping arrangements tonight. We have the sleepyhead but as i say we don't have a side sleeper nor can we fit his cotbed next to me. We dont really want to fork out even more money in gadgets but i guess maybe we will have to to try and find a cot/crib/travel cot that will accomodate the sleepyhead. Mind you i am not 100% convinced how much better it is than the moses atm. Thanks all for your support. Feel like a right moaning murtle. Lack of sleep is a bit of a breaker!!!

Babies are more efficient at getting milk than the pump so as long as he is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies you can be sure he is getting enough milk.

I don't think you need to carry on pumping. Baby is definitely working to build up your supply which is how it's supposed to be. How about calling the National Breastfeeding helpline on 0300 100 0212 for advice? I called them a couple of times and they really helped me.

Try an eye mask for daytime naps?