When am i meant to sleep?? 2 week old and dh back to work. Ds wont lay down

[Jellybabie3]

So overnight DS wouldn't go down til 2. Woke at 4.30am for hour, then again at 8am. So i reckon by the time I've sorted myself out and done some expressing I've had maybe 2hours or so sleep. Hes been awake since only napping in me. if i put him down he wakes up. Dh went back to work today so i have no help and realistically i will be doing night shifts til the weekend. So when am i supposed to sleep?? I'm already worried!!

God im exhausted. And DH has gone to work seeing me upset so is now worried and threatening to send mum over

Hes just feed feed feed.

I have heard that when bfing babies feed relentlessly for the first few weeks to build your supply. Could you stop expressing and just bf as much as is possible?

It is so so hard but completely normal. That doesn't really help when you are in the thick of It, but at least you know it will pass eventually. Babies cluster feed loads during the newborn stage - this is why there are so many threads like yours on herr. It is hellish at times but it really does settle down. Even babies who don't sleep through for years do stop the crazy hours awake at night and instead just wake briefly to feed. Do whatever you need to get through. Perhaps your/his mum coming for a few hours might be a good idea so you can just lie down while they take the baby for a walk?

Is he doing lots of wet nappies? If not, talk to your MW/HV asap as the constant feeding is a sign of something wrong.

They do do a growth spurt several times in the early weeks which triggers a need for lots of feeding.

It is totally normal, and totally exhausting

Mine was similar - he fed for 8 hours straight one day. He cluster fed in the evenings from about two weeks to about four months.

It’s called cluster feeding and it’s very normal as they stimulate more milk supply. They seem to go through short intense bursts of it —> boost the milk —> gets a bit better.

I know you’re shattered and you aren’t keen on cosleeping. Neither was I, but in the end it was the only thing that meant I could at least lay down and doze.

Look up how to consleep safely (no covers at their level etc) and give it a go. If you can lie on your side, and feed, you can doze. It’s not deep sleep but it will get you through.

Your partner also needs to make sure they are giving you a ‘block’ of sleep once or twice a week, where they take the baby for a few hours and you sleep. Please do this. Even if it means a bottle.

A word of advice for someone who nearly lost her mind with sleep deprivation (being woken hourly for 18m takes its toll.)

1. There’s very little you can do to make a baby sleep. You can and should get a routine of light days and dark quiet nights. You can take them out for a ride in the pram to nap etc. But whether they sleep well seems to be inbuilt. You get good sleepers and you get bad. Yours so far seems pretty normal. Anyway, it’s a waste of effort trying to change their sleeping ability - all you can do is develop coping strategies. That really is vital because it’s something you can control. So partner MUST take baby 2x a week minimum and let you sleep for a few hours, for example.

1. Sleep changes constantly at this age. Again, see point 1, and accept there’s bugger all you can do to change it. Up to about 5-6m their sleep will change almost week to week. You’ll go through ok weeks and hellish weeks. And NOTHING you do will change how they sleep. You can ONLY change how you react to it and cope with it.

One last thing: breastfeeding is wonderful. I bfd my son for 18m. At the same time, a Mum who is about to crack with sleep deprivation is far worse than giving the odd bottle. Formula isn’t poison. If I’m ever lucky enough to have another I will be mix feeding with a bottle a day from the off, because being chained to a baby who fed constantly and woke constantly nearly broke me.

If you want to give a bottle, so you can sleep and your partner can do a night feed or an evening feed, then do, without a shred of guilt. There’s far too much guilting of mums for all this - do what gets you through.

Yeah i tried that but as he lost so much birth weight i was told to express as top ups. He's such a hungry baby. He had 90ml ebm at about 1am. Im wondering if i shouldve given it to him at bedtime (10pm) to fill him up before getting overtired and agitated.

And let your mum come round. She will I’m sure be delighted to hold the baby for a few hours. And you go back to bed.

These first few months are so tough - take all the help you can get. The setup of a Mum alone with huge tribe of aunties to help out is a very modern and very unnatural thing.

Stop expressing! It doesn’t stimulate milk as much as actual suckling. It’s a waste of your energy in all but very specific circumstances.

Baby on breast as much as possible. If you really need a break, it’s totally ok to use formula don’t do it too much or it can affect your supply, but the stimulation to your supply from more suckling and less expressing will likely balance out. One bottle a day before bed on top of a Cluster feed is fine, it really is.

Yeah but he wants to feed. Im alone on that front!! And havent had chance to express today

They do, hungry little buggers :)

My whole day for four months was sofa, Netflix, baby stuck to breast.

Get him checked properly for tongue tie as well.

I battled on with the bf alone and by the time I thought “fuck this, he can have some formula as a top up” he wouldn’t take a bottle 😩 next time, I’m going to be way more pragmatic. Fuck it, he will get all the benefits of breast and also be a bit fuller as well ;)

Yeah its just the fact i cant find time time to sleep. Im not asking for a whole night. When he wakes every 2 hours that's fine!! Just these 8 hour stints that kill me. Hes still awake now and fussing i need sleep

But surely it's better to do the one bottle of breast milk rather than formula??

Are you sleeping/resting during the day? At 2 weeks I only got out of bed to go to the loo.

Firstly, definitely sleep while he is sleeping in his bouncer (as long as he is strapped in securely) ideally you want one which reclines as flat as possible.

Does he sleep better during the day? With my first, after a difficult night, I would catch up on sleep in the morning or throughout the day when they slept better. Breastfed babies often feed more at night as your milk is richer.

Thirdly, make sure above everything you keep drinking - a large glass of water after every feed. This will help you feel better and help your milk supply. It is so easy to forget to do this when you're tired and stuck in a constant feeding/expressing cycle.

It will get better though... (goes off to take own advice about drinking)

Ok. I havent been good about drinkinf. I will work on that. In regards to not leaving bed, i thought (reading elsewhere) your meant to get up open curtains etc so ghey learn night and day? I got up when DH left and am sat downstairs. Ds is in sleepyhead wide awake and now screaming. He cant be getting much sleep either

I was in the same position as you with DC 1 and top-ups. I didn't want to co-sleep and was exhausted from the cycle of feeding and expressing. The only way I could cope was to switch to mixed feeding. I BF during the day, with top ups and FF at night. DD did sleep a bit better on formula but I only managed to keep up BF for 12 weeks.

DC2 I really wanted to BF. I fed her every time she so much as whimpered and managed to express a couple of times a day because again, she lost quite a lot of her birth weight. She was a monster feeder and the only way I could keep it up was by going against my better judgment and co-sleeping. She fed most of the night. I just woke up every so often and switched her to the other side.

It sounds as if something has to give here. You can't go without sleep altogether so you may have to give more bottles or sleep while feeding. Or have Mum/MIL over regularly to help.

Is your DC otherwise healthy apart from the loss of birth weight? Producing lots of wet nappies? With hindsight, both my DC were experiencing "catch-down" growth as they were born very big but are now both naturally very slight in build. Of course I felt I had to take the midwives advice at the time though.

No it’s not, because you have to express that milk then feed it to him and that’s inefficient. If you’re like me you might only get 90-100ml after expressing for ages. That’s effort and tiredness and it’s not stimulating the breast like suckling.

Stop expressing, if you want to give a bottle give formula. Exhaustion is worse for both of you than a bit of formula (I say as someone who bfd for 18m, and is supportive of bf.)

I know not everyone will agree and please feel free to ignore this but we combination fed our second at first. She had 1 bottle per day of formula at 10pm from my husband. I went to bed after her evening feed around 7 and then she would stay with DH until he came to bed or she went down to sleep. It gave me a solid block of sleep which made all the difference and because it was one specific feed , my supply was not affected.

By 4 weeks she was settled and I felt much better. (I had a section with my second) and we just dropped the bottle and went to ebf until she was weaned.

My first cluster fed like crazy but started sleeping for 6 hours by 6 weeks.

Don't feel that you have to do it all. Biggest mistake I made with my first was not asking for help or changing things to make our life easier.

You are doing great! Don't hesitate to call your MW or HV. They are in your team and are there to help.

Good luck x

The other thing is if you are looking at weight charts, make sure you are looking at ones for bf and not ff babies. They are quite different and looking at the ff one can be quite scary if you are bf.

The current weight charts are based on BF babies. Some do gain slowly though. DC2 took 6 weeks to regain her birth weight. She has always been fit as a fiddle.

I feel for you OP and have had a similar night with my DD2 - awake cluster feeding from 11pm until 4.30pm. Echo what other posters have said - get sleep in the evening leaving DS with DH, sleepyhead, swaddle etc (someone mentioned searching Fourth Trimester - that really helped me with DD1). Does your DS snooze in the pram or car seat during the day. If so - can you nap at that point during the day?
Really I just want to say it does get better and this time will pass.i genuinely didn't believe that with DD1 but it's true. You're doing great and you totally can do this. Just don't do too much during the day and get comfortable with your job being to feed, cuddle and love that little baby.

Oh dear OP that sounds brutal.

I second the advice about drinking plenty. Keep a big glass of water by you at all times and take some big glugs. I found having a tub of biscuits as well really helped!

You are right about knowing day from night. Keep the curtains open during the day and take him outside to get some fresh air and daylight on his skin. This need only be outside your front door for 10 minutes if you don't want to venture further afield.

Are you persevering with trying to lay him down after you've fed him in the night? It is hard but if you can cuddle him where he is meant to sleep and slowly extract yourself he might well stay asleep there for a bit.

I really feel for you! Please do remember that with a baby this young, every day can be different so tonight might not be anywhere near as bad.

We were kept in hosp due to the birth weight for 5 days after a rubbish birth. Hes now not far off. Hes otherwise healthy yes with all day long nappy changes. Im not keen on cosleeping and nor is DH.We are both too worried about squishing him.

Ok thanks. Yes putting him down every time. Thats whats brutal. Hes zonked on breast, i lift and lay him careful. Then 5min later hes awake. We put him in rocking moses again last night. we were gonna use sleepyhead in day as we are stumped where to put it. But maybe tonight we can cobble something (two chairs??) to try it properly at night

If he's almost regained his birth weight he's doing well so I wouldn't bother about the expressing. Give a bottle of formula if you need a break.