2yr old drinking 40oz of milk and still not sleeping

[Rainbowsockstoday]

No having a go anyone because I'm well aware I have made this problem myself and don't need to feel any worse whilst sleep deprived!

My 2yo lb is a sleep thief. We might have one night in a month where he sleeps 9-4.30 if we are lucky and the rest of the time he's up for hours. We have a good solid routine that gets him down to sleep fine and works 90% of the time without a problem:

Dinner
Quiet play
Pyjamas on
Stories
Bottle
Sleep by 7.30-8

But then he wakes up at 12/1am and is up for 3 or 4 hours crying for more milk and needing everyone up to see them. He's having maybe 40oz a night milk sometimes and still screaming for more. We've tried stopping it and telling him there's none left or it's all gone (he must think I'm awful at shopping to keep running out) but he just screams more till he's sick and breathless. I guess for an easy life I've let it get this bad by giving in. I just don't know what to do to get some sleep!

DH and I both work and his job involves a lot of distance driving and safety stuff so he really needs his sleep. I'm a teacher so work much shorter hours. It's usually fine as I'm always the one he wants and will only accept me coming to him. This last couple of nights though he's wanted daddy and that's made it worse for us both because it causes tension and arguments and I fee rotten dh is getting sleepless nights too.

He still has an hour nap in the day 11-12 and my MIL suggested this morning that maybe it's a sign he doesn't need that day sleep anymore and we should cut it out or at least down. The problem is though if we don't give him that sleep he's nodding off at 3/4pm and any amount he gets then means he's not ready to go to bed at night till 11/12pm and I'm not sure that's a suitable bedtime for a toddler. I do my level best to take him out afternoons to the park, softplay, swimming, gym class, anything to tire him out in the hope that he sleeps better but it's not working.

We need a solution or some advice. We are not willing to CIO/CC because mainly I think it's cruel and heartbreaking but also my DS is 2 and so will come out of his bedroom and bring the screaming to us if we don't go to him! I'm tempted to take all the bottles away and say no milk at all!

Again though please don't make me fee any worse.

He would eat a lot more before we stopped his night milk. Some days he would graze but he would at least eat a few mouthfuls at mealtimes and then have a few snacks between times. Occasionally he would eat like a horse! Now we have stopped his milk through the night he is refusing to eat his meals even though they are still the same food he had before so he refused so far:
Chicken pie and veg
Spaghetti bolognese
Vegetable stew and dumplings
Chicken dinner
Spinach and ricotta ravioli
Scrambled egg
Baked potato and cheese
Ham and cheese toastie
Porridge
His favourite cereal
All fruit snacks (apple wedges, banana, satsuma, fruit kebabs)

My OH got him to eat a bite of biscuit before he said it was disgusting. He's drinking water and had a fruit juice yesterday. But everything he asks for he then says is disgusting. We usually give him the same as we are eating but I've even started cooking separate for him and he won't even eat that.

Keep on keeping on, you'll have to ride this out I think but he won't starve. I'd suggest you stop all attention related to food, put the food in front of him and give him a chance to eat but if he doesn't make no comment and just take it away when he says he's finished. Don't try to encourage him to eat, beg, plead etc be blank and emotionless, its up to him if he eats or not it doesn't affect you either way.

Put all your effort and attention onto behaviour you want to encourage, the positive stuff, 'aren't you drawing a beautiful picture' etc. Same as nighttime don't engage with him about if he's done wrong or not just repeat 'its sleeptime now'. He has clearly figured out your weaknesses (food and 'doing wrong') and is using them to exercise control, this is normal and what kids do as part of growth, they want to control some things in their lives. It's your job to allow him to do that but within a range of things that are not detrimental to his (and your) well-being i.e. Sleep! Offer him control of other things "since you are such a big boy you can choose all 3 story books before bed and you can choose which one we read first". Let him choose clothes, pyjamas, tv shows etc and make a big thing of it being his choice and praise the choice he makes. Its a hard slog but you will be surprised how quickly it will turn around if you stick to it, if you give up now it will be harder next time as he will know you gave up once. Good luck!

Get some chips. I know few kids who can resist the waft of a fresh chip.

Oh when you look back on this time you will wonder why you did it. 2 year olds should be called the tyrannical twos. I used to settle my daughter and creep out on my hands and knees, hoping she wouldnt wake. when she woke in the night it had to be mixed fruit juice and water warmed 20 seconds in the microwave served in a bottle.

We don't really have chips in the house. I've not had chips for years and years. I did try him on some sweet potato wedges because he usually loves them but again they are now disgusting. Everything is disgusting!

If it's a battle of wills you've got to start playing dirty though. Grill some fat greasy sausages. Or better still, microwave hotdogs - like dogs, toddlers have no resistance to the smell.

Go to your local chippy and buy chips, get a Dolmios pizza, buy some Petit Filous Magic Squares (aka toddler crack).

Fuck, buy him an Easter egg if you must!

Throw any old shite at him to break his power over mealtimes.

My two year old was exact same, had to get him of bottle that was the issue, he's sleeping much better and eating loads during the day now and gets milk once before bed in a cup, it was tough with the crying for a few nights but had to be done

How did it go last night?

I wouldn't try bribing him. I'd just keep everything as cool and normal as possible as if nothing happened. Just offer him normal food and if he doesn't eat it, don't make a fuss. The more fuss you make, the more attention he's getting and that's reinforcing his idea that something huge happened. You just need to pretend that it's all no big deal and tell daddy to stop shouting. Just deal with him as normal and it will pass much more quickly.

Well done for getting him milk free in the night...40oz every night was a frankly ridiculous amount to be giving him.

I think you need to contact your health visitor and ask for them to arrange a visit from a nursery nurse. Not least because you really need to internalise that there's a difference between effective parenting and being cruel. Just because he's crying doesn't mean you're being cruel. Toddlers do cry and kick off when they're not getting their own way. And when this has been proven to work, trying to break the cycle can make things worse for a while as they try to work out how distraught they have to be to get you to give in.

Has he had his 2 year development check yet?

@silenceoftheprams he slept through 8-1 and we've been up ever since with no sign of a) being tired or b) wanting food. I made him breakfast when I made OH his full English so he's had sausages and scrambled egg available to him but isn't interested. He has however eaten a piece of paper and a leaf

We haven't had any hv visits for a year or so. I think he was about 6mths old last she came round to see us. Even then it was a different lady to the one we saw before her so I wouldn't know who to ask for. He's not going to school so I don't know if we would get one.

He'll definitely get a visit at his age if you ring up asking for some help. The HV team should have nursery nurses and they'll probably be of more use to you than the HV themselves. They have lots of tricks up their sleeves for problems like the ones you're experiencing. Give them a ring next week I'm sure they can help.

Exhausting for you, I am sorry.

This will pass. It will get better. Grim right now though I'm sure

I spoke to the hv service and they said they will put us down for needing a hv and someone will contact us. As he's not going to go to school I don't think they were coming to see us 😬 he's ok today. We have had a friends little boy over and they've tired each other out.