2yr old drinking 40oz of milk and still not sleeping

[Rainbowsockstoday]

No having a go anyone because I'm well aware I have made this problem myself and don't need to feel any worse whilst sleep deprived!

My 2yo lb is a sleep thief. We might have one night in a month where he sleeps 9-4.30 if we are lucky and the rest of the time he's up for hours. We have a good solid routine that gets him down to sleep fine and works 90% of the time without a problem:

Dinner
Quiet play
Pyjamas on
Stories
Bottle
Sleep by 7.30-8

But then he wakes up at 12/1am and is up for 3 or 4 hours crying for more milk and needing everyone up to see them. He's having maybe 40oz a night milk sometimes and still screaming for more. We've tried stopping it and telling him there's none left or it's all gone (he must think I'm awful at shopping to keep running out) but he just screams more till he's sick and breathless. I guess for an easy life I've let it get this bad by giving in. I just don't know what to do to get some sleep!

DH and I both work and his job involves a lot of distance driving and safety stuff so he really needs his sleep. I'm a teacher so work much shorter hours. It's usually fine as I'm always the one he wants and will only accept me coming to him. This last couple of nights though he's wanted daddy and that's made it worse for us both because it causes tension and arguments and I fee rotten dh is getting sleepless nights too.

He still has an hour nap in the day 11-12 and my MIL suggested this morning that maybe it's a sign he doesn't need that day sleep anymore and we should cut it out or at least down. The problem is though if we don't give him that sleep he's nodding off at 3/4pm and any amount he gets then means he's not ready to go to bed at night till 11/12pm and I'm not sure that's a suitable bedtime for a toddler. I do my level best to take him out afternoons to the park, softplay, swimming, gym class, anything to tire him out in the hope that he sleeps better but it's not working.

We need a solution or some advice. We are not willing to CIO/CC because mainly I think it's cruel and heartbreaking but also my DS is 2 and so will come out of his bedroom and bring the screaming to us if we don't go to him! I'm tempted to take all the bottles away and say no milk at all!

Again though please don't make me fee any worse.

Honestly I've never given my kids snacks.

I mean, if they absolutely plead for something I'll let them have a cream cracker, lol. I'm not made of stone.

But routine snacks? No. They eat 3 meals a day and eat plenty at them. Occasional banana before bed if it's been a couple of hours since dinner.

Me too Elspeth. I'm genuinely confused by the parents I see with bags full of food. One of my friends offers food to her DD probably every 20 mins, literally. The wonders why her DD doesn't eat meals?!

Give him one snack per day and make sure he knows it's the only one he gets. My DS wastes his on nappy changes because he needs bribing at the moment, but hey, that's his choice and he doesn't get anything else later on.

I think small children need five meals a day - breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, mid-afternoon snack, dinner. Particularly if they're growing. And I say that as a vehemently non-snacking adult.

But timing is crucial; I think the need a few hours between meals and they need to feel a little bit hungry before they eat again or they just graze.

But DD (who is 3) on a blood sugar low is a nightmare, which is what would happen daily if she had only three meals.

Not rtft but just to say what broke this routine for my ds at a similar age was going away. Turned out the milk in Spain tasted different and he refused it. He cried for about an hour and then fell asleep. By the time we got home a few days later he was more or less over it and could be settled without it. Not suggesting you go away but maybe try some uht or soya milk or something he's not used to?

Not read all the comments but for the stair gate climbing issue you can get a pet gate which is taller. That might help?

Omg this is absolutely barbaric cruelty. He's crying for milk and we've said no. I even brought him a small amount up in his cup and he won't have it because it's not in a bottle so he's screaming and trying to tear my clothes (he's bf so knows there's milk there). I can't take the tears and the screaming knowing I'm the one causing this pain.

I think it's because I always promised I'd never be this cruel to my own children. Growing up my parents used to do this thing where every so often they'd keep me up late and make me cry telling me all the things they didn't like about me and all the things I'd done wrong. It would go on for hours and hours till they eventually let me go to bed and then I'd cry myself to sleep thinking they hated me. I don't want him to think I don't love him because I love him so much it's breaking my heart. 😢

Sweetheart you are not being cruel. He needs to eat and sleep properly and this that he's doing with the not sleeping and the crying isn't sustainable.

You will all feel better with a decent nights rest you just have to stick it out for a night or two.

Oh you poor darling. I promise what you're doing now is nothing like what your parents did to you.
You really helping your child to have better nutrition and better sleep. It will be hard for a night or two while he gets used to it but longer term it's absolutely the right thing

Just seen your update. It's not easy. He will blow himself out. It might take a few evenings but he will get there.

Could your DH put him to bed & you go out for a bit?

Two pints a night? Lordy. He must be peeing for England all night long. That alone is probably quite disruptive to sleep.

When I did similar with one of mine I sat outside the bedroom door bawling near enough as loud as they were.

If he's screaming like that he won't sleep (obviously). If he's distressed (sad not cross) then at this point I would read him a book or let him watch an episode of a tv show and calm down. Then you can explain again whatever you explained during the day about no more bottles.

If it's a full-blown toddler angry tantrum however, all you can do is sit in the next room until it stops.

Oh OP, it's so hard I know but you really are doing the right thing. Sleep is so important, he needs consistent, quality sleep not the broken sleep he has been having.

In a few nights it will all be over and you will ALL be sleeping so much better.

Stay strong my lovely

I would definitely not be getting him up for books or TV shows. It's coming up for 8pm. Just leave him, if he is crying very hard then you pop in every few mins and say sleepy time lie down.

I would definitely not be getting him up for books or TV shows. It's coming up for 8pm. Just leave him, if he is crying very hard then you pop in every few mins and say sleepy time lie down

I second this, getting him up again now will lead to a new behaviour, wanting tv instead of milk!

Go in, say it's bedtime, night night or whatever, lay him down and walk out.

Repeat every few mins until he settles. He WILL get there, I promise.

I would definitely not be getting him up for books or TV shows. It's coming up for 8pm. Just leave him, if he is crying very hard then you pop in every few mins and say sleepy time lie down.

DD at that age would just have kept crying for HOURS if we left her, with or without popping in (in fact popping in and then leaving makes it worse), which is cruel.

We find we need to stop her from completely winding herself up before she will calm down and go back to sleep, hence the book or tv. She goes down to sleep perfectly contentedly once she calms down and it isn't a habit by any means, we have only needed to do it a handful of times.

Can you lie with him in your bed while he learns the night weaning rule?

I'd stick with it now you've started. I used to set a timer on my phone and go in every two minutes to comfort and say time for bed, then back out again. Two minutes isn't long and gives you something to focus on. It's not easy but will be better for you all in the long run.

Thank you for the support and encouragement. I've gone in to have a chat because he was really crying and I calmed him down by explaining he was a big boy and that big boys don't need milk in the night because they get lots of different yummy things in the day (his cup of milk is still untouched) I also bribed him by promising that if he goes to sleep we will go to the shop tomorrow to buy seeds for the birds and some pots for the flowers. He seems happy with that. I'm going to sit next door so as not to disturb him in the hopes he falls asleep. His dad is on the phone finishing up some work so I've put the rabbit story on my iPad to cover the noise.

Thank you again. Xx

Personally, I wouldn't just leave him to cry it out.

I would be in there with him. Cuddling, calming, reassuring and generally being compassionate about the fact he's finding this hard, but it is a necessity.

FATE spaced soothing is not crying it out

@fatedestiny I'd been in there since half six and had calmed him down because I couldn't have left if he was crying. I was planning on staying till he was asleep but he kept trying to talk to me and getting out of bed to find me. I put him back in a few times and then told him mummy was going to go to sleep on daddy's bed and would be back in a minute. He was told to lie down and listen to the story and I would be back in five minutes. He's still not made a sound but is shuffling about so I'm going to leave him another 5mins. I think having me there whilst he was crying was fine but when he was just trying to talk to me and start a conversation that was time to go. I feel awful and think I've cried more than him tonight but he's quiet and that's a better start. I'll see what 12am brings. Going to sleep now though myself just in case. DH will think he's won the lottery having the TV to himself for once!

He doesn't need all that milk, he's waking out of habit. That much milk is bad for him, he needs nourishment from proper food. Anaemia is common in children who drink too much milk, so you need to tackle this for two reasons. You need a plan to break the habit. Tell everyone what you're doing, including neighbours.

Have a strict bedtime routine, stop giving him milk, when he wakes up. Keep putting him back into bed, without any drama. Be boring, consistent, and firm. That's it really. Eventually you will win but you have to stick to it.