2yr old drinking 40oz of milk and still not sleeping

[Rainbowsockstoday]

No having a go anyone because I'm well aware I have made this problem myself and don't need to feel any worse whilst sleep deprived!

My 2yo lb is a sleep thief. We might have one night in a month where he sleeps 9-4.30 if we are lucky and the rest of the time he's up for hours. We have a good solid routine that gets him down to sleep fine and works 90% of the time without a problem:

Dinner
Quiet play
Pyjamas on
Stories
Bottle
Sleep by 7.30-8

But then he wakes up at 12/1am and is up for 3 or 4 hours crying for more milk and needing everyone up to see them. He's having maybe 40oz a night milk sometimes and still screaming for more. We've tried stopping it and telling him there's none left or it's all gone (he must think I'm awful at shopping to keep running out) but he just screams more till he's sick and breathless. I guess for an easy life I've let it get this bad by giving in. I just don't know what to do to get some sleep!

DH and I both work and his job involves a lot of distance driving and safety stuff so he really needs his sleep. I'm a teacher so work much shorter hours. It's usually fine as I'm always the one he wants and will only accept me coming to him. This last couple of nights though he's wanted daddy and that's made it worse for us both because it causes tension and arguments and I fee rotten dh is getting sleepless nights too.

He still has an hour nap in the day 11-12 and my MIL suggested this morning that maybe it's a sign he doesn't need that day sleep anymore and we should cut it out or at least down. The problem is though if we don't give him that sleep he's nodding off at 3/4pm and any amount he gets then means he's not ready to go to bed at night till 11/12pm and I'm not sure that's a suitable bedtime for a toddler. I do my level best to take him out afternoons to the park, softplay, swimming, gym class, anything to tire him out in the hope that he sleeps better but it's not working.

We need a solution or some advice. We are not willing to CIO/CC because mainly I think it's cruel and heartbreaking but also my DS is 2 and so will come out of his bedroom and bring the screaming to us if we don't go to him! I'm tempted to take all the bottles away and say no milk at all!

Again though please don't make me fee any worse.

@juvenile we don't have neighbours right now and even when we did (when we had a newborn) the house is far enough away they didn't hear him scream (not in a teen horror movie way) which was good because from 3-12 weeks he did purple crying for three hours a night and it was loud!

Oh and the people who suggested getting a taller gate to stop the climbing issue and keep him in his room... my OH had other ideas about it and said he could fix it. So both stair gates have been brought out of retirement and are one on top of the other (one is upside down) so he can't get over the top! It's rather like a stable door but prison style. I expect he'll start drawing out a tattoo of the house blueprints soon 😂

^^ALso I fail to see how a week of CIO is worse than months of him (and you) not getting enough sleep and howling his head off until he's sick.

Totally agree with this. He needs to sleep.

Well done. It's horrid. But it will be worth it.

This isn't anything even remotely like what your parents did to you, although I'm sure his distress is raising it all up again.

You love him. You're doing this for him as much as for you; he needs to be able to sleep properly, and he needs functioning parents.

What your parents did was cruel and abusive, and I'm so sorry it happened. What you're doing is gently (even if it doesn't feel gentle) redrawing the boundaries, something which will actually make him feel more secure in the longer term.

Hope the night isn't too awful for you.

@tollygunge I'm not letting him CIO as I've made the point that I stayed with him and calmed him down so he's gone to sleep chatting to himself and his spider. It's always been fine the first sleep section but it's when he wakes up he's full of life and energy and uses ANY excuse not to be asleep and that's when he makes himself sick. Not just for milk but because I want him to be asleep and he wants to be awake. We've had nights with no milk (except a bedtime feed) quite often and he's still awake for hours so because of advice we were told to warm him some milk if he's having trouble sleeping but I am unwilling to continue bf at night. That's how we got here.

You've done really well to settle him without milk! Well done.

When he wakes, I would offer him water and lots of cuddles in his bed. The screaming, with my daughter, was a sort of fury rather than pain or hunger. She was very distressed but I was right there with her, comforting her. She cried for over an hour with me the first night. After that, it wasn't so bad. She has now, for the last week, stopped her really long (sometimes 4hrs long) night wakes!! She seems to have learnt that we don't get up in the night, we don't have milk and we stay in bed til morning. For now. I have been really consistent and I think that has been key for her. Good luck to you tonight, stay strong, you're doing the best thing for him.

Well done, I honestly know how hard it is. You are doing amazingly well. You are still there for him, it really is the best thing.
In a few days time, all of you will be sleeping better.
He knows you love him, he sounds lovely by the way.
My DD tries everything to keep me in her room.
Even now I have to lie say I will be back in a minute.

dixie, the OP isn't doing CIO, she's doing controlled crying. CIO is literally leaving a child to cry until they stop either through exhaustion or because they give up etc.

Controlled crying, which the OP is doing means that the OP frequently goes in order reassure her son, but he is staying in bed and learning that at night, we go to bed and we sleep, we don't get up and read/watch tv/drink milk. It isn't cruel, she isn't "resorting" to anything. Sleep is crucially important for children's development, waking up several times at night when past the age where they need to do isn't good for them. We teach them to brush their teeth, ride a bike etc, why wouldn't we teach them how to sleep independently?!

I'd firstly go to the gp and ask for a check up to cancel out any medical issues.

Then I'd stop the bedtime bottle as then he may drop the sleep association altogether

I'd use audiobooks at night to calm him down. Teach him to turn them on and you'll never have to get out of bed!

I hope your night was ok, OP.

perhaps you should indicate who your response is for then as it reads as though it's directed at the OP, thanks.

Hope the night went well

Ok so that was a rough night. We haven't done CIO or CC because for personal reasons it creates too many emotions that I like locked away. What we did do though I treat him like a child not a baby. He wasn't left to cry at any point but the fact he was crying made it worse. I stayed with him through all the screaming, hitting and throwing things. I stayed with him till he was calm and got back in bed. When he was happier and just wanted a chat I finally left him to it with an audio book and his spider. Eventually he went to sleep and again an hour later we did the same. And again and again and again. The point is he never left his room and I think I was more disturbed than he was. For example when your child hugs you and sobs "what have my done wrong mummy" it's hard. It's very hard and I don't know how it can be helping. This morning though he's refusing all food and drink. I've made his breakfast and given him some milk in a cup but three hours later it's still sat there and he won't entertain it. It might be a long day.

I think you need to pick Easter holidays and go hardcore, no milk, letting him scream and be sick until he realises it's not going to work.

I stopped milk in the middle of the night by taking DD downstairs, sitting her at the table and giving it to her there, then back up to bed tucked back in, no speaking at all. The milk wasn't so nice having to drink it in the cold out of your bed.

Put multiple sheets on the bed so you just whip them off when he's sick and have lots of blankets at the ready to just change them quickly, same with pyjamas then straight back in bed, no cuddle. No talking at all.

He's not sick because he's ill, he's sick because he knows it'll get him what he wants.

Seriously he's playing you totally and you really need to start realising that by actually doing as people say you'll help the whole family function better.

@cauliwobbles if I took him downstairs I'd never get him back up again. He would see it as morning time because he's up.

We have started now anyway. I don't get easter holidays except the long weekend and my oh has a normal job so only has the long weekend too. Our only time to do it would be summer holidays because the half term I'm away at a wedding in Greece. Plus I think it needs to be done and over with. It's traumatic enough without having a build up in my head.

Do not put an audio book on in the middle of the night, he needs quiet and darkness and to realise that it's time to sleep not stimulation.

You also need to CYB as I have already said what we are doing. He's not playing us he's just had a tricky transition between bf on demand up until a couple of weeks ago and being left without that comfort.

His book is eight hours long and goes on at the start of the night. It's the same one I have playing.

You leave a book playing for 8 hours??

I think you've done a great job keeping him in his room all night and comforting him. Hope today goes well for you!

I grew up listening to audiobooks at night, it's fine, you don't need utter silence to sleep. My mum listens to the world service all night too. If it works, do it, just pick calm stories

Our book is eight hours yes. It's the same one I listen to and have done for years. It was part of peaceful sleep therapy when I was younger. I don't have a very good pituitary system and a lot of my hormones for things like growth, sleep, hunger etc are controlled by medication.