High-Need Baby Support Thread III

[TitaniaP]

Well as I'm awake I thought I'd start thread 3!

The high-need baby thread has been moved from breast & bottle feeding to sleep. In the early days of the thread I think feeding was a significant issue for many of the posters. I think those that post regularly on the thread would now agree that's it's mainly sleep that's the issue.

So if your baby fits the following criteria come and join us for wine, chocolate, coffee and matchsticks as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Well DD has just gone to sleep... do any of you have babies who just don't need sleep? I'm afraid DD got ignored for about an hour and a half tonight as I was just too knackered to interact - she was busy pottering around, bashing this, bashing that, getting books out etc...

Any thoughts on this please? - she woke at 6am bright and breezy, but I kept feeding her back to sleep until 7am...
She had a 40 in nap at the childminders at about 11am, and I picked her up at 1pm.

I tried to get her to nap at 2pm and again at 4pm - both times when she briefly appeared tired . We've been running around the garden, pottering inside the house, and went for a (slinged) walk to see the ducks.

5.15 nothing would keep her awake and she went to sleep where she was despite me tickling her and calling her, and picking her up and jiggling etc....
5.45 I finally managed to wake her.
6pm dinner, then a bit of play while I clear up., bath and massage at 7pm, then I tried to put her to bed.

I ended up chasing her around the garden to try to wear her out at 8.30 - she was just giggling and full of beans! Finally looked tired at 9.45 and asleep at 10pm.

So - I can't get her to nap when she doesn't want to, and can't keep her awake when she wants to sleep... what do I do?!

We tried making this late nap her bedtime - it is just a nap = she would wake up an hour later (so 6pm ish) soooo full of energy and ready to party - and not go to sleep until near 11pm... at least if I can keep it to 30mins or less I am usually able to get her to bed sometime between 9 and 10pm...

A hard one, my ds would be similar, or he was until recently,
Our day now goes like this (sort of)
Up at 7 and bf
Breakfast - porridge at 8.
Play until 10( or tired)
Sleeps from 10-11.30
Snack.
Lunch at 12.30/1
Play
Nap at 2
2.45/3 up and snack
5 is dinner
Play
Start to wind down around 6.30/7.
Supper
7.30 bedtime routine, story, song, rocking in chair until sleepy, then cot.

It's taken a long time to get the naps to that- our blip a few weeks ago was due to holiday, but with perseverance, and a little crying, we got there. I now realise that my ds must cry a little as its his form of release before sleep, it's only about 1-2 minutes, but as soon as I resettle, he sleeps!
Maybe the routine above would help?

I honestly thought my ds needed very little sleep too, until we stuck to our guns with routine- he slept full 12 hrs last night,

Hi ladies...can I join you please?

DD is 17 weeks, a champion sleep fighter and high need. She is my first, and I've been feeling like such a failure as her mum. I love her to bits, and have tried just about every soothing technique and sleeping arrangement in the book to get her sleeping better, to little avail.

Feel like I am heading toward PND as the weeks go by and sleep fails to improve. Have been having early morning anxiety attacks when co sleeping, strange, waking nightmare stuff and panics. Have been trying to manage this with meditation and daily walks as medication's not an option unfortunately. But it's hard going when I'm so exhausted.

I wish the rain would let up. It's depressing being stuck indoors. DD had 16 week jabs today so extra fussy. Been crying since 12pm with short breaks for nursing or 10 minute catnaps in my lap.

I love her so much. I just want to help her and I can't.

Yeah! My hn baby ( of 4), hit me like a 40 ft lorry!!!! First 3 were dream babies, compared to him!!! Getting better now tho fingers crossed

Welcome Mitsouko, sending hugs lady. Sorry you're finding things so difficult at the moment. All of us on this here thread are here to offer support. But just one thing I must say first. Okay two things. Firstly, you are in no way failing your little one. I felt like you - DS is my first and I thought I was doing everything wrong - I just wanted to help him, but I didn't know how or what to do. Now I realise that he is who he is, and he will do what he will do, and for the most part, it's nothing to do with me! He is now, at one year, super confident, very sociable and is a right little explorer (from a baby that didn't like to be put down At All) and we seem to be slowly getting there with the sleep... The way to help our high-needers is just giving them what they crave - contact, love, affection, the Almighty Boob/Milk... :) You are being a great mum.

Well, we're all back and unpacked from our little trip to the seaside :( So depressing! But we all had a lovely few days and I also got to meet a certain Puddlejumper (who is fab, by the way!).

Can't wait to head back in a month or two. Love being by the sea. Hope you're all doing okay this evening!

Hi all

Sorry I've not been around so much recently. I've been posting on a different thread under a different name as I'm having a few problems with (D)H. However, I'm back here as I missed you all too much

Mampig having hit a 40ft lorry in September last year, I'd actually say that DS has hit me a hell of a lot harder than that

DS was one a week ago - was a bit of a non event (as 1yr birthdays normally are!) but DS1 really enjoyed opening all the presents for his brother! However, ds's sleep is shocking at the moment.

Our day works like this generally:

6am - up, milk
8ish - porridge
9/10 - nap for 2/2.5 hours (if I didn't have this I reckon I'd go nuts!)
12ish - lunch
Potter til 3 in time for school run, possibly nap for 15 mins in pram
Potter getting increasingly grumpy
4.30 - tea
6ish milk
6.30-7 - bedtime

He generally sleeps really well til either we go to bed at 10/11, or sleeps through til 1ish when he'll refuse to sleep in his cot. He'll come in with us but then whinge getting louder and worse until 4am when it ramps up to unbearable levels. So when I say I get up at 6, it's normally that I've given up at that point.

He's getting on ok with his clinifast eczema clothing and hydromol and I'm trying to be religious about giving him his new antihistamine. But it's so hard and I'm so tired. On Saturday night, I fell asleep on the sofa with ds1. DD1 ended up putting him to bed and the next thing I knew she was bringing me ds2 as he was awake and shouting . I was out for the count!

I feel like every day is wading through treacle. Everything is an effort and I'm just tired of it all. I love ds to bits - he's such a cheeky monkey, and so lovable and loving (tickle - your description could be my boy word for word) but I'm so tired. I'm thinking of getting another cot and putting it in the office so on the nights when I don't teach I can put him in there. I've noticed since DH's been here a bit more (10 ish days now) he's been sleeping a LOT worse. Maybe we're disturbing him? Seems like the least complicated way of getting him in his own room without disrupting the others too much.

I'm sorry this is so me me me (and so long) . I've obviously stayed away too long if I have this much news!

Button , [choccie] and [squishy hugs] for you. I hope you are okay lady. Sorry things aren't great with your husband - if we can do anything (even just hold hand or listen) let us know.

Ok, so which one of you was it? Who needs the ?

Someone appears to have snuck into my house and stolen ds, only to replace him with a baby that slept last night. He went down at 7.45, I had to do the usual dummy run at 1am but... he's still asleep now!

Tragically, I'm very excited yet this is how is was for dcs 1-3, so it's only what I was expecting really.

Thank you both for kind words - I'm not sure how things will work out. He's acknowledged that there's lots of things that need to change but he's willing to go to counselling which is a real start. We'll see.

Joyful thank you - no I haven't got ADs. GP felt depression was more circumstantial than internally driven. And we're working on the circumstantial stuff so hopefully things will change.

So now I'm going to sit and drink my tea and drum my fingers. I've been whinging about wanting more sleep but now that he's sleeping I'm wanting to cuddle him cos I miss him... Perhaps having a HN baby turns you into a HN parent!?

Hello everyone, mind if I join you? I think my 9wk old DD is shaping up to be high needs - maybe you could clear this up for me.

DD refuses to be put down anywhere on her own for more than a couple of minutes before shouting (about once a week, we might get 15 minutes in the travel cot first thing in the morning). She'll only settle on my breast (am EBF) or on DP's shoulder, and will wake up instantly if she's picked up to move her. We're co-sleeping as it's the only way to settle her (DP built a bed nest for her). I can sometimes get up and sit next to her while she's sleeping, but have to keep sushing & patting her to reassure that I'm still there.

DP's getting quite ticked off with this now as neither of his previous 2 DCs were like this. DD spent the first week of her life in SCBU due to a worry over her oxygen levels at birth. He just picked her up because I asked him to hold her while I went to the toilet (she was sleeping at my breast on the sofa as usual), and put her in the travel cot because "she's got to get used to it or she'll still be attached to you when she's 13", and she was crying by the time I came out of the bathroom. He also had a go saying she was too hot next to me (really hot outside, but I've got a blanket on my legs on the sofa as I'm feeling chilly in the shade of the living room while wearing cropped trousers & a vest top). He's gone straight out to take DSS2 to the park leaving me with a crying DD (far too hot to take DD out - only going out early in the morning), so I've pulled her out of the cot after 5 minutes to feed & settle her on the sofa next to me again.

Really don't know what to do. Do I leave her to cry it out in the hope she'll settle herself (her record for crying is 45 minutes in the travel cot before I caved), or just follow my instinct that keeping her happy next to me is better for her?

Welcome Enfyshedd :)

I'm only a lowly mother of one, but I think there are several important things to remember: All babies are different. You cannot spoil your DD by holding and comforting her. You are not doing anything wrong by trusting your instincts and keeping her close.

She is faaaaaaar too young to be expected to 'learn' by being put in a travel cot and left to her own devices. Please don't let her cry it out.

It can be very hard, and very frustrating, I know. Completely with you on that one. But I learned to just go with it and it just became easier. I lowered my expectations and accepted DS for who he is and what he needs at this moment. This too shall pass. She's teeny at the moment and needs you.

She won't still be attached to you when she's 13. I'm 100 per cent sure of that! Try to enjoy this phase, I keep telling myself. You'll miss those cuddles and long feeds when there are more interesting things in the world than mummy :) I still BF my one-year-old so still get brief snuggles in the day, but apart from that he's too inquisitive to sit and cuddle!

Hi tickleme63, thanks for the fast response. I think the same re. not being able to spoil her - I think I'm still getting over the week after she was born when she was in SCBU, not in a PND sense, but trying to make up for lost bonding time.

One of DP's biggest bugbears is that she's developed an amazing ability to become fractious at tea time, especially when he's tried to cook something extra special for both of us - he'll pick her up so I can eat, but then grumps that his food's gone cold. (Argh!)

This is my first DC & DP has custody of his 2 DSs (13 & 6). DP also has PTSD & anxiety after being attacked & nearly killed 3 1/2 years ago before we got together, so his temper/tolerance level's a bit shorter than it should be. So I'm dealing with a possible HN baby and a definite HN DP (I know - brill combo).

DD cosleeps well at night - waking about 2-3 times for a feed. It's the daytimes which are driving DP and me nuts. We've sort of developed a pattern of sleeping & naptimes, and it's usually when she's woken up and won't be resettled during one of her usual naptime that she becomes fidigty & shouty.

Have spoken to my DM this afternoon re. the latest round of "she needs to sleep without you being there" - she thinks the travel cot might be scaring her a bit as she can't see through the double wall of mesh (bassinet level for little baby), so we should bring down the swing crib I've been lent and put that in the living room so she can see us out the sides and see if that helps. Alternatively, to try moving her with the sofa cushion she sleeps on into the travel cot as she's comfy on it (it's a big cushion & she fits on it while she's in her scrunched up sleeping position)???

Will reply a bit better after work, but here's a link related to late afternoon/evening fussiness - totally normal :)

Kellymom

If you've not seen it before, Kellymom is a great site for BF mummies. Definately worth bookmarking!

Hi JoyfulPuddleJumper - thanks for the congrats.

I have a sling, but due to awful wet weather and now far too hot weather, it hasn't been used much (only twice to go out, and one of them was only to the corner shop). I've used it a few times in the house when she's been really fractious, and it has helped (although the last time, she still screamed in my face for 20 minutes before calming down).

DP's main thing is that (apparently) neither of his DSs were as clingy as DD is. All be it, he was working out of the house then (now self employed & works from home), and his ex is a complete tool (far too many examples to go into) so maybe she did leave the boys to CIO when he was at work so they stopped trying for the attention. Thing that gets me is that he's very anti-Gina Ford after it nearly drove his DSis to a breakdown and caused a whole heap of probs with her DD, but me trying to accomodate all of DD's needs isn't good either...?

Another one here who says just hold your baby :) If it makes you both happy then what's wrong with it? Your instincts are there for a reason.

Slings are ace - and your baby will find it easier to self regulate her own temperature down if next to you in a sling = although stretchies are ridiculously hot....