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please please help me

146 replies

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 13:37

here

I have an ongoing thread in breast and bottle feeding topic.

To summarise:
ds2 is 11 months. breastfed
never slept
wakes at least 3 times a night. usually more

tried everything possible that i can think of/have read
including:
elizabeth pantley
tracy hogg
shortening night feeds by a minute a night....cant get down past 5 minutes
classical music (yes i am desperate)
more blankets
less blankets
selective ignoring
shushing and patting
co-sleeping

you get the jist
not done CC as I really dont feel emotionally able
it is making me ill - off work sick with this as a contributing factor
help

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
rummum · 31/01/2006 14:17

is it any different if DH attends to him instead of you...

nutcracker · 31/01/2006 14:17

If it were me, i would definatly give up the night feeds, because if not, then he has a reason to wake iykwim.

Then i think i would have to try a bit of CC. I know it sounds awful but it can work (only worked sporadically with dd2, but like a dream with dd1).

flashingnose · 31/01/2006 14:17

The most important thing to remember is, when he goes to sleep for the first time he does it completely by himself - no feed, no dummy, nothing - so he can do it, he just doesn't have to when he wakes up later on.

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:17

I know that CC is the only thing left
I have to ask myself whether I can.
For a variety of reasons, I can't rely on DH's help at the moment (mostly through no fault of his own)
so I am on my own

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nutcracker · 31/01/2006 14:17

Only thing is, as you are in the same room CC might be a prob in the night as you are there.

flashingnose · 31/01/2006 14:19

Move DH onto the sofa. You sleep on the floor in DS1's room. Go for it.

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:19

That is thie thing....he can do it on his own. Settles himself for day time naps too.

Oh yes - forgot to add....have offered water in a beaker and bottle and also EBM in beaker and bottle. Refuses it - tried it for about a week.
TBH I am off work with depression (with this as one factor) so I am not in the best frame of mind to take on CC

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Pollyanna · 31/01/2006 14:21

I was in the same situation - I thought that giving up night feeds would help, but instead dd3 took 3 bottles a night! I also tried putting a nightie into her bed (didn't work) and everything else that you have tried

If you bf him everytime he wakes up, as soon as he wakes up, would that be bearable?

FrayedKnot · 31/01/2006 14:21

Popsycal don't despair I reckon he is getting to the age where they can start to understand certain things iyswim.

DS was like this although I BF him back to sleep at each waking (by 11 months usually twice, sometimes once if lucky), without much question until 13 months, when I went cold turkey.

Agree with deciding on approach & sticking to it (I had several failed attempts when couldn;t handle it so know where you're coming from).

You have to be ready & feel he is too.

Things which worked for us:

Putting down for daytime nap at same time each day without a feed beforehand helped him understand about going to sleep in cot on his own & seemed to dramatically improve night waking.

Stuck to a strict routine for a fortnight (gave up as many social arrangements etc as possible for the duration) - meals, feeds (one before bed), naps (one, after lunch, for 1hr 30) at same time, etc. was draconian in following it.

Dropped feeds down to one before bed as mentioned, possibly thus avoiding his need to wake for any nutritional reason (?).

After a couple of weeks he was only waking once at 5.30am, so did a very small amount of cc (he was whingey crying, I ignored for up to 10 mins), after 5 days he stopped waking at all.

Since then has only had one unsettled spell when on holiday and he was ill.

If he does wake or seem unsettled I now do the shhing patting thing which seems to suit him better than picking up, in fact often this makes him worse.

Pollyanna · 31/01/2006 14:22

(what I mean is - would it be completely unbearable just to go with the flow for the time being and feed him whenever he wakes?).

nutcracker · 31/01/2006 14:22

It's a vicous circle though Popsy because until you get his sleep sorted, then you won't feel better (feel like i am stating the obvious, sorry).

I felt like complete and utter shite. I dreaded bedtime, dreaded waking up cos I knew she'd be grumpy due to lack of sleep etc, and I was a zombie.

Try the CC for a week, if it doesn't work then we'll help you try something else.

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:23

i just want to feel better

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nutcracker · 31/01/2006 14:24

Has your H.v offered any suggestions ?? Mine was useless as was the g.p (offered me vitamins and dd a psych).

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:26

suggested what i had tried already
and co sleeping - which makes ds2 100 times worse

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rummum · 31/01/2006 14:26

I agree with nutcracker until you/we get the night time sleep sorted you won't feel any better..
what do you think about the CC for 1 week.. then we'll work out plan B

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:26

dont know if i can manage it for one night

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flashingnose · 31/01/2006 14:26

Agree about the viscious (sp?) circle - is there really no way DH can do the CC? Can you and DS1 go and stay somewhere for 2 or 3 nights over a weekend?

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:27

dh's nan is about to die any day
no one can have ds1 this weekend

am on my own

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rummum · 31/01/2006 14:28

just remember this phase isn't forever... they do grow out of it..
I know sometimes it hard to see light at the end of the tunnel....

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:28

i know
just hard to get perspective sometimes

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popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:36

ok
so say i was thinking of giving it a go.....

feed and bed....

then wakes up at 8:30.....what do i do.....

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rummum · 31/01/2006 14:44

Well at 8:30 I wouldn't expect him to be hungry.. so how about shushing him for a while, patting his back?

dream feed at about 10:00 if he never settles back down on his own after a dream feed I would suggest giving him a dream feed in his sleep?? would he do this? so that he doesn't actually wake up fully.

then if he wakes up later don't feed...

this will be hard for both of you but if your consistant he will get the message..

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:46

i never feed before 10pm
but will get him out of the cot and shush him if he wont resettle with patting etc

he often falls asleep during dream feed but usually goes back into cot in drowsy state and goes back off himself

ok so when he wakes after that, what do I do?

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Bozza · 31/01/2006 14:50

Personally i wouldn't give an 11 month old a dream feed. I think you have to decide when you feel strong enough and knock the night feeding on the head. Difficult because it would be better if DH was involved.

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 14:52

that is what i think too - in ds2;s mind he wont understand why he gets one feed but not the rest.....

argh
do i go for this or not

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