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Original poster

please please help me

146 replies

popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 13:37

here

I have an ongoing thread in breast and bottle feeding topic.

To summarise:
ds2 is 11 months. breastfed
never slept
wakes at least 3 times a night. usually more

tried everything possible that i can think of/have read
including:
elizabeth pantley
tracy hogg
shortening night feeds by a minute a night....cant get down past 5 minutes
classical music (yes i am desperate)
more blankets
less blankets
selective ignoring
shushing and patting
co-sleeping

you get the jist
not done CC as I really dont feel emotionally able
it is making me ill - off work sick with this as a contributing factor
help

OP posts:
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rummum · 31/01/2006 14:53

don't get him out of his cot.. as this will confuse him...

I know how hard this is, as then he will cry and wake up everyone else, he is probably waking up out of habit, and wanting comfort... you...

could you start at the weekend maybe when everyone hasn't got to be up early.. it will get easier when he realises he has nothing to wake up for....

Dinosaur · 31/01/2006 14:54

Popsycal don't get him out of the cot. Stick with shushing and patting. As others have said, be consistent.

I know exactly how hard this is as I nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown with DS3 over it. I do think that you are going to have to brace yourself to listen to a bit of crying - and it is horrible I know. But you've got to save your sanity here. If you go for it, I reckon the worst will be over after three nights.

foxinsocks · 31/01/2006 14:55

popsy, I think if you still believe he needs a late feed (and I had a very very hungry ds who needed that feed for aaaaaaaages!), I would make a time in your mind (say 10.30pm) and then resolve not to get him up till that point, even if he howls. Give him the feed then and put him back to bed. It sounds like he can settle himself very well. I also think it may be time for him to go into his own room - you may well be disturbing him as much as he disturbs you! (apologies if I missed a reason why you can't do that)

Have you taken him for a check up - just to be sure it's not his ears or anything like that?

rummum · 31/01/2006 14:55

If you give him the dream feed you know in your mind though that he can't be hungry..
how about if you wake him for a feed before he wakes..

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 17:46

ok here is what i am going to do
bed as usual.....feed him at 9:30 BEFORE he wakes

then try shushing and patting in cot after that with no feeding....

now I need to find some indutrial stregnth breast pads

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 19:19

right he is in bed...awake....

fed, put in cot with lullaby fimble on and it was as though he sensed something as he wouldnt settle at all

anyway - i have walked out and he whinged (bnot cried) for about 30 seconds then was quiet
havent been in yet...

if he wakes before 9:30, quick shush and pat then leave. going to do my version of CC which involves not leaving for more than 2 mins then 3 minsetc

I know it isnt standard but it is my compromise doing something I really dont want to do but feel I have no alternative anymore

OP posts:
rummum · 31/01/2006 19:19

Do you think that 9:30 is a bit early?..

(but then I did suggest wake him before he wakes)

can you get to him before he stirs?? and he wakes up fully??

good luck...

We expect a full report in the morning...

rummum · 31/01/2006 19:21

Good for you

how is he now...

3 minutes later

freshstart · 31/01/2006 19:27

popsy, what did i tell you tinker?

wish i could come over and help you sort this, the worst thing about cc is the "am i doing the right thing" and the wretchedness of the cry.

It is much easier if you have someone there for reassurance and distraction.

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 19:40

ok
just had 20 minutes of screaming

OP posts:
freshstart · 31/01/2006 19:40

are you ok ?

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 19:41

went in every 2 minutes twice then every 2.5 mins twice then every three mins after that
he was just looking at me as though i wearing totally destroying him
anyway
he is asleep and I have a beer and a nose bleed

that was the easy part

OP posts:
Hayls · 31/01/2006 19:50

Hat eto say it but we were in exactly this position- age, bf, waking and previous attempts etc. Sorry if you don't want to hear this but cc was the only thing that woorked, probablly because we were so desperate byt that stage that we had to do it. I admit it wasn't pleasant the first night- she woke a few times and cried for a bit (and every time we thought she'd gone back to sleep she'd cry again or I'd 'creep' in to see if she was and it would restart...) but after the first night we had NO problems whatsoever- honestly. When she woke the next mornignwe thought she''d be upset with us but she was fine- really happy

Best advice we had was to continue putting her to sleep as usual but only doing cc during the night and by day 3 she was going to sleep herself as well as sleeping through.
Dd is now 2 and has slept consistently well since 11 1/2 months- 7-7 every night (touch wood). We occasionally hear her cry for a couple of mins during the night but she soon settles herself.

Good luck with everything

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 19:56

Feel the same - no other alternative now.

How long did you breast feed for Hayls? One thing I must admit I am worried about is that he wil stop feeding.....do't know why he would - slightly irrational.

How can two DSs so blinking different!

Ok - next question.
Do I or do I not give him a dream feed? My gut reaction is DO as he feeds so much in the night normally - probably adds up to a full feed (7oz) - that he has less in the day as a result.

So if I feed, how and when?

OP posts:
freshstart · 31/01/2006 20:01

i would be tempted to think no dont feed as what you want him to do is take up that extra feed in daytime hours. He wont ever do that if he is having it overnight.

If that will be too much of a culture shock maybe give him one and gradually wean him off that feed over the next few days.

I always think if your having to hear them cry you may as well solve as many associations in one fell swoop than keep having to go back to it iyswim

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 20:07

he isnt with me tomorrow - at childminders.

If I feed him, I dont want him to wake for it iyswim. Am also worried he will be starving tomorrow but I wont be there to give him extra feed......

I know what you mean, freshstart, as that is exactly what I want to achieve and I have reservations abotu doing the feed as to him, if he can feed then, why cant he feed during the rest of the night.

Hmmm
COnsensus?

OP posts:
busywizzy · 31/01/2006 20:43

Popsy, what have you decided to do about the dream feed. I/DS knocked out one feed at a time, but then I didn't have anywhere near the problems you're having.

I've got fingers and everything else crossed for you. It will be terribly hard but if his sleep improves even so that he's waking/feeding only once or twice in the night - that's got to be worth it.

Thinking of you

busywizzy · 31/01/2006 20:47

When I was cutting out feeds, DS seemed to understand quite quickly he wasn't going to get fed at x time and started sleeping through. So he'd sleep through 2am for example but still wake at 5.

My two friends are still BF'ing their DD's (same age as ours) and feed when they wake between 12 and 2, then they sleep until 7/8am. I would feed if I were you so you know he's not hungry when he wakes later. But that's just my opinion.

Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 21:24

he woke earlier when i was in the bath...dh didnt hear him (grr) but he went back to sleep in about 20 seconds....

am going to feed him in abotu 20 minutes before he wakes then put him straight back in cot

am taking the breast pump to bed with me.......

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycalindisguise · 31/01/2006 21:30

i am off to bed.....night
will report nback in morning

OP posts:
rummum · 31/01/2006 21:51

Good luck.....

Aloha · 31/01/2006 21:56

Why not try a sleep expert person who comes in to sort. WE had amazing woman for two nights which proved dd can sleep through from 10pm to 7am with no milk. We did have crying but the sleep lady stayed with her all the time in the room, patting sometimes so she didn't feel abandoned etc, and I can assure you she loved me in the morning, and also loved sleep lady!
I'd say worth the money. Absolutely.

Aloha · 31/01/2006 21:56

Wish I'd had her six months ago, for as long as she'd stay. Feel quite bereft without her tbh.

Aloha · 31/01/2006 21:59

My sleep lady recommended at 10.30pm feed as thought it would be a shock to go from feeding all night to not feeding 7pm to 7am, and this way would know dd not hungry. Then she patted/stayed with dd. She cried (on and off and not hysterically) for hour and a half with gaps between 12.30 and 2am, and then slept until 6.30. Second night, woke and grizzled, patted, went back to sleep, woke and grizzled and went back to sleep alone, and had to be woken at 7am. I will update you on tonight tomorrow!

UCM · 31/01/2006 22:23

Give the child a bottle