What's the best (kindest) way to teach a 6 month old to go to sleep in her cot?

[Fevrier]

I have fed her to sleep so far and am now being paid back by hourly wakings ......

For naps I can rock her and put her in her pram and sometimes she just goes to sleep, so she has sleep associations with naps for her pram....

Bedtime it's a breast feed and then down when asleep but multiple rockings and feedings all night long - and it's getting silly.

Can anyone advise me how I should go about getting her down awake? I am so so so tired that I feel baffled by the whole thing and quite lost.

Ah fantastic news well done u. Yeah she is but the day starts at 6.30 no matter if she goes to bed at 7 or 8.45. Eek!! Would rather be up for an hour at 3 then go thro to 8. Ive never been a morning person!! She goes to sleep in mins now too without a peep. Left the room tonite. I have no doubt u have all that to come. Naps going ok?! Xx

m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=GB#/results?q=tim%20minchin%20lullaby

Continuing to sleep much much better - 2 decent naps (still in the pram but since it works why change?) and a night with two spaced out feeds......

Hopefully will continue like this...

Mjtay - hope yours continue well. Early starts you do get used to! My son used to wake from 12 months and that really is a killer!

At 5am I meant

Arrghhh 5am, that's a joke! :) I need her up and about for when I'm back at work but was hoping for a few more lay ins yet!! Haha.

I think ull prob find that the 12 feed will start to slip later and then eventually miss the second one. So one feed at 2 or 3. That is a lovely balance!

All good here. Asleep in 3 mins tonite! Xxx

You were right (last night anyway)! A 2am feed and a 6am... And she went back to sleep and still asleep at 7:00....

All good and getting better all the time. But going into bed so so sleepy that you could hardly call it self settling!

Don't worry about that!!! That's always the way I think with night feeds. Even if I used to bottle feed her in the night, I had a nightmare getting her wind up cos she would be I'm such a deep sleep. A nappy change would occasionally wake her. Just remember what u set out to accomplish.... No more hourly wakings. Uve cracked it ;) xx

Thanks MJtay! What a support you are. Things still going well for you?

Just tried to get her to nap in her cot but no chance - she didn't know what to do - flapped her arms and legs and got excited. Put her in the pram and she lay still and accepted it. Might leave that one for a bit! Although she'll only get more entrenched in her habits but you can change anything if you want to. It's quite handy that I can put her to nap anywhere at least. I think I will want a one year old who'll nap in a cot tho.

Thank you for this thread Fevrier. I have read about your's and everyone elses journeys with interest over the last 3 days, with lots of interruptions from DD. I finally got to finish tonight by sending DH to do all of the settling. Now I think it is time for me to join in if I may? My story is so similar to everyone elses on this thread, I could put my name to any of the posts and claim as my own.

5 month old DD has been rocked or bf off to sleep up until about 2 weeks ago, when after returning from Australia jet lagged and tired of feeding all through the night I read Nectarina's thread and decided it was time to teach her to self settle.
She is sooo aware of what is going on around her I am worried that we may have missed the boat for when would have been the best time for this

After reading Nectarina's thread I started to try gradual withdrawal, which I do think was working but then she seemed to clock on to what was happening and resist sleep more, so we began patting her off right to sleep in her cot and not bothering with the withdrawal. This was going ok for her naps and bedtime, but not when she wakes in the night. In the last week she has been waking a lot during the night, which I think was down to teething, but is now becoming habit. In the past I have always fed her back to sleep as it it the fastest and easiest way, but this really needs to stop now as she is now demanding the breast, even throwing herself sideways to get down to it and protesting if I take her off when she is only comfort sucking. I have never really left her to cry and the only times I have left her to see if she will resettle herself it has ended with her crying loudly. Since Australia we have been co sleeping with her attached to my boob quite (becoming more) frequently.

SO- and sorry to be so long winded- I think I need to get back on track with the gradual withdrawal when I put her to bed and down for naps to help with the self settling. My issue with this is that she REALLY fights sleep anyway and as I withdraw she starts to work herself up again and I feel like we have to start over. It can take an hour to get her to sleep for 20mins. Does anyone else have this prob?

THEN, I need to get tough on the night waking and for that I think I will have a 'pat in the cot only' rule and only bf at pre determined times i.e. 10ish, 2ish. This is the part that will kill me. I love my sleep. I hate sitting by the cot patting when I could be cosy in my bed with my baby beside me. BUT I cannot go on feeding her all night long. We are getting to the point where it is becoming a nightly event and neither of us are sleeping properly.

So that is the plan, and we are going to start tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

Sorry this post is so long! Think I needed to put it all down to give myself some clarity. Thanks all for giving me strength through knowing I am not the only one and inspiration by seeing things working for you all.

DD will also only take short naps in the day- anywhere from 20 mins to 45 mins.

Her usual daily routine is:

7-7:30 Awake
9-9:30ish Nap
12 ish Nap
3-4ish Nap
6pm Bed

I'd be really grateful for suggestions on how to get her to sleep longer during the day.

Thanks

Ah good luck olivestree! I found the naps improved on their own once nights were better. Have to say she didn't Settle easily tonight soninrocked the cot a lot...... I have found that as long as I feel I am doing something to help then I can let her cry a bit and for me rocking the cot is a good in-between. She doesn't think it's worth waking up for but for a rock in my arms she will wake for...

I am not there yet - still night feeding and naps in pram but it's been worth the effort.

I won't give advice! Glad my posts have helped. Good luck!

Ah fevrier, sorry to hear not such a great night, but massive well done not picking her up! :) I didn't have such a good one either. She was overtired after keeping her up to see daddy after the gym. I got off very lightly with squalking for about 20 mins. Which in hindsight is nothing i know! She then cried at 1! I sat her up to calm her down. It seemed to be a reocurence of her cold :( everytime she was nearly gone, her blocked nose woke her. In the end did calpol and vapour rub and got her back to sleep. Heard a few squalks but looking at the monitor, she was asleep. Awake at 6.30! I'm so tired. Think it's more that I was awake at midnight on my own accord checking on her, and struggled to get back off.

Olivestree, nice to have someone else on board! Glad uve set urself a plan. Always a good start!! Well our day is similar to urs except DD tends to go to bed much later so she gets time with her dad. Normally 7.30/8. So I try to throw another nap in 5ish so she's awake for 5.30. Sometimes she'll only have 2 others in the day tho. I just go by her cues rather than the time, and only yest did she take one of her naps in her cot. I just thought I'd try her and See what happened. I was sat next to her cot playing on my phone.

Sorry posted by accident! She was deadly silent. I looked over tar edge and she was smiling up at me! Anyway I ignored her and 5 mins later she was soundo. So seems she's happy wherever! Which I'm happy with. She very rarely sleeps for more than 30/45 mins. But she doesn't seem tired. I guess that may come with time and it doesn't worry me, so im sorry I can't really help u out there! Yest she woke from her avo nap at 4 hence the overtired at bedtime cos didn't have time to squeeze another one in!!

I guess I started to wean off of breastfeeding olivestree as my DD started to behave like that towards to breast. She was clingy and feeding regularly. Were now down to just feeding morning and night which is lovely cuddly times, and she gets just as excited to see her bottle. Figured it would get harder as she got older, and she still hasn't had colds that I've had (damn the one she's got skipped me!! Arrghhh!!) xxx

Oh and olivestree, I tried the whole cc thing and it got to the point when she cried when I just took her in her room. She knew what was coming. It was horrible her associating her room like that. So I broke the cycle completely and rocked her to sleep downstairs, then put her to bed. It's Like we wiped the slate clean for a fresh start. Worked a treat xxx

SO SORRY FOR ANOTHER MAMMOTH POST; MUST PRACTISE WRITING SUCCINCTLY!!!

Morning. [very loud yawn]. Writing my post steeled me up to get tough last night. Fed DD at 10:30 she slept til 11:30 then woke. I left her for about 3 mins to see if she would settle herself. She didn't. Cried loudly. Tried to settle her in her cot, but needed to cuddle her to calm her down first. I don't mind this at this stage, she is still so little, don't want to be too militant. Then used my gradual withdrawal routine of fast, firm pat; soft pat; hand on chest; shh shh without touching; leave room. She woke again after 5 mins. Repeat the above. Woke again after 10 mins. Repeat again. This time however, she sounded cross and did her shouty cry for a long time. Every time a was about to leave she started again. Began to worry that her teeth were bothering her so gave her Calpol and teething gel. She hates both so I gave her a big cuddle after to calm her down. I put her down to settle her in bed but she had already fallen asleep (sloppily) on my shoulder. Was disappointed not to have settled her in bed but she was sleeping soundly now, and it was after 1am by this point- a loong stretch for us. Took my dribbly shoulder back to bed, proud that I hadn't given in and fed her. Also, mainly settling her in her cot meant no boob diving from DD.
Woke at 2:15 so I fed her- thought this was a reasonable time for this.
Woke at 5:15 and I brought her into bed with me and fed her and we both slept until 7. Thought this was an acceptable compromise and was too tired to care as it was nearly morning.

Went to make my morning tea and remembered kettle blew up last night.

So the plan for today is to use my gradual withdrawal method for all naps- no patting her right off to sleep.
Question- what do you do if she is just playing in bed and looking about like she will never sleep? It is the patting that makes her drop off most of the time for me.
Then tonight we will continue as last night with patting in cot and only one bf. This time will try not to bring her in at 5. May be more difficult tonight though as I am tired today. It is DH birthday too, so may also have a wine [big Cheshire cat type yawn].
Fevrier think I will take your advice and just see what comes with the naps. Also, what are you using for white noise? I have a butterfly with a heartbeat, but dont think it is loud enough. And Mjtay DD never seems tired with her short sleeps (usually 45 but sometimes as short as 20 mins) either, I should prob just stop worrying about it and let her get on with it. I really want to avoid CC if possible. It would break my heart to leave her to cry. I agree with Fevrier that it somehow seems ok if you are sitting with them at least. DD really is such a lovely happy little being and really only gets upset when I am trying to get her to sleep- she doesn't seem to want to miss a thing, so I don't want to be harsher than needed.

Oh you know (I shouldn't give advice) but if you are weaning off feeding to sleep then I think patting is okay.... Do anything that works except not the boob. You can do the just sitting there later. Take baby steps. It really worked for me. And then if you need to go backwards you can.

Now I never ever feed to sleep but I do rock the pram and I rock the cot and she does not wake so often. It was the arms and the boobs that made her wake a lot.

Good luck.....

I use White noise on my iPod bought on YouTube and very loud for settling which I turn down once asleep but keep it on all night to mask the boiler switching on and off.....

I meant iTunes.... Tired still!

Olivestree... That was a good compromise. Well done u. There will be blips but it will get better and better.
Regarding putting her down alert and happy, I almost think this is the best way as I find DD less likely to make a fuss. And her nap yest was wide awake smiling, playing with her dummy. 5 mins later... Soundo. So I would just sit there when Shes like that(catch up on mumsnet) and just intervene if she starts getting upset. That's how I started and now on pretty much just putting her down. She will learn her cot isn't s horrible place to be if nothing else! I do also agree with fevrier that replacing feeding to sleep is very difficult so replace it with what u can to make ur life easier, with as little contact as u can muster.

And fevrier, u are in a position to give advise. Uve been exactly there, and so wonderful that uve figured our what works for u!

Oh and olivestree, agree about not being harsh. Read on here a few times that sleep training shouldn't be done before 6 months, so do what u can, but in honesty, if my DD really cried, I'd cuddle her! She screamed the other night full pelt as I was getting into bed. I just ran in and picked her up, cos it's not like her. Think it was a bad dream, cos I think she was pretty much still asleep!

Put my DD in her cot when she was happy and playing. Started writing this and she is now asleep xxx

MJtay - that's amazing. Well done you! Thing is I never really cracked naps with my first and I seem to be going down the same route with my second. But the dummy is helpful as it's something to soothe them. I wish I could put my dd down alert and she'd go off peacefully but no chance. Rock the pram with all stimulation blocked out and White noise playing.... However, she sleeps and that's most important at the moment. Going to rethink it in a while when she's less overstimulated by lifel

Fevrier I agree with Mjtay- please advise away. You were my inspiration for getting started with this whole malarkey, so any advice you have for me would be more than welcome. Am going to download some white noise as soon as my husband gets home and tells me what my password is.

My issue has never really been getting her off to sleep without feeding, it was first a case of putting an end to the long rocking routine to make her drop off, which we have achieved by patting in her cot. But this at times can take FOREVER, as she fights sleep so I want this to become quicker and really want to help her learn to self soothe.The BF thing was more a case of me being lazy at night and putting her on to send her off quickly, but it isn't too much of a prob for her and certainly not in the daytime.

Mtjay, I have read that too, but she seems so aware of what is going on, I think if I wait much longer I will have a bigger prob on my hands. So I have taken your advice, am sitting by her cot while waiting for her to fall asleep. Put her in happy, she chatted then began to cry. I patted her to near sleep then she woke right up again and cried loudly. More patting. She calmed down and is now quietly playing with her cuddly elephant. No sign of sleep and we have been here for 42 mins....

Well she got v worked up again so had to do some firm patting to get her to finally drop off. Typing with one hand resting on her tummy. At the moment I can't see how we will ever get to the point that you have reached Mtjay, which is my goal. That and sleeping through with only one night waking. Been asleep 4 mins. Would usually be starting bath routine by now. Sigh.

Oh well she is usually gagging for bed by 6. Tonight I will see if getting her into bed later stops the evening wakings.

Another Question- sorry. Sometimes in the evenings, usually around 9pm, DD will wake up crying really loudly and instead of her usual 'needing to be settled' cry it is like she is angry about something. When I pick her up she will pull her body back and look at me while she cries and she writhes about a bit. I can't really console her when she is like this. Then after a few mins it stops as quick as it started, she sighs and falls back to sleep. It isn't anything as bad as a night terror and she is definitely awake. Anyone experienced this?

Before I started all this my dd used to do that. She doesn't cry in the morning when she wakes, or even at night when she wanted feeding, but in the eve, an hour or so after being put down, all hell would let loose! Still to this day couldnt tell u why. Often wondered if it was she could hear us/tele downstairs, and she was all alone!? But now I see her on the monitor, she opens her eyes and 99% of the time takes herself back to sleep. If she does this a few times, I pick her up asleep, and she normally burps.

With naps, I think as long as they're getting something, then let's not stress about it. Getting them to self settle at night is a knock on effect I think xxx

Well I had a nightmare bedtime - such a tired baby that fell into a doze on me but I didn't have much milk and when I put her down she rolled around and woke herself up..... And an hour and a half later I gave her a bottle of formula to knock her out. So the self settling is only half there.... And my supply isn't grt. But most of all, now she is on only 2 naps AND crawling she is totally whacked by bedtime and inevitably falls asleep on the breast.... O dear.

Must try and feed with the light on.......... Must dare to!

It's all messy but thats life I think.