What's the best (kindest) way to teach a 6 month old to go to sleep in her cot?

[Fevrier]

I have fed her to sleep so far and am now being paid back by hourly wakings ......

For naps I can rock her and put her in her pram and sometimes she just goes to sleep, so she has sleep associations with naps for her pram....

Bedtime it's a breast feed and then down when asleep but multiple rockings and feedings all night long - and it's getting silly.

Can anyone advise me how I should go about getting her down awake? I am so so so tired that I feel baffled by the whole thing and quite lost.

Update fwiw... Last night the little bugger charmer woke at 10, then 12.50, then 3 and was wiiiiiide awake until 4, but happy (of course!) playing with his feet and burbling, and then slept til 6.50. Fed each time as was so tired and also prob helped him back to sleep more than I meant; albeit in the cot, as was in that horrid zone of not thinking straight.

Today he was ever so cheerful. Went to bed after feed at 6.30pm, I thought a little awake but just closed eyes and drifted off, but woke at 8.40: I tried leaving him for 10 mins to see if he'd settle but by minute 3 he'd properly got going screaming so tried settling in the cot for FORTY minutes while he sobbed and screamed and seemed hungry, so after giving water, calpol and teething gel I fed him - when I picked him up he was fighting to get at my boob which makes me think he was hungry... He went to sleep after a medium feed, no problem.

Was he hungry? I have no flipping idea but haven't the inclination or stamina to sit through that length palaver to make him learn to sleep longer. But as Reckless says I an beginning to feel tied and cross and want to be able to leave him for a night out in a month without anxiety.

No cry has not worked here but has for others I know .

that's great news Truth hope it keeps up!

fevier sometimes its two steps forward one step back so cot rocking might work later tonight or tomorrow. Fingers crossed for you.

doing well tonight, asleep by 7.10pm (with dummy) on his own as I had to shave my legs for pilates at 8pm so had to just leave him cos was running out of time! No waking yet but can see him on the video monitor moving around but at least he's not waking fully. Hoping tonight is the night!

missed your post seratonin totally agree its very hard to have the energy to 'do it right' in the middle of the night. I'm trying to put him down awake at initial bedtime and for naps, I think putting him down awake in the middle of the night is too hard because he would usually fall asleep straight after feeding at night and I'm not going to wake him! but at bedtime and nap time I try to feed about half an hour before so there's no chance of him falling asleep so he has to go down awake IYSWIM. I think you have to do what gives you the most sleep and for me thats using a dummy at the moment and in a few weeks I'll wean him off that. I'm just relieved he'll take a dummy tbh because he wouldn't a few months ago and it frees me up a bit because anyone can give him a dummy so I'm a bit freer to come and go in the evenings hope tonight is an improvement on last night. FWIW I think you showed great resolve spending 40 mins trying to settle him I'd have just brought him into bed and fed him so well done you!

Atruth, that's great! Seratonin, o no poor poor you!

Dd did sleep til 11 but then woke 2 hourly and tho I only fed 3 hourly she wouldn't go back o sleep without a cuddle. Going to have to take a tougher approach at bedtime. Can't decide if sitting there will make her cry longer to be picked up or if I should go in and out?????

fevrier maybe try going in and out so at least she gets used to you not being there and you can gradually increase the amount of time you spend 'out'!

Had a great first half of the night, DS slept with no intervention from 7.10pm-3am However when he woke at 3am for a massive feed he was very cheerful and chatty so took til 3.45am to fall back asleep, I just put him back in his cot with his music and dummy and he chatted to himself for about 10mins and fell asleep. Then he woke at 5am and we brought him into our bed and he dozed on and off til 7am. So good and bad-I didn't go to bed til after midnight so was still woken after 2 hours but I feel better knowing he did a good stretch at the beginning and I can go to bed earlier and 'cash in' on sleep then! (If he ever decides to repeat last nights performance that is!)

Things I've learned about DS

1. He HATES his grobag, too restricting, he likes to move and put his feet in the air.
2. He prefers being on his side with his face either facing the mattress or against his teddy, he also loves being on his front. I don't put him on his front but if rolls into that position I leave him there.
3. He likes loads of blankets. I think he was a bit cold for awhile, I was following guidelines and putting only a few blankets on him.
4. I change his bedtime according to his last nap. He stays awake for 2.5hrs at a time so 1.45/2 hrs after his last nap of the day we start getting ready for bed. This means we can go up to bed any time between 6pm and 7.30pm. I think I was a bit obsessed with a 'bed at 7pm' routine but that doesn't really makes sense because he wakes at different times every morning and so his naps are different times therefore bedtime can be different too! grrr to Gina Ford et al putting me under pressure to have a set bedtime !

Reckless, sounds like you are making goodvprogress and understanding your baby well.

Think you aree right, in and out it is then. I feel like crying all the time today so it really is time to make a change. Afraid I can't sit with her anyway as I have my son to think of and he will still be up and waiting for me. So tonight I will make sure she is tired enough and feed her and wind her and put her down and go out and back and out and back ad infinitum while she cries / screams etc.... No cot rocking (almost a good thing that she has stopped enjoying that anyway).

My DH thinks I am mad to mind about it all and think about it so much. He thinks she just needs to learn to go to sleep in her cot in the dark without me and my assistance and that she won't like it but since that is the way we are choosing to live then she must. In my heart of hearts Id love to cosleeping and comfort her (as I was slept with and comforted - in parents bed for years and years - probably what makes me struggle with it so much). But cosleeping didn't lead to much rest for me!

I am going to try and bite the bullet. The nights I will feed and rock as necessary for a few days til I have cracked bedtime. Oh dear oh dear

A nicer and less guilt inducing way of doing controlled crying is the 'pick up put down' method, where you hold the baby without eye contact for just a minute or two then put them down, tuck in and calmly say 'sleepytime' or something like that. Keep on repeating and repeating this until it finally works. What happens is the baby starts to self settle and the loud cry turns into a kind of repetitive 'mantra' cry which means that settling is happening. There's a lot more detail on this in a very good book called the Baby Whisperer. I am on my first week of doing this with a 6 month old. the second night was really bad, she cried for nearly 2 hours but I kept consistent and told myself 'she is crying out of frustration because she cant sleep, not because I have abandoned her.' the picking up means that the baby does not feel abandoned. she woke up in the morning with a smile for me and I felt a lot better! the second night she managed to wake up and self settle 3 times, and last night she woke up once and I had to do the method for 30 mins only. It seems to be working, and ive noticed that her naptimes are improving too. the Baby Whisperer really has a lot of great advice about sleep and how a lot of problems are made worse by rocking, feeding etc. I wish id read it earlier, 4 months seems to be a time when a lot of bad habits begin. Good luck!

Hello, I have been reading with interest as I really need to help my (almost) 4 month old be able to sleep anywhere but on me. Doyle Judith, please could you tell me more about pick up put down? Do you pick up she- they cry and put down when they stop? I have been putting him in his cot for am nap for a week and it is not going well. I go. In and shy pat when he cries for a minute, go out repeat. Results so far are that he gets more and more upset until I pick him up and. hes less settled and crying more for the rest of the day. We are co sleeping at the mo but I really want to move away from that. (sorry for typos, can't see screen v well on my phone).

So she did yell for about ten minutes but I made sure she was really tired and fed and burped and ready to sleep and so I didn't feel too bad about it and I kept checking on her every 2 minutes to check she had her rabbits in her hands - White noise in v loud. All quite okay really.... Hope she learns quickly to yell a bit less and go to sleep quickly! And maybe it'll help the nights eventually?

My fat chubber is too heavy and my back too rubbish to do PUPD! But to really guarantee myself a hellish night I'll just mention that he went down awake in the cot at 6.45 playing with a dummy but not actually sucking on it - he suddenly just flumped and was sound asleep! (He always refused a dummy but randomly tried at nap today and he sucked and drifted off in seconds... Then used the Pantley Pull-off to get him to let go and took it out. He slept for 2 hrs!!)

He stayed asleep until I lifted him for dream feed at 10.20; he woke up a bit but I plopped him in cot and turned off the light and he just grunted and snuffled for a few mins and has gone again. Magic. So I'll be up all night again and he'll want another 2am party for an hour, I bet. Hope you all fare ok.

Hi ladie! Can I join u pls!! After reading alot of 'this worked for us' (thank u nectarina) and the last 24 hours reading this (on and off!! I'm not that special hehe!!) I have been inspired to give this a go!! I'm not gonna plead poverty, as my DD isn't a terrible sleeper atall. She was waking for one night feed for sometime. My problem with her is her wind. She would fall asleep on the breast (pretty difficult to avoid at 3am I feel personally. I'm combo feeding to btw) and then I'd be up with a distressed (in and out of sleep) In pain baby!! DD is similar age to ur LOs at 24 weeks. My reason for wanting to try this was that I have to rock her off most of the time, naps inclusive!

Anyways last few days her timing has been different waking 2/3 times a night. But the good news Is 3 nights ago a went to (out of habit) bf at an extra early time for her at 1am, and she had fallen asleep before I even let down. And the night before there had Been no rooting. So I had been feeding out of habit. She then woke later that night, 4am I believe and I just rocked her back to sleep!! So the last 2 nights I haven't fed her when she wakes (hooray!!) and just rocked her off. Her 1am waking She's happy with that, her 4am is party time also seraton. DD has had a cold evolve so for the mo I'm putting her random wakings down to this!

I was going to wait till she was better before I tried this (and maybe I secretly like rocking her to sleep) but u have all inspired me with ur success stories!! I thought there was no harm in trying I could always get her out and rock her!! About 4 weeks ago I decided to try make her self settle, and she did, with only a bit of tired whinging, for about a week. Then the fighting began!! Like she knew it was bedtime and didn't want to go. Would leave her in her room whinging till she properly cried, in which I would just console her (or pick her up if I thought it could be wind. But an hour later she would get so worked up I would rock her off anyway. She would scream full pelt if I left the room tho!! So this method sounded like it would suit us.

Tonight I ,... Put DD in her cot awake, content but being overtired really!! (after daddy being to the gym but wanting to see her! She coed away playing with her feet, taking dummy in and out (her new found skill!!) and eventually fell asleep 45 mins later! I was stroking her and singing, but don't think she really needed that. Few stirrings thro the eve, but no full on wakings (normally a scream an hour later and rock off, recently with daddy when accepted!) so she justceoken me at 3 am. Not crying, just being playfully noisy. I just put the camera on to check on her, as had no intentions to go in till she cried, to find she had got hold of the camera. Eek!!!! So I'm now in her room (and camera elevated!) I haven't spoken to her, touched only if her party took her horizontal to ger cot, and half hour later... Thumb in her mouth to sleep!! (I try to give her dummy instead, but it doesn't compare to her thumb, so I guess at some point that'll be the next thing to go! DD does sound really congested, and I wish now I had given her calpol, cos she is stirring a bit. Just given her saline drops so fingers crossed. Hope ur all having restful nights!!!

Sorry for my long post!! X

Ok so were up again!! Bless her So snotty!! Given her calpol! She point blank won't let me put the snot sucker up her nose, so I've just tried sucking it our but No go. Any ideas?! Xxx

DD Is back to sleep. Put her on her side, seems much better. Fingers crossed. Been up and hour and a half, but much better then wind battles!! X

Yes I think wind is still a prob with my dd - she fed 3 hourly last night but did some extra wake ups after those feeds with wind.... Oh well. 3 hourly better than 2 hourly better than 1 hourly.... Def not habit I can say as she has been waking oftener!

So I am sticking to the crying at bedtime and being soft for the rest of the 24 hours. That's my plan.

Fevrier.... Don't let go how of how far u have come! Ur 150% better off!! And in a VERY short space of time. I
Sure this is prob what ur doing anyway but... Am I right on thinkingthat ur LO feeds for comfort more than anything?! What if I tried replacing that with a different method... Maybe rocking off when they wakes rather then getting them to self settle at this point. so ur not up so long but still dropping that association?! My LO stayed asleep till 8.15 in the end xx

Thank you MJtay, you are right - am far better off that I was and i am grateful for that. Dont feel too bad today!

And that's an interesting plan - stop the feeding but replace with rocking and see if I can get her not to feed? Might try that in 3 days when the going to sleep thing is consolidated. My ds used to wake up to be rocked though!

It's just a thought. If she figures out she wont be fee when she wakes, she may start to sleep longer, not to mention take a better feed when she does. And u can address the self settling a bit later. I'm currently sitting next to DD cot. It's really hard to be strict with her naps, cos I'm rarely home for her to take them in her cot. Was doing hair today, and she (eventually) took herself to sleep in her bouncer. And again in her car seat before we even got in the car!! So good so far xx

She hardly cried tonight - fed til almost asleep, burped, kissed cuddled rocked, put in cot. She reached out for her rabbit. Let out a few cries but when I switched the white noise on went almost straight to sleep. Magic..... I do wonder if the white noise is a bit worrying but she has always loved it...

Anyway, bedtime seems good so fingers crossed that will continue.

Hope others are getting on well.

MJtay, I do naps on the go too because I have a 3 year old - life must go on!

Strawberry Mojito, I say stick it out now, I have been trying half-heartedly to get baby out of bed with me since he was 3 months old, 3 months later and he wakes more and more often, and now he is more mobile he can chase me across the bed if I remove the boob. He also now needs a very dark room as he is fascinated by everything. More than anything he now is more entrenched in his habits. I have the cot next to the bed with the side off sidecar style, but screams if I put him in it, even if I am lying right next to him.

Thanks Fevrier. Always feel a bit bad that my DD had never taken naps in her cot. I have friends who are so strict on this, their whole day evolves around being at home to take a nap, in their cot dead on 2 o clock!! And they still kick up a bit when trying to get them to sleep. So who knows if there's even a right or wrong!! I'm on day 4. Been 45 mins last 3 nights... Let's see tonite!! And not next to the cot!! How's everyone getting on?! Xxx

Well dd screamed for ten minutes at bedtime last night, slept 6:30 to 11 and then was up every 90 minutes. Hnestly don't know what...... Might introduce formula at bedtime.

If she night weaned I think my breastmilk might even dry up as when I day weaned my son, I had no milk left at all even at night after a month.... Just a rambling thought.

And tonight she cried for less than a minute......

Ahhhhh let's see what tonite brings u! Fingers crossed!! 30 mins tonite, bit much more noise! Had to keep going over to her. Last nite she slept till 5! I then sat by het cot... 20 mins later asleep again! What about a top up fevrier to ur still feeding?! X x

So ur still feeding rather xx

And how many times did u feed btw xxx