newborn sleep nightmare, officially desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

2 week-old DD2 just won't settle in her crib at night at all. She'll sleep in her moses basket during the day quite happily, though. I've tried all the usual tricks (warming the mattress, swaddling, making a little nest out of a rolled-up blanket etc etc etc). We end up co-sleeping out of necessity but I don't want to, I don't get any sleep like that, and I'm not sure it's safe because DH and I are so extremely dopey now.

I'm averaging 2 hours sleep a night (not all in one chunk) and I just don't know how I can continue like this. I also have a 15 month-old DD1 and it's so unfair on her that I'm a permanently bf-ing zombie during the day.

Does all this settle on its own at the magic 6 week mark or is there something we could do to encourage DD2 to sleep in her crib? How do I survive the next 4 weeks? How much of an influence might bf-ing have, and could a night time bottle of formula help (I ff DD1 and don't remember the sleep issues being quite this bad in the early weeks)?

Just when you think you may be turning a corner they strike back! I like the villain in a horror movie comparison, what is it with the wide eye stare? DS looks wired, like he has been downing espressos when he wakes up. Had a terrible night last night. DS1 had a sickness bug so had to look after him as well as DS2. I have been a wreck all day. DH commutes on the early train in the morning so we sleep in separate rooms too. He is lovely in every way but not much help with a screaming baby, kind of leaves it to me, so I do the night and day shift.

EMS23: why don't you leave the baby with your DH for couple of days. I bet he would change the way he thinks then!! I say go to your parents and just on your own and don't tell him that your mum is doing the nightshift. You need some rest. My mum is looking after my 2 Saturday night so I can get the first decent nights sleep in 9 weeks. They know what they are doing, they are mums after all.

Bapula: that's the same reaction I get, "well in a month or so just do CC and it will all work out". Except that I can't stand to hear my LO cry for a few minutes let alone hours and hours. Mine also waking every. single. hour, hence the posting on mn at nearly half two!

And to previous poster with dh suggesting she's done something "wrong": tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine. It makes me really angry that on top of sleep issues you're getting stick as well instead of support!

re the waking when you get home thing, I have discovered that ds if I leave him and don't lok at him, will go back to sleep, so it may be worth giving it 5 mins.

EMS23, she's just being a 9 week old baby who wants her mum! it's entirely normal. as above I'm cross you're not getting the support you need.

Thought i'd join as all these concerns have affected me in the last 7 weeks with my DS. He struggles at night anyway with wind which he can't bring up, lies there straining, grunting, groaning and sounding really uncomfortable after feeds. We resorted to co-sleeping soon after he was born - and we all get a lot of sleep as DS is actually a good sleeper when he's not forced to lie on his back (hence our reason for co-sleeping tummy to tummy). The 6/7 week mark does seem to have seen a huge improvement and he mostly settles into his moses basket ok around 8.30pm (he never used to settle in his moses basket though we tried everything) and sometimes will sleep for 6 hours (though he tends to wake when we go to bed). But the early morning feed is the one that causes problems and he's back to grunting, groaning and straining and us co-sleeping. I'm considering trying dream feeding but tried it last week (only once) and while he didn't wake up through it, it made him more unsettled later on (waking more frequently) so i'm in two minds about trying again as i think his natural rhythm is working itself out pretty well on its own and i just need to be patient. We're trying Dentinox colic drops for his post-feed discomfort.

graciedog - that's exactly what I intend to do!! I've left the conversation alone and will just do what I want and know is ok for myself and DD. If he doesn't like it, at least I'll have a good nights sleep under my belt and arguing about it will be a whole lot easier!!

My DH is lovely and a fab Dad, especially to his son but by his own admission, he finds small babies a struggle and is suffering with the lack of sleep just now. Even though he gets 6 hours unbroken per night, compared to my 2hours if I'm lucky!!

DS was grunting and groaning most of last night and early this morning, he is no longer sleeping in our room as we werent getting any sleep, he's so loud! he's def screamed less today, not sure whether its the gripe water or me not eating chocolate! he hasnt let me put him down though but holding a baby all day is better than holding a screaming baby all day.

TBH I think a lot of men find small babies a struggle Ems.

Well I have a much better night to report. He went down really easily at 7.30. Woke crying at 9.30 but not hunger, went down easily. Woke at 11 for food then not till 3! Hurrah hurrah hurrah! Woke at 4, dummy sent him off again without getting out of basket. Woke at 5 not for hunger and wouldn't go back off but was happy chatting to himself in basket. Fed at 6 and back to sleep till 7.30.

I realised I think he's been too hot I checked the recs for 2.5 tog sleepingbags last night and we've been putting an extra layer on, forgetting that it's so much warmer than with the snow. Fule.

every.two.hours.

Oh Cosmosis, that sounds wonderful!
CharlotteBronteSaurus, I know exactly how you feel. And we are having people over tonight (my DH's idea, not mine) and I have yet to shower, or clean the house, or finish cooking the food, and here I am stuck with an overtired whingey baby on the couch... soo tired...

oh linda! can you shove any mess under the sofa, and get your dh to bring a takeaway or something from m&s?

no-ones posted for a while, does that mean we all have miracle sleepers

DS is about the same really, but he is definitely not waking for food - I think I only fed him once in the night last night. He just wakes up and chats to us. DH suggested putting him in his own room - I'm not sure becasue then he will jsut be awake and we won't get him back to sleep, which we do need to do or he just needs to sleep all day.

Nope, we've got 4-month sleep regression ... so tired ... Urgh!

Not much more to say really other than urgh.

No I haven't been able to keep my eyes open and ds has been co sleeping in a vain attempt to get any sleep at all, maximum of two hours and if I was getting him in his cot it would take two hours to do that, bloody dh then started sleep talking and woke him up

aaagghhh. just had one of the worst nights, so much crying. me and DS. sisters new baby apparently sleeping well so doubly feel im doing something wrong :( so much advice off people, get him up, let him sleep, dont let him sleep too much, what to do!? wish he was happier, dont think i get more than 30mins (on a good day) of a content baby. the rest is mostly screaming :(

well I think I managed 2 hours sleep last night. He's got a horrendously blocked nose which is making the regression even worse. he's 20 weeks, he must grow out of it soon, surely???

hows everyone getting on? ive just started using colief for my DS, he started a whole new scream at the beginning of the week which was just awful. although he would bring it out at random times during the day and not just in the afternoon/early evening, the HV said it was likely to be colic, hence the colief. im also taking him to a cranial osteopath on monday, 3 days of screaming and i figured i hadnothing to lose by trying it! fingers crossed people.

Found you all again! Lost you at one point!

Well we did have an ok routine for 2 wks or so where Ds was put in his Moses asleep it awake around 730pm. He'd sleep til 1/2am ish feed and go back happily til 5/6am. Even had a couple of nights where he slept til 6 and 5. Tho I wonder if that was a dream now!

Then my parents visited and Ds had two later nights, tho not consecutive ones. Since then he's had two normal (for him) nights then he had his vaccs and he was horrible!!

Starts off with bedtime routine as normal. Fine. Oh and he's 12 wks, nearly 13wks and he's just not tired. Eventually he does drop off around 9. Then wakes again 1130/0000 for feed and again 0300/0330 but nit hunger. But this morning it is.

Once you go to him the crying stops and the smiles come. But try and leave him - crying ! He is also yawning a lot. So bloody frustrating. I am running out of tactics and the desire to live tbh!!

Swaddling is not working, White noise is not working and I am soooooooooo tired.

Only difference apart from the two late nights (and we are talking late as in 2 hrs later) I can think of is that we've stopped using Infacol as HV suggested that he'd be fine to not have any more. Not sure I agree now.

So he will go back on the Infacol I think. Any other suggestions?? It's only been 2/3 bad nights and it's already taking it's toll.

I wish I had suggestion silv. DS sleeping is the same as ever get to 2 am and he's just wide awake, but tired. get him back to sleep and he just wakes up again. also means hes shattered in the day so has long naps, which isn't helping the nights either. he's 21 weeks and I'm fed up.

cossie it's pure torture isn't it. Not even funny.

Can you only allow him shorter naps and try to keep him awake and really tire him out with a long active bath? Only a suggestion and I am sure you have thought of everything incl the above.

I had a nap when Ds napped this morning for 30mins. Sadly the dogs walk was the sacrifice.

I am trying that but often if I wake him from a nap he just screams and screams :(

Arses.

What happens if you don't let him nap? Like that's even possible!!! Sorry if my suggestions are naff. Just trying to think of everything and anything.

good long bath a very good idea though - he always sleeps better on swimming days.

re the naps I think it's just finding the right balance - not enough = overtired so not enough sleep, too much = not enough sleep.

What about wake from nap and Immediate distraction to stop the screams? I dunno.... Say whizz Him out for quick walk in the pram, stick fave toy in front of him, walk round the garden?

Decided there is no point starting the bedtime routine as he woke from his nap about 530ish and he's just fed and is wide awake. We'll have our dinner first then start. If we do it the other way round I'll spend all of tonigt upstairs as I did last night and I'll never get to eat. I tell thee my Saturdays are absolutely wild. Everyone wants to be my mate cos of 'em. Ha ha! The sleep deprivation is making me slightly loopy.

Hello all, just popping in so I can catch up with you all. Big fluffy pillows and silence to everyone!

I could have written your op. My dd is nealry 4 weeks. I don't like co-sleeping either. I too am at breaking point! Fingers crossed for the magic 6 weeks... xx