newborn sleep nightmare, officially desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

2 week-old DD2 just won't settle in her crib at night at all. She'll sleep in her moses basket during the day quite happily, though. I've tried all the usual tricks (warming the mattress, swaddling, making a little nest out of a rolled-up blanket etc etc etc). We end up co-sleeping out of necessity but I don't want to, I don't get any sleep like that, and I'm not sure it's safe because DH and I are so extremely dopey now.

I'm averaging 2 hours sleep a night (not all in one chunk) and I just don't know how I can continue like this. I also have a 15 month-old DD1 and it's so unfair on her that I'm a permanently bf-ing zombie during the day.

Does all this settle on its own at the magic 6 week mark or is there something we could do to encourage DD2 to sleep in her crib? How do I survive the next 4 weeks? How much of an influence might bf-ing have, and could a night time bottle of formula help (I ff DD1 and don't remember the sleep issues being quite this bad in the early weeks)?

EC do you swaddle her when you feed her? Can you just swaddle her under the arms while feeding?

I'm also finding it hard to get back to sleep. The other night she woke at 3.30 and I literally just stayed awake till her next feed!

I know the feeling of not wanting to go out too. The worst is when we go to the in laws for the day she just gets really crabby and my in laws try to help by taking her off and jiggling her but she really just wants to calm down & go to sleep.

I'm sniping at dh again. I can see him getting frustrated as my whole day revolves around feeding & sleeping but he just cannot understand how I feel.

However dd actually slept for 7 hours last night but as usually didn't sleep in the evening. Tried 4 times to get her down, basically from 6.30-1am. I can take going to bed at 1am, I can take feeding all evening. I just cannot take both.

Hello all, we have also had quite a few nights of 1.5 hourly wakings, not sure if because he had a cold, because he was in different bed (we were away over christmas) or becuase 4 month sleep regression starting (he's 17 weeks).

Having said that, in other ways he is doing really well, he is settling so quickly in the evenings now, and also is able to drop off on his own quite often in the morning / night when he wakes. So really my only problem is wanting longer stretches. I find that often I think he's hungry but he just falls asleep after 10 seconds of sucking, so actually he's just woken up. I'm wondering if I sould impose a feeding schedule at night to see if this would encourage him to sleep for longer stretches. Schedules do go against how I feel about bf, but then he's not actually feeding, so maybe I should do it?

Hey ladies. It's so good to have this thread to share experiences. My NCT buddies are fantastic and an amazing lifeline but none of them have babies like DS!

Last night was pretty shit to be honest. He took hours to settle at bedtime and woke after two hours (he usually manages a minimum of three in the evening). Then woke two or three times in the night and took ages to settle each time. He had his jabs the other day so maybe that's unsettled him. But I ended up in tears several times yesterday. He was quite screamy in the night, which is unusual - usually his night wakings are characterised by bug-eyed wakefulness rather than crying.

We've found in the last week that he settles really well with DH in the sling, so he's been taking him for walks this week while I nap. Unfortunately I can't wear it (it's one of those macho bulletproof vest-style ones - my boobs get in the way and it kills my back) so I've just ordered a Close baby carrier. Has anyone got one of those? Am hoping it works, as it's always touch and go as to whether he'll sleep in the pram or just scream his head off, which is kind of limiting ...

I've got a moby, is that the same sort of thing?

DS's latest is to hate being put in the car seat, it often used to calm him down, but now he screams, not fun.

The Close is sort of like a cross between a Moby and a ring sling. I tried my friend's Moby but couldn't get to grips with the origami!

DH's mum is staying with us tonight so of course DS has chosen thos evening to have an epic screamathon. DH had to take him out in the sling to calm him down. I feel like such a shit mother. She is a lovely lady, but wouldn't blame her for being a bit nonplussed - she asked me earlier whether I'd tried singing him lullabies. Bless her. How can I explain to her that none of those things that work on 'normal' babies work on DS? :(

Evening all.

Count I have a close & a Kari me (like a moby). Prefer the Kari me but the close is good too. Hope it helps.

Been trying to get dd down early. Have read quite a few posts saying that 6-6.30 is the optimal window for getting their dc down without a battle. Dd's window is clearly wider, more of a patio door . 2 hours later and I am still trying to get her off. Have put her down asleep twice but she has woken within minutes. Am trying to keep her upstairs in the evening in the hope she will eventually get that it is sleeping time but that just means I am stuck up here all evening. God I just want to cry :(

Hi y'all!

I've got a Close carrier being delivered so will let you know. Another MNer has lent me a wrap similar to a Kari Me. Didn't have it quite even on the shoulders and I've aggravated an old injury.

So update from me - nights are going ok. Not perfect but I can cope. Our problem is Ds will not nap in the day unless on the move but as soon as we return home and need to undress him/remove from car seat he wakes and we are fucked. Scream city.

Yday he screamed for hours and typically we wereat MILs and she makes me feel useless. I know it's not intentional but surely se must realise we've thought of every thing poss and putting him to sleep upstairs and ignoring the crying is not an option for us.

Ds gets overtired and he is hellish.

Had huge ding dong with HI and he accused me of no coping and I told him how some of his behaviour upset me eg DS cries and he never offers to take him I always have to ask and then he rocks him whilst watching tv over DS' head and gets annoyed when the screaming drowns out the tv and he misses a bit.

HI wanted to call the HV to tell her I had PND. I'm not covinced I have. More frustration and desperation that DS won't sleep in day/early evening and that I feel it's all me me me. HI says it's not me vs the world you know. So I said you and you mother make me feel like it is.

Today HI has been more thoughtful and sympathetic and realises what it's like for me. Eg right now I am running a bath and he has his handsful wth DS who sounds like he is being tortured. Essentially he is overtired and had his jabs on Fri so a combo of it all I am sure.

I think dh thinks I have PND too, but it is just tiredness & lack of control of things.

Mine is too. My tears are my release. My mood swings are my a reflection of my desperation and nothing else. I had depression 5 yrs ago hence why HI thinks it has to be PND and thinks getting me on the drucks will solve everything........ For him.

My PND ( I do have it, on treatment) was definitely borne of frustration, tiredness and lack of control. I know, despite what everyone keeps telling me, pills are not going to fix me until some of the underlying problems are fixed - e.g., sorting out DS's unsettledness. I do get so cross when people imply that I'm finding it hard to cope because I'm ill. I'm finding it harder than I would otherwise, but it's hard in the first place because our babe is so unsettled. I think people who've had more sleepy babies just do not get it!

So I sympathise silversky and bumper, is what I@m trying to say.

Not sure how you tell the difference between pnd & just general fed up with the crapness? I'm fairly sure I had it with dd1 but just sort of hoped it would go away. I do feel differently about dd2, but just don't cope well with lack of sleep.

Same here bump!

FINALLY he's caved and is now sleeping. He's so tired he's got piggy eyes. We've had a mixed evening of tears, screaming and some contented happy smiling moments. Just fed him and he dropped
off to z-ville. Started off as a feed then turned into comfort sucking.

Tomorrow I am going to try putting him upstairs to sleep after his evening feed, eg anytime from 7-9pm.

Question re demand feeding- do you wait for them to cry or do you think it's been 2/3/4 (delete as nec) hrs I'll feed now? Am jus curious!

Right bedtime for me as no doubt I'll be up about 2ish!!

Just one small idea - I hav ea new born too - she is nearly 5 weeks. I can't co sleep either but what I do sometimes out of desparation ais swaddle her , pop her in bed with me and let her drift off on me then transfer her to moses basket.Sometimes works sometimes doesn't but at least Im lying dfown rathe rthan marching around house with her or carrying her.

Hi all

So I guess there's no magic solution in the other 14 pages of this thread that I need to scour through for?

I have a 3 week old who, as seems to be the problem for most of you here, will sleep happily through the day but won't settle in his moses basket at night. I hate co-sleeping, it terrifies me and I spend all night awake keeping an eye on him.

DH is great and can settle him and keep him quiet, sometimes giving me 3 or 4 hours sleep, but I can see it taking its toll on DH who stays up with him all night to pop the dummy back in and rock him back to sleep.

I've been wondering about PND too. I certainly cry most days, but that's out of desperation and exhaustion at DS's inability to fall asleep.

My insomnia seems to be getting worse too. Last night I lay in bed trying to sleep and it felt like someone was sitting on me and crushing my chest. I kept shaking uncontrollably too. Didn't have that tonight but it still took me an hour and a half to fall asleep. V annoying as DS managed 4 hours and I'd gone to bed early.

My MIL said earlier she'd never heard a baby scream like DS does, and she had 5 kids.

I have suffered from depression before BTW, so worried about developing PND.

island describe what sleeping thru the day is? My HV advised not to let the baby sleep for longer than 3-4hr periods as otherwise he may think day is night and could be awake all night. This is not an issue for me as the child refuses to sleep during the day for any longer than a catnap! Instead we have horrible stressed screamy evenings cos of overtiredness.

What works for us of a night is swaddling in a miracle blanket and playing White noise. Tho this didn't do anything tonight whilst we were downstairs. My next trick is going to be pitting him upstairs after his evening feed. May work may not. Plus I am going to try and get him to sleep more in the day. How? No idea yet!!!

lisa good idea but it seems a lot of the babes on this thread, regardless of how deeply they sleep, have some kind if built in wake up alert as soon as they are moved/put back in their Moses etc.

baps could that be anxiety? Panic attack?

I have been lurking for a while but just wanted to say hi, my 4th dc is 6 weeks and is a terrible sleeper. The first two weeks he slept no more than an hour at a time and would not sleep anywhere but in arms or attached to me in the bed. My other three dc were incredibly easy in comparison all of them self settling and sleeping 8 hours by 4 weeks.

Things have improved and I am naot really sure how, he is now in the cot and putting himself to sleep while very sleepy after a feed but it's been a real slog, dh works offshore so is now away and I have the others to look after so am trying to balance needing sleep to function with making him sleep in his cot and not rocking him to sleep.

I don't know how I would have coped if he was my first, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel and if I am strong he will settle into a routine, much respect to you all.

Welcome clueless seems there are quite a few of us being tortured challenged by our babies. Sadly there also seems to be no magical cure and just as we think we've progressed it regresses. Like you I am on my own a lot and that makes it harder.

Yeah, it felt like a panic attack, which is weird because I don't feel panicky as such. Knackered, frustrated and a bit hopeless maybe but not panicky. I am dreading DH going back to work tomorrow and worried about how I'll cope, so maybe that was it.

He's barely slept today. Just managed to wrestle him to sleep but he won't let me put him down. Poor little chap. Think his jabs really unsettled him.

Welcome to all the new posters. Sorry you have to be here, IYSWIM!

We've had two naps both in the car seat cos I had to go out. As soon as home and out of seat/hat and snow suit he wakes and screams.

Been contemplating trying a routine. Not sure tho. Eg bath etc around 630/7 and then bed upstairs. Obv times are flexible. Don't know whether to wait til he is three months. Thoughts???

Hi silversky - yes I've been there too - the reason they seem to wake back in teh moses basket whereas they sleep soundly on us is because they sense the change of temperature/location etc. A newborn is most comfy on us as they were in us for so long. HOwever that is no comfort to any of us I know.What I also do which is conroversial and many will say not a good idea is I make a small upside down u shape with a rolled up cellular small blanket and place this at the head end ofhte moses basket like a small snug for her head. I try to make sure it doesn't cover the top of her heaad completely so room to ventilate but that at some parts it wraps her .~This may make her feel a bit more secure. I also swaddle very tightly and then add another blanket tucked in to swaddle so she can't get out of swaddle.

I thin the longer they sleep on you the less likely they are to wake when they go in the basket.I let dd sleep on me for up to half an hour sometimes before putting her back in basket. It can be a killer but worth the extra trouble if there's then 2 hours sleep to be had. Sometimes she wn't settle if she's still a bit hungry so I either nurse a bit more or top up with formula . Just some more ideas......

Yes lisa, we did the rolled up towel in the moses thing. Worked well when DS was tiny.

Silver, we started bedtime routine at 10 weeks. Stick at it - it takes a while to establish and will prob go horribly wrong first couple of times but definitely worth it to have evenings back!

We've tried putting dd to bed early the past two nights and it has gone completely tits up both times. I can take not having an evening, I can take her not settling down till 1am. I cannot take both!