newborn sleep nightmare, officially desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

2 week-old DD2 just won't settle in her crib at night at all. She'll sleep in her moses basket during the day quite happily, though. I've tried all the usual tricks (warming the mattress, swaddling, making a little nest out of a rolled-up blanket etc etc etc). We end up co-sleeping out of necessity but I don't want to, I don't get any sleep like that, and I'm not sure it's safe because DH and I are so extremely dopey now.

I'm averaging 2 hours sleep a night (not all in one chunk) and I just don't know how I can continue like this. I also have a 15 month-old DD1 and it's so unfair on her that I'm a permanently bf-ing zombie during the day.

Does all this settle on its own at the magic 6 week mark or is there something we could do to encourage DD2 to sleep in her crib? How do I survive the next 4 weeks? How much of an influence might bf-ing have, and could a night time bottle of formula help (I ff DD1 and don't remember the sleep issues being quite this bad in the early weeks)?

lumpor you've done nothing wrong - some babies are just like this
dd1 was a poor sleeper but when she did sleep would happily do so in a cot/buggy
i have done nothing differently with dd2, but she will only sleep in arms

in my opinion at this age what you do doesn't make any difference, but when they're a bit bigger they become more responsive to routines etc

Lumpor that is totall normal new baby behaviour I promise! It will change as he gets bigger honestly.

Hello all, just posting in frustration. Come to a friend's house for a kids birthday party. Forgot to bring sling & dd2 tired and hysterical. Have barely managed to speak to my friends, am stuck upstairs in friend's bedroom where have finally managed to calm her down enough to feed. Hoping I can put her down asleep but don't fancy my chances!

I would give you all an update from Casa Bapula but I'm too tired ... .

well I did't think he could wake up more but apparently he can. Think we're officially in 4mnth regression and night from hell last night. I don't think I actually slept between his wakings from 3 onwards.

Oh no everyone :( so sorry it's rubbish nights all round. If it makes you feel any better,you are really not alone. I feel so bloody resentful toward parents of sleepers, I know it's not noble but I do.

ha, me too Cosmosis, 330am brought on lots of wailing and refusal to sleep, im soooo tired. he would only sleep in the car or in the sling, and then only fitfully. when people say 'sleep when the baby sleeps' i just have to laugh hysterically. he had such a good day yesterday too, i thought we'd turned a corner :(

i could use some advice actually. At the beginning the midwife told me to wake DS every 3 hours for food which i did but am still doing and dont know if its the best thing. at night i dont bother, he usually wakes anyway (if hes been asleep) at the 3 hourly mark but during the day i have been waking him even if its only been an hour since i finally got him to sleep. im just worried that if i dont wake him he'll sleep longer during the day and those few precious hours i get at night when he sleeps between feeds will be lost. just dont know whats best to do so any advice would be great!

How old is your DS? Was there a medical reason (eg jaundice)? If not, or there was a medical reason which is now resolved, I wouldn't bother waking him. Feed when he's hungry and let him sleep when he's tired. I'd only wake him if he's been asleep more than 2hrs in the daytime, as that could mess up night time sleep. But regular naps during the day will help you avoid overtiredness, which might help him sleep better at night.

My DS is a bloody awful sleeper though, so not really one to dish out advice ...

I think you only need to do that if there is concern re weight gain or other medical reason. I wouldn't worry too much about sleeping too much in the day as generally good daytime sleep means good night time sleep. Although I would worry if he was sleeping in huuuuge chunks in the day as he may have got night and day the wrong way round!

Well we had another shit night. Only marginally better than the night before in that it didn't involve screaming at 4am.

he was only slightly jaundiced, think it was mainly worry that he wouldnt put on weight but he's a bruiser so no trouble there! he's 4 weeks now countbapula and just over 11lb, think i will try a couple of days of not waking him and see what happens. this morning he went straight back to sleep after his 230am feed, i was so pleased, til he woke up at 3.30am, decided it was time to get up and screamed some. i think he does it on purpose :( glad you didnt have morning screaming cosmosis, it is not the nicest way to be woken!

Bloody hell, he's a whopper! DS is only just over 12lbs and he's nearly 16wks! Definitely stop waking to feed and get some kip yourself :)

Hi all, can I join? Ds is nearly 5 weeks and I fear officially A Bad Sleeper. He nods off on me ok as long as he's full (no mean feat in itself, but that's for another thread) but absolutely will not go more than 15 mins in Moses basket. I feel relatively ok today as DH got him to sleep for 5 hours straight in the sling, but when that finished at 2am he was awake the whole night long with me. Also feel bad as DH had to get up early for work!

I've tried everything, all the usual remedies, but he just doesnt seem able to settle in a way that let's me get some kip. Cue daily crying fits, feeling trapped, frustration that I can't properly enjoy lovely baby - I'm sure everyone on this thread knows the score.

Just hoping for a miracle tip I guess, or if not then some moral support!

yep, sounds like my DS. its really hard huh? and i hate that sometimes i really dont like him :( you're def not alone. mine has finally dropped off after lots and lots of crying and being full of wind. i thought the infacol was working but clearly not anymore so feeling really tired and know i dont get a proper break til saturday which is days and days away.

hi BNI
no tips from me, but moral support in spades

today, dd2 has mostly been crying, with intermittant breaks for feeding. She has stopped napping for any longer than 30mins, and so is probably overtired. my patience is wearing thin though, despite DH having her in between feeds for a good chunk of the day.

one ray of sunshine is that i splashed out on a rear facing buggy (dd1 loved her maclaren xt, and i had planned to use it for dd2). dd2 seems much happier in this, so at least no longer screams so much when out and about .

Well a somewhat better night from us. He did 7.30 - 9.30, when I went to bed and fed him, then not till 12.30 - the longest sleep I have had in aaaages. Then I think he did 1.30, 3, 4, 5 6 so we'll gloss over that! But at least he was going back to sleep qickly again.

Charlotte maybe that means you may get some sleep when out and about?

poor DS had a really bad afternoon yesterday with the wind, a really bad monday and tuesday to be honest. i took him to the docs just to check it wasnt reflux or anything like that and im sure he thought 'neurotic mother, PFB'. oh well. he just said keep doing what youre doing, itll improve. think i keep hoping theres a problem that i can fix and then he'll be an angel baby, its not looking likely though though lots of people on here seem to think chocolate made the wind worse so im now going to avoid chocolate for a few days, i guess at least it'll do my figure good (i have been eating a loads )

can I join? I have a 9 week old son who seems so unsettled. I also have a 2.5 year old who was an easy baby and slept really well. My little one is fine at going to bed at 7pm but when he wakes for a feed it is a major struggle getting him to sleep again. I am dream feeding him at 11 and then there is no regular pattern when he wakes. could be 12 or could be 3 but after that feed he just cat naps. His day time naps are a struggle, he seems to fight going to sleep. I can't remember it being so hard with DS1. Just want to have a moan about it with others really!! DH works long hours so on my own a lot. :(

Any advice gratefully received.....

i wish i could give you some advice graciedog, wish i knew what to do! thats really hard you're on your own alot too. all my family live hundreds of miles away and i get so jealous when other mums tell me how much their mother/sister comes round to help. its just so frustrating when they wont sleep but are clearly incredibly tired. it just goes to show though that its nothing to do with the parenting seeing as your first slept well, i keep worrying that im doing something wrong! you're not alone!

Oooh can I join too? Have been following this thread for ages. My dd is 20 weeks and has never been a great sleeper, but the last few weeks has really outdone herself. Waking every hour, every 45 minutes at night and REFUSES to go down in her cot anymore. Have resorted to co-sleeping just so someone gets rest (my dh in the other room mainly). She has never napped well and now will only do so on me. Hates the moby wrap, tolerates the pushchair, falls asleep in the car but as soon as we hit the house her eyes pop open like a villain in a horror film. I am at my absolute wits's end. I cannot take sleep deprivation much longer!!

Can i join? not going to be able to type much as, yet again, my 9 week old DD is in my arms.
She won't be put down all day. She won't sleep at night. My family & friends all live 200 miles away and even when they offer to come and help my DH won't let them as he thinks we (I) should be able to cope.
She's FF so i stick to 4 hr feeds but at night leave her to sleep, not that she does!

She has to be held to sleep and it takes at least 40mins of that for it to be "safe" to put her down. As it is it takes her 1hr to take 4fl oz so feeds plus getting her to sleep can take up to 2 hours.

I've tried putting her down when she shows sleepy signals. I swaddle her. I've put her in quiet & dark, in light & noisy. What works one day doesn't work the next. I'm exhausted.

I'm so happy when she does sleep that i'm struggling to work out how to implement a routine.

I also have a 7 yr old stepson who is here half the time and it's so noisy when he's here and quiet when he's not that i'm worried she's constantly confused!

I'm at the end of my tether so have arranged to go to my parents for a few days at the end of the month. I'm so looking forward to the change of scenery and my mum is itching to help in anyway she can but my DH today informs me I'm not to leave my DD with them at all as he doesn't trust them! They brought up 3 kids and have 5 grandkids, 2 of which they look after 3 days a week but are aparently not capable of looking after our DD. I told him not to be so ridiculous but I can't just go against him. Can I?
I was only proposing two hours on the Saturday night of my visit to them so I could meet my friends for dinner. And maybe let my mum do one night feed so i could get one full nights sleep.

Sorry to ramble, it's been good to write it all down. My DH keeps saying she's a bad baby and i must be doing something wrong for her to be like this. His proposed solution is to do controlled crying but i think she's too young.

um. don't think babies are good or bad. theyre just babies. think you should def get a break if you can, hard if your DH doesnt understand though. don't think they recommend controlled crying for babies below 6 months, or could even be older than that. you could look it up on internet and show it to your DH so that he can see that theres not much to be done with 9 week old babies except comfort them when theyre crying. i admittedly have to keep telling myself at 330am that DS isn't trying to drive me crazy on purpose, he's just a baby. or show him this thread so he can see how many people have babies that dont sleep!

DS woke every hour last night. According to most of my family and friends, the options are a) leave him to cry or b) give him formula. Unfortunately I'm a breastfeeding softie who can't listen to more than 10 mins of crying before I start blubbing myself, so I guess I'm a bit buggered ...

aw, bapula, i'll send you my MIL. she bf-ed DH for 9mo, and doesn't do crying. it's good to have someone in your corner.

right, am going to try to put dd2 down

i know what you mean, i dont think id ever be able to do controlled crying, the time it takes me to get up the stairs is too long sometimes, it can be so upsetting.