MNet Newbie Guide - what would be your top piece advice on Mumsnet etiquette?

[JustineMumsnet]

We wanted to put together a humourous yet telling guide for Mumsnet newbies, full of practical advice on how to get along in Mumsnet land.

You know the type of things...

Opening posts/ nicknames/ topics to avoid until you get the hang of it. Or don't post on AIBU if you don't want to hear that you are? Or please don't use textspeak/do use punctuation and paragraphs/ don't call people Hun.

Many many thanks. We'll bung it altogether one day soon.

Thank you in advance oh kind and good Mumsnetters.

Oh Slubber that's just acknowledging people without hijacking.

I feel rude if I see someone on a thread and don't say hi, but try to avoid getitng into drawn out conversation.

Pod - that's really good! Can we maybe get avatars corresponding to our status based on that? A lickle pretty red star for instance once you have passed the addicted marker

Playmobil thread for Slubber.

Don't link to your own thread on someone else's - very rude!

oh no Watusi, wayy back when I was a newbie if I saw a I'd sort of crumple inside.

'they all know each other boo hoo, no one knows me and no one cares'

That was before mn toughened me up inside.

And don't suddenly say:

Oi, MSN now!

In the middle of a thread. Even more cliquey

I just know I'm causing myself a problem here but anyway:
Always read the OP carefully so that you are responding to what they actually SAID, not just the few "red light" words that set you off on your pet hobby horse.

Read at least the first and last pages of a thread before posting a contentious opinion

Learn to spell LOSE

Do not use when being rude, as though to offset it.

Try not to offend 80% of the population with your glasshouse opinions - think about the effect your words are likely to have (unless on the AIBU thread!)

No I know whatcha mean really.

That doesn't happen so much now does it BecauseI'mWorthIt? Think that particular clique has gone mouldy!

No threads about threads. If you have something to say to someone -say it on the thread in question!

No hissy fits if people don't agree with you - they don't HAVE to!!

Don't ask a question if you don't want to know the answer!

ENJOY! If it's not fun - sod off

If you do something incredibly embarrassing DO come here and tell us about it.

But if you do and do not namechange, DON'T be surprised if 3 years later you are asked if you were the MNetter who left her knickers in her DS's lunchbox.

If you start a thread asking for opinions, particularly in AIBU, don't have a strop if people actually offer an opinion you don't agree with. If all you want is a bit of moral support, then say so!

Please think very carefully before posting on Special Needs threads, especially if you have no personal experience of what it is like to live in a family where one or more of the members has some kind of special needs.

Bit of 'live and let live' goes a long way on Mumsnet.

are you admitting to that, MmeLindt?

No, but it was one of the first threads that I read on MN and it certainly stuck in my mind.

And I still think of it when I see the poster's name

** don't solicit practical advice about what to buy your maiden aunt for her 89th birthday or where to find a child's dressing gown with a belt that doesn't fall off, without bothering to say "thank you" for the 27 helpful replies that you have received

or even worse, just post and run ....

** don't tell someone who is depressed and doubting their mothering capabilities that they seem "inadequate" (something I read yesterday)

-Try not to mind if you're consistently ignored.
-Don't take anything too personally - MN is not RL, honestly! -You can just walk away when it all gets too much.
-Think before you post; never reply in a rage.
-Don't schmooze the popular/oldies.

• Temporary name change is a good idea if you're feeling vulnerable.
• If you post something that offends someone, (and if you have any opinions at all, you're bound to do this at some point), stage a diplomatic retreat/rephrase or stick to your guns as politely as possible.

-In an emergency (for a really big no-no), ask for your post to be deleted.

Watusi do I know you? I do not believe we have been formally introduced, let alone gone down the thigh slapping alley.

TIP: don't slap mners unless you have a long and beautiful posting history, unless it's friday night, then anyone is fair game.

I forgot the most important one: keep a sense of humour.

Hi Slubber long time no see.

PLEASE DO NOT SHOUT.

Make no speeling or gramatical's errors.

'tis 'twas and twonk are perfectly acceptable.

If you post that your child has a temperature and is lethargic expect everyone to say 'A and E now for god's sake, do you want your child to die?'

If you post that you husband was 5 minutes late preparing your breakfast in bed, expect everyone to say 'What a fucking bastard twat, leave him now, it will only get worse'.

Try to be intellegent and amusing.

Do not expect anyone to notice.

Be prepared to give up life as you know it.

Have fun hun.

Don't accuse the Bar, the Tearoom or the Scuttlers of being cliques. Anyone is welcome in any of those threads.

Or so we keep being told!

har at 'Try to be intellegent and amusing'

If you are going to start a thread that is really going to kick off, run to 1000+ posts, offend many and/or cause several oldies to leave, please ensure you give it an interesting title so that I don't ignore it because it looks boring and come back the next day to find out I have no idea what has been going on....

psst, slubber - Norman's cake! Now in my pics.

Don't make obscure references about something to someone you know, if no-one else will know what you are on about.

If you think you are absolutely in the right BUT 950 posters disagree with you and the 3 who agree with you are people you wouldn't want to run in to in a dark alleyway - then you need to apologise quick!

Don't put pictures of pregnancy tests with faint lines on your profile - a line thats too faint to see in RL is certainly too faint to show up in cyberspace!

bolleux See I am neither.

Where is mumsnet classics??

I normally sign off abc xx, i'll not do that again. Or......

Oh well I live and learn!

Don't mention Gina Ford, rockets and Lebanon in the same post.