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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNet Newbie Guide - what would be your top piece advice on Mumsnet etiquette?

283 replies

JustineMumsnet · 27/01/2009 13:49

We wanted to put together a humourous yet telling guide for Mumsnet newbies, full of practical advice on how to get along in Mumsnet land.

You know the type of things...

Opening posts/ nicknames/ topics to avoid until you get the hang of it. Or don't post on AIBU if you don't want to hear that you are? Or please don't use textspeak/do use punctuation and paragraphs/ don't call people Hun.

Many many thanks. We'll bung it altogether one day soon.

Thank you in advance oh kind and good Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 27/01/2009 15:09

Very bad form to stalk another poster, or check back on all their previous posts and re-quote them back to them, or use them to batter them with.

In a similar vein - don't ever use info on mumsnet to try and "out" a person in real life.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/01/2009 15:09

Boco - that's what I was going to post but couldn't think how to word it.

AMumInScotlandsAMumForAThat · 27/01/2009 15:09

If you're going to post about TV (or radio or films etc), don't put spoilers in the thread title, but do say "Spoiler alert" or "Last night's plot" to warn people who have saved the episode and not watched it yet. Whatever happens do not make the title "OMG I can't believe they killed off Fred!" or anything similar, or you will be lynched by lots of people who otherwise might well have been your friends.

BecauseImWorthIt · 27/01/2009 15:09

And please don't repeat what has been said in the Daily Mail as if it is God's honest truth or has any relationship to a normal person's perspective.

About anything.

WingsTHEangel · 27/01/2009 15:13

If possible employ a house keeper because once your on here you never have time to do as much house work as before.

Dizzy you've been busy on here.

Make sure you don't people with similar names mixed up.

Watusi · 27/01/2009 15:25

I'd say, get to know people before you judge them. There are so many people I first encountered and thought 'oo-er' but changed my opinion over the course of a few weeks/ months. People have many sides.

Also don't write cryptic threads and expect everyone to go 'Oh no what happened??' for 20 posts before you let another snippet of info out. I could cheerfully murder people who do that.

Watusi · 27/01/2009 15:25

Oh and never, ever slag off your best mate whilst recommending MN as a great parenting site. She will find your posts.

fishie · 27/01/2009 15:35

don't just type 'bump' on your thread without acknowledging advice posted on it. so fucking rude.

don't talk about being 'flamed' when people are merely disagreeing with you.

don't expect anybody to remember anything about you. you are one of many...

NimChimpsky · 27/01/2009 15:42

Do avail yourself of the acronym list.

Do prepare yourself for full moons and bum sex Friday.

Do try and at least scan a 500 post thread before replying solely to the OP with a disclaimer that you haven't bothered to read.

Podrick · 27/01/2009 15:42

Remember that mumsnet is a large public forum. People are often more up front than in real life and sometimes rude and/or aggressive/pre-menstrual/axe-grinding to boot. Don't be put off by individual posts and posters.

Some posts, rightly or wrongly are guarenteed to provoke a fight. Once you have discovered what they are through experience the game is to spot such a thread in its infancy and post:

or similar.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 15:47

oh, and the answer to "how long will I be considered a newbie" is "as long as it takes for you to stop wondering whether you still are"

BecauseImWorthIt · 27/01/2009 15:51

And don't complain that you are being bullied just because people disagree with you or express it forcefully

Podrick · 27/01/2009 15:52

There is a long standing practical joke which is to link to this unexpectedly

cocolepew · 27/01/2009 15:58

Don't shout 'Troll!' immediately after the op, it upsets the Trolls.

Don't ask about mould, your thread will be deleted.

Don't start a 'who's your favourite MNer' thread unless you're putting me on it.

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 27/01/2009 16:00

Remember that you never know the RL of the eprson yu are talking to so cut some slack: if you getb halfway downa thread and then they say oh i'm sorry but you WILL feel ike shite!

Agree with no swearing in thread titles, linked however is the fact that if you start a thread suggesting we cull swearing n posts all you will get in reply is a comprehensive list of every profanity going

If you have checked the SN button check whether ou're int hat section before posting a snidey remark on threads like 'How do I toilet train my 7 year old?'

Install toys and saftey gates around your PC to minimise actual forced contact time eating into your MN time

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 27/01/2009 16:00

Ah Pod I love that bat!

Podrick · 27/01/2009 16:04

Frequently a poster will start a thread about how mumsnet is "not what it used it be" and this will soon become a thread title that you find repetitive and pointless - use the "ignore" feature!

Here is wiki on the subject of forum life cycles:

A membership life cycle for online communities was proposed by Amy Jo Kim (2000). It states that members of virtual communities begin their life in a community as visitors, or lurkers. After breaking through a barrier, people become novices and participate in community life. After contributing for a sustained period of time they become regulars. If they break through another barrier they become leaders, and once they have contributed to the community for some time they become elders. This life cycle can be applied to many virtual communities, most obviously to bulletin boards, but also to blogs and wiki-based communities like Wikipedia.

A similar model can be found in the works of Lave and Wenger, who illustrate a cycle of how users become incorporated into virtual communities using the principles of legitimate peripheral participation. They suggest five types of trajectories amongst a learning community:

Peripheral (i.e. Lurker) ? An outside, unstructured participation
Inbound (i.e. Novice) ? Newcomer is invested in the community and heading towards full participation
Insider (i.e. Regular) ? Full committed community participant
Boundary (i.e. Leader) ? A leader, sustains membership participation and brokers interactions
Outbound (i.e. Elder) ? Process of leaving the community due to new relationships, new positions, new outlooks
The following shows the correlation between the learning trajectories and Web 2.0 community participation.

[edit] Learning trajectory ? online community participation
Example ? YouTube

Peripheral (Lurker) ? Observing the community and viewing content. Does not add to the community content or discussion. The user occasionally goes onto YouTube.com to check out a video that someone has directed them to.

Inbound (Novice) ? Just beginning to engage the community. Starts to provide content. Tentatively interacts in a few discussions. The user comments on other user?s videos. Potentially posts a video of their own.

Insider (Regular) ? Consistently adds to the community discussion and content. Interacts with other users. Regularly posts videos. Either videos they have found or made themselves. Makes a concerted effort to comment and rate other user?s videos.

Boundary (Leader) ? Recognized as a veteran participant. Connects with regulars to make higher concepts ideas. Community grants their opinion greater consideration. The user has become recognized as a contributor to watch. Possibly their videos are podcasts commenting on the state of YouTube and its community. The user would not consider watching another user?s videos without commenting on them. Will often correct a user in behavior the community considers inappropriate. Will reference other user?s videos in their comments as a way to cross link content.

Outbound (Elder) ? Leaves the community for a variety of reasons. Interests have changed. Community has moved in a direction that doesn?t agree with. Lack of time. User got a new job that takes up too much time to maintain a constant presence in the community. The Deletionist versus Inclusionist Controversy in another such case within wiki-based communities.

Leaving mumsnet temporarily is called flouncing and has its own topic. Lots of elders left recently to set up an invitation only exclusive forum and these people are known as moldies (mumsnet oldies). I believe that this was triggered by a stalking incident. You should consider that releasing your personal information on the web increases the risk of its misuse.

SlubberdegullionMaNaMaNa · 27/01/2009 16:05

don't do this in a middle of an interesting and amusing thread

it's SO rude and annoying

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 27/01/2009 16:05

Interesting pod, I think im between leader and elder atm

SoMuchToBits · 27/01/2009 16:06

No, definitely don't do what slubber said

SlubberdegullionMaNaMaNa · 27/01/2009 16:06

Use the bloody search function all you idle slow cooker owners.

SlubberdegullionMaNaMaNa · 27/01/2009 16:08

see fucking annoying and denotes quichey behaviour.

You'll have to link it to me Somuch, I can only see camping and food and site stuff.

Hijacks are irritating too.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 16:09

all very good points indeed

MaryAnnSingleton · 27/01/2009 16:10

please avoid talking about 'hard hats' and 'popcorn' - makes me cringe

LeninGrad · 27/01/2009 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.