We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

[Justine (mumsnet)]

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

a mini fridge in the bedroom must be a godsend for bottlefeeding mums these days?

No matter how many times you thought and how many people to told you would definitely want to go back to work after having a baby, when the time comes you won't be so eager.

If there is a spare moment, eat drink and go to the loo. It may be the last chance for hours....

Just when you think you can't take any more sore nipples, sleep deprivation, poo flying everywhere and screaming.......they look up and give you that beaming grin that says 'I love you, you're the best'. And THEN I realised what a parent was all about....

You will happily (well maybe not that happily) catch baby sick in your hands if it means saving yet another change of outfit (for baby, not you. You don't have the time to wash unneccesary clothes)

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People keep asking me what my top tip would be for new mums. Here it is - buy a leather sofa: they wipe clean.

Said today -

Me 'Ooh look, 'Chucklevision' is on the televison!!'

Dd 'I don't like Chucklevision.'

Me 'Why?'(disappointed that 20 mins of peace for yours truly was not to be)

Dd 'Chucklevision is not funny and the men on it are scary.'

We sounded like Andy and Lou from Little Britain.

Never leave a full nappy near your babies flailing hands.
Don't worry about renting that carpet cleaning machine - yours will get clean eventually - spot by spot (from food/poo/sick).

There is a very good reason why that good as new toy is for sale in a charity shop. You will be returning that same toy to the charity shop very soon, usually due to a)lack of off switch or b) it is way too loud and way too annoying or c) the batteries cost £10 and last a week

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What I used to think was important, really isn't.

You will forget to pack the most important item when you go out.

Always remove the baby's socks before removing the dirty nappy. If they can stick their feet in poo, they will.

I used to think that being in the "front line" meant being the CEO of a FTSE-100 country, reporting from Iraq, writing Booker prize-winning novels or carrying out brain surgery. Crap. The real front line is our kitchens. Our toddler groups. Our playgrounds.

And I really mean that.

You are so desparate for time to yourself that a trip to the dentist or a smear test seems like time off.

There will be days when you are desperate for their bedtime to come so you can have some time to yourself. Except that, when they're finally settled, you won't be able to tear yourself away from watching them sleep.

Babies like to eat baby wipes

Baby wipes are fantastic for cleaning things other than a baby- a leather sofa for example

and shoes .. and couches .. and carpets .. and sticky toddlers .. and puke

in fact you will never know how you managed to live without baby wipes

Boots and Tesco alternate the BOGOF offer on Baby wipes- NEVER pay full price for them

Having a baby makes you excited about realising things like 'boots and tescos alternative BOGOFs on baby wipes'

Yes...and when you realise how good they(baby wipes) are at cleaning all manor of things you'll one day wonder "What the F**k do they put in these things??"

'tear yourself away from watching them sleep' Moomina?! blimey I could always do that.

just clicked what bogoff is

wild - well, I can usually be persuaded if there's a bottle of wine waiting downstairs!

Am a big softy at heart, y'see.