Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

*in day to day life

There are boards which are (or have been) more heavily moderated eg the Gender Identity board. There are also threads which are more heavily moderated depending on what they are discussing. Words like "hurty feelings" and "triggered" just make me think you're determined to dismiss me @Florissante and @Ameanstreakamilewide and aren't especially keen to listen to my concerns so much as you are to win a bunfight and hopefully make me look silly in the meantime.

That isn't my goal towards you at all, so it would probably be better and more productive if you stop being so combative for no good reason.

I've explained why I am 'triggered' by the suggestion. Op hasn't lost her shit over my concerns and has responded in a reasonable way instead of trying very hard to get a gotcha / dig in against me.

I'm not interested in winning a fight or getting into one. So if you carry on, I'll just ignore you now.

But Mumsnet hasn't been just about mums for a very long time, so whether it would be of interest to mums is irrelevant. There are lots of people on these boards that it might be of interest to

They've also targeted Mumsnet, so I would need to stay off here too then. Which I would if things got so bad they couldn't be ignored here. If you've never seen it maybe you aren't paying attention 🤷‍♀️

Even if I avoided the internet altogether I still have to talk about incels etc at work (secondary school), so can't avoid altogether sadly

How strange. So if someone isn’t a mum you don’t talk to them or take their opinions on board? If you were looking for a nice hotel for a night away with your husband and you boss suggests somewhere you would say ‘sorry you don’t have children so I don’t want your opinion’.

This thread is really bringing out the odd among us! I can’t imagine having such a limited world view

@PaddlingPoollyColour so you don’t want a childfree board because it will attract incels to join the site but incels have already joined the site.

ok then….

This thread is really interesting in showing people’s different perceptions of Mumsnet. I definitely think of it primarily as a parenting site, though did use it before I got pregnant. Although lots of threads aren’t specifically about parenting, often it’s woven in there eg someone asking for style advice because they’ve lost their style identity since having kids or their body has changed since being pregnant, request for recipe ideas because they’re sick of cooking different meals for kids with different tastes, advice for dealing with a neighbour who’s noisy and inconsiderate but the OP is worried about being hypocritical if they complain because their baby cries in the night etc etc.

I’d assumed that most users on here are mums, it would be really interesting to know what the actual stats are.

So how they’d navigate social issues around parenthood, expectations at work and inheritance issues would be the same as people with children then?

no of course not.

bizarre how afraid some folks are of people discussing issues that they don’t have to face!

BTW @Mark19735 your language around people without children is disgusting and exactly why such a board is needed. To describe people unable to conceive as ‘Wannabee parents’ is vile

I disagree, I think it would be popular; there are many childfree posters here and I'm glad OP has suggested it and hope @mnhq give it a go, even for a trial as a PP suggested.

I view mumsnet as a place for debate, discussing, support and, mostly, truth.

More and more women are choosing childfree life so a board would be reflective of this.

I tend to agree with this. I'm not particularly against it but I do think that the 'childfree' narrative online is toxic overall. It really seems to be dominated by unpleasant anti parent/anti children people with a victim complex rather than just talk about 'childfree' issues as such.

I agree. I was on it way before I became a parent. I stumbled across it because of a post on DailyMail that somehow showed up and it was hilarious. Been on it ever since. Tried Reddit too but liked this better because it felt more just like people 'chatting' ... in saying that it does seem to become more aggressive the past couple of years

Yes that’s right because living without children is analogous to being an anti natalist incel! 🙄🙄

honestly the bizarre fear-monger in response to what is a perfectly normal lifestyle choice that affects you in no way whatsoever is bizarre. It’s like me assuming all parents are the Radford’s or Mick Philpott.

I’d honestly never realised how many parents are threatened by people they don’t know, making perfectly reasonable but different choices to them. Perhaps it explains the rising extremism and lack of tolerance in society if you’re all raising the next generation to hate and fear any person that makes a different choice to you!

You're bang on. I said every childless person is an incel. Well spotted

I think it could potentially attract more and there are enough already. One is too many! But I am in favour of the board but only as a trial and with additional moderation.

I mean, if the board did happen and the whole site went a bit incel-y, I'd just leave so not an enormous deal (but I'd miss some things, so would prefer it not to happen)

I see most of the threads being about parking, friendships and whatever else- boards like style and beauty are well used and very few are specifically about style after children etc.

So basically you’re expressing an unfounded opinion based on no evidence that incorporates your unpleasant bias that child free people are analogous to incels

Lovely

it honestly sounds like you know bugger all about incel culture or children people!

I’d be all for it.

What’s been most illuminating in the responses here is that those who are so anti it because all us awful childfree/less types are so horrible to and about parents and children are the same ones who currently come on childfree threads to harass, insult, belittle and goad us endlessly, without provocation.

Maybe there should be a strict parent only forum for the insecure, controlling and narrow-minded, whose only way of feeling they have any standing or power in the world is to insult people who live different lives to them.

They get the one issue echo chamber they are so desperate for, and the rest of us can crack on with being people who understand most other people are multi-layered and multi-interest driven, regardless of parental status.

Although I imagine that without anyone to feel ‘superior’ to, the ‘only parents matter’ lot would still be on here, desperate to feel important.

I do not think childless people are incels or anything like them.

I've repeatedly said how supportive I am of child free and childless people on the board.

I have explained a few times why I have concerns and you have either misread, not read or misunderstood what I have said.

I am not going to repeat myself again.

There are several inaccuracies in your post, some of which I shall address here. I:

did not address you, nor did I quote you in my post. This means that my post was addressed to the thread as a whole.

used the term "hurty feels" not "hurty feelings". If you are going to quote me, please give me the courtesy of quoting me accurately.

post on the feminism board and, yes, it is quite heavily moderated. Is, not was.

am not any or less interested in your "concerns" that I am in anyone else's. This is a thread about whether or not there should be a new board not.

Disagreeing with someone is not being combative.

Yes you think that incels hang out with and are attracted to boards people who don’t have children. Must be why Style and Betty, the Doghouse and other non-parenting boards of full of them eh?

like I said, unfounded scaremongering.

An analogy of how this might be useful based on existing board differences might be pet owner's threads:

'How can I stop my cat toileting in next door's garden' for example.

In general threads such as AIBU this would attract lots of 'cats should be banned' 'cat owners are so entitled' type responses, when what the the OP is seeking is advice, not judgement or a moral debate on cat ownership.

In specialist community thread 'The Litter Tray' the responses would be practical advice and tips, support on how to talk sensibly to the neighbour and so on.

I am amused by the idea that the creation of a childfree / childless board would cause the entire MN site to go "incel-y".

Interestingly, the idea of incels was started by a woman. But it was taken over by misogynist males. And the incel concept has nothing to do with children.

Agree.

it’s fascinating to me just from this thread how fearful some parents of of us being able to talk about issues that affect our lives in a safe and constructive way.

@PaddlingPoollyColour

You used the word 'triggered', not me.

I have nothing but apathy about the potential new board. So, there's no bun fight-ery from me here.