Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

You basically just described amazon. And branching out didn't harm Bezos at all!

The voice of common sense. Thank goodness. The more I read this thread the more I think what a terrible idea. Its ridiculous. Lets have a section for billionaires on a budgeting forum especially for those who dont need to budget wtf.

I don't think the 2 are linked. Many fanatic dog owners people just like their own children, but are forgetful that they were children themselves twats.

Or they think that hey were the perfect parents and had the perfect children, but disagree with other parenting styles.

The expectation that the child free should be corralled in one place would worry me.
Thank goodness that so far no one has tried to suggest that as a child free woman I'm not welcome on the Masterchef threads.

@doctorwhonerd

I guess 'what does this look like' type titles on AIBU are too ambiguous to avoid.

but as it's a parenting forum, I don't think it needs to be censored.

it's sad if it upsets people, but I think 'that's life' you can't stop everyone being upset.

MN is brilliant for a million conversation that don't require you to be a parent, but I think it's unrealistic to expect/request people don't use chat/AIBU for parenting issues in a parenting forum.

Go to Ovarit, Childfree Reddit, Femvox (if that's still a thing?!) or any one of the many, many other places where you can discuss Not Having a Child

Ovarit and Femvox seem to be very small forums with a strong gender-critical focus. Reddit is not female-dominated, nor does it have a strong UK representation - for a topic in which societal norms in this country and expectations of women play a huge part in daily experience, I don't think this would be the best home for what we want to talk about.

Eh I used to identify as 'childfree' and every childfree space I've ever been in has ended up just bashing parents and children and developing into silly made-up narratives about 'parent privilege'. Every one. The anti-parents rhetoric is dominant online and its pretty tiresome. You can't see a video on Insta or Tik Tok about parenting without them in the comments generally being a dick about children and parents. I have no idea what's behind the compulsion to go to spaces not meant for you and behave like that. It's such a weird entitlement. There are 'childfree' posters here already who I see on parenting posts being really unpleasant (saying they use the struggling parents posts to feel better about their lives for example), and generally having a go at parents on buses, parents on planes, parents in cafes, parents in supermarkets, parents who need to leave work to pick up their kids etc etc. I've seen it really, really upset mums on here especially of babies and younger kids who are still adjusting or struggling. My friends who don't have children would never behave like that and I didn't when I thought I would never want children (it's partly why I left 'childfree' spaces and identity, I didn't like the way they spoke about parents and children).
Incidentally I have no interest in going back and forth with anybody on this, especially since I've noticed usernames already pop up in this thread I recognise as being among the unpleasant childfree posters.

mumsnet is brilliant for a million & one things not related to whether you have children or not.

what on Earth would you discuss on a thread solely for people without children? & why would you need to?

yes your view on many other topics will often take into account you having children (politics/car size etc) but it's not ABOUT children/parenting.

it's also NOT going to stop AIBU's like in the OP. so @musixa would you only post in that topic??

and would you seek to ban parents posting in that topic??

frankly I don't see the point at all.

It's astonishing how little people bother to read. I've explained why I think the board would affect the entire site. I'm not repeating myself to someone who cannot be fucked to read and comprehend what I'm saying. Cheers.

@AnnWithoutAnnie I gave a few examples of what might be discussed in the OP.

I agree it might not stop AIBUs like the one cited - but it would provide an immediate answer to them (yes, we are welcome here, we have our own board).

If you look at other boards for particular groups, there is never a 'ban' on others posting - the standard header is along the lines of 'this board is primarily for the use of xxxxxx Mumsnetters, others are welcome to post but please be respectful' - so there'd be no reason for this hypothetical board to be any different.

Thank goodness it isn't.

Maybe posters scrolled past your pasts as they realised that there was nothing constructive or useful in them.

Yes, exactly.

The entire internet is a "safe space" for the child free who want to make their point aggressively towards parents IME.

I do see why people who are hurt by seeing lots of conception posts might struggle on Mumsnet though. But I do not think it is worth the risk of attracting the "ugh aren't children and parents the worst?" posters. There are many on here already and they have ruined the site at points (not too bad lately) and no, they aren't welcomed (by me). You don't want kids? Absolutely great. Fantastic choice. I support you. You don't want kids, you don't like parents, you enjoy seeing them having a harder time than you are currently and you actively dislike children? Then you can fuck off. And I said the same to people long before I had kids of my own or any notion I'd have them. Those people are bigoted asshats and I have no time for them.

So, what I think I'd say is that, having thought about it, I think HQ could introduce this board but moderate it strictly (as they do with the gender ID boards) and remove posts and posters which are openly hostile to parents or children. Ditto any vitriolic posts towards childless / childfree people btw.

Maybe we need a common sense board so that we can avoid posts like this.

what on Earth would you discuss on a thread solely for people without children? & why would you need to?

Well, off the top of my head, maybe things like plans for care as an elderly person, plans for how to bequeath your assets, issues people face at work including being expected to work every Christmas/major holiday simply because you don’t have children, people might want to discuss feeling lonely, how friendships change as friends navigate parenthood, suggestions for adults-only holiday destinations, the frustrations of being asked continually about your status as a parent and the assumptions some people make about you, representation in media/political/social circles of childfree women etc etc

not an exhaustive list obviously, just a few ideas.

can you see why any of those topics are worthy of a discussion?

I think for me the starting point is:

Mumsnet clearly have plenty of users who don't have children - whether that's no children yet, no children by choice or no children not by choice.

Some of the particular things those people may want to discuss are already covered - maybe in the sections for people thinking about TTC or infertility.

But there are some things that don't relate to the reason Why a poster doesn't have children but are impacted by it.

Things that tend to cause excitement/difficulty with replies can be things about children in the family who aren't their own, things about time off at work, about how their lives may change at the point that many of their friends start having children. How Christmas works. Those are just the ones off the top of my head, I'm sure there are more.

None of those detract from the people who have children - it takes all kinds of people to make a world and I tend to think in the main tolerance is a good thing.

Creating a space for those who want to to discuss how that either life choice/life-not-choice impacts them, would seem to me like a sensible decision. I don't think it belittles those who have children - particularly because I don't think for most people "not having children" is some politically motivated choice - people are just more likely to spot those people as they will flag it up on a regular basis.

I would support the creation of some kind of "people without children" board.

That was a kind and sensitive post, @Augend23 .

I think HQ could introduce this board but moderate it strictly (as they do with the gender ID boards) and remove posts and posters which are openly hostile to parents or children.

I completely agree. The idea is certainly not to have a parent/child-bashing board. I don't dislike children - I am often one of the people sticking up for children's right to enjoy public spaces such as restaurants, for example, on threads where some parents take the 'I only like my own children, not other people's' line. I am the opposite - I don't mind other people's children but I couldn't cope with children of my own.

Seconded.

You realise that one poster troll who spouted stuff like that is not representative of every childfree poster though, right?

If HQ can take a zero tolerance approach to parent bashing, then go for it.

Just remembering another of the parent bash greatest hits posts - when someone posted on the conception board where someone was struggling with fertility that she shouldn't have children anyway as the world is overpopulated. Safe space? Yeah, go on then please HQ. Make safe spaces for those of us who aren't cunts to childfree or parents if poss.

There are definitely issues that affect childfree parents that don't come on my radar, just as there are the other way. Don't agree with all the examples listed but certainly see why it's been requested...just one thing you cant assume it will be women only

Perhaps MNHQ would be prepared to trial it for, say, six months? If it degenerated into a hive of parent-bashing or only had a handful of threads then it could disappear.

No, absolutely, but the same can be said for any board - and a general 'without children' board would certainly have relevance to men too.

I think unfortunately the creation of this sort of board would just create loads of bun fights. Unless the threads didn’t show up in Active you’d get loads of parents stumbling across the threads, posting on them, which would then probably wind up the childless/childfree users of the board. I think you’d also get posters deliberately jumping on the threads because they will feel so irritated by the existence of a board specifically for people without children on a site that (whatever people feel about its ethos) does still have the strap line “by parents, for parents”.