Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

Nope. It was one forum full of threads and was not split into boards.

OP I think this is a great idea but I’d name it a “Board for Posters without children” or similar

Many of the issues you describe also affect adults who have experienced fertility problems or loss and I’d want them to feel welcome to join discussions to help navigate their situation

Of course Mumsnet welcomes childfree posters.

I posted on here before I knew I wanted children and was actively considering a childfree life.

But I would never have expected a board that was set up with the original aim of supporting mothers to create a 'childfree' board. I find the notion absurd.

I guess many people find change difficult!

You forgot

• Those that desperately wanted children and tried for years and years and that's how they found mn and happen to still be here

and

• Those who are childless because every baby they did conceive fucking died

👍🏼

I was a bit against this but upon reading further, how about instead of having 'a board for childfree mumsbetters', we have 'a board to talk about child free issues and discussions'? Sort of like we have cost of living board, covid board, etc as opposed to Scotnets, black mumsnetters, etc.

Didn't forget them at all. I just called them Wannabee parents and Bereaved parents. I'm not precious about the terminology - it's the sentiment that matters. Both groups have an affinity with parenthood despite not having children. It's only people who dislike threads by parents for parents that are not fine. And it's their behaviour, not their status, that determines a person's belonging to that group. Behaviour such as demanding a board which explicitly excludes the very members of the community this site was set up to serve.

You join a book club. At first, everyone's chatting about the books, but soon the discussions branch off as you discover you've got similar tastes in music, like watching the same stuff on telly. New people join, sometimes they don't contribute to the book discussion and that's fine as they're mainly there to share car maintenance tips.

Even more new people join, but now it's not that they want to focus on things other than the books, but that they want a room where they can talk about how rubbish reading is, how glad they are that they haven't opened a book since school, and how difficult it is to maintain friendships with bookworms.

Bizarre.

🤔

many churches welcome and include people of all faiths and none.

Every CAMRA beer festival I have been to has a section for traditional cider and perry and traditional fruit wines. I believe some have artisan gin and rum these days too.

I would personally find discussions from a childfree perspective really helpful.
There are aspects of my decision I struggle with at times and would like to discuss with those following a similar path (by choice and by circumstance).

Surely some women start off with wanting to be mums and joining say for the fertility or pregnancy advice boards and stay on once they've realised it's not going to happen?

Ah yes, jumped on by all the exceptionally original 'it's MUMSnet' or faux 'I just don't understand why a non parent would be on a forum that talks about parking, neighbours, cheeky fuckers, pets, feminism, weddings, style and beauty, tv, books, health, legal issues, property, work, parenting' posters. They just can't seem to help themselves

I do find it interesting that all the childfree posters are saying they’d appreciate this because it’d be a place to discuss things which are a struggle for them, which they could use support with, or just a place where they could be understood…

… and then all the parents who are against it are insisting that we’d use it to be horrible about parents and boast about how much better our lives are.

If you don’t do use the parenting board for being horrible about childless people and boasting, why do you think a childfree board would be full of people without kids doing it towards parents? Especially when this thread is full of people explaining the actual reasons it’d be helpful to them?

I agree with this. While I would love a little corner here where I didn’t have to justify my very existence on the forum to the “it’s called MUMSnet” crowd, I think it would run the risk of us childfree people being met with cries of “you wanted your own board and you got it and yet you’re still on AIBU/relationships/insert non-parenting-related board of choice” anytime we dared venture from our board.

People can be very valuable participants on very many threads regardless of whether they’re parents or not, and to think otherwise shows a lack of respect and intelligence, in my view. As I saw posted on a thread lately, do Mums ask other women in real life if they’re Mums before deciding if their opinion is worthy, and if not, why does not being one mean someone has no business posting on a style thread, or a TV one, or a gardening one etc?

I find it extraordinary how some mums are so threatened by the mere existence of us that they actively want to exclude us or corral us to one section, on a website where MNHQ have repeatedly clarified that we are welcome, as long as we post within the guidelines, same as all other posters here. It smacks of deep insecurity to me.
And the arguments are not very compelling, especially when they’ve been addressed by so many people, so many times already, including MNHQ. The “It’s called MUMSnet” one, the “how did you end up here in the first place?” one, the “I can’t imagine I’d want to be on a forum for car enthusiasts if I wasn’t one” crew, the “it’s a parenting forum” line… how many times does it have to be said that yes, it’s called mumsnet but has moved on from that and expanded and all are welcome; people came here via Google searches, word of mouth or mainstream media/FB picking up threads; that would be a valid comparison if this forum had nothing only parenting-related threads, but it doesn’t; see previous- the majority of topics are absolutely nothing to do with parenting so it cannot in all honesty now be described as ‘predominantly a parenting forum’.

I cannot imagine being so narrow-minded that I would want to gate-keep this forum, which is the largest U.K. based female-dominated forum, from other women just because they haven’t had children. I know it’s is only a minority of posters who wish to do so, but they are a vocal minority and can be pretty vitriolic at times.

So rather than herding us into one section from which we dare not venture, I think I’d like to see @MNHQ take a more visible and prominent stance on this, making it abundantly clear that we are indeed welcome here, and perhaps even disallowing the tedious, repetitive, faux-wonderment style threads asking about us every week/month.

I think it's a good idea. It's so frustrating when women post about their real life problems and the instant reply is "don't have children with him" or "when you have children xyz".

The whole world doesn't revolve around fertility.

This is a great suggestion.

Why is it absurd? There are plenty of threads where being childfree is relevant but not the main focus and people pile in with the competitive tiredness, never known love like it, blah blah blah. I have a child but can see how for others who are understandably fed up with this it'd be good. Can't see why anyone would be against it seen as though they could easily ignore it?

But "Never wanted to be a parent and intensely dislike threads by parents for parents" - not fine. Not fine at all.

The suggested board wouldn't be aimed exclusively at those who never wanted to be parents, it would be for everyone who finds themselves living life without children, whether by choice or circumstance.

Whether people 'intensely dislike' parenting threads is irrelevant (I don't dislike them, personally).

I'm not keen on having a mumsnet board for people without children.
There are already too many posters who are hostile to children. I would have their posts deleted if it was up to me.

There is a difference between a church being open to people from other faiths and a church actively handing out the Qu'ran. There is a difference between a Mosque being welcoming to all comers and providing tracts entitled "why Allah doesn't exist".

There is a difference between Mumsnet welcoming viewpoints from people without children (which it does) and actively having a board for people to discuss childfree issues when the site was set up specifically by parents for parents.

A lot of newbies come to the site because they believe (not unreasonably, imo) that it is about parenting, particularly being a mother. Because there are a lot of people without parents on the site, they will sometimes start a thread asking about why there are so many non-parent posters. These aren't malicious, as so many posters seem to make out, it's genuine puzzlement.

A 'childless not by choice' section might make sense, I grant you. A specific 'childfree' section, not so much.

I would love a board for people without children.

I join

Gah, butterfingers!

I joined MN in around 2009 under a different username. At the time I thought I might be a mum but it never happened.

I'm in my 50's now and have accepted I'll be childless and I'm mostly ok with it. But sometimes it hurts. It would be great to have a small space on here to talk about these things without judgement.

A 'childless not by choice' section might make sense, I grant you. A specific 'childfree' section, not so much.

If you agree the board might be useful, I don't really understand the rationale for drawing the distinction. The idea wouldn't be to duplicate existing boards that focus on the not-by-choice reasons, such as infertility. The idea would be a space to discuss day to day issues affecting all those without children in their life, for any reason. It might also be useful to people on the fence about whether to have children.

Argh, typo in my previous post - 'without parents' should obviously read 'who aren't parents'.

Anyway, this is a thread for sharing viewpoints. I've given mine. Others have given theirs.

Will step away from this thread now.

There’s a lot more arguments for a childless board than for a childfree board. It could be less than helpful for the childless group to be confronted with people over the moon about their life choices. The two paths are very different.