I would actually like the posters who confidently say that women without children shouldn't be on MN define what a mum is
I know it sounds like a straightforward question but I actually think it isn't and that's its missed in the nuance of this.
So is someone whose only child has died still a mum? They don't have children can they still post here?
How old does the child have to be when it dies for it to count? If a baby is stillborn does it still count?
How old does the stillborn baby have to be to still count - at 24 week I think there is a 74% change of survival. At 22 weeks there is a 10% chance of survival. If a baby dies after being born at 22 weeks is the woman who gave birth to it not a mum because the survival rates were too low?
What is the cut off date before which if a woman has a miscarriage she can't be considered a mum? Because I'm pretty sure there are prolife posters who have said childless women shouldn't be on here, despite the fact that many infertile women have miscarriages. Apparently its only life from conception when it suits.
And then when we get past miscarriages, step mum's are welcome according to some on this thread.
What makes a step mum? I've seen some say that if you aren't married to the father you aren't a step mum. Is that still true, because no one expects that in other parenting relationships?
How often a week do you have to spend with the children to be considered a step mum? What if you only see them for a few hours once month, are you a step mum? What is the precise cut off in hours to be considered a step mum?
If women who had still born babies aren't allowed to consider themselves mothers, and some on mumsnet think they arent, then what about women whose babies were adopted at birth, are they mums? Because people are adamant that the surrogate mothers are mums, even though those babies are removed at birth, so should mothers whose babies were adopted at birth still be considered mums? Because there may be the odd childfree person who fits into that category. Probably less so amoungst the younger users but certainly my 48 year old sister had a baby adopted at birth due to a teenage pregnancy. So is she a mother or not?
Because if you can be a mother if you gave birth and immediately gave the baby away, but you are not a mother if you gave birth and the baby was dead, but you are a mother if the child dies when it's older then it's all a load of made up rules really isn't it?
And then adoptive mums are quite rightly considered welcome as mums. But I am apparently not welcome even in conversations where I have pointed out I have my niece living with me. I am bringing her up but I am not her mum. I don't consider myself to be her mum because aunty is a good enough title as far as I am concerned. But other people dont consider me the same as an adoptive mum and ive never seen a compelling reason why.
This is in no way to somehow say childfree people are any less worthy of being here, by me focusing on childless posters. Its just for me some of the arguments around childless women on here really aggravate me. Particually pro life women, or women who are adamant (and rightly so) that the surrogate mother is a mother, but who still think that women with fertility problems that may have had miscarriages including still births aren't mothers.
I also find it somewhat ironic that the "we should only have mothers here" and especially the "Im not interested in anyones opinion if they are not a mother" are also saying that the opinion or presence of a child abuser who happens to had a child is more welcome than the 46% of teachers who dont have children. That's a bold choice there.