Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

So go on chat.
If you're fed up of the parents go to one of the many other places that welcome that.
But asking it at Mumsnet is laughable.

Yes. Picture a Venn diagram with by far the biggest section being the bit in the middle where we overlap and want to talk about the same topics. But just as there are some things mums will wish to talk about that we won't, there are topics that will concern us and not mums - some of which have been suggested warlier in the thread.

I really had no idea until I read this thread how controversial it is having women who aren't mothers joining in the conversation on this site. I really thought it was just a few people who didn't get it and needed it explained to them. It's depressing and makes me want a mumsnot section much more than I did when the thread started.

That's where you're wrong.
Nobody cares if people who aren't parents are here joining in.
But when you want a board here to specifically moan about parents and kids it's ridiculous.
If you want to specifically talk about child free things then go to the specific board on reddit.

It's depressing to think that childless people on here who want their own board call us 'The only mummies matter brigade'

No one wants a board to moan about mums and children - that's where you're wrong and just not getting it - to a bizarre degree actually. Why do you have such a chip on your shoulder about women who don't have children? What are you so afraid of? Is your ego that fragile that even the possibility we might have our own space on here feels like a threat to you? What's it to you exactly? And yes people on this thread have indeed made comments that have made childless and childfree women feel unwelcome.

So why do you need it? If it's not to discuss that any discussion you do have would already fall into one of the categories available.

This is a parenting site. End of. MN who created it back that. Others are welcome to join but this is a space for parents. If you want a space for childless people to discuss their matters without parents input then this isn't it.

I appreciate this is a long thread so it's understandable you won't have read the whole thing. A number of topics we might wish to discuss have been mentioned - some of them are what to do in terms of leaving our estates to charity or other causes, how to deal with social stigma of not being a mother, how to find meaning in life without children, particularly in old age, etc. I don't have any problem whatsoever with mothers - it's not about that.

I’ll be honest I don’t get it? The whole point of MN is to ask other mums for support but also to chat politics and stuff with the one group of people who know mums actually have opinions on those things! I think the conception board has a lot of non-mums-so-far which makes sense. What would be discussed on the childless board?

It happens on chat too.

My comment is explicit that parents would be welcome, something that’s been clearly reiterated throughout by @musixa. Nobody is excluding them.

MN already allows people to moan about parents and kids - plenty of parents avail themselves of the opportunity. I haven’t noticed anyone campaigning to MN to have them banned.

How the suggestion of a board where anyone can post about childless issues has become a hostile takeover of the entire MN brand is beyond me.

I don’t agree with the tone of that comment but there are plenty of posters on this thread (and others running on AIBU) who’ve made it very clear that they consider the entirety of the site to be about mums and that nobody else should be considered.

So the will thread could easily fir into chat or legal and probably many others.

Again meaning of life without being a mother? Many of us don't link our kids to that so chat or philosophy would do fine.

You can't have a place on MN that excludes parents completely. It won't happen. Parents will be there.

@Paperlate you must have a very charmed life if that depresses you.

I was also referring to the very small yet vocal minority on these boards who have reacted with the same small minded vitriol to the idea of a childfree/less section as they do to any thread where we talk about our lives. It’s clear that you’d prefer us all to be sitting silently by envying you or simply not existing.

That women on a women focused chat forum are so full of hate & condescension for other women who do not live like them is what’s actually depressing.

What do you mean? You keep saying this.

You can't have a place on MN that excludes parents completely. It won't happen. Parents will be there.

I don’t know how many more times it can be said that nobody is suggesting this. Parents would be welcome to post on there if they wished to (though I imagine that, like the majority of childless people and the parenting board, it’s unlikely to be of huge interest).

Even if things can go in chat or legal, does that mean they have to? There are tons of boards on here whose threads could go on chat.

I think they mean that we can’t create our own MN board.

We could of course create our own website and forum but it’s hardly surprising that nobody is keen to fork out for the technical expertise, bandwidth and advertising needed to elevate such a site to the level of traffic that MN experiences, when MN could simply… create a board for that topic, where everyone is welcome.

It depressing to think that on the feminism board on MN I was told my death would matter less because I am childless. Literally they thought that only mums matter.

@Tootootoot I agree, I feel very conflicted. I’ve actually been against the idea of the board throughout the thread but the amount of gatekeeping that the thread has produced had really made me think. I’ve stopped posting on MN as much because it feels like I’m not welcome here at all. I guess for some posters that’s a positive.

Me too. It's been eye-opening, and not in a nice way. I don't feel welcome here anymore, which seems to be what a vocal (hopefully) minority want.

@fitzwilliamdarcy, the silent majority of MNers really don't give a toss whether you're a parent or not. You're more than welcome here so please don't allow yourself to be driven away by a few sad parents who have nothing better to do than dictate to other people about where to post what on the Internet.

Personally, I really value the breadth of perspectives on here and am more than happy to read the contributions of posters who don't have children. The fact that someone happens to be a parent doesn't make their ideas any more relevant or interesting to me.

Tbh, I'm really shocked at the level of vitriol that this thread seems to have inspired for what strikes me as a pretty innocuous request. For me, that just does more to underline the need for a dedicated childfree board for people to discuss certain issues without the weird, smug nastiness that is clearly aimed at them by some parents.

@MNHQ, have you made a decision on this yet?

Will matters and old age without children
Finding happiness after infertility
Book and film recommendations
Media portrayals of childless/childfree people
Childless/free in the workplace
Social attitudes to childfree and childless people
The concept of pronatalism

For starters.

I’m sure however I articulate this it will be taken the wrong way but… I guess what I’m a bit frustrated by in this thread is… what’s wrong in principle with the idea of a space that’s for mums?

Then why are you okay with the conception board? Or the infertility board? Are you assuming they are only used by existing mums trying to have a second child?

I don't know if you realise but there is a space for women struggling to conceive. Those women are not mothers and some never will be.

But what’s being requested is childfree not childless (which already exists) ie people who aren’t mums and don’t want to be mums

No it's both. Most of us feel we have much in common.