Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

It's hard to verify whether most of these threads are actually started by parents or not, not least because people lie on the internet. Again, I suggest trying the board out and giving it a few months to see whether people can actually use such a forum and behave like decent human beings. If they can't (my money is on "can't," I'm afraid), dissolve the board and tell the posters that if they want to have those kinds of discussions, please bugger off to Twitter or Reddit. But I think we need to actually try this out, otherwise this discussion is just going to continue going round and round in circles.

People who start 'I hate children' threads do it to get a reaction so they choose high-traffic boards - i.e. AIBU. I can't see them being started on a niche board, especially not a niche board dominated by people who don't have any children for them to hate.

Those posters are the exception, not the rule, and they wouldn't be tolerated.

I've been here a long while and I've seen countless posters who are parents not being supportive, being negative, bullying, criticising and piling on flaming the OP who has asked for help.

Should all the boards be removed because of this minority? Of course not, so you must extend the same logic to the without children board.

An awful lot of posters seem to be just lazily repeating the question ‘But what topics would you discuss on this board that you can’t talk about elsewhere?’ without realising that maybe that’s already been covered if they just bother to RTFT.

If anyone wants to wind parents up they’re far more likely to do it in AIBU. I think that for the topics that have been listed, this board could be really useful.

I agree with you about conversations turning nasty on the sites you’ve mentioned. I don’t think anyone here wants a board that’s like that. It’s why I’d like one on Mumsnet, precisely because I’m not anti-children at all and it would hopefully avoid the toxic nature of some other places. It would be good to have somewhere to talk about things relating to not having children somewhere that’s not child-hating.

This

If you have children, saying "but what would you discuss on a child free board" is a bit condescending and dismissive in itself.

Im not sure using the argument 'you shouldnt have the board because all the childfree people will be mean about parents' works when you simultaneously say that you dont think childfree people can act like decent human beings.

The assumption that parents are all lovely and childfree women are all terrible human beings kind of falls down at that point

The tone of the last couple of pages is quite depressing.

"We'll allow you your board for six months only because we don't think you have anything to discuss amongst yourselves. As we suspect you can't act civilly or decently and/or will attract anti-natalists from Reddit, the board should be intensely moderated. After all, MN should be free of threads attacking parents and kids. We doubt that the existing threads of that nature are actually being posted by parents; it's probably you lot in disguise."

I keep coming back to this, not least because I suspect MNHQ has gone quiet because the answer is no... a childless/free board isn't going to make people who think like the above welcoming to our presence. It's just going to give them an excuse to tell us to get back to our board where we belong. Especially if we're the ones who lobbied for it in the first place.

you simultaneously say that you dont think childfree people can act like decent human beings.

Nope. I didn't say that and don't think that. I do think that a CF board will most likely attract the ones that don't act like decent human beings. Most CF people are decent human beings and will spend their time mostly hanging around other boards, like they already do at the moment.

I'm happy for MNHQ to give such a board a try. If it works well, fine. If MNHQ end up having to spend a lot of their time sorting the board out, closing threads and banning unsavory types, they have the right to close it down.

Im not sure using the argument 'you shouldnt have the board because all the childfree people will be mean about parents' works when you simultaneously say that you dont think childfree people can act like decent human beings

Thanks, you put that much better than I could.

It's so depressing to have to explain to women on a women's board that women who don't have kids are human.

I've been here for over a decade. I have real life friends I met through this website.

And I'm told by some on here that I'm not welcome because I obviously spend all my time slagging off parents, hate children and will bring incels.

If MNHQ end up having to spend a lot of their time sorting the board out, closing threads and banning unsavory types, they have the right to close it down

And guess who's fault that would be framed as? 'see, I knew letting childfree women have a board was a mistake! look at what happened!'

Do MN have to spend a lot of time sorting boards out because they attratt 'unsavoury types,'?

It's so depressing to have to explain to women on a women's board that women who don't have kids are human

And can't be trusted to behave by the 'grown ups.'

I'm happy for MNHQ to give such a board a try. If it works well, fine. If MNHQ end up having to spend a lot of their time sorting the board out, closing threads and banning unsavory types, they have the right to close it down.

You mean like feminism? Should we shut that down then?

I, like @fitzwilliamdarcy , keep vacillating as to whether this is a good idea or not.

I want the board, I want to be able to discuss moving on from infertility, what that looks like etc

I would have loved somewhere to discuss having a coil fitted to stop the dreaded hope that rears its head every time my period is late. Somewhere where I wouldn't have a corus of 'why are you on MUMsnet' and 'someones uncles dentist had a baby in their 40s don't give up hope'. I want the board, there is a genuine need for it.

I also want the board to try to stop some of the regular corus of 'why are there childfree people on MN'

But I also wonder if @fitzwilliamdarcy is right. If I then post on another thread I will be told to fuck off back to the childfree zone

And some of the parents on this thread seem so motivated to prove that the board will fill up with child hating threads I wonder if that motivation would turn into action.

And some of the parents on this thread seem so motivated to prove that the board will fill up with child hating threads I wonder if that motivation would turn into action.

I am starting to worry about that too.

Morning, everyone.

Just to reassure you all, we are still reading and digesting. We'll need to have a proper discussion about it here so no news on a decision right now, but just wanted to say we haven't forgotten about the thread and will let you know as soon as we've had a chance to look at it all carefully.

In the meantime, please continue to add your thoughts about the idea here.

I don’t know why hesitancy is being taken completely out of context for this particular issue but at the end of the day, on every other forum (Twitter, Reddit, etc) the default positions seem to be that children are gross and should be exiled from society and mums talking amongst ourselves about politics or just our interests is suspicious… all except for this forum, because it’s a parenting forum. I think it’s completely reasonable to be hesitant considering what we’ve already seen on other forums. And nobody has suggested anything that can’t be discussed on other boards (conception, film & literature, AIBU, etc). Honestly… it just feels like having welcomed more people onto mumsnet, mums are just going to end up in the same position as everywhere else where we’re looked down on.

And nobody has suggested anything that can’t be discussed on other boards (conception, film & literature, AIBU, etc).

The problem is, when we do use those other boards we get asked why we are here.

I literally just want to talk about topics relevant to me with some of the brilliant women I've had contact with on here. I have no interest in slagging off kids or parents.

Don't understand why that's so difficult and / or scary to some people.

Where should I discuss having a coil fitted to stop feeling like I could be pregnant every time my period is late even though I know its fundamentally impossible?

And if I was to post the thread how quickly do you think someone will respond with "my aunt couldn't have children but then she went on holiday when she was 45 and she got pregnant so dont give up hope"

Also you seem to be fairly certain on who is a mum. Can you please take a look at and respond to my post to clear up some of my queries about who is considered a mum because I am confused about what the definition is

As a pp said, if you ask a childfree board for a 'mums' corner, they would also be bemused. They may need to consider how it affects their audience and brand. That's not to say I think the idea is misguided, some of the posts on this thread are poignant and reasonable. But the pushback is not surprising. Has anyone asked a childfree site for a mums board on their forum? Would be curious to know their response.

Has anyone asked a childfree site for a mums board on their forum? Would be curious to know their response.

I posted earlier on the thread about a childfree by choice board that I used to be on a decade ago which welcomed parents who had previously been childfree, but for whom circumstances changed. There were no issues with the two mixing together. I miss that board so much because it feels to me representative of less adversarial times.

But this site has so much more than parenting topics. MNHQ have even said that the site has evolved and welcomes everyone from all walks of life, not just mums.

This analogy has been discussed before on this thread, it's boring.

But to repeat, if a childfree site only discusses issues related to being childfree, and states that it welcomes only the child free, then no, asking for a mum's corner would not be appropriate.

If, like Mumsnet, they discuss a huge array of topics, the majority of which don't require you to be a mum, and even have the site's moderators saying that they welcome all, not just the chick free, then it's a reasonable request, as the brand is more than the name.

That's the first point.

Secondly, as has also been stated on this thread already, society is set up where being a parent is the 'default'. Being a childless woman actually places you in a minority, so it's not an equal comparison to use mums on a childfree site as an example.

'In the UK, 18% of women are childless at the end of their reproductive lives'