Why are you allowing people to troll the Sex Board?

[HornyBee]

If it was any other board you wouldn't allow it.
If I went on another board and started posting recipes and taking the piss out of the posters I'd quickly be banned.
It is flooded with people trolling it.
Every single thread.
It's really horrible.
Take it off active or just shut the whole board down.
It's disgusting.

I couldn’t give a flying frig if it’s men or women but when anyone in a relationship is openly using MN to find online (or RL, it’s doesn’t really matter) fuckbuddies it feels off and DEFINITELY ‘not in the spirit’ to use MNHQ’s own terminology.

It may have started out like that @everywhichway but it's now dominated by men. There are other sites for that - adult wok and only fans spring to mind.

The so-called hook up thread (the sexchat thread) was an initiative of one of the many, many women users of that thread who have enjoyed its existence for several months now

There are what? 112 men on that thread going on a post. Far outweighs the number of women. How many messages does 1 women get when she posts? Why are there posts being firm with men overstepping boundaries? Stroppy posts from men who aren't getting the chat they demand.

Mumsnet can't keep woman safe from dodgy specimens. There are sites out there that give added protection, like a general block function.

I get the attraction of it, being on Mumsnet is much less likely to make a partner suspicious. I understand why people who are cheating would want to preserve that.

IMO anyway.

The only thing we can do is block all DMs. I switched mine off ages ago.

I agree it's a serious concern which is why I started a thread there asking about problematic DMs.

So far it appears minimal with only one saying she reported resulting in a ban but its too early yet to be conclusive.

Of course, a sexchat thread will not be to everyone's taste - and that's fine, so long as people keep a civil tongue in their head when they come out against it. Where I do take exception is when the dislikers try to get the whole thread taken down, when it's clear that it's very popular with both female and male users of MN alike - and yes, there are a lot of women on it. As to the suggestion that there are other forums that can be used for this purpose, the same might well be said to people on here who wish to talk about gardening, holidays, cookery, parking and so on. Should MN close all those lifestyle threads down too and confine the site only to a strict interpreration of parenting matters?

@Surplus2requirements but it's never going to be conclusive because no one is obliged to respond to it, or to you. Fair play to you for caring (genuinely, I'm not being sacrastic) though.

If people can't tell the difference in context, tone, impact and intention between a sex chat and a natter about catchment areas or Farrow & Ball skirting board shades, then... I dunno what to tell you!

I didn't know this existed - I've just had a look at it.

Feeling a bit quesy now after about one minute of scrolling...especially the ones posted by men....

And what do you think will happen if our arguing about it gets picked up, like so many other threads on here. What do you think will happen to your thread then? 7 days before you can post isn't it?

I'm not a prude but there are huge safety issues. Feel empowered all you want, chat all you want but actually meeting up with people is alarming. Imagine the headlines if something went wrong.

There is always another side to a coin, IMO of course.

Better stay out of the cheating rugby player thread in Chat then because there's some properly lurid, descriptive stuff in there 😳

You keep talking about respect @everywhichway

And yet this is how you describe people posting about the sex chat thread/sex topic:

I'm afraid it's the recent decision to include Sex Topics in the list of Active threads that has spawned the current torrent of abuse, misrepresentation, sanctimonious rhetoric and general intolerance of people on here

New post on Site Stuff - "Why is the sex topic now in Active?" - which continues the male-bashing and general ill-informed abuse

You state that those on the sex chat thread are:

almost without exception they are good-natured, polite and non-judgemental of others

... which is so not true - calling anyone who has objected 'snowflakes', 'pearl clutchers' 'uptight' and so on.

You also say 'so called' hook-up thread.

You don't need to use the speechmarks. It is, absolutely, a hook-up thread!

There are absolutely loads of hook up/sex chat sites on the bloody internet.

I do find it bizarre when people want to try to turn other sites into that. Why would MN need to be the place you go to find people to help with you wank?

Including this stuff does change the tone of the whole site. Especially when it’s presented to users as the default option unless they 1. Learn that you can hide topics and 2. Figure out how to do it. Over time, it creeps out into the general culture of the site too.

Ideas around being ‘sex positive’/not ‘shaming’ women for liking sex seems very quickly and easily to slip into hook up threads and creepy messages. At what point are the main bulk of site users allowed to comment that they don’t think this stuff is or should be ‘in the spirit’ of MN? Without being told that they’re hideous prudes?

It is so disheartening to see that the bickering is ongoing. The sex board in general and chat thread in particular certainly seem to polarise opinion. However, the posters on both haven’t been breaking Mumsnet rules, they weren’t being nasty to one another, they weren’t even judging each other’s sexual preferences. Please remember that. Feel free to picket Mumsnet but it’s not fair to have a go at individuals on the boards.

I was defending it the other day - posted on a lighthearted thread which came up in active and agreed that posters should just scroll by or hide the topic, however after my post I got an inbox from someone saying how they had 'enjoyed' my contribution 🤮. Won't be making that mistake again

Correcting false statements isn't 'having a go'

It isn't just a sex topic though is it? It isn't just a place where people talk about something or query something or describe an issue. It's become an actual place to hook up with other people, the private message facility used to enable people to have sex. Not talk about it, actually do it. Married people. Openly married people. In the meantime, people's worlds are falling apart due to cheating and MN is offering a safe space and support through it in another topic. You simply cannot claim to make parents' lives easier and continue hosting important safe spaces and discussions at the very same time as you introduce a wholesale change of use and tone and force us all to partake.

I've been on MN 20yrs and once upon a time, it was so desperately needed to provide solace, advice, wit, counsel. It literally saved lives. It held hands and changed fortunes. People relied on it. Its USP seemed so necessary. And do you know what, we also talked about sex. Just like we always have. Because talking about sex is not the issue. And we were pretty good at spotting and dealing with men and women who came here for sexual kicks because, you know what, they had the rest of the Internet for that.

And calling us prudish for objecting? Suggesting we check our responses? Well you can fuck right off. It's not about pearl clutching or bosom hoiking. We aren't what you call us, sanctimonious or snowflakes and we aren't spoiling your fun. You are spoiling ours and a little humility that our comfort might rank as highly as your need to wank would be just dandy. You aren't there for the chat or the wit or the meeting of minds because MN has done that for 20 yrs without your "tiptoes in feeling naughty M52 looking for fun chats winkety fucking wink". You want to have sex.

The least MN can do is hide the bloody topic.

👏

Really well articulated @ShowOfHands

That’s a good illustration of the problem. User behaviour shifts. Over time it becomes accepted (of not acceptable) that creeps will send people creepy messages. People who object stop using the site. They’re often replaced by people seeking it out.

it’s not about limiting posters to talking about nappies. It’s recognising what an editorial policy of making sex chat more
prominent will change many things. MN are choosing to do that and not listening to users who would prefer it remained much more opt in.

Given that, the behaviour the OP (whose username actually includes the word ‘horny’) describes is a kind of mild MN civil disobedience from people who feel strongly.

personally, I just hid the sex topic. But it being a prominent part of active convos is still going to affect many things about MN.

How do you know anyone on the thread is anything they say? Profession or sex?

@ShowOfHands but the thread users still aren’t breaking any Mumsnet rules. This is all on Mumsnet, not individuals.

Well said @ShowOfHands

And for the record...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/905896-Right-MNHQ-I-39-m-looking-at-you?reply=18432006

That's me 13yrs ago, campaigning for a sex topic and I stand by every word. Please also note Justine's responses, her fears for the tone of the site, for attracting people who want to do more than just talk. Note that the majority of us wanted a topic that worked as part of the site, where educated adults could post and talk or hide and ignore according to preference. And the topic happened and it remained hidden for those of us who fought for that ability.

FF to now and MN are hosting sex chat hook ups, moving it into active without acknowledging the tech issues for app users in advance, ignoring the questions/concerns their users have and completely reversing their stance on site usage.

Maybe the site has changed with time. Maybe this is the new direction. Maybe it's not the place for me.