Why is Sex topic now in Active?

[clarrylove]

It never used to be there before. It doesn't really seem appropriate with some of the titles.

I agree @Mermaidparades .Neither have I. In fact the threads are far more respectful of differing opinions than on other areas of MN that I have read. (Until people started to come over and tell us how grim, vile and pervy we are for being there)

We all agree so I don't know why this has been going on so long. Take them off active.

@Surplus2requirements - "There's also been insults and shaming of women who consider the sex board a safe place for discussion with other women and men. I don't think that should sit comfortably with anyone"

Thank you for sticking around and for putting your head above the parapet to defend others despite the fact that you are being attacked yourself for every word you post. There's a lot of people on here who really ought to take a minute or two to look back at their own behaviour.....

Exactly. All the 'perv' 'creep' 'threatening' comments when it is just consenting adults chatting. I've even seen women wanting to improve their sex lives, pass the smelling salts!

Have we had the daily 'where is Justine' foot stamp yet?

You are getting so stressed and involved in all this that you may need some smelling salts yourself.

Has he been sticking around to defend the women that have been 'shamed' for not wanting the topic showing in active or is he only concerned with 'shaming' that might stop women from sharing their sex stories with him?

@Mermaidparades @Janiie I do think that men have been doing those things on this thread and I stand by my addressing that, but fair enough if you disagree.

Also, I don't use the Sex board so I can't and won't try to pretend I know much about the content. But I definitely stand by my other posts here or elsewhere (can't recall which threads, sorry) that people shouldn't troll that board and that there's nothing wrong with a Sex board per se as long as it doesn't pop up in Active especially while there are issues around the efficacy of hiding topics.

'You are getting so stressed'

Oh that sounds a bit misogynistic and patriarchal to me. Ssh dear, sit down.

I'm not 'stressed' but yes I am utterly baffled that apparently intelligent women are bothered by other adults discussing sex. It has well gone past the 'it shouldn't be in active' to now proclaiming anyone on there is a perv or a sex pest.

There's is nothing wrong with discussing sex toys and sex issues even if there is an ad for kids clothes or tv above it. As you rightly say they are not connected.

Oh that sounds a bit misogynistic and patriarchal to me. Ssh dear, sit down.

Not at all. I suppose yes it might be more that you are coming across as baffled that's true.

I think it's wholly unhelpful that this had degenerated into a slanging match about the whole board. The new issue is that's it's in actives, compounded by the only 'solution' being to hide the whole thing which isn't really an answer.

The more this continues the more users will become aware of the topic and I don't think that's helpful to those who do want to use it or to mn. I wasn't overly aware, but now I am I can see there's plenty there that's grim and seedy rather than informative and helpful and it's certainly making me see mn in a different light. I'm perfectly worldly wise, but as I said before, there's a time and a place for everything and some of what's on there really is not in keeping.

I don't think anybody WANTS sex topics in active. There's been a few that have said they're not bothered.

Nobody has shared their sex stories with me and nor have i asked them to. I've given my opinion on a handful of threads asking for advice.

Most of my time here is spent in News, AIBU, property & diy and chat, especially the excellent war in Ukraine thread.

A few years ago I read extensively on the SEN board to try and gain understanding about my nephew to help my struggling sister. What I learned was very helpful.

I registered here 7 or 8 years ago after asking a parenting question on Google.

I am yet to have a wank on MN, honestly why would I?

Ah, sorry, I'm not sure what happened with the quote above

@leithreas
Has he been sticking around to defend the women that have been 'shamed' for not wanting the topic showing in active or is he only concerned with 'shaming' that might stop women from sharing their sex stories with him?

Wtf? That’s a pretty slanderous stretch!

I think that’s it in a nutshell. Most don’t care about the board itself. It’s been there 8 years and people actively wanted one back then. (although the SexChat is a new twist.)Time will tell I guess.

Posters on the board don't want it in Active. Posters not on the board don't want it in Active. Advertisers apparently want it on Active due to a very misplaced belief that the stuff that gets posted on there will get women all revved up to buy their sex toys, not taking into account that the thread titles alone are enough to put you off for life. Fleshlights? Married men requesting 'any available female'? Caps lock titles about anal at 6am? Not going to send everyone flocking to the shrek ear buy link, sorry. I don't see that it's anything other than a lose-lose-lose-lose situation?

Oh dear @Mermaidparades - am I not allowed to disagree with someone? I'm not 'spoiling for a fight'. Nor am I 'letting myself down' - whatever you mean by that - and I have not been rude.

I'm certainly not going to 'look back at [my] own behaviour'!

Perhaps you think that, as a woman, I should #BeKind?

And yes, discussions of sex in Active can be threatening to many women, @Janiie, as been pointed out several times by those who have suffered from sexual abuse and/or assault. This, clearly, would be dealt with by taking the Sex topic out of Active - an argument which we all appear to agree with.

But the issue which you seem determined to miss, is that it's about the men who join Mumsnet to take part in the sex chat thread. What kind of man would join a predominantly female site to talk about sex and actively look for hook-ups?

No one wants the board on active.

The only reason this thread has turned into a bit of a ruck is because a couple of posters have persistently spoken over, patronised, goaded and mocked others. They have feigned bafflement over why any woman wouldn't want to be involved in sex chat. They've jumped in to defend MN's actions and 'explain' them to other users. They've posted several long and repetitive comments claiming to be victims of women talking.

It is extremely tiresome.

NO ONE WANTS THE SEX BOARD IN ACTIVE

Let's just stick to the point. No one wants the sex board in active and MN surely must have realised that by now.

'But the issue which you seem determined to miss, is that it's about the men who join Mumsnet to take part in the sex chat thread. What kind of man would join a predominantly female site to talk about sex and actively look for hook-ups?'

The board is predominantly issues relating to sex and sex problems. Don't you think women and men should be allowed to discuss these things?

This is so like the troll hunting arguments where immediately if someone discussed wee, poo or periods they are declared a troll, and keyboard warriors like those on this thread deem it their duty to police it. Report stuff fine but stop wanging on about what you judge to be appropriate.

Steer clear of adults chatting if you don't like it, I manage to.

If you see anything 'pervy' 'seedy' or whatever report it.

Yes @beastlyslumber we all agree get it out of active keep the nosey judgey folk away <no need for caps btw>, however the get it out of active has moved on to overall discust at sex advice threads in general.

Is it? I don't know that poster personally, I don't know their motivations. All I know is that I have seen that poster post almost obsessively over the past few days about 'sex shaming' but haven't seen him post once about the 'prude shaming'(the insinuations that the women that don't want to see the sex board in active and don't think mumsnet should be used as a hook up site are frigid, are pearl clutchers, need smelling salts, are prudes etc). One has to wonder why such a vocal defender of women has a problem with one but not the other

Steer clear of adults chatting if you don't like it, I manage to.

That's the whole point @Janiie We would like to steer clear of the sex chat but MN is forcing it upon us.

Women have explained their reasons for not wanting to see it and you are interpreting that as hostility to you personally. But you are one of the people who keeps on goading and mocking women, and then accusing us of being prudes when we respond to explain why we don't want to see the sex chat.

You are creating your own problems here, god knows why.

Please @MNHQ take the sex board out of active so the only people who have to see discussions of rimming and anal sex etc are the people who actively seek it out.

I have had a conversation on this thread about the use of terms like pearl clutching (which I've never used) after it was pointed out to me I had minimalised them when comparing them to the sleazy pervs type comments.

I agreed and acknowledged their roots in misogyny, that I had not given them sufficient thought because, as a man, they are never directed at me.

I thought it was a very useful exchange

@Janiie

The board is predominantly issues relating to sex and sex problems. Don't you think women and men should be allowed to discuss these things?

If you read my posts you will see that I don't have a problem with the discussion of sex. Although, to be quite transparent, it was always my belief that the board would primarily be about women discussing their problems with sex - be that related to medical/physical/physiological issues or how to enjoy sex more. Given that a number of men do post on MN it is inevitable that they might want to post there too, which is fair enough.

I am not trying to shut down discussion of sex at all. And this is the point that you seem totally unprepared to accept.

There's widespread agreement - from both 'sides' - that the sex topic shouldn't be in Active.

But what I - and others - don't like, and are objecting to is the sex chat/hook-up element of that topic.

This.

All the sniping is tiresome. The people on the Sex board aren't all pervy wankers and the people not on the board aren't prudes.

No one wants it on Active. This is one of those lovely times when you actually can please everyone.

@MrsTerryPratchett you’re so right! We need a truce!! How can we all work together to get the board hidden?

This is one of those lovely times when you actually can please everyone.
Except (apparently) Mumsnet management and advertisers...

Can we all DM Justine ?