Why is Sex topic now in Active?

[clarrylove]

It never used to be there before. It doesn't really seem appropriate with some of the titles.

'When an area goes to seed, which is essentially what @mathanxiety was saying, you get sordid types and that impacts on everybody'

'Sordid types'. I mean it's all just getting a bit silly isn't it. Report any sordid type comments you may see when you are not reading the sex board I'm sure it will be deleted if it is 'sordid'.

I guess it depends on whether you think its seedy or not I guess.

Personally I think that a place where women can say they like a bit of sex chat without judgement, set boundaries for replies and then choose who they want to chat to is quite empowering.

Certainly a million miles from prostitution or a red light district empowering sleazy misogyny

Oh great, a man to tell us what woman find empowering. Just what we are needing.

Ladies, if you don't find it empowering, you're not doing it right. Maybe a man could give you some pointers... he'll just DM you...

It’s not a million miles from it at all. It’s attracting trolls and encouraging a load of pervs and that’s seeping into the rest of the site.

Why was @mathanxiety deleted?

@Surplus2requirements

Thing is, @Janiie, none of the constant reporting was necessary until the board was opened to anyone with opposable thumbs, and the board turning up on Google searches.

As with a red light district, when a city's police force puts the safety of women lower than it should be in their list of priorities, women going about their ordinary lives feel the brunt of aberrant male behaviour. It's sordid and it's seedy, and why should women be the ones who are forced to police it?

There was a perfectly appropriate system in place up until very recently that worked pretty well to balance the competing interests of open discussion and safety in an arena that MNHQ used to correctly perceive to be one where women weren't necessarily going to be safe or free from the lamentably predictable propositioning and voyeurism that occurs in a space where sex is discussed online.

The change is one from a safe space to a case of user beware, and women ourselves expected to constantly monitor the board, like women carrying mace and never walking alone near the Grand Canal in Dublin in the 80s.

Not just monitor but be prepared to absorb a lot of name calling and personal abuse for doing so.

Personally I don't care what a man thinks. I'm not interested in a man telling me it's ok for me to talk about sex and what's empowering.

Yes-how patronising.

What I should have said is where a woman can CHOOSE to.

Obviously they can choose not to.

Are you saying women shouldn't be given a place to express their sexually how they choose in a safe, respectful, female led forum?

I'm not telling you anything, simply giving my opinion

Mind you having said that I haven't a clue who is leading MN now and whoever it is they don't seem to care much

I think this deserves answering too. There was nothing worthy of deletion at all.

I love that those (men?) who come over from the Sex topic keep talking about 'respectful' - yet over there (yes, I went and had a look) the language they're using about posters on the threads here in Site Stuff are anything but respectful.

And - as a pregnant woman, I am FED UP of Ann summers on MN, sex toys on MN,
telling me how important sex is and how it doesn’t need to stop because I’m having a baby. It’s really quite unsubtle pressure on us and I don’t like it. If anyone feels like sex in the days after birth, go for it. But if you really can’t imagine it, that’s normal too.

Respectful = let me talk about sex. Oh please let me talk about sex. I must talk about sex. Sexsexsexsexsex.

women = sick of hearing it

men = this is not respectful

Tsk. The language they're using IS anything but respectful. Before anyone else other than me wants to correct my SPAG

Agree

True to a degree but I've seen little worse than uptight and pearl clutching and that has been from women as well.

Compared to... accusations of continually masturbating sleazy pervs, all the women are men or simpering little women needing men for validation and women having their threads judgementally discussed, shamed and laughed at in other areas of the forum...it's quite restrained really.

I do wish the insults from both sides would stop and we all look to what we have in common...MNHQ messed up badly.

Surplus, what you don't, can't, never will understand is that women here have had 20, 30, 40 years or more of men pushing at our boundaries and calling us frigid when we don't submit. We come to MN, a place which is mostly women. We don't want to see sexchat and sleaze and we're sick of the relentless erosion of those boundaries, the continuing assaults and the insults that follow. You don't and can't ever get that. It starts when we're 9 or 10 and it never stops. So don't tell us what's empowering or what you don't consider offensive, you have no idea.

Adding myself to those who DON’T want the sex topic in active.

Also applauding @LangClegsInSpace and @mathanxiety amongst others for their sensible and intelligent posts on this subject.

I used to recommend MN to new mums, pregnant friends and friends with children as somewhere they could find support, intelligent advice, humour and a great community, but as long as the subjects of anal sex, fleshlights, rimming, squirting etc are going to be plastered all over Active, and as long as MN is enabling pervy men to use this site as a source of wank fodder or pick ups, I will be advising them to steer well clear. Which is sad, because at its core, this site is a great place for women to support women. And I do know there are men who post here, with genuine parenting and relationship questions, and I think that is good too - but this new policy seems designed just to attract pervy men.

@LilyMumsnet - please change this. Please listen to your core market - the women who make MN what it is.

I do wish the insults from both sides would stop

I just wish that the Sex Topic could be removed from Active and MNHQ could reconsider allowing a hook up thread on the site.

@Surplus2requirements

You've seen little worse than 'uptight' and 'pearl clutching'. 'Little worse'?

Two accusations traditionally used to shame women who reject a male advance. It ramps up to 'frigid' and 'lesbian'. And 'prick tease'. All of those epithets push as normal and not requiring examination or explanation the male perception of women's lives revolving around men amd what men want from them.

It all adds up - essentially women need to beware now, on the Sex topic, because it's assumed by male site users that if they're there they're up for it.

How about zero tolerance for any of the misogyny implicit in the criticism of women for rejecting an unwanted male advance? I'd like to see a glimmer of understanding of the corrosive effect of tolerating any of it.

Thank you for clearly explaining your view, I appreciate it.

Just to be clear I've never called anyone here uptight, frigid or Pearl clutching and I'd rather others didn't. I have been called any number of versions of sleazy wanking pervert but I don't mind too much (other than its inaccurate and slightly bizarre) though I do find it upsetting when women are shamed for expressing their sexuality.

I don't pretend to understand what it's like to be a women and to live under the oppression of institutionalised and personal misogyny but from what I've learned from the women in my life and from what I've read the suppression of female sexuality is an important part of that.

I do understand the concerns and struggle with the attitudes of many men towards women and sex, its something I push back against constantly. I'm certainly no MRA and believe there should be a zero tolerance policy here for any man showing themselves to be sleazy and any sign of predatory behavior.

I wasn't even interested in the sex topic until all this blew up but I do believe there's value in women and men being able to ask advice about sex and even sext if they wish in a respectful, female led, non judgemental environment.

I don't think anyone is wrong but we are all different including women among women.

I wasn't even interested in the sex topic until all this blew up

How do you mean?

Yes I understand the connotations of the insults but have frequently seen them used by women against women across MN.

I've never used language like that to describe women