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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Suicide threat, distressed poster

214 replies

picklemepopcorn · 19/11/2017 21:26

In chat, just posted.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/11/2017 22:05

Samaritans is anonymous and if you don't want to talk you can email or text

Ok, are mumsnet giving an email address? Do they respond instantly???

LoveYouTimMinchin · 19/11/2017 22:05

It will have been deleted but with a supportive and helpful message to the OP from mnhq.

Threads threatening suicide should not be left running in chat on Mumsnet. There was a consultation between MN and various mental health charities on this subject a few years ago (because, as you can imagine, this issue has come up a few times over the years) and their advice was to delete and urge the poster to get real life help.

There is no way MN can stop a random poster from popping up and saying something awful like "go on then, no one will miss you" or whatever. A public forum with anyone and everyone able to see every single thread is NOT the place to turn for support in desperate circumstances. And individual Mumsnetters should not be encouraging it by hand-holding. Imo.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/11/2017 22:06

Someone who is suicidal is not rational by definition

That's not true - plenty of people are very rational.

subjective on whether the response will be to actually call them, or whether it will make it worse

Probably better than them being on the thread when folk start the inevitable troll hunting...

Nancy91 · 19/11/2017 22:06

When I was suicidal I was so sick of being told to ring the samaritans, it felt like people were trying to pass the responsibility of helping me over to someone else and in the end I didn't find the samaritans helpful (although others might). The best place to look for support is where YOU want it to come from. Real life, mumsnet, the samaritans - anywhere. The choice should be with the person in need.

LEMtheoriginal · 19/11/2017 22:06

I do think that eventually these threads should be removed but this was taken down too quickly and the deletion message was too curt.

I posted more than one thread in a similar vein over the years. I actually don't think I would have gone through with anything but it was a persistent unwanted thought that engaging with posters on here made me see a future for myself. Took me out of the moment as it were.

Can mnhq reassure us that they have at least tried to get help for this person?

I strongly believe that the "owners" of forums such as this that encourage mutual support have a duty of care towards more vulnerable members of it's community. Cutting them off is simply not fulfilling that care. Maybe use some of the revenue from advertising to employ trained people to intervene in threads such as this. So yes pull the thread but continue to offer trained support until the poster us at least directed elsewhere

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/11/2017 22:07

Ok, are mumsnet giving an email address? Do they respond instantly??

Only phoning is instant. Text takes a bit longer and email longer again.

Discobabe98 · 19/11/2017 22:07

I didn’t see the particular thread, but I don’t think they should be deleted Sad I’m sure the OP knew most repliers weren’t qualified professionals, she just needed an outlet and was shut down. If she’d have opened up to one of her friends or family, they’re probably not qualified professionals either but still able to sometimes give advice, imagine they just got up and walked away from the conversation. That’s probably how she feels

FruitCider · 19/11/2017 22:07

it felt like people were trying to pass the responsibility of helping me over to someone else

But it should be, how do we know people responding to these threads are who they are claiming to be?

Original poster
picklemepopcorn · 19/11/2017 22:08

I would like to see the thread left up, but comments stopped. And the OP contacted by someone who knows how to help but no one else. And email samaritans equivalent.

OP posts:
BIWI · 19/11/2017 22:09

But they can't possibly have a duty of care. What a terrible, terrible responsibility to put on site owners (and community members). None of us is properly qualified to help people who are suicidal.

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2017 22:09

Probably better than them being on the thread when folk start the inevitable troll hunting

There was none of that, and has not been on any of these threads I’ve seen. As said for me, you will never change my mind that if someone asks for help you should provide it, you can also recommend other routes, but don’t slam your door in their face. I give not one shIt if 99 out of a hundred of them are trolls, I care only about the one who isn’t.

Original poster
picklemepopcorn · 19/11/2017 22:09

It was hard, thinking about what to say that would help. Suppose the problem was connected to her DD. All the 'think of your DD' posts could have been terribly triggering.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/11/2017 22:11

But it should be, how do we know people responding to these threads are who they are claiming to be?

No one responding claimed to be anyone.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/11/2017 22:11

It's not even about how qualified we are, imagine for example a suicide thread pulled apart on that ridiculous Reddit forum, and then all the posters over there piled into the suicidal OP, with the knowledge that their impeccable trolldar gave them the right...

Bombardier25966 · 19/11/2017 22:12

may delay the poster in seeking professional help.

As a mental health nurse you will know that there is sod all professional help available.

In an ideal world referring a suicidal poster to professional services is the right thing to do. In reality it's sending them into an ether of nothing. Anyone that has tried to access crisis services in the past few years will understand what I mean.

LEMtheoriginal · 19/11/2017 22:13

BIWI indeed I have but I nearly dropped my phone when I read the deletion message. Not even a warning just poof - gone!! No we will take this down soon. Nothing. That is definitely a new thing.

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2017 22:13

What are you talking about weird fantasy scenarios for “it’s all going to be”.none of this stuff you are weirdly imagining happened, no one troll hunted,people simply tried to help.

Battleax · 19/11/2017 22:13

There were three or more enormous site stuff threads after the very distressing thread(s) which caused MN to revisit their policy.

I wouldn't like to see a weekend like that again on MN. It was harrowing, graphic, inflaming. Awful.

Ceto · 19/11/2017 22:15

I give not one shIt if 99 out of a hundred of them are trolls, I care only about the one who isn’t.

But what about the one (or more) who wasn't previously suicidal but becomes so as a result of reading those threads?

RunningOutOfCharge · 19/11/2017 22:15

yes LEM they did post a warning first to say it would be deleted

Pineappleundersea · 19/11/2017 22:16

The attitudes on this thread are sickening. This is why people end up dead.

Yeah it's not pleasant to deal with someone on the brink of death when you're trying to while away your time. But would you tut and complain if someone collapsed in cardiac arrest in front of you in a shop? Demand someone move them out of the way perhaps?

LEMtheoriginal · 19/11/2017 22:17

It was posters telling me to think if my Dd and that my dd needed me that helped me. More than that it was posters telling me I was good enough mum and good for dd that helped me. I think I'm qualified to say what helped me personally. Maybe it didn't help the OP but Pease God it did. That she was engaging with the conversation was encouraging.

I hope she gets help

Battleax · 19/11/2017 22:17

That's not it at all pineapple.

PurpleDaisies · 19/11/2017 22:18

Not even a warning just poof - gone!! No we will take this down soon. Nothing. That is definitely a new thing.

You must have missed it. The thread was up for a good few minutes after the “this will be deleted” message was posted.

DonkeyOaty · 19/11/2017 22:19

This is not a new policy.