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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

MNHQ here: have you got strong feelings and personal experience about partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

385 replies

RowanMumsnet · 20/06/2017 15:45

Hello

A broadsheet journalist is looking to write a piece exploring the pros and cons of partners staying overnight on postnatal wards, and we're trying to help her out with finding some case studies of women who have personal experiences and opinions one way or the other.

If this sounds like you, please email us on [email protected] to let us know:

a) what your opinion is about partners staying overnight on wards; and
b) what your personal experience is.

Ideally, anyone featured in the piece would be comfortable with divulging some identifying details, and possibly with being photographed.

It's for a good, reputable journalist working for a broadsheet newspaper - she's keen to explore all the angles.

(If you've already contacted us about this, thanks very much - we just need to find a few more candidates and then we'll let you know how the land lies!)

Thanks
MNHQ

OP posts:
bluedrinkstwo · 20/06/2017 18:26

I think it should be allowed but the minute you disturb people you are out
I had my first section and struggled bad, there was no one else in the room and I fell out of bed, it took 4 mid wife's to get me up, I was left without water, my baby was left to cry to sleep. The mid wife's wanted me up and showering but with nobody available to help me I couldn't so I got moaned at. Having my partner there was so much better. He even helped other woman who finally came onto the ward, was never intrusive or loud

shrunkenhead · 20/06/2017 18:27

Do we need to email as well or is a comment on here sufficient?

shrunkenhead · 20/06/2017 18:31

I just wanted another pair of hands to look after dd when I was feel exhausted, I'll and vulnerable... someone to ask questions, to take the baby so I could go to the toilet/ shower.
OTOH if I'd been on a ward with random strangers milling about I would've discharged myself the minute the epidural (I needed surgery for bad tear) wore off...

shrunkenhead · 20/06/2017 18:32

*was feeling exhausted, ill and vulnerable that should read!

BigDeskBob · 20/06/2017 18:33

No, it's such a bad idea. Leaving aside the privacy issue, NHS wards aren't set up for that many people. Where will the men sleep and which toilets are they going to use?

Why do they even need to be there? Are partners allowed overnight on other wards?

Minesril · 20/06/2017 18:43

I had pre-eclampsia. My baby was in NICU for 4 nights. I think i would have gone insane had dh not been allowed to stay. My mental state was dubious as it was!

I understand why women don't like it though. The obvious solution is seperate wards.

gleam · 20/06/2017 18:46

On shared wards, just no. Privacy, dignity, vulnerability. And noise!

MsHopey · 20/06/2017 18:54

Due to have my first little one in 6 weeks. If anything this post has just shown me I shouldn't be scared of the birth, I should be scared of the understaffed and underfunded after care. A partner could help in these situations, but it shouldn't really come to that. People with no water, wetting themselves because there's isn't someone to help you get out of bed, babies going hungry because no one comes when you press your buzzer. All sounds absolutely terrifying.

YellowLawn · 20/06/2017 19:04

not on shared wards. no.

and patients on the postnatal ward (a mother who has just given birth is a patient who is potentially incapacitated) need appropriate care for herself and her baby from midwives and hcp!

OatcakeCravings · 20/06/2017 19:09

Absolutely not on a ward. The Government should be funding the NHS properly so there are enough staff to help women with their newborns and not drafting in their partners to help them cope.

blackteasplease · 20/06/2017 19:21

I don't think partners should be on a shared ward with other women. Not fair on others who are entitled to privacy.

The ideal would be all private rooms with the option of partners staying though.

HildaOg · 20/06/2017 19:22

In a private room, fine, on a ward no way. It's bad enough trying to sleep without a bunch of noisy, talking, snoring men added to all the screaming babies. Wards are already overcrowded. There's also a safety issue. You're so vulnerable after having a baby and now any strange man can be in the bay beside you... A man who could have any kind of history. Just no.

reikizen · 20/06/2017 19:26

As a midwife (and a mum) I think it is a terrible idea! Very difficult to manage any safeguarding issues - we recently had a case of a dad watching women breastfeeding for example. I certainly would have been appalled at the idea of bumping into a man in the shower/bathroom and I can't imagine how dreadful that would be if you had been a victim of abuse. Whose job would it be to 'police' male access to shared bays? Please don't think it would be possible for the midwife (looking after 15 women and 15 babies on a ward of up to 50 women) to remember whose partner was whose! I would find it very hard to relax and sleep imagining strange men wandering around the ward.
What about the bathroom facilities? Shared? Do you want to go into a toilet after 50 men have had their morning shit and shave? What about feeding these men? Do the NHS pay for that as well? And bedding/towels etc.
As a midwife I feel horrified at the prospect of adding 15 men to my workload - and believe me- no matter how helpful you think your partner was to you, the midwife will have felt very differently about their input usually, they tend to become aggressive and demanding if they are not accommodated immediately which I am sure they think is their way of looking after their partners but merely exacerbates the problem of competing demands on staff. Men on postnatal wards do not replace staff in any way.
I know how awful it feels to spend that first night alone, but it is an NHS hospital, not a hotel and we cannot get the two confused. If you think postnatal wards are hot, overcrowded and chaotic now, try doubling the number of people in that space and see how that pans out!

Nonameyet1 · 20/06/2017 19:55

I completely agree with BigDeskBo and reikizen. How big do people think maternity wards are? In our local hospital the wards are normally filled to capacity so I'm not sure where these extra men are going to go. I understand if you've had a tough labour etc you would like the support but practically it's not viable.
(Might I add I didn't have any complications and I actually really enjoyed the precious time I had with my babies when my husband left)

Idontmeanto · 20/06/2017 19:55

I feel strongly that they should be able to stay, although I've no desire to distress other women by dh's presence and, in an ideal world, maternity wards should all be single, ensuite rooms. I've experienced horrendous midwifery care in the past and do not feel safe without my husband present.

AndIAskMyself · 20/06/2017 19:57

This seems really divided, but I was actually delighted that my partner was able to stay with me the whole time I was on the postnatal ward. I know I'd have felt very lonely and I'd have struggled without him. I didn't have a c section, I just had stitches, but I did struggle to get up and down. And labour is just exhausting - many lasting over a number of days! I think it's a bit of a baptism of fire to expect a mother to have to cope completely alone in a. Yay and noisy hospital when they are completely exhausted.

I think it would be very unfair for a man to be ushered away when the baby is equally their responsibility. I know absolutely that if my partner had left and I needed help I wouldn't have got it at all - the wards were just far far too busy. It took absolutely hours to be discharged.

Shutupanddance1 · 20/06/2017 20:03

Problem is in this day and age there shouldn't be wards - individual suites would be far better and that way each patient would have their own space and privacy.

Gave birth in private hospital, husband stayed whole time and they even had a large couch for partners to sleep on in rooms. It's as much their child as it is the mothers and it's horrendous that new fathers get treated with very little respect.

shrunkenhead · 20/06/2017 20:05

YellowLawn, Yes! A new mother is a patient and should be looked after by midwives and hcps however I could never find one when I needed one and pressing a button made no difference (I couldn't move due to epidural following surgery and couldn't pick up dd to feed her when she cried).
Does anyone know if you can leave your baby on their own while you go to the loo? Or is it a safety thing? Are women supposed to wait until visiting hours to pay a visit? (What if they are single parents or have no visitors??)

Awholelotofhot · 20/06/2017 20:08

My hospital encouraged partners to stay and I assumed that was the norm. Why on earth wouldn't they be able to stay - they're the baby's parent too? Plus I needed help looking after baby - I'd have been terrified on my own.

MrsPorter · 20/06/2017 20:11

Does anyone know if you can leave your baby on their own while you go to the loo?

You take them with you in the little fishbowl on wheels. Plenty of space.

Also you may need it to use as a kind of zimmer frame Grin

Awholelotofhot · 20/06/2017 20:11

Also some of these logistical questions are very easily answered. Men used the men's toilets (pretty obvious) and clearly they don't use the showers so you're hardly going to bump into them in there. As for sleeping there were lazyboy style recliners in each bay. It's not hard.

YellowLawn · 20/06/2017 20:11

Plus I needed help looking after baby - I'd have been terrified on my own.

this would be a total non issue with adequate staffing of hcp

MrsPorter · 20/06/2017 20:16

If there's spare money in maternity then I'd far rather it got spent on improving conditions for mothers and babies, perhaps employing more midwives, HCAs, lactation consultants and breastfeeding support workers, than on overnight facilities for fathers.

notangelinajolie · 20/06/2017 20:17

For my first two DC partners were not allowed on ward after visiting and nursery nurses were there to help mums and babies.

By the time DC3 came along things had changed massively. I was in a ward with 4 beds but there was only me and one other woman in this particular ward. My DH went home and the woman's partner stayed. I didn't even know partners we allowed to stay. Bloody pair of them kept me awake all night cooing over their baby. I was not very well after the birth and during the night I needed a nurse urgently and some sleep would have been good too. I got neither 😞

The last thing I needed was some random bloke in the next bed.

I absolutely do not agree with partners being there all night. Yes, it's all well and good that they can help but I really think that putting the onus on partners to be there to help means fewer midwives/nurses staffing the wards which in my case could have been dangerous.

sorry it's jumbled I'm on my phone

MrsHathaway · 20/06/2017 20:18

Men used the men's toilets (pretty obvious) and clearly they don't use the showers so you're hardly going to bump into them in there.

What male toilets? There might currently be one visitor's toilet on the ward, and 6-10 for patients.

And why wouldn't they have a shower? If they're staying over they might well expect to Confused

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