MNHQ here: have you got strong feelings and personal experience about partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

A broadsheet journalist is looking to write a piece exploring the pros and cons of partners staying overnight on postnatal wards, and we're trying to help her out with finding some case studies of women who have personal experiences and opinions one way or the other.

If this sounds like you, please email us on [email protected] to let us know:

a) what your opinion is about partners staying overnight on wards; and
b) what your personal experience is.

Ideally, anyone featured in the piece would be comfortable with divulging some identifying details, and possibly with being photographed.

It's for a good, reputable journalist working for a broadsheet newspaper - she's keen to explore all the angles.

(If you've already contacted us about this, thanks very much - we just need to find a few more candidates and then we'll let you know how the land lies!)

Thanks
MNHQ

Ilona don't feel bad about it - even without hearing problems, I slept through DS bawling his head off next to me and had to be woken by the midwives - because I was so off my head on strong drugs and exhaustion post CS I could have slept through an earthquake. The midwives will have seen it before.

I strongly support what yorksha said and I disagree that her comments are somehow offensive or out of keeping with the rest of the thread; she simply introduced a point and perspective that hadn't been mentioned before.

While I agree that the best case scenario would be private rooms, I think it is also worth saying what should happen NOW while most maternity units are shared wards.

I don't really understand why those in favour of allowing partners to stay are so angry about it. The problem is that on a shared ward, whatever your reason for having your partner stay with you, and however valid it is, meeting your needs can only be done at the expense of the women you share your ward with.

From reading this thread and others, it seems that the conclusion is obvious: best case scenario, all post natal women have private rooms. If not possible or until achieved, shared post natal wards should be single sex and partners should not be allowed overnight. Hospitals should have an obligation to cater for those with genuine medical needs requiring their partners' to stay overnight (ie private rooms). "I want him there" or "medical care isn't good enough - I need him there" are not good enough reasons to prioritise your care over those women you share your ward with.

Yes women need help and support after having a baby but there should be enough health care assistants and nurses to provide this at night. I would not want the husbands of three other women snoring loudly talking etc during the night. No problem during the day but new mums do need rest.

There is no perfect solution.

-Partners need to stay as the woman needs physical help and emotional help.

-Partners need to go encase they are abusive, leer at other new mothers or need to look after any other children that they may have

-All rooms need to be private so that there is total privacy

-There should be wards so that new mothers aren't isolated, can learn how to interact with thier babies by watching others, make friends with other new mothers and hand signal a passing midwife if they have lost thier buzzer

No, I don't think they should be allowed to stay. Privacy is important.

I don't think anybody has said on this thread that they prefer wards over private rooms, so they can socialise?

Kpo

I seruously doubt the vast majority of mothers will only interact successfully with their babies if see other new mums doing it too, and I wouldn't be comfortable having another person watching over me.

I really don't think there are many benefits at all of having shared wards, but there are certainly many, many disadvantages

I had DC1 on a shared ward and was grateful for the expertise and companionship of multip mothers.

I had DC2 in a side room and was grateful for the peace.

I can see both sides. I think the benefits of sharing are vastly outweighed by the potential disadvantages and risks.

You can have shared spaces as well (eg breakfast room, day room) to encourage sharing experience and decrease loneliness.

I had DC1 in a private room. In France. I had no idea what I was doing, and the nurses were showing me everything - how to give him a bath, how to change diapers, everything. Of course there was also a BF counsellor coming by several times per day to check how the feeding was going. With proper support, wards are really not required.

I would hate this. I felt so emotionally vulnerable and physically vulnerable. When I stood up a rush of blood and gunk made a puddle my feet. There were no clean sheets for 4 days. Inevitably they would attract more visitors. Instead of going to see the new dad at home in the evening, relatives would roll up to the ward.

There aren't enough beds for patients, we should not offer them to partners. If you are staying in it is because you have a problem. I didn't need men next the other side of a curtain which may be gappy when I was in that state.
You are trying to establish breast feeding and don't need visitors there all the time.

There wasn't food for us on the ward all the time. Having worked as a nurse in the dim and distant past, I am aware that visitors feel entitled to tea coffee biscuits. They used to refuse to pay 25p to the volunteers on the tea trolley. One utter tool (visitor- young and friend not elderly relative) disputed the cost. Then when I stepped in he said he only had a £50 note and no change. Luckily all the nurses clubbed together to sort change out for him. Arse hole.