Trigger warnings

[TheDisillusionedAnarchist]

I was wondering why there are trigger warnings on posts mentioning child deaths.

Are they there at the request of the OP? Or was there some kind of agreement among the bereaved parents of mumsnet that they wanted them? If so okay I guess I missed it.

I have to say if not I find it quite offensive. I find a lot of things 'triggering' on mumsnet not least threads about living babies but I don't get trigger warnings. I've seen them even when the thread title is quite clear. What are they for? Why are they there?

What would you say about adding trigger warnings to threads talking about rape op?

Ah OK (another x-post), I think I see where you're coming from now.

Basically either everything should have a trigger warning or nothing. Yes?

phequer- of course if you don't want to read it, don't click on it. But if it unclear in the title then you might get unlucky and have to close it quickly as I do with any content that triggers me. Nobody not those sensitive to child death, not those sensitive to birth stories, not those sensitive to infant feeding threads have the right to be pandered to

well actually they do, as long as they all are or else it is discriminatory

and I'm a little tired of you suggesting to me that I need to get help/seek counselling/talk to someone. That seems to me a dismissal of my experiences. And also something commonly used to silence bereaved parents.

I'm guessing it's because people who are triggered by child deaths are people who have experienced it. And surely those people deserve kindness, consideration and maybe a little bit of special treatment. Very few however will go on to be upset about infant feeding.

Sugar21 please don't feel any need to apologise. You didn't upset anyone.

MilkTwoSugars- yes if requested (I think applying them on request is a perfectly clear policy that is fine) or indeed not at all, make it clear in the title.

Purple Daisies- I would apply the same to rape. Either we put trigger warnings on request (I'm fine with that if unilaterally applied) or alternatively we write clear thread titles as a courtesy regardless of topic.

But those people who have experienced child death are also often triggered by threads on babies, children their child's age, pregnancy, birth etc. Why doesn't the kindness and consideration extend to those threads.

I really don't get it why you think it is irrational. I have been pretty clear really

Take trigger warnings off all threads
or
Apply trigger warnings to all threads as requested.

Personally I would add
a don't apply trigger warnings to threads with clear titles
b. don't apply trigger warnings to threads in the appropriate topic.

This seems a clear non discriminatory policy. I want equality not discrimination.

And I have no desire to shout its not fair, why me. We were very lucky, we got three months and we got reasonably adequate medical care. I know how very fortunate we were to have that time and I would do it again tomorrow.

There is argument to say though OP that your own thread title here is unclear as it's main focus is child deaths and not as general as the title makes out.

I do realise that you are hurting and it must be awful, but your grief cannot police others.

Nobody seems to have any arguments as to why child death is a special case

Nobody is saying child death alone is a special case. It has however been explained that traumatic events such as death, rape or abuse will generally be found to be upsetting by a larger number of people.

I am finding this upsetting it makes me feel terrible.

This seems a clear non discriminatory policy. I want equality not discrimination.

It isn't discrimination. It's being sensible and putting trigger warnings on those subjects that many, many people would find upsetting (not offensive, upsetting) to read about if it isn't clear from the title.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. In the kindest possible way, I don't think this thread is going to give you what you want.

If its the thread I'm thinking of OP I thought the word 'trigger' was a bit unnecessary. The title was very clear and l feel as though trigger is being added a lot. MN has changed massively in the years I've been on here. It's probably heading in a way that I'm not 100% glad for and will stop visiting so much when lm off mat leave and not bored.

Please don't feel that way Sugar. I learnt a lot from your thread and have discussed with other people too. You have made a difference for me, and probably countless others too.

TDA having a trigger warning on a post about child death informs the reader that, if they are in a position where reading about child death is unbearable for them, at that point in time (because not everyone is you and some people are, for example, in the awful situation where they know their child is going to die, soon, but it hasn't happened yet), they can make the choice, now, not to click on that thread, or otherwise draw on whatever resources they may wish to use to make reading and contributing to that thread more bearable for them. Without the trigger warning, if the content of the thread is not immediately obvious from the title (as this being the wonderful world of people having conversations about things, topics do drift, somewhat) then those people are not forewarned and are unable to make that choice.

OK so you feel that you don't need that warning. That's fine. Pay no heed to those 2 words but please do not have the audacity to be offended on behalf of other people who might not be as ready to talk about the death of their child or read about the death of other children as you are.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss

I'm infertile and was lucky enough to fall pregnant with twins following IVF. I gave birth at 30 weeks but sadly lost one when he was an hour old. I NEED the trigger warnings on threads about child death because I'm still not strong enough to read them. However, while I do understand where you're coming from in terms of other threads I don't expect MNHQ to add trigger warnings to less traumatic issues such as feeding and pregnancy. I see topics pop up under 'Active' about twins, or people falling pregnant at the click of their fingers etc and I just skim past or if I'm unlucky to click on one I quickly come out the thread, take a deep breath and carry on but it doesn't floor me like a thread about child death does. But I'm sorry that for you those threads are so triggering.

And I do agree that thread titles should be more descriptive but don't think there's much MNHQ can do about it

I'm sorry for your loss op. I think you are angry rather than annoyed. I'm happy with the job that MNHQ do, therefore, I trust their judgement and ability to work efficiently to decide, when it is relevant to add a trigger warning or not.

I understand what you're saying op but finding it hard to verbalise exactly why I agree (ironically as I don't want to upset anyone by saying the wrong thing).

I think, for some people, it's almost insulting that an experience they have been through, needs to carry a "warning" when it's discussed. I remember my grandparent talking (in connection with the Holocaust) how they made people feel uncomfortable when they discussed a particular incident (involving the murder of a child). It was, by its very nature, extremely distressing to hear, but my GP felt strongly that they had suffered it and wanted to tell people, they wanted people to know and they didn't want to feel "silenced". Equally I can see that it would have been cruel for them to inflict distress if people found it hard to hear.

I hope I haven't worded anything insensitively. It's very difficult and I suppose, as ever, MNHQ can only do what the majority of people prefer even if there is a person or minority who doesn't agree with a course of action.

I just wanted to say that I agree with you to a certain extent op to sort of "balance" up the replies. I'm very sorry for your loss, and anyone else who has suffered a similar loss.

As for putting trigger warnings on everything about children thriving, it's to be expected that a high proportion of threads on a parenting forum will be about that. In that case, if you can't stand the smell of apples, then you don't walk through the orchard because it's easy enough to avoid.

I will report my post and ask for a trigger warning to be added if people want. Fair enough.

I am not sure why I am expected however to be sensitive to others child death triggers when they're not sensitive to mine.

Also the bereaved parent silencing on here is phenonemol. So far I am irrational, grieving, angry, need to talk to someone, need to leave the site (harsh), need counselling. Really?

Ourve and the same applies on a parenting forum to those who do t want to see child death threads. Losing a child is a part of parenting. Don't want to read about it, don't come to a parenting site.