Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

Lockets ~ So Enid saying "off you go" isn't childish?

Blimey! Might be time to quote the old philosophy, no? Mumsnet's express purpose is to make parents' lives easier, not the reverse. We'd be really grateful if you could bear that in mind before posting.
Thanks,
MN Towers

Actually yes Enid, up until and during Sunday's thread I have held back a lot of the sadness and anger I feel when reading some peoples comments.

I have realised others also feel they cannot post a lot of the things they would like to discuss for fear of adding to their problems by being dragged into an irrelevant argument/being belittled, etc.

And I am now speaking 'from the heart', as are others. Think it's about time.

yes that could apply to both sides please note

Enid ~ can you explain what you mean about both sides?

May I respectfully suggest that if you are really feeling sadness and anger you leave bulletin boards altogether

honestly I know that soudns like I am having a go but if I start feeling like that I leave for a bit

My comment about www was perhaps childish, but she really has made me cross, and upset a lot of people over the last few days. And now she tries to regain the spotlight by flouncing. I call that childish.

oh yes.
if oyu cant handle it
or oyu get banned liek whasterface old tit

Actually I am ok. Won't post about dd but then why should I? This isn't the only site and as stated many times I am a mum of 2 and yes sn is part of my life but not all.

I am just a bit shocked at the ignorance of some posters but it's certainly not affecting me in rl.

This situation just doesn't seem to be improving, people are still at each other's throats. I like the idea of having the SN threads off the active conversations. But the I think the time for a password protected part has passed now with an alternative available for those who need it.

My family for one has benefitted hugely from the MN SN boards. It was through posts on here that I realised shortly after DD started school that her problems with writing fitted in with her whole developmental history and that she was showing very many signs of having dyspraxia. As a result I was able to get her assessed quickly and she has had a good year or so extra help that she might not have had otherwise.

I really hope that this all calms down very very shortly as it makes very unpleasant reading and I'm seeing sides of people that I'd rather not see.

titania
thast the one

no i dont think it should be a locked room.

i agree with a previous poster (havent read the whoel thread, just trying to hit the ground running) who requested the SN boards be removed form teh Active convo's button.

that way in order to read and contribute to a SN thread you would need to activly seek out a thread. i would imagoine this would be too much like hard work for most people who are only here to cause trouble and upset.

It would also mean it would be obviouse to anyone posting that the thread was a SN thread and therefore they couldn't come on and offend anyone using the excuse of not realising.

If anyone did enter the boards and then begin to cause trouble i am sure that with a few red buttons being hit they could be removed?

Its a shame that teh Sn board has been bought to so many peoples attention in this way. I am pleased so many have been helped by the threads on SN and am really glad that so many have had a positive experiance of the SN boards but i really am a little uncomfortable thinking that there may be newbies or lurkers who are now trauling through the SN boards trying to find all teh juicy threads thathave kicked off.

Locking us Sners away wouldn't help anyone. It certaoinly wouldn't stop us being attacked for feeding our kids the only things they wil eat...not necessarily what some wouyld call a balanced diet, but food is food if it prevents starvation!
It wouldn't stop threads like the one about Charlotte Wyatt - which lets face it has caused so much offence, as they are not specifically SN threads.

the issues connected to SN are far reaching and cannot be contained within single board.

I also have another child, a NT child who i enjoy talking about. if i wanted to only ever speak about my SN child i would be a member of an ASD site rather than a generalised parenting site.

We dont need a lock and key or bouncers at the door, we just want some understanding and the tinyest bit of slack sometimes.

Point taken Enid, but do you really think if you feel sadness or anger when reading some of the posts on MN that it's 'time to leave the bulletin boards'?

I think a great deal of things that I read on MN sad.
And a few do make me angry.
I very much doubt I'm alone in this.

FGS Cod, that's not to say I hoard all these feelings in my day to day life with regards to MN! I have enough in my life to worry about. And I am certainly no Titania Not that near the edge yet!

"We dont need a lock and key or bouncers at the door, we just want some understanding and the tinyest bit of slack sometimes."
Hear, hear Batty!

red rug calista?

hehhe

Am responding to the OP- not getting into the politics. I personally would rather NOT see a seperate segregated section of the board for anything as I don't feel that this is what MN is about. Not coming up in active convos is a good idea but the password protected bit makes me personally feel uncomfy

but Enid sometimes reading something on these pages hits hard.

its n black and white and you jusr see it over and over again. Its not just a comment from a stranger, its teh voice of general society and when that voice is screaming with ignorance, arogance or just plain bile it can be quite painfull to know that there are many out there that share their opinion.

In many cases its easy to just switch off the pc....threads like the TAmba/Carlk thing for example. yes its a tragic situation but it doesn't impact necessarily in my own life.

when someone writtes about a child with SN not deserving treatment as they would be a drain on the NHS...that hits home hard!!

Well, I think if a number of sn parents feel they need a separate area then fair enough. I am sure none of them would take such a move lightly, I would be more concerned about what has happened to make them feel this way rather than blaming them for changing the hallowed essence of mumsnet...

As MadamePlatypus said - Earlier on today I was thinking it was good for people like me to see the kind of narrow mindedness that parents of SN children come across. Now I just feel battered by it and that if the SN parents want somewhere password protected to go they should have it.

I think some empathy and understanding is required here, and if mumsnet's general population cannot provide it - which they clearly can't - then, sadly, maybe there does need to be a little segregation.

(Also, some posters have said they already have somewhere else to post privately so it isn't like they are posting freely on mumsnet anyway!)

Just want to pick up a point Socci made earlier on the thread here:

"As I've posted on the other thread, I don't think you can compare the issue with feeding threads. For those of us who post on the SN board the things we discuss are not just debates which will go away when we switch our computers off."

I get that children with SN aren't debates that go away when you switch a PC off. I totally understand that. I don't profess to know what it is like to be the mother of a child with SN, that would be downright foolish of me.

However, belittling other people's problems with feeding which are pretty giant when you have your first baby (especially - but also can be pretty serious if you have second and subsequent babies) is hardly supportive. We all know how fraught and desperate feeding issues are (I'm talking specifically milk feeding issues here) - and yes, I know people have posted "oh, I wish I only had giving formula to worry about" type things in the past - but I think that's pretty vile, really.

Many women feel desperately sad about not being able to bfeed years later.

And feeding problems don't go away when you turn the PC off either, do they?

I would like to echo Enid's "if you want it, have it" post - but I do think it goes against the MN vibe (and I hate the word vibe usually...!).

And Cod, I think we must share a friend then?

Little Scarer - where do you get that the "general population" of MN dont have empathy or understanding?

That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation, and, fwiw - i think it inaccurate.

I think that there HAVE been quite a few instances whereby trolls or various posters have shown absolutely no thought or compassion for what SN parents go through. It cannot be denied. YES those of us who do not have SN children, will most of the time, have no real understanding of what it is like to live with a child with SN on a day to day basis.

Now, and at the risk of offending people further, that does NOT mean the majority of NT parents dont have any empathy OR understanding at all, and, it DOES NOT mean that we aren't sensitive about certain issues. Sometimes we ALL need to be cut some slack. No-one holds exclusive rights over that, or exclusive rights to have a bad day. We ALL need to remember that.

I would also like to say that I am sad that WWW has gone. I don't really care to argue the circumstances in which she has gone, I am simply sad that she has gone.

about www. I do think you went on a bit that day my love but I agreed in principle with what you were saying. I also think that what you were trying to argue with was not the issue around SN. We are all over defensive over certain topics - we could all do with being cut some slack sometimes.

hello vvv and hunker!