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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

499 replies

JustineMumsnet · 17/10/2006 08:26

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

OP posts:
Socci · 17/10/2006 23:59

Message withdrawn

PostmanPann · 18/10/2006 00:03

Socci - yes, that is part of life..people get upset...I would suspect that bun-fights would still break out in a SN-section...and upsets caused over lots of issues...a seperate section is NO answer....

Socci · 18/10/2006 00:05

Message withdrawn

Socci · 18/10/2006 00:06

Message withdrawn

TheOneAndOnlyHUNKERMUNKER · 18/10/2006 00:06

How do you police a separate section? In reality it wouldn't just be parents of children with SN who posted there because trolls are persistent and nasty IMO and IME.

But if the majority of POCWSN want it, then so be it. I don't think they do though.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/10/2006 00:06

I absolutely agree with that. I have seen some of the examples already mentioned too.

I just object to being told repeatedly that I dont understand, dykwim? I am 100% behind doing whatever the SN posters want to do, i just feel saddened at what appears to be a "us and them" scenario. I don't want to argue with you, or any other SN poster - I have spent the last 48 hours arguing for (for want of a better phrase at this late hour) the SN pov. I just dont like this stereotype that is apparently being perpetuated and I feel it serves no purpose to try and highlight that one persons feelings are more or less important than anothers.

I really do hope this thing settles down, and things start get where they should be.

Socci · 18/10/2006 00:11

Message withdrawn

coppertop · 18/10/2006 00:12

Tbh I can see this just going round and round in circles. There was a similar discussion a few months ago. Some posters from the SN board said they didn't feel happy posting there and wanted somewhere more private. Other posters said that it went against the spirit of MN and that if people wanted to post privately then they should go elsewhere. So we did. We've been there for months and are happy with it.

Now some posters are coming along and saying that the people from the SN board should come back. Some of the SN board posters are saying no because they value their privacy and like posting where they won't be judged. We are now back at the "It's against the spirit of MN" stage.

BATtymumma · 18/10/2006 00:13

Do you not feel the need to steer clear of some BF threads now though VVQV?

after a while it just gets to the point where your just tired of defending your position.

I havent even been here that long.

If i am honest i feel so deflated after this weeks threads. between 2shoes thread and the charlotte Wyatt thread i feel utterly depressed.

I am astounded that i can be made to have real emotions by looking at a pc screen, when i cam eon mn i think i posted somnething along the lines of " its just words on a screen and doesnt affect me" PAH!!

as i said earlier i dont think a passworded section is the way to go...its not just the SN sections that gets used for ignorant rantings.
certain BF threads, lunchboxes and even play euipment threads have resulted in carnage on occasion.

this goes far deeper than SN. this is about a lack of respect for the feelings of other posters. that people forget that behind each post is a real person who has posted real emotions and sometimes real life experiances and the pain connected with that.

the vast majority of MN are fantastic supportive people who will go out of their way to help a fellow poster. some of the stories i have seen of how MNers have helped others are incredibly touching.

but ihave no idea as to how we go about getting rid of teh vile minority...or even how we work out which are the vile minoirty and which are just illiterate but passionate posters who hold opposing views to our own.

all i know is that this last week MN has done the complete opposite of what i come on here for. I have felt sadened and even depressed by some of teh posts i have read. whatever we do decide i think we need to do something.

PostmanPann · 18/10/2006 00:15

Here too. Just am imagining having this discussion with sis and best f. ....suspect they would stare at me in utter incomprehension...

but, if that is what is wished....

TheOneAndOnlyHUNKERMUNKER · 18/10/2006 00:18

CT, I was one of the posters who suggested a separate Yahoo forum in the last debate.

I don't often involve myself with SN threads, because I don't have the knowledge and I worry if I do post I'll be taken as being patronising.

As I've said just now, I'm sure other posters feel the same. I don't want to upset anybody (when the reality is I probably wouldn't, I'm just eggshelly about it), so I just don't post.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/10/2006 00:26

No, because I feel that I need to put people straight on the facts of the matter. Even if i pop in to quote some WHO stats, I feel a responsibility towards posters to provide accurate adn supportive advice if its asked for. We all take out and we all put in. One way or another.

I was quite upset by a thread title a short while back, and found it quite hurtful to be described in a particular manner, and lumped into a stereotype to boot. If I can change one person's opinion by continuing to post, then thats great. I will keep on doing so.

More so with threads about rape and assaults. I think there can be some very damaging, ignorant opinions on this subject, and I couldnt step back from it because I feel so strongly that it should be talked about. I found the recent thread I started, VERY draining, and upsetting, and traumatic.

I hope that answers your question Fattie, its late and Im not sure I am making much sense anymore this evening.

PannHunky · 18/10/2006 00:32

This issue appears to revolve around the exercise of 'sensitivity' demonstrated....a section for SN will not be the panacea for that...as a non-SN parent, a 'ghetto' is still absurd, but hey.....

sandyy · 18/10/2006 00:40

no

ghosty · 18/10/2006 00:47

I can't believe this thread turned into a slanging match! What is WRONG with everyone????
Am at reading www's post saying she is leaving ... haven't read any further ...

There is only one solution IMO ... make MN a paying subs site ... Subscription of 15/20/30/whatever pounds a year should stop the trolls from coming in and having a laugh at everyone's expense for a one off 'go' ... the threat of having your subscription cancelled should make regulars think twice about being abusive to others.

I know that isn't what MN is about - it is an OPEN forum after all ... but I honestly can't see a solution if even a thread that is started by MNHQ to ask the opinion of MNers turns into a mudslinging match ...

Jeez - The last week or so has been CRAP on here ...

FreakyFloss · 18/10/2006 00:52

i'd happily pay that. really must off to bed now.

Pannfriedpumpkin · 18/10/2006 00:52

do hope it is resolved soon'ish....

PeachyBobbingParty · 18/10/2006 10:06

The thing is Ghosty, some of us just couldnt afford it. As student, I couldn't justify it (albeit mainly coz of my new dress from Monsoon ) but I don't get apid again now until January.

My personal feeling is that all this could be resolved by us ALL using a but more tact. A little humanity goes a long way. I do agree with WWW that other problems can be huge for other famillies, but if people not on the SN board could accept that we tend to be tired frustrated from years of fighting/ scared about what will happen? Would that be ahrd? In return, we take non SN problems seriously too- well I hope I do, but after reading some of thsi yesterday I ahd a trawl and found loads of things I could help with but had become woulnd up about and ignored, which is not the spitir really and I am sorry.

Having three kids, I agree with the poster who said she is NOT an Sn Mum, I am just a Mum, Ds2 deserves not to be forgotten too (poor chap!)

BATtymumma · 18/10/2006 10:08

but whilst i am sure there are many members who would happily pay to be a part of what is still, in the main a great site, you would be dramaticly altering the wide variety of members. i doubt you would have so many parents on benefits, or those on low incomes.

im sure there are a few out there who would consider that i good thing but whats the point of debatig anything with only like minded people?

I doubt there are many families who struggle financially that could justify spending £30 on a website forum.

i just think that maybe the rules of MN should be enforced a little more harshly for a while.
if someone makes a derogatory remark then delete the message and suspend them for a while.
even if its only say 48 hours?? that way by the time trolls were abel to post again they would have found someone else to annoy.

if someone is abusive on ANY thread they should be suspended, if it happens again after that suspension then they are banned.

Its a bit tough love and i know that there will be many who could argue that it would dampen many peoples enthusiasm to have discussion for fear of being suspended but if, in the long term it prevents even half of the truely vile behaviour we have witnessed in this last couple of weeks then maybe its worth considering

JustineMumsnet · 18/10/2006 10:21

Morning all,
Thanks for everyone's input on this. It's not easy and feelings understandably run high but we appreciate everyone's constructive efforts. Here's what seems to make sense:

We have removed the special needs topic from active conversations and we will shortly be adding a "with special needs" option to the active conversations links across the top of Talk.

We are planning a few new features/areas on Mumsnet (nothing radical honest, more technical input to make some of the things people do via the talk boards - eg meet ups, classifieds - function a bit better). At that time (probably in the new year) we will take a look at the possibility of password protected areas. This does not mean we'll definitely be having them, but we'll take a look at how it might work.
We promise to keep you posted all the way.

OP posts:
bundle · 18/10/2006 10:23

thanks for that Justine. I would be v sad (and a little uneasy) to see password protected areas, as a parent I've learned lots from others who have children with SN and occasionally contribute to "their" threads.

zippitippitoes · 18/10/2006 10:26

without buying selling/withspecial needs please

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 18/10/2006 10:27

How about a password protected area for oldies?. So if you have been here for two years you could automatically get a password sent to your email.

bundle · 18/10/2006 10:28

that's an interesting idea carmenere (I am VERY old )

harpsichordcarrion · 18/10/2006 10:36

peachy I agree with your post.
you really are a lovely person. I promise that is the last time I will suck up to you this week, honest