There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

I've just read that thread and it does come over as a small group of posters deliberately targeting an individual who had, up until that point, been posting constructive advice to the OP - albeit with a dose of salts which may or may not have been warranted

You just read it? so you wouldn't have seen wetaugusts posts that were deleted?

If you could read wetaugusts posts that have been deleted, you may have a different perception.

Except that someone kindly reposted at least one of the deleted posts - just to keep the whole thing rolling.

Did you see the posts before they were deleted MrsCakes?

The bits about bleating on and letting your child down are so sad.

Guilt is a default position for most parents, I hate to see it used to try and force parents into feeling they should do specific things or they're weak and ineffective if they don't have the strength to cope at times.

Yes someone did post one of the deleted posts, but that was because wet was trying to paint a very different picture of her being persecuted, as her posts had been deleted, no one coming to the thread could see it was actually the complete opposite.

im going to read it now but i know Wet. no she doesnt mess about. she fought and won just about everyone to get help for her son - hell she sued the LEA and bloody won.....you dont do that by being soft and giving up.
she always said and i agree with her - there are those who bleat and those who do.
its no good bellyaching if you arent going to do anything to help yourself or your kids because no bugger else is gonna do it for you.

im going to go and read now but i hope to god she is still here. ive lost her bloody mobile number and i value her advice hugely - she has helped me draft letters, quoted sections of law to me to use, pointed me in the right direction right the way through my son being at school - got me the SEN codes of practice and told me how to use it, offered to meet my son when he went down south to work and keep an eye on him, and has always, always, been of huge support with a wicked sense of humour despite being dealt some real lemons in life. Her son and mine are just about the same age. This last 2 years have been horrendous for her, she is a single parent with health issues that must scare the bejesus out of her, because her boy needs her. Yet she has faced the worst in life with determination, drive and courage and that has kept her on the planet for a while longer.
thank god.

well ive read it.

what a stupid pointless thread this is.
how the hell does anyone here have the right to say wet cant have ever hit rock bottom?
i assure you she hit rock bottom and then a bit more. i can see exactly why that pissed her off to the extent it did because that woman has faced a life threatening illness this year, so that was a totally totally shitty thing to throw at her.
no wonder she went frigging nuclear.

she is a stalwart on the SN boards and is helpful and supportive, so for thsoe who never venture on there to make sweeping statements about the support offered there, is ridiculous and insulting to those who do give their time, knowledge and, yes, sympathy.

but sympathy alone gets you exactly sod all.

fwiw if she stops posting her wealth of know how and legislative knowledge then you have robbed future posters who want to find a way through the quagmire of shit that any parent with a child with SN has to face the chance to draw on that knowledge.

well done.

If people wanted tea and sympathy then there lots of support groups that specialise in just that and not much else. i know, i found them all before i found MN and prioer to that RK.

the SN section here does both.

Thank you to everyone who has offered me some support on here and by PM. I really appreciate it.

I could go into detail about what triggered last night's post but what's the point? It's evident from this thread that some posters have long-simmering issues with the SN board in general. I just provided the catalyst last night that enabled them to deliberately misconstrue what I had clearly written.

My personal SN battles are long over. I always said I would leave the SN Board when Statements were abolished. I don't want to be seen as a malevolent presence that puts other MNers of posting, so I'll just bring that decision forward.

wet it is a shame for those who might have taken something from what you know, and what you achieved for your DC, but why anyone would put themselves through this when simply trying to help is beyond me and i dont blame you for calling it a day. You need to stay stress free.

from me and those who you have helped when the odds were stacked against them.

some folk like to win an argument but lose the war. more fool them.

hugz hunny.....

-> ->

... and you can shove those where the sun dont shine Vic. I ain't dead yet

but i don't think that will achieve anything August

There are two issues here the thread that has been talked about and then the issue of the sn board.

I know nothing of the thread but as sn is an emotive topic imo it is easier for things to blow up (high emotions/misunderstanding/miscommunications etc etc)

However, I have to say that I don't ask the sn board for advice. And generally avoid the topic despite needing help and advice in this area on a number of occasions and with a current fuck storm I find the board almost impossible to get a response, or if i do it is hard to get a sufficent response to be of proper help. The topic is cluttered and knowing where to post is impossible. Posting in some sections sees so little traffic you won't get a response. It Also seems like in order to get a response and proper advice you have to be trusted by the regular sn poster. Tbf i know this is simply because of the horrific attacks they have suffered in the past as a result of trolls. Unfortunately though this can make the sn board a hell of a lot less helpful and approachable to non regular posters. Which is a great shame because when i first joined mn eons ago i had some good advice from the board. I just wish i felt like i could ask and get advice these days.

i knew you'd love the flowers (did you miss the hugz??)....

bitchy - its just a case of knowing which board gets most traffic....and that tends to be 'special needs - children.'

ive got a 22 yr old with SN and i had tried posting on teens before now but not many people see it,

i dont tend to post on there any more as like wet my SN issues are in the past, still sometimes rear their head frm time to time but i long since stopped having to battle with LEA and school and the general barrage of shite one faces when trying to negotiate the system.

but there were/are people like wet who have done it, won it, and are happy to pass on their knowledge about how to do it too....

i joined mn in 2007 and did post there a fair bit. i never found it hostile, only ever helpful and friendly.

id be surprised if thats changed.

Bitchy Setting aside last night's thread, I agree with you about the layout of the SN topics and agree that for new posters it must be difficult to know which board to chose. I'm sure there are posts that go answered because people don't look regularly at all the various SN toics. But that subject has been debated endlessly on here.

In my few years on those boards I have never spotted a SN Board troll - perhaps there were some and I didn't notice.

I can see how the perception of 'groups' or 'cliques' may seem to exist as, for instance, posters following ABA will naturally tend to respond to each other or posters from the same geographical area may also appear to 'group' within a particular thread, but I have always thought that, on the whole, the boards were very inclusive.

I hope you will take the plunge and post on the SN boards again. There are some very knowledgeable people on there who can help.

Best wishes

I agree with a lot of the last two posts but as i have had the misfortune to be on here hitting the fuck out of the report button because of trolls who have trolled sn and breavement and other sensitive topics I do know they have occured and i know that one of the reasons i rarely delurk is the fact that i have been burnt by them too. I don't think it is unfriendly just more cautious.

I am sure that there is good advice but tbh when i am in need of it I am too fragile to be on mn so don't Fuck knows why i am breaking this rule tonight but meh. i suspect my tendancy to be on mn late at night means i have an experience of mn that others don't see. weird things happen in the small hours especially during full moons and holidays.

However, i do know that there is good advice over on the sn boards. I just wish perhaps the sub topics could be considered with the input of regular posters to tweak it so that it works a bit better for non regular poster. otoh it is a unique way to deter trolling.

I will consider the issue after a good night's sleep and may venture over to sn when i know what it is that i need help with rather then wanting to apply c4 to the whole fucking system just to test if there is life in it... c4 is a kind of explosive, highly efficent explosive. I wouldn't actually blow anything up but the system is more levels of go slow and stupidity the thought is kinda nice on a bad day i really need to sleep now losing the plot

ah bitchy....another nocturnal MN dweller....with murderous fantasies.

welcome.

had i known about c4 i may have employed that at county hall a few years ago....

Just because some posters are nice and supportive some of the time, does not give them carte blanche to be nasty or snide or snippy at other times when they feel like it.

One part does not entitle someone to do the other part.

Your statement suggests most posters on the SN boards aren't 'nice and supportive

That wasn't her point at all was it?

You're reading too much into her few lines there and missing her point.

Agree with AmberLeaf.

You're reading too much into her few lines there and missing her point.

Pot, Kettle,Black.

I mean isn't that how the

Whole thing started.

I have known gobby online for nigh on a decade, and respect her integrity, and she is not a moaner by any means. I agree with right royal that maybe there is a place for both sympathy and plain speaking. I think its unfair to assume people unhappy with mnsn are the takers, the unsupportive types. I am quite sad tbh that this rift has developed.

1. when one poster is being obtuse on the thread, then the regulars on the board should pull them up on it and shouldn't necessarily toe the party line, that would make the new posters feel a lot more welcome and maybe the posters who feel alienated will eventually come back and start posting again.

This is an entirely fair point and I agree with it.

Now apart from this one thing, is there anything else that could he gleaned from this thread. Please contribute as you see fit, because otherwise you are just rehashing old stuff and there really is no point to it.