There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

One person, one thread, with an opinion that is upsetting to those who struggle, for some, that is enough to put them off.

As has been said, this isn't the first time, or the first/only poster.

yes, Amber, exactly. and that is the point I made. it isn't said about any other seciton. a crappy poster on AIBU is not what puts people off (accordign to MN lore), it is the whole ethos of flaming and pile-ons.

a single poster is not what put people off feminism. a single poster dominating the board was the problem.

ditto the doghouse.

the situation here is a single poster on a single thread, so why the comparison at all? it just doesn't hold togehter, and feeds back into the whole 'SN is a horrible place, full of horrible posters' stuff which gets regularly quoted.

interesting, RightRoyal - I see it more as implicitly about information.

which is not ot say that I haven't had good supportover the years. I certainly have, on a variety of issues.

Precisely. Posters here have stated this comes up again and again. Hilariously Ouyve tried to imply it was me behind it, but actually no it wasn't.

Which indicates there's an issue, doesn't it?

Well, good luck with sorting out the board. Its not perfect but it is what it is. If you want to change it, then you have to be a part of it, you are not going to change my opinion about the board by starting threads about it every few months. Thats just how it goes in every walk of life.

FWIW, Wet was being an arse.

what I think is putting far more people off posting on the NS boards is the Chinese whispers of 'it's not nice over there', 'if your face doens't fit you get flamed' and so on which ripple across the main boards every few months.

when actually over on SN, there is maybe one thread every 6 motnhs which kicks off. and a thousand more which don't and are full of support and empathy, and vital information.

I think hat is far more damaging (especially when the claims often cannot be substantiated when asked) than one poster ebing out of line on one thread which had already kicked off long before it was even moved into SN.

Difficult to substantiate claims without naming people, naming is considered a personal attack.

That thread kicked off [a bit] on AIBU, the way it kicked off in SN was totally different and not expected.

Naming not necessarily the right approach. Although does depend on how it is done.

"NBC is a right cow who always talks shit" vs "NBC once told me I was a failure if I didn't sing twinkle twinkle at the New Moon while wearing purple gloves, as she believes this cures autism" for eg.

Links to threads usually speak for themselves, though. And are never forthcoming.

Eg Gobby alluded earlier that 2 out if the 3 posters who ha previously upset her were on this thread. Maybe many posters are being disingenuous, but no one seems to know who she means.

It fosters. A feeling of 'you know who you are, and you're all allowing it continue' when we don't, and we aren't (well, I'm not)

It really will go nowhere and I am missing out on my sleep... good night all. Gently steers NBC away from thread...

The thread where Wet kicked off?

Yes, I have. And I don't see anyone defending it. Unless there are recent posts, I haven't read it in the last hour or so.

Hang on, I did see posters saying their reading of the post was different.

Iirc, it hinged on a semantic difference which cod easily be taken either way.

But I haven't seen anyone defending the nastier reading of the posts though, iyswim, just saying they're a it differently (which the language allowed iirc)

Night prof. You're right, I should go to bed.

I haven't read all this thread ( I don't want to!) but I want to say that I have had amazing support on the SN board from Poltergoose and others. I'm sure there have been disagreements but I don't want other MNetters who are dealing with a diagnosis to think it is somewhere you can't go for help & support.

I really want to speak up in defence of wet August - we have been o line friends and talked on the phone, no she do hugz or hunny s, but she is an absolute power house and legal whizz in the field of SEN, and I c8nsider her a pal. she has also been through the shittest of shit, and I.would.love.to.say.more but I dont feel I can, certainly not without permission as I would not break a confidence, I love her, she is plain speaking, tells it.like it is and had helped hundreds of parents, not just here, but long before she posted in MN. if people want hugz, (sic) then no. ...if.people want to fight foe their kids, yes. I love her for her no nonsense, tigress approach. I hope to god she is still here, because she does proper, real and practical good.

I've just read that thread and it does come over as a small group of posters deliberately targeting an individual who had, up until that point, been posting constructive advice to the OP - albeit with a dose of salts which may or may not have been warranted.

I don't think anyone has come out of it well, which is a shame. But certain people seemed to be looking for a fight and weren't prepared to step away - even when it is clear that the fight had nothing at all to do with supporting the OP in anyway and thread was becoming a bullying and unedifying spectacle.

I can't imagine what the point of this thread is, to reopen the wounds from yesterday? Is it an attempt to start some sort of witch hunt? Is the aim to single out SN topic threads for some sort of extra moderation? Or just to make sure that the maximum number of MNers know about the spat.

I find it difficult to understand a kind motive behind the "well I got loads of support when I posted" Err, well that's fine if youre okay then?!

I wonder how that kind of attitude is supposed to show people how great the SN boards are? Cos it sounds like belittling someone's experience to me.

I don't have an opinion about the boards either way. I do think it's very helpful to parents of some types of SN just because there are lots of the same type of sn gathered together. Which is great. Invaluable in fact.

I haven't found it a font of support or no nonsense help, as I am not going through the same experience. I haven't found it nasty either. Just not really for me, which is a shame.

I think it's a bit tricky if the general consensus is that the boards don't 'do' general support and kindness but practical support and honks etc. sort of stiff upper lip gruff shared experiences. But as people don't have experience of everything so can't give practical form filling stylee support for everyone. And so what is left?

If I do have something I think the posters there might be able to relate to, I'd think about posting.

I've just read the other thread and it's much worse than I imagined.

Can there be any defense of what wet's posted on there Vicar? (what's left of what she posted)

I really don't think there is.

She might be a helpful member of MN but she shouldn't be steamrollering posters as she's power housing around.

Would you defend her if she talked like that on a thread on the MH boards?

'She gives out lots of practical advice and doesn't hand out tissues' doesn't excuse her in any way.

Everyone has got problems, has to overcome other shit, has things to deal with day to day and probably gives their own advice shaped by those experiences without demeaning other people like that.