There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

I don't recognise the picture painted either.
I first went on SN boards 4 years ago, and have been very supported.
Am off to have a look at said thread.....

Pot, Kettle,Black

I mean isn't that how the Whole thing started

No it isn't.

If there was any doubt about what was meant by the post that kicked things off, the doubt was squashed when wet reiterated the sentiment in the post further down in the thread the next day.

The deleted posts with all the insults and PAs can be put down to a reaction from someone having a difficult time, it wouldn't be the first time that has happened, but the original post and the sentiment in it obviously still stand and that was what people took issue with.

It wasn't misconstrued or misunderstood, it was what it was.

I guess ultimately if a site or board isn't for you it's best to look elsewhere

If you really genuinely feel that a subset of posters are not being fairly treated address it every time you see it. Report. Challenge

That was what happened two nights ago and look at the outcome, can you really not see why people just give up?

'i joined mn in 2007'

We joined in 2007 Vic? Wow, I'd forgotten how long I'd been here.

I've been on the boards with various names for years & actually got (& gave I hope) good advice. DS2's condition is rare & I am fortunate to have got all that I believe he needs in place for him, therefore I visit less often.

Sometimes I do read & comment if I can help. I definitely don't feel that this thread is aimed at me at all.

Saying that maybe I am about the 'hunz' as I got a lot of comfort at DS's diagnosis from the Holland poem & dislike how aggressively it's scorned. I'm not fluffy though, as there is little doubt DS would have it all in place if I was.

Those that are saying to visit & post more on the boards are right, I'm definitely going to try & slot back in. I only really stepped back on the grounds of privacy.

Blimey what a car crash of a thread.

I was there when the SN board started ( it were all fields round 'ere). I rarely post on it or read it these days as it doesn't really reflect my experiences of SN anymore (severe non verbal autism in a teenager). I think last time I was on there I was in an MMR row which also wouldn't have happened in ye olden days. So maybe things have changed to more of a one way only. I do think there was perhaps a less militant tone when it first started? But maybe I don't read enough anymore to know. We did have some stonking rows though even then (caramac anyone?

Haven't read the whole thread but OP just challenge anyone who is being unreasonable. It may bring those hiding but agreeing out of the woodwork. Or challenge & walk away to save yourself a beating.

Polter, previously I might have agreed with you, it wasn't my experience so I didn't see it. Although as I said before, I did see people being told they were failing their children though if they didnt subscribe to a particular way of doing things, which I don't agree with and have said as much at the time.

All of this that has happened the last few days and the way some people have defended and excused it, has made me look at things differently.

I certainly don't think everyone on SNs is nasty. I just think that some people are 'allowed' to do things that normally wouldn't be acceptable, just because they are a valued poster, I think that is wrong. I can see why that mindset could make people feel unsupported and put off the boards.

Amber I think you are referring to ABA and it has been made clear that not everyone on this board is doing ABA and not everyone sypi

I agree PolterGoose, it is a very long-running opinion (Now Vicar has actually reminded me how long I've been around)
I think it's largely because of the diversity of disabilities, points along the journey that the posters have reached and how much they have encountered and fought along the way. There is a lot of fuel for combustion, perhape we should be more surprised that it doesn't go Kaboom on a weekly basis.
For example, one poster is articulate, intelligent and always gives the impression of despising and hating all teachers. She generalises negatively and I get the feeling that she wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.
I could get enraged about it, but if that's her experience and opinion it affects her posting like any survivor.
I regularly deal with children who need suupport and could achieve if their parents weren't so fucking useless, clueless and determined that their way is the only path. Not just in SN issues, but in the whole field of being a child whose life is controlled by the adults around them.
There will hopefully always be a huge range of posters on the SN boards, and I hope that they find something that meets their requirements when they post. But it really is unlikely to be the case, as for some
is what they want and need, and for others is a helpful and inspiring way to be motivated.
Neither is wrong, but both could be taken badly if that's not what you wanted tgo hear.

'I did see people being told they were failing their children though if they didnt subscribe to a particular way of doing things;

I've seen that a fair few times over the years,and there have been at least two posters banned for it.

Everyone supports it. There are however quite a few people who are vocal about supporting ABA. Given how you feel about ABA, is it why feel that the board is not supportive.

I think when it comes to SN we have to remember than every child & every family is different. And different things work with different children. ABA isn't the only way to work with children with autism (my severely autistic son loathes table top ABA work & it caused us no end of problems - much as I have found an understanding of reinforcement really helpful I would never do full on ABA with him again), nor is Son Rise or RDI or Floortime. And actually not running a program is fine as well. The same will be true if other disabilities - different methods for different children.

Accessing support varies from area to area - we can share what has worked for us but should recognise or might not work for others.

Any sillylass I agree with you. Years ago I barked at someone complaining their child was talking too much - she was upset by my response & I realised it wasn't fair - hopefully I apologised. It did make me think about when my responses were reflecting my own issues

SN can work well and be supportive but we have to recognise that everyone is different & needs to find a way that works for them.

Saintly it was that mmr thread which made me rejoin, to try to even up the views a bit (I was also that it would happen there of all places)

Yes, there were some corking rows back in the old days - I remember the Velcro cows - the difference seemed to be that it stayed on the thread, got thrashed out and resolved to whatever extent it was going to be resolved. These days something starts up, and instead of staying there to talk it through, posters retreat to various internet enclaves and fallout zones to whip up support, taking only one side of the row with them.

They then return with a lot of supporters who are indignant at how their friend has been treated (having on heard that one side). It's happened here on this thread. And it doesn't help anything at all.

It's the internet version of Chinese Whispers.

I can be quite evangelical about surfing - it's done a lot more for ds1 than ABA, but I'm not going to get offended if someone's child hates the water & won't go in!

I think the Velcro cows might have been the caramac one . Or we're their two? But yes corkers!

SN can work well and be supportive but we have to recognise that everyone is different & needs to find a way that works for them

Agree. I have never said that ABA is the only way of doing things. I hate table top ABA work with a passion, but we still do it because it helps my dd. I am the last person to tell someone what to do it what not to do in the grand scheme if things. A little bit if understanding goes a long way but it has to be both ways.

saintly
Then you are not a true evangelical, thank the gods. You allow for the possibility of an alternative and equally valid opinion.