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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

There's a real problem on the SN boards

474 replies

GobbySadcase · 13/02/2014 00:34

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

OP posts:
NewBlueCoat · 14/02/2014 10:19

I don't remember the caramac, maybe it was on Velcro cows - I have probably blanked out the caramac references, it makes me shudder to even type it Grin

autumnsmum · 14/02/2014 10:20

Saintly that was a very wise post

AmberLeaf · 14/02/2014 10:22

I think you are referring to ABA and it has been made clear that not everyone on this board is doing ABA

Actually no, not just ABA.

saintlyjimjams · 14/02/2014 10:22

Get in the surf now mothra (actually don't it'll be death on a stick out there today Grin )

Caramac was a long term lurker who apparated on a thread enraged by everyone - it may have led onto the Velcro cows - if not the two threads were about the same time... But yes we did all lick our wounds, make up & play nicely again.

Oblomov · 14/02/2014 10:23

Have now read said thread.
It was a bit of a shocker!!
But not the norm.
I think Gobby, Amber and others are being very unfair.

MothratheMighty · 14/02/2014 10:26

Saintly, mine is a kayaker and it too has done wonders for him. It was the thing that got him through GCSEs sane.
I have been distracting him from the opportunities currently available using food. Grin

AmberLeaf · 14/02/2014 10:27

Oblomov.

Maybe if you read the thread before wets posts were deleted, you might see it differently.

BitchytheGreat · 14/02/2014 10:27

no one has posted a link to the threads lets be honest the threads that some of us remember were deleted by HQ. THere is nothing to link to. Some of the trolling ones which have hit are so utterly view that tbh posters who encountered them and screamed at HQ to get rid (via constant hitting of report button) are really quite please that there is nothing to link to.

BitchytheGreat · 14/02/2014 10:28

Vile not view

Oblomov · 14/02/2014 10:30

Amber I can't do that, can I?
And I have seen some of it, that Maryz put back in.

I still admit the thread is a corker!!
But saying its symptomatic if the whole of SN, is just rubbish.

NewBlueCoat · 14/02/2014 10:30

Bitchy, if they were troll threads then it is grossly unfair to label the whole of SN as te same.

AmberLeaf · 14/02/2014 10:32

Maryz put one post back in, several were deleted and no, you can't do that, so maybe hang back on sayin me, gobby and others are being very unfair, seeing as you don't have the full picture.

Oblomov · 14/02/2014 10:33

Bitchy, that's true of the whole if mn. In 10 years, I seen some f**king Nasty ones. Nearly all deleted. And that's all over the whole of mn.
Why zone in on SN?

Timetoask · 14/02/2014 10:33

I don't know what thread you are referring to. I joined MN because of the SN board, about 9 years ago when I suspected DS was not developing as expected. It was extremely useful for us for several years. I have stopped posting there for the last couple of years (I guess I am an expert now!).

It would be a real shame to put new mums off the special needs board, it was a life saver for me when ds was little.

MNHQ
RowanMumsnet · 14/02/2014 10:34

Hello

Just bumbling on really to say we've seen this, but it seems mostly (we think) to be a conversation happening within the MNSN community, rather than something that demands MNHQ action. Do let us know if you think that's not the case.

Obviously one poster went a bit overboard yesterday and we've addressed that off-board. But in general, the feedback we hear about the SN boards is that they're mostly hugely useful and (perhaps, sometimes, gruffly) supportive. Of course, we're always happy to take a look at posts or threads that people think have got out of order. But we're heartened to see posts on here from relative newbies saying that they've found MNSN to be a real lifesaver.

Oblomov · 14/02/2014 10:38

Amber, YABU. So now you are saying that, because I wasn't there, on that ONE thread, I am not able to comment?

Stop zoning in on that one thread.
Let's move past that. And move on.

People are making claims. About the whole of the SN board.
Ok. So, apart from said thread, which threads are you referring to? As back up and evidence, to prove, the 'whole' SN board, is unwelcoming?

AmberLeaf · 14/02/2014 10:47

You can post what you like Oblomov, but it is unfair to pass judgement on me and others when you don't have the full picture. You didn't see it all, so no, you really aren't qualified to comment on it, certainly not to the extent of calling those of us whos posts weren't deleted 'very unfair'

Stop zoning in on that one thread

Why?

That thread and everything that has happened since, is a good example of the attitude of some that causes a problem for some

I personally don't feel that the whole of the SN board is unwelcoming, Ive said that several times on this thread alone. So I won't be linking anything.

saintlyjimjams · 14/02/2014 10:47

Ds1 tries to steal kayaks mothra - really want to try it sometime!

MothratheMighty · 14/02/2014 10:50

Oblomov, perhaps it's not such a good idea to link threads from an opt in board onto an open board like site stuff?
Some people only post in SN, and although it's open to all, they might feel a but unshelled hermit-crab like if their poste are used in that way?

MothratheMighty · 14/02/2014 10:52

Saintly, mine is a different boy on the water, his whole body language changes.
It is yours that I think of whenever I change gear or use the handbreak, isn't it?

BitchytheGreat · 14/02/2014 10:57

newbluecoat and Oblomov IF you read my posts I have said the trolling has made people more cautious. I have not singled sn threads out. But by the simple nature of SN it is a topic where in order to have the most effective it is one that is hard not to become emotionally involve/give too much emotionally/personally. If people are more cautious because of the events it can come across as not being welcoming or easy to access advice. Perhaps I am unlucky as I remember how open and helpful it was before the divisions into subtopics.

HQ - there is the issue that the sub divisions make SN topic far harder to use!!!

BitchytheGreat · 14/02/2014 11:01

"
MothratheMighty Fri 14-Feb-14 10:50:32

Oblomov, perhaps it's not such a good idea to link threads from an opt in board onto an open board like site stuff?
Some people only post in SN, and although it's open to all, they might feel a but unshelled hermit-crab like if their poste are used in that way?"

ALso this!

MothratheMighty · 14/02/2014 11:01

Oh Bitchy, those poor people at MNHQ!
They only did it in response to pressure from posters wanting divisions, because they felt they weren't being heard on the board. It took ages and discussions and emotionally fraught posters possting in an emotionally fraught manner for days.

MNHQ Flowers Wine

NewBlueCoat · 14/02/2014 11:02

Tbf, Bitchy, the multiple separate topics were set up at the (repeated) requests of posters who now don't bother to use them now they are there...

I would be happy for it all to be merged back into 1/2 topics. All the traffic is on the main 2 anyway. It is a shame if posts go unnoticed and support cannot be given because of that.

coppertop · 14/02/2014 11:04

The velcro cows bring back a few memories. :o

The SN board has had a few rucks over the years, but they tend to blow over. Some people will have strong feelings about things that have worked well for them, and others will find their own way through.

I tend not to post there as much now, but that's mainly because I don't often have all that much to offer these days. Statementing and SS turned out to be fairly straightforward, and my experiences of diagnosis are long out of date now.

The sub-topics seemed like a good idea at the time, but they tend not to get much traffic. OTOH if all the threads were on one SN board, there's a good chance that some would drop off the first page before ever being answered.