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Original poster

What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

217 replies

justiner · 10/12/2003 14:03

Hello all,
Mums on Pregnancy - the second mumsnet book - is due out at the end of Jan and we are beginning to think of some ways to publicise. One of the features we wanted to pitch was 50 "Things I learned from giving birth". The idea is to have a range of responses, some of which might be serious eg I learned that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with my partner who is an utterly pathetic wimp... and some of which might be funny... that I am not and never will be cool under pressure no matter how much I kid myself I am... or that curries really don't agree with me and having one the night before the birth in attempt to bring labour on was a really bad idea.
We are sure that you guys can do much better than this. So the question is: What did you learn from giving birth?
(Many thanks in advance, Justine, Carrie and Rachel)

OP posts:
mamadanielle · 14/12/2003 21:22

That life is a miracle..
That I have more strength and courage that I ever thought I did..
That, telling myself I could give birth without any help for 9 months resulted in just that!

and, after reading some of the messages below, that only understanding, compassionate mothers should be allowed the privelidge of becoming midwives.

willow2 · 14/12/2003 23:28

Lara2 - take my advice, have the episiotomy.

Fivefour · 14/12/2003 23:55

That when your waters have broken, the fluid just keeps coming so it's a very good idea to put a raincoat on the seat of the car so it doesn't get soaked on the way to the hospital. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to do this!

Debl · 15/12/2003 00:13

I felt cheated and that I didn't really give birth at all when after 24 hours of labour and an epidural in place I was given a general anaesthetic and a caesarian section because I 'Failed to Progress'.

My feelings are very similar to Zerub's about the whole experience.

Azure · 15/12/2003 10:25

That when contractions are in full swing in the middle of the night and your waters have broken, it's really not possible to follow the midwife's advice of going back to bed for a few more hour's sleep.

That the ride to the hospital is the most uncomfortable of your life - thank heavens it was 6am on a bank holiday Monday.

That after 6 hours of intense contractions (baby posterior) the midwife may announce that you are not in labour yet.

That just because your sister has had three quick and straightforward births, it doesn't mean yours will be to.

That DH looks good in scrubs.

samACon · 15/12/2003 10:41

Evansmum - had to take DD back to St T's for blood test when 1 week old, it cost me £10 for parking and congestion charge. Results were inconlusive (ie they messed it up) so had to do it again the following week! Having said that I had all 3 of mine there so reasonably happy with birth there. I learnt from other peoples births not to go to MayDay or St Georges!!

celandine · 15/12/2003 10:51

That despite being a die-hard earthmother prior to the birth (vowing I'd not touch epidurals or the like) essential oils and visualising beautiful waves and sunsets just don't cut it when you've got a baby lying posterior!!

wilbur · 15/12/2003 11:11

I learned that:

  1. Weeing on a total stranger is not such a big deal.
  2. My dh must really love me (I presume that was what his 3 hours solid crying was about when ds and I got into trouble during 2nd stage)
  3. That my body (not in great shape and missing some internal organs due to childhood illness) could do something truly amazing.
StressyHead · 15/12/2003 11:49

message withdrawn

Freddiecat · 15/12/2003 12:06

Sorry that some people had bad experiences but...

... sometimes the care you get on the NHS can be top notch. I had 2 midwives at DS's birth because one stayed 1.5 hours after the end of her shift (9pm on a Saturday night) because she wanted to see my baby! I had not met her before either.

And related - if you are really nice and friendly to all the staff in the hospital and DON'T have any preconceived ideas about your rights etc. then you will be treated very well indeed. They are all people underpressure who are trying to do their jobs at the end of the day. Shocking the treatment some people get tho.

Also - if you are worried about your baby having slightly wonky eyes you probably won't ask the doctor about it if the doctor's eyes are the wonkiest you have ever seen!

Lastly - the portion sizes of meals in hospital are not enough to sustain a pregnant/breastfeeding woman.

LadyP · 15/12/2003 13:31

Agree re NHS, Freddiecat.

Tommy · 15/12/2003 14:09

I learned that although loads of people told me how painful labour and delivery would be, no-one told me how much it would continue to hurt afterwards.....

SoupDragon · 15/12/2003 14:16

That putting speed bumps on the approach to the entrance to the maternity suite is cruel and evil.

wilbur · 15/12/2003 14:18

soupdragon - very true, also that a car carrying a labouring woman will automatically find every pothole and bump in the road...

webmum · 15/12/2003 14:45

THAT I AM INFACT MUCH STRONGER THAN I THOUGHT
THAT DH IS ALSO STRONGER THAN HE THOUGHT, HE WAS A BIT AFRAID OF BEING AT HE BIRTH TO START WITH, BUT HE HAS GIVEN ME TREMENDOUS HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT, WHEN AND HOW I NEEDED IT, EVEN TAKING CHARGE OF THE TENS MACHINE CONTROLS, AND HE COULD TELL FROM MY FACE WHEN THE NEXT CONTRACTION WAS ANBOUT TO ARRIVE AND TURN IT UP ACCORDINGLY....
THAT YOU BEHAVE LIKE AN ANIMAL, JUST FOLLOWING WHAT YOUR BODY TELLS YOU TO DO, AND IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE (PAIN ASIDE)!!

Lara2 · 15/12/2003 17:43

willow2, had the tear and the episiotomy with DS1 - tear was no prob (was a bad one), episiotomy took almost 2 years to be pain free.
Told the poor midwife with DS2 that I'd sue her if she came near me with a pair of scissors unless it was a matter of life and death! Amazing how you can be so forceful and bolshie in labour!!

Evansmum · 15/12/2003 19:31

Cheers Bossykate and SamACon, maybe we should start a campaign to sort Tommy's out! Also, that even though you kind of know every mother thinks her baby is the most gorgeous in the whole wide world, yours really is!

SoupDragon · 15/12/2003 21:13

With regard to the parking, at Mayday you just pay for an hour and put a sign up in your car explaining you're on the labour ward and you don't get ticketed or clamped.

anais · 15/12/2003 22:32

To trust your instincts - if you think you need to get into hospital then go, even if they tell you not to...with dd I phoned the hospital and was told not to come in yet - decided I needed to go now and went. They put me in the room, thinking I had hours to go. The midwife finally examined me about an hour after I got there and realised that dd was coming NOW - didn't even have time to get undressed.

Anyway, I would say that an episiotomy is not so bad. Before ds I was terrified of the idea - but after I got one and it helped my ds to be born I demanded one the second time around.

Samacon - what is wrong with St Georges?

Batters · 16/12/2003 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackduck · 16/12/2003 15:42

I learnt:

  1. it's both not as bad and far worse than you imagine it will be...
  2. That oiling my perinuim was a complete waste of time
  3. that you do walk normally again (eventually...)
  4. that you don't know the meaning of the word 'knackered' until you have had children. And to echo others - a new found respect and awe for my mother who I realise has done (and continues to do) a brilliant job.
TinselDragon · 16/12/2003 15:49

Not so much from giving birth I guess but I've learnt that there are a LOT of things I need to apologise to my parents for now I've experienced my DSs doing the same things.

codswallop · 16/12/2003 15:50

good point Td

hockeymum · 16/12/2003 15:57

I've learnt that no matter how tired and exhausted you have ever felt in your entire life before hvaing children, nothing can compare to how you feel after 10 months of pregnancy (yes really) induction followed by 3 weeks of contractions, cancelled c-section, 24 hours of labour and an emergency c-section and then 4 days on a NHS ward that wont take your screaming baby off you even though you have not slept a wink in 3 days and have had her on your sore bleeding boobs for 3 hours solid to let you have 1 hours sleep! But even then you look at your baby (the most beautiful intelligent and perfect baby in the world obviously) and you love them so much it hurts.

That you can be so tired that you hallucinate and imagine that the black and orange vomit your baby has produced is nectarines and chocolate (which you had eaten) and not in fact meconium in amniotic fluid swallowed at birth. It took two midwives and a doctor to explain that bits of nectarine could not get through my nipples before I was convinced!

That when in full blown labour you wouldn't care a jot if a busload of japanese tourists called in to photograph your bits but a year later it still takes 2 months to pluck up the courage to get your smear test done.

That on day 4 after the birth when your milk comes in you will probably say things along the line of "but its a pooh bear like mine, its so lovely" while sobbing your heart out and when presented with dinner from DH "you made me soup, its the nicest thing I've ever seen" while crying like he's given you frogspawn.

That gas and air should be legalised. I'm still convinced that it really was Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog taking the drain out of my c-section scar!

Blackduck · 17/12/2003 15:12

Whilst like some here I have to say my aftercare was on the whole pretty damn good....another thing I learnt is not to say 'Does he look yellow or is it me'? on day 2 of being in hospital, 'cos then you end up with another 2/3 days in the place whilst ds suns himself and refuses to give sufficient blood for the requisite tests....