What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

[justiner]

Hello all,
Mums on Pregnancy - the second mumsnet book - is due out at the end of Jan and we are beginning to think of some ways to publicise. One of the features we wanted to pitch was 50 "Things I learned from giving birth". The idea is to have a range of responses, some of which might be serious eg I learned that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with my partner who is an utterly pathetic wimp... and some of which might be funny... that I am not and never will be cool under pressure no matter how much I kid myself I am... or that curries really don't agree with me and having one the night before the birth in attempt to bring labour on was a really bad idea.
We are sure that you guys can do much better than this. So the question is: What did you learn from giving birth?
(Many thanks in advance, Justine, Carrie and Rachel)

[SimonHoward]

I learned that even the weakest seeming woman is strong enough to almost break your hand when contractions start and that Gas and Air is a wonderful thing.

[Blackduck]

Ahh that expalins the pained 'Can I have my thumb back?' comment from my dp!

[Gem13]

That you may change your ideas about what you want in labour while it is happening.

I thought it would be great to be in the big birthing pool in the big, comfortable room with some soothing music on the CD player but I would have rather been in a cupboard in the dark with no noise at all.

I think I was influenced by too much information on the 'ideal' birthing situation...

Also, when I previously thought about having a homebirth I decided against it because I thought it might be too intense having a midwife with me the whole time. Went to a birthing centre instead and was terrified every time she left the room!

I think everything I had was the opposite of my birthplan. Hospital, syntometrine, syntocin, forceps, vitamin K jab, doctor cutting the cord - come to think of it I didn't have pethidine. So be prepared for things to change.

DH was fantastic through the birth but he was exhausted by the end of it. Drove the 30 miles home, rang everyone he knew and collapsed. Didn't come to see me all day (phone switched off). Not great for a new (hormonal, emotional) mum who was convinced that he had died - why else would he not come back to see us on the best day of our lives?! So, try not to be too hard on partners - they've been through a lot too.

The most important thing I learnt though was that even though I thought I was going to die during labour having DS is the most fantastic experience ever. And I'm going to go through it all again in a couple of months!

[marlou]

That I can rely on my partner - he was wonderful and knew what to and made my wishes known to the midwives when I was unable to communicate due to being 'away with the faries' on gas and air!!

That they did read my birth plan and tried to stick to it as much as the situation allowed.

That you can never be prepared for the pain, but you do cope with it in a way that suits you at the time ( I did this by screaming at the top of my lungs which midwives seem to dislike, if she told me to be quiet one more time....)

That my partner has the strength of ten men! He was able to stand for over an hour holding my leg in the air!!

And that it is all worth it in the end, as you gaze at your baby and know you will never be able to put into words how you feel about your child, I have never felt so much love.

[debsagos]

hi,

After giving birth to my first baby at home, in water without any drugs or intervention and catching baby and placenta myself i have learned that many things are mind over matter and that i'm stronger than i thought i could be....

i also learned that birth can be an intensly pleasurable and fulfilling experience that makes you feel like a totally new amazing person!
did my self esteem the world of good!!

as a midwife i would love to see women claim back the miracle of birth from the obstetric community and start seeing it as the rite of passage again that it used to be!!!

debs
xx

[hmb]

Good on you, girl, I'm 100% glad you had such a positive experience. For me, that would have ended in the death of me, and dd. And guess what, even though I had a section I felt absolutly bl**dy amazing! The outcome is all that matters IMHO

[debsagos]

oooooh sorry,

i wasn't saying that my experience was superior because i did it without drugs and help!

i just think that birth nowadays is seen as something that needs to be endured rather than experienced in a positive way....
i appreciate that we are very lucky to have obstetrics to save women and babies!

but i also think (and i think i can allow myself judgement as a midwife) that we could do without half of the intervention that we use today (with intervention i mean painkillers, assisted deliveries, sections and oxyticics!)

women need to earn that they CAN make informed choices about their birth even in adverse circumstances....

my birth has taught me that you can rely on yourself and your intuition!
i was not used to that thinking as a hospital midwife and had i been in the hospital i work in i would not have had the birth i had!

hope this makes sense!

debs

[eidsvold]

sometimes things don't go to plan but that you need to be prepared for it. Sometimes going for a growth scan checkup means you leave hopsital five days and an emergency caesarean, minus a baby ( still in SCBU)later. That having everything you did not want - epidural, emergency caesarean etc... does not make your birth experience any less valid than someone who had everything they wanted..... as they wanted.

To me - it really did not matter how my dd was born.... she was born and thanks to brilliant medical care and surgery at 8 weeks old she is healthy and making incredible progress. To me that was the most important thing - that she was born without stress and without trauma which could have seen her die.

That sometimes you do not get the 'perfect' baby that the media and others tell you about. Your child could be born with special needs but that does not make then worth any less than other children. Nor does it make you love them any less.

Despite not being able to hold your child for a day or so after they were born does not mean you don't fall in love with them through a humidicrib wall.

[mimm]

Make sure your labour partner tells you to pee during labour. I refused to and I am sure that pushing was a nightmare as a result. Sounds stupid but I think it is very significant.

[jmg]

To be prepared for anything!

During my labour with DD I wanted to use the birthing pool however it wasn't working. My midwife - hero that she was - filled it by carrying basins of water along the corridor from another delivery room.

Anyway, hours later after giving up on the birthing pool and having a very effective epidural put in, I was busy reading a magazine when the midwife popped in. She said 'the plumbers have arrived to sort out the birthing pool is it okay if they come in?'. So for about an hour and a half of my labour I had two plumbers in the room cracking jokes - certainly passed the time for me!!

My DH and I still have a laugh about this nearly 6 years after the event!

[Rhubarb]

That it hurts!

Seriously I think I learnt that we are capable of more than we think. If you let self-doubt get in the way then you are in for a hard time, but trust in yourself and your own capabilities, your body knows what to do so just go with it. Psychology is important, if you believe in yourself then you will have an easier time. I think so anyway!

[justiner]

Many thanks to you all again for your brilliant contributions. An edited version of the top 60 or so will hopefully appear in the Times parents pages sometime this month. We'll let you know when we know.
Thanks again.
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

[justiner]

Look out for Monday's Times - parents section in T2 - for edited highlights of this thread. Thanks again for your help.
Let's hope we sell some books.
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

[popsycal]

just a reminder to people to get the times tomorrow if you want to see the list!!

[Festivefly]

That there will be a point that you never believed possible. You will ring your sister and ask her assistance in a anal check. Where you will both say after, this never ever needs to be talked about again, lets pretend it never happened

[secur]

Message withdrawn

[DSW]

Secur - it is on a thread called "Did you all get the Times" - or something like that.