What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

[justiner]

Hello all,
Mums on Pregnancy - the second mumsnet book - is due out at the end of Jan and we are beginning to think of some ways to publicise. One of the features we wanted to pitch was 50 "Things I learned from giving birth". The idea is to have a range of responses, some of which might be serious eg I learned that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with my partner who is an utterly pathetic wimp... and some of which might be funny... that I am not and never will be cool under pressure no matter how much I kid myself I am... or that curries really don't agree with me and having one the night before the birth in attempt to bring labour on was a really bad idea.
We are sure that you guys can do much better than this. So the question is: What did you learn from giving birth?
(Many thanks in advance, Justine, Carrie and Rachel)

[Evansmum]

Zebra, that is SOOOO true! Also learnt that there's no point trying to mop up your waters from the new carpet you've put down for the baby... because they don't just 'break' they keep coming (and once baby comes home the carpet is never going to recover anyway. Maybe this one just applies to boys, though). And if you want anyone to video the Adam Ant documentary, for instance (not that I hold onto grudges, of course), make them set the machine in advance. When their reminder goes off when you are in labour, it's too late.

[suzywong]

twigllett you are so right
When I was told, at 9.5cm dilation, that it was going to have to be yet another emergency casear my tears were not for the pain and brutality of the operation but for having to spend at least 3 bloody days on an NHS ward.
And the flowers thing! I left all mine in the hospital, what an ungrateful mare, but faffing around with vases is the last thing on your mind when you get home.
I also learnt that after the 9th person has had a peer up your jacksy you really lose any shred of dignity and don't care who looks next. Strolling past the labour room? Hey come in and have a look up here before you go.

[musica]

That nobody is pregnant forever, even if it seems like you might be the first as you hit 14 days overdue, but that it is definitely worth the wait!

[Ghosty]

Just thought of another one .....

I learned never to wear anything of sentimental value in hospital ... as my precious (of no real value in money) watch, that my DH gave to me for our first Xmas together, was stolen from the delivery suite when I was in labour ....
I still fill up with tears and anger when I think of it ... bastards ...

[bunny2]

How much urine my bladder can hold with the help of an epidural.

That you can bear an incredible amount of pain and still live.

That fluent swearing helps the most desperate of situations.

That my son is worth a million times the pain of childbirth.

[whymummy]

i learned that if you get up before the epidural has worn off you end up flat on your face

[treacletart]

I've learned that.... even if you dont plan a home birth you might get one anyway and you should really get some carpet protection together just in case....How amazingly unfazed you can be greeting an ambulance man whilst naked on all 4s with a turd hanging out off your bottom.... that you should be able to buy Entonox in Oddbins... that you'll want to cause lasting pain to every well meaning person that tells you bfeeding doesnt hurt if you're doing it right... How many wonderful strangers smile, chat and bend over backwards to help when you've got a baby with you... that its strangely liberating to forget about fashion and wear almost the same shapeless comfy black outfit every day for over a year... how fascinating, exciting, enriching groundhog day can be... how blissful sleep is

[emmatmg]

I learnt with DS1 that I was NOT good at labour and birth after and long and hard time, it was awful. Then with DS2 that I was alot braver than I thought as DH had gone to get mum and I was left labouring on my own(ds1 was 2yrs old os not a great help)If I hadn't called 999 when I did I would have delivered on my own too.
DS3 taught me that I shouldn't have listened when the midwife said I had hours to go before she went home(I chose a homebirth this time) as she'd only been back 10 minute when he arrived 2hrs and 6 mins later.
DS2+3 prove that my body really did know what it was doing(after DS1) as I had no control at all, which is a good thing.
I have also learnt that I'm terrible sad that I won't experience it again as DH has said no more which I'm okay with BUt I have realised that I would go on having children until monthernature said no more.

[Debl]

That no birth will go to plan - when they say in antenatal class to keep an open mind you really have to.

That before your labour and delivery, you worry about what nightie to wear and if you should wear a top in the birthing pool and afterwards you realise that the reason labour wards are so hot is partly due to the number of totally naked women in labour.

That your body changes irreversibly.

That you will cry at every sad baby story on the news.

That you won't do a poo for five days after a c section.

[prufrock]

I learnt afterwards that giving birth isn't the important bit. It's just the start of the most wondrous and difficult thing I'll ever do.

[emmatmg]

These are all so lovely, I'm almost crying.
Aren't we clever.

[Bekki]

I will never take my dh or my mum to any of my subsequent births again. MIL are the best doulas you can have.
Trust your instincts during labour, you are the only one who knows how you feel.
Don't feel that you have to stay in the birthing pool thats taken an hour to fill if its not helping.
Birthing balls are great!
Stitches hurt more than labour.
Sitting on the ward staring at your newborn you know without a doubt that you have accomplished something truely amazing. No previous achievements can possibly come close to giving birth.

[motherinferior]

Sadly, I have to say that with dd1 - hospital, emergency ventouse - I learned that birth could leave you feeling perplexed and worried and exhausted and upset - none of the things you expect to feel - and that more than anything else I didn't want to hold my baby I wanted to SLEEP.

With dd2 - born at home - I learned that I could do something I absolutely dreaded, and come through and be very very glad I did.

I learned that my hippy earthmother tendencies at age 20 were still there 20 years later!

[mothernature]

I learned that just when you think its all over, you have to start again if your having twins....

[secur]

Message withdrawn

[pupuce]

That you can do it without an epidural and not feel like a martyr but be damn proud of yourself!

[justiner]

Thanks very much everyone for these - they're fab - please keep them coming. We'll let you know how we get on in placing the feature.
Justine, Carrie and Rachel.

[bluebear]

That my pelvis is shaped in such a way that it guides baby's head sideways rather than down
That the nerves in my back are different to most peoples so epidurals don't numb the right area
That choosing which hospital to go to by how clean the toilets were rather than the 'availability of aromatherapy candles' was the better option.
That dh would make a good midwife (that's what the midwife told him anyway).
That it's true that as you push a baby out one way, a pile pops out the other.
That piles are more painful than stitches for the first week or so.
Not to let dh look at your stitches to 'see if they're infected', the horrified look on his face made me feel even worse (and they weren't infected, just blooming painful).
As someone else said, that however bad a time you have, if you had an emergency section people always assume you were too posh to push and had it easy.
That, with enough anaesthetic, a vaginal birth and a section feel almost identical... can't tell where the baby came out, just glad it did.
That recovery from a vaginal birth (very large episiotomy) is more painful but much quicker than recovery from a section.
That your own baby is always perfect, even when they have unusual features eg. hairy earlobes, clubfeet, sacral dimple, boxer's nose....to me she's perfect and I love her!

[Evansmum]

another one; that breastfeeding can hurt MORE than giving birth and that any midwife who lets you leave hospital without showing you how to latch the baby on correctly should be shot (still b/f at 5 months but only because dh has asthma + eczema and with enormous support from him, b/f counsellor etc)

[aloha]

That my dh shows his love with homemade shepherds pie and not flowers. I, however, wanted flowers.

[fisil]

That you can still love a man who filmed you during labour (but only if he wipes the disk)

That being told "keep on pushing, you're doing really well" is not encouraging, and that the answer to "keep going you're going to have a beautiful baby soon" is "sod off I don't want a fr*ggin baby, just stop it hurting."

That the pain never got so bad that I brought up the time five years earlier when I thought he'd stood me up at Liverpool St Station, even though this was my constant fear throughout late pregnancy.

That the words dignity and labour have no connection.

[Eeek]

Take a huge box of expensive chocolates in to hospital with you and offer all staff a choc when they come to see you. Not only do they become more helpful (even talking like normal human beings) but they seem to appear more frequently.

[anais]

That once the contractions start, it's too late to change your mind about having a baby!

That nothing, not pregnancy, nor all the books you have read, will prepare you for the reality of birth.

And again, none of that will prepare you for motherhood.

[anais]

That the staff on the post-natal ward can be bloody unhelpful and leave you to change your own sheets within hours of the birth...

[anais]

I like this thread - it's not often I feel I have anything worthwhile to contribute (not that that ever stops me, of course...)