What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

[justiner]

Hello all,
Mums on Pregnancy - the second mumsnet book - is due out at the end of Jan and we are beginning to think of some ways to publicise. One of the features we wanted to pitch was 50 "Things I learned from giving birth". The idea is to have a range of responses, some of which might be serious eg I learned that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with my partner who is an utterly pathetic wimp... and some of which might be funny... that I am not and never will be cool under pressure no matter how much I kid myself I am... or that curries really don't agree with me and having one the night before the birth in attempt to bring labour on was a really bad idea.
We are sure that you guys can do much better than this. So the question is: What did you learn from giving birth?
(Many thanks in advance, Justine, Carrie and Rachel)

[Angeliz]

that when they take away the bottom of the bed to break your waters, you can't actually put your legs down straight away! ( i remember trying to convince everyone it was o.k i just needed to stretch)

that you regain your dignity a few hours later when they force you into a shower cubicle with a panic button hanging in!

[norma]

A new-found respect for your own mother.

[lyndsey66]

. . that you can push a pineapple through the eye of a needle

[Dinny]

Not to believe people who say "first babies are never early" (dd was a month early).

My hips are wider than I thought!

[mieow]

That you can't push like on the telly as you get told off, and that to push like you're having a poo..............

[katierocket]

that birth is the (relatively) easy part...looking after the baby, now there's challenge

[zebra]

Eek.

[codswallop]

that when they say push they mean really push

[jimmychoos]

That however tired you are after giving birth, you don't sleep - too busy gazing into your new baby's eyes.
That you never realised how much your Mum loved you.

[boyandgirl]

That however excited and thrilled you are with your new baby you're so utterly exhausted that you fall asleep anyway!

[adell]

That you & your midwife's idea of 'something to take the edge off the pain' can differ greatly - I was thinking pethedine, she produced co-codamol.

That despite having thought for years that newborn babies resemble something from outer space, your own will look truly beautiful the minute you see it.

That it is not a good idea to refuse pain relief after a c/section because whatever they give you at the time eventually stops working.

That men seem to assume you to know what to do with a baby even if you've never had one before.

That you don't know the true meaning of the word "worry" until you have given birth.

That everything you've ever achieved before can seem so trivial compared to your achievement of creating a baby.

[Freddiecat]

... why bidets come in useful.

[Zerub]

that when you go into hospital for a scan "just to check" at 39 weeks, you may come home with a baby

that I was right not to spend 39 weeks worrying about giving birth, as in the end I didn't have to do anything (just lie back and let it be done to me - "elective" cs)

that it DOES matter to me how I gave birth and that I will continually want to slap all those people who tell me "well you've got a healthy baby and thats all that matters" - and then subject them to major abdominal surgery

that it is possible to be pregnant and end up with a child without giving birth in between; have been puzzling about what to write on this thread as I don't feel that I have given birth at all...

that it is not wise to refuse the anti-vomiting drug, and that DH's reflexes are quite fast (removing baby from vomit landing zone)

[slug]

That ultimately you have no control over the situation. Your wishes can, and will be, ignored by the medical staff and you may well feel as if you have been treated like a slab of meat by the endo of the whole process.

That husbands cope best if they're at the talking end, not the business end.

Patient communication is not the NHS's strong point.

That babies who end up in SCBU usually come right in the end.

[aloha]

That you honestly cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't have a caesarian!
That your baby may not like his little plastic cot but want to be right next to you.

[StressyHead]

message withdrawn

[pie]

oh I thought of another one!!

Everyone should have a doula

[aloha]

What I've learned from other people giving birth. That hospitals need proper cleaners who actually work for and are employed by the hospital - not contract cleaners who cannot be bothered and leave wards disgustingly filthy.
That midwives are often - with honorable exceptions of course - breathtaking rude to women (if anyone called me a silly woman they might not like what they heard back), ignorant of best practise and high-handed and even downright deceitful in the way they refuse epidurals. The more I read the more utterly horrified I am. Is anyone else as shocked as I am by all this?

[codswallop]

yes my feet were filthy after ds3

[SoupDragon]

That, both times, the midwives did read and follow my birth plan Just to prove that it does happen!

[Forestfly]

The skill of sticking supposetries up ones bottom (sorry don't know how to spell it)

[whymummy]

that a midwife shouting "SHUT UP"in your face while you're in labour with your first baby 7 weeks early and left in a dark room,can do a lot of psycological damage