What did you learn from giving birth? - Your help needed

[justiner]

Hello all,
Mums on Pregnancy - the second mumsnet book - is due out at the end of Jan and we are beginning to think of some ways to publicise. One of the features we wanted to pitch was 50 "Things I learned from giving birth". The idea is to have a range of responses, some of which might be serious eg I learned that I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with my partner who is an utterly pathetic wimp... and some of which might be funny... that I am not and never will be cool under pressure no matter how much I kid myself I am... or that curries really don't agree with me and having one the night before the birth in attempt to bring labour on was a really bad idea.
We are sure that you guys can do much better than this. So the question is: What did you learn from giving birth?
(Many thanks in advance, Justine, Carrie and Rachel)

[CraftyCat]

That if you have worked for the NHS and defended the service it provides for years you can change your mind very quickly when you're on the receiving end of its "care"...

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[bossykate]

aloha, everything you said about midwives was true in my experience, from booking in appointment through miserable labour experience. next time i plan to get independent midwives - my only reservation is that my trust in the whole lot of them is so destroyed that it won't be worth it.

i want mears to be my midwife - why aren't there more like her around?

[fisil]

Oh yes, and that it is possible to sleep through the majority of your labour (or was I just lucky and very very drugged?)

[Tinker]

God, I thought all the midwives I encountered were fantastic, I feel quite emotional about how lovely they were to me, despite being rushed off their feet. I wanted to hug them all when I left.

Giving birth gave me a completely new insight into how fabulous my mum is, felt there was a new understanding there.

Also felt I'd crossed some threshold and joined this club that is impossible to imagine if you've never had a child. BUT that you can never say that to anyone who is childless.

[hmb]

That having your baby wrapped up tight, and being put in your arms by a midwife who tucks you in to bed, is a blissful experience, even if you still have a drip in your hand, and a catheter up your bits!

[batey]

......that however crap the pregnancy and labour it really is worth it.


..........and that dh and I produce really hairy (but gorgeous!) babies.


.......that there's nothing quite like that first cup of tea and piece of toast after all that pushing.


.......that the word blancmange took on a whole new meaning after I looked at my stomach post delivery!

[AussieSim]

That next time I will be really assertive and not let them take my baby away from me for a moment let alone 2.5 days.

That I can last through 20 hours of labour with no painkillers at all.

That my dh could cope with all the goo and gunk without vomitting or leaving the room.

That an epistiotomy (sp?) is not the worst thing in the world.

That writing my birth plan was a waste of time.

That although dh was with me for the last 2 thirds of the experience, he still had no idea, and went on to tell people how easy it was.

That I would want to do it all again.

That I would feel cheated by only being pregnant for 8mths instead of 9.

That people who told me it would all the worth it weren't lying.

[aloha]

Bossykate, I really feel for you. I do. I am horrified by what you endured. I too wish all midwives were like Mears.
You deserve better and I bloody well hope you get it.

[Linnet]

I have learnt that

For me personally Diamorphine is not good for me neither is an epidural, both make me sleep and throw up.

That getting onto the bed was a bad thing to do as I never got off it again.

That some midwives can be really really rude, obnoxious and unhelpful to a first time mother who has no idea what she's doing and would appreciate a bit of help and advice instead of being left to wonder what she's supposed to be doing with this tiny being that is now hers to take care of and others can be just so lovely that you want to take them home with you.

That it was not the breeze that my mother told me it would be.

You do to a certain extent forget the pain, although I think it's always at the back of your mind it does lessen with time.

That I must be mad to be doing it all again, lol

[Welshmum]

That a little purple screaming starfish baby could be the most beautiful thing in the world

[bossykate]

aaawww, thanks, aloha

[codswallop]

why mummy - no not really?

[mimm]

I don't think I really knew the meaning of fear, the agony of intense pain and the feeling of heart-hurting over-whelming love until I gave birth.

[Evansmum]

That even one of the biggest, most high profile trusts in the country, where govt. ministers go for the photo opportunities, gets away with one midwife to seven women ? appallingly dangerous. This was on the 'midwife led' unit!!! (more like birth partner led) but at same time in hospital birth centre so the midwife couldn't even transfer me. Thank God everything was OK, apart from major tear as she wasn't around to stop me pushing too soon. Community midwife later told me 'Tommy's has been really lucky there haven't been any disasters'. Oh, and that their chief exec thinks is OK to profit from women in labour by charging something like £2.80/hour car parking, costing us £48 by the time my husband was able to take the car home. God knows what women who are poor do, catch the bus?

[boyandgirl]

That however articulate and assertive you normally are, you may find yourself totally incapable of clear communication - that's when you need your birth-partner to be your advocate.

Yet, at the same time, giving birth to my children has given me such a feeling of personal strenght and capability.

However flabby and unfit your body was before pregnancy, after giving birth you realise that your pre-pregnancy body was supermodel-class!

[whymummy]

yes coddy,midwife from hell

[JeniN]

That giving birth can take a really long time - like four days of contractions every five minutes before second stage even began - then just when i thought it would all be over in half an hour or so, the midwife really was serious when she said she would review me in three hours (and the next two times she said it too).

That all the plans you made before the birth to make sure your life stays the same(like going on that skiing holiday next year and leaving the baby with Mum)suddenly seem really really stupid, because you actually both love the baby and want to be with her when you get holidays.

[bossykate]

evansmum, you must live quite near where i do. i do think that is one of the big problems in central/inner london - they just can't get/keep the staff due to the high cost of living. agree with you the cost of parking at st. t's is robbery.

[layla]

Make sure to have a poo before going into labour.

[layla]

Eeek that is a brilliant piece of advice

[Lara2]

That the first time you get out of bed after having the baby, you feel as though your insides have hit the floor!!

That Miriam Stoppard was lying through her teeth when she said that the nreves in the perinium go numb when the head crowns.

That I'd rather tear to my neck than have an episiotomy any day.

That carpet on the floor between the delivery room and the bathroom gets ruined when you bleed on it .... must have been a man who designed that one!!!

[Oakmaiden]

That I really don't like pain.... If I could have died in the last 20 minutes before baby was born, I would have happily done so rather than carry on with it... I had a rough transition!

[hollydolly]

That maybe it would have been a good idea if we had gone on the hospital tour of the labour ward, because when we walked into the delivery suite at 12.05 my gorgeous boyfriend said "this is nicer than a hotel room" i was not amused i as was in agony (already 9 cms dilated) but all was well when our daughter was born at 12.20!!

[hollydolly]

that the ritual oiling of my perinium every night was well worth it, as with both labours not a single stitch in sight!!!